I calmed myself down before even attempting to speak. I knew this would be hard, but I had to talk about it. If I didn't talk about it now I would never be able to talk about it.

"Farlan and Isabel were friends I grew up with," I started before taking a few deep breaths just mentioning their names made my breathing shaky. "I met them at a young age and we all clicked instantly. We were all really close, practically inseparable. They were more than just my friends, they were my family. I was closer to them than I ever was to my actual family." I took a deep breath feeling myself getting overwhelmed by my emotions.

"It felt like I knew their parents more than I knew my own at times. With them living just down the street I would often spend days at their houses and vice versa." I smiled and leaned my head on Eren's shoulder. His eyes were on me I could tell he was listening to every word I was saying.

"Not long after Isabel's 11th birthday, she and Farlan started dating. I remember being so happy for them. I acted a lot like Hanji back then being the crazy friend who would gush over how adorable my friends were even taking pictures of the two of them telling myself that I'd show them at their wedding one day." I felt my breath catch in my throat as some tears spilled from my eyes. "Those were the days, I never thought for a second that they wouldn't live to see that day."

I had to change the subject as I felt my emotions start to take control. "Every time we had a family trip the others were also invited. Well after we had all turned 13 Farlan's parents invited Isabel and me to one of their family picnics. I was allowed to go, but Isabel happened to get in trouble the night before. I was so bummed out at the time, but looking back now I wish we had all got in trouble the night before. I feel like it was a sign we should have listened too."

I took a deep breath and felt my hands nervously twist the fabric of my shirt to avoid focusing too heavily on what I was saying. "Farlan and I were so excited about the picnic, we always were." I couldn't help but feel a heaviness press on my chest as I remembered what came next.

"We were both trying to distract ourselves from the empty seat next to us that we just joked the whole ride there, or at least that was the idea. One minute we are joking around with each other the next a thundering noise followed by so much pain and blood." I felt my hand grab Eren's for comfort and give it a squeeze.

"One minute we were upright smiling and laughing the next we're upside down and no one is moving and there is blood everywhere," I said before feeling myself start to panic. I knew I wasn't explaining it properly but to live through that experience again so vividly hurt. I felt like someone was holding my other hand and knew they weren't gone they were right here with me walking me through this. I can do this, I can tell him what really happened.

I took a deep breath and continued, " A drunk driver had hit us. It all happened so fast, but I managed to throw my arms up, and apparently my telekinesis decided to manifest and I was able to stop most of the shrapnel from injuring my vital organs. Of course, my powers being brand new and never having used them before, I wasn't able to control it very well and I got hit with a good deal of glass and metal that left a few nasty scars. My leg and arm also got pinned under some debris from the car. My knee was obliterated and you could see the bone in my leg. My arm was just minor compared, but still broken nonetheless." I said before knowing now I would have to explain the worst part of it.

"While hanging upside down I could barely see from the blood that kept dripping into my eyes. Everything was blurry and all I could hear was silence with a faint ringing. I managed to look at Farlan and I saw how still he was. There was a giant shard of glass sticking out from his neck and there was so much blood it wasn't dripping, but pouring from his body. I remember screaming his name. I couldn't even hear my own screams." The mental image of his body just hanging there upside down made my blood run cold.

I felt myself start to hyperventilate and tried to clear my thoughts. I took a few dozen deep breaths before forcing myself to continue. "I tried to look to his parents for help, but they were really still and weren't answering. I remember just screaming for help for what felt like an hour, I know it must have only been like ten minutes, but that was ten minutes I was trapped upside down with my friends, and his parent's bodies." I took another few deep calming breaths.

"I don't remember hearing the sirens I just remember the fire department prying to door open and getting my leg and arm unstuck. I remember begging them to help the others since they were in worse shape than me, but my requests fell on deaf ears. They ignored them and got me into an ambulance."

"I remember looking at the crash as they put me in an ambulance. The car I was in was practically flattened in most parts. I remember knowing we were in the second lane while driving, but seeing the car flipped over across the third and fourth lanes and pinned against the center divider made me realize just how bad it was."

"I remember blacking out in the ambulance still in denial. I kept telling myself that I would see them again at the hospital that they were going to be okay that they were just unconscious," I took a deep breath. "I remember waking up in the hospital two days later after surgery and being in critical condition. I remember demanding to see Farlan and his parents. I remember the silence that followed as the nurses looked at each other."

I took a few more deep breaths as I blinked trying to stop any more tears from spilling but to no avail. "They told me that his parents died on impact and that Farlan was unconscious so he didn't feel anything when he bled out. They assured me that they all died quick and painless deaths." I remember being so hysterical that I tried to get out of the bed. I was insisting that they were lying and that I was going to go find them. I climbed out of bed and tried to walk on my broken leg. I had to be sedated by the nurses." It wasn't my proudest moment, I thought.

"When I woke up after that Isabel was sitting next to my bed crying her eyes out. I knew it had to be true and I broke down. Her mom didn't complain when she begged her to stay the night in my room. Her and her mom both stayed. Her mom slept in the chair, but Isabel and I didn't sleep we laid in the hospital bed all night crying our eyes out until there were no more tears to cry and we just ended up dry heaving."

"She spent the next few days practically living at the hospital with me. I didn't mind one bit, and her mom never said anything to try and pull her away from me. She knew we needed each other." I took a few deep breaths and held Eren tighter. I could tell he was still confused about a few things. Like how Isabel died, or how I could possibly think that was my fault, well I had answers for him, but I needed a minute to collect myself before continuing.

"I remember the night I was discharged Isabel went home too. She gave me the biggest hug and told me how much she loved me, this wasn't anything unusual we always would tell this to each other even more so in the last few days. What was unusual was the emotions I had started feeling during the hug and the thoughts that popped into my head. I was completely overwhelmed with sadness and grief it was like my grief had doubled in the span of a second. What followed was a bunch of morbid thoughts about how ending it all would fix everything."

"On my way home the grief lessened and I was able to think somewhat clearly. I didn't put two and two together until that night when I heard an ambulance go down my street and I got the most sickening feeling that maybe just maybe those weren't my thoughts."

The next day my thoughts were confirmed when her Isabel's mother stopped by to deliver a note she had left me. There were tear tracks stained on her face. She could barely keep it together as she stood there in the doorway. I remember feeling like my whole world was crumbling down around me. In the span of a week I had lost my friends, my family."

"At the funeral, I made the mistake of talking to Isabel's mother and telling her I what I felt and what I thought and how I realized it wasn't my thoughts. I remember she blamed me she yelled at me for not telling her sooner. She called me a freak and told me to get the fuck out of her house. So I did just that. I left and haven't bothered her since."

"She, on the other hand, came by my house about a month later and apologized for what she said, she told me she was just angry, and that if I ever needed her that her door was always open. I've barely spoken to her since aside from sending flowers and a card to her house every year for Isabel's birthday to make sure she knows I never forgot her."

"The more I dwelled on what happened, the more I realize I could have saved Isabel, I could have saved Farlan, I could have saved all of them. Why couldn't my powers just work? Why did they only protect me? Now to torment me my powers have grown too strong that not even I can control them, but back then they were so weak to the point I could barely save myself."

I felt myself start to hyperventilate again and this time when I tried to get my emotions back under control I had no luck. I closed my eyes and buried my face into Eren's chest. He just held me close. I heard the stalls slam open and shut. I was just grateful that there wasn't anything in the room that could start flying around due to my panic attack.

Eren rubbed my back and just kissed my head. "Levi, I know you hate when people tell you this, but it's not your fault," I heard him say and it finally clicked.

"I know," I said through jagged breaths. Farlan and Isabel made that clear and after going over everything again just now it all clicked. "It's just upsetting to know that no matter what I did, I couldn't stop it and there's no do-over, no second chances. They aren't coming back, they aren't going to experience life, they aren't going to grow up and get their dream jobs, they aren't going to walk down the aisle and have a happily ever after. Their lives were cut short the second that drunk driver decided to get in the car."

Eren just placed a kiss on my forehead and I just cried. I think this was the first time I had truly let myself grief both their deaths, the first time I'm letting my emotions out and not holding them in, the first time I'm opening up. I heard the bell and took a deep breath to try and calm myself down. We had to get to class.

"Don't," I heard Eren whisper. "If you need more time we will sit here for longer," he said, knowing I was forcing my emotions back down.

"But, class," I said not really wanting to go.

"Don't worry I told Jean that if we weren't back by the time the bell rang to have Hanji write us a note. I don't know what it was but something told me we would be a while," he said and I gave him a smile.

"You're always so prepared," I said leaning my head on his shoulder.

"If you want when the halls clear we can hang in Hanji's office I'm sure she wouldn't mind," he said brushing my hair out of my face.

The suggestion of getting off this disgusting bathroom floor reminded me where we were. "I'd like that," I said he helped me to my feet and we waited a few minutes before making our way to Hanji's classroom. Hanji was in there it seems she was expecting us.

"I got your message and figured you two would need a place to cool down," She said to Eren before looking to me. I looked like a pathetic mess. She didn't bother asking what had happened instead she just gave me a comforting smile.

"Stay here as long as you need, Mike knows you're with me, she said before turning off the lights to make sure no one else came in.