I opened my eyes to a dark room. I sat up before looking at the clock which read 12:06 am. I panicked a little realizing I had slept the rest of the day away. I looked over to Jean's side of the room and saw him sleeping peacefully. I just slid out of my bed quietly before grabbing my shoes which I didn't even remember taking off... wait I didn't take them off. I remember not having enough energy to do so... did... did Jean take them off of me?

I just grinned as I quietly slid my shoes on. I grabbed my jacket and on my way out and slid my keys into the pocket. I quietly closed and locked the door behind me. The hallway was still lit. It was blinding despite the lights being dimmed a little. I waited for my eyes to adjust before heading down the hall and towards the door.

I had to go for a walk. First I had to process all the information from the day, or I should say now the previous day. I also have to tire myself out since now I'm wide awake. There were a few people out but most were in their dorms. I saw someone from my class and kept my head lowered. It was that Ymir girl. She was talking to herself in the courtyard. Well... I guess she wasn't talking to herself since her power was seeing spirits, but I mean same thing right?

I started to walk past her when she stopped laughing and turned to look at me. "Hey you," she said and I froze. Please be talking to a spirit please be talking to a spirit. I chanted. Nope, she got up and walked over to me.

"You're name's Eren right?" How'd she know that I had my back to her and my hood is up?

I just turned around and faced her. "Um yeah."

"Oh, um, I don't normally do this that often, but I have a message for you."

"A message? From who?" I don't know what is happening, but I can't bring myself to just turn and leave.

"She says her name is Carla," she said and I felt every muscle in my body tighten.

"Mom?" I whispered. I can't believe this. I don't believe this.

"She wanted me to tell you that she's sorry her passing has put all this stress on you." She said.

I couldn't bring myself to answer it was taking every ounce of my will power to hold tears back. This couldn't really be happening.

"She also says that she is so proud of who you've become and everything you've done to keep the family together."

That did it. I broke down. I kneeled down knowing my legs wouldn't be able to support me anymore. I don't even know this girl and here I am reduced to nothing but a sniffling sobbing mess in front of her. "Sorry about that," Ymir said before kneeling down next to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and just gave me a friendly smile.

"Thank you," I mumbled. I didn't know what else to say, I was glad to hear the message but it also hurt so much. I took a few deep breaths and got to my feet. I gave her a smile and went on my way. I just started walking with my head down. I didn't know where I was going, but it was away from any people.

After mom died is when everything started to unravel. The night we got the news dad shut down. He couldn't even tell us what happened all he could say was a work accident. It took a while for me to finally figure out what happened to her, and it wasn't an accident. A few years later I ran into one of her coworkers who was able to tell me what happened. Apparently, a coworker had come in late one night planning on stealing from the company but that was the one and only night she stayed late to finish her work. She was stabbed with scissors repeatedly and then thrown down the stairs.

I can't even tell myself her death was quick and painless because it wasn't it was long and agonizing. I took a deep breath and thought back to her message. She's sorry her death caused me stress? I mean sure it did, but why is she sorry it's not like she chose to get killed. It's not her fault. I don't blame her never have never will.

Who I blame is dad. I mean don't get me wrong, he was a great dad up until that point. After mom passed he started taking more hours at the hospital. He was homeless and less. We never got to see him. I was forced to do everything. Cook, clean, take care of Mikasa, ect. I worked my ass off made sure every meal was made, made sure the house was spotless every day. Made sure homework was done and double checked, even if I didn't know the answer myself I was expected to help Mikasa with her identical sheet of homework.

Everything was put on me. All the responsibilities, all the work, all the chores. I was expected to care for everyone and take care of their emotions. That was a lot to put on a 9-year-old. I never even had time to grieve my own mother. She may have been Mikasa's adoptive mother, and Dad's wife, but she was my mom and I never got the chance to deal with my death.

With all that pressure on my shoulders, I guess it's no surprise that my powers are levitation to counteract the weight on my shoulders I became weightless. It's like gravity doesn't apply to me.

"Are you okay?" I froze. I forgot I was still walking my thoughts were so focused on my mom and my power trigger that I walked and onto the field. Though that's not even the strangers part, which is I know that voice.

I looked up my eyes still blurry since apparently, tears were still streaming down my cheeks. Great. "Yeah, I'm okay." God dammit Eren could you sound any less convincing.

"Whatever you're planning on doing don't."

"Huh?" I just froze for a second. What was that supposed to mean? "What-."

"Nevermind. Now are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I just supposed to believe that you're okay while you're walking aimlessly crying like a baby."

"Like a baby?" I mumbled trying not to feel insulted since Levi is actually talking to me like a semi-normal person. I cleared my mind and it started going over on repeat of what I was just thinking about. Mom, power trigger, all that fun stuff. How was I supposed to explain this to him without whining like a baby, or breaking down again? "Stuff from the past," I finally mumbled.

"Power trigger?" he asked and I felt my own muscles freeze up.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Makes sense," He paused for a minute his body language read hesitation. "If you need to talk about it I guess I'll listen." He said almost as if he had too.

I wanted to talk to him and get to know him, but not like this. I didn't want to sit here and just vent to him for who knows how long it might take to unpack this trauma. "I'll be okay, thank you for the offer though." I said giving him a smile and by the look on his face, I was wondering if he could tell it was mostly faked. I really did appreciate the gesture but I couldn't bring myself to even think about giving a genuine smile.

"Alright then," he said with a shrug. "If you need me I'll be over there," he said pointing towards a blanket laying on the field.

"You're inviting me to sit with you?" I asked mostly out of shock.

"Don't get used to it. I just feel bad, probably because you're shitty emotions are making me." He said. His tone changed entirely. He went from sounding genuine to fake a response. Everything made sense now. He fakes being mean to keep people away!

"Pfft, as if." He mumbled before walking away.

"Huh? Did you just say something?" I asked and he whipped his head around.

"No, I was reading my book," he glared at me before going and sitting on his blanket.

His book was still on his blanket though? Wait what? I stood there for a moment before getting cut out of my thoughts.

"Are you just going to stand there like a lost puppy or-?" His voice drifted off.

"Oh, right." I said walking over and sitting down. I should have expected this. The second I was thrown back into silence my brain started going back over everything. Mom's message to me. How she died. What happened after she died. How my powers came to be. Repeat. My mind was on a loop. I couldn't break it I couldn't free myself.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," I said pulling my knees closer to my chest.

"Bullshit," he whispered, putting his book down and turning to face me.

"Thank you for trying to help but I need to go to bed," I said before standing up really quickly. I felt his hand grab my wrist and I looked back at him.

"Look, whatever is going through your head right now isn't good and it's hurting you, just don't act on that hurt okay?" he said before letting my wrist go.

"What does that mean?"

"Nevermind," he sighed before mumbling, "you'll know when you need to know."

What is that supposed to mean I walked away and headed back to my dorm room. I got ready for bed and slipped under the covers. All these previously suppressed emotions now filling my head once again. Well, one mission accomplished, not only did I tire myself out, but I exhausted myself. However, not in the way I wanted. I wanted to be physically tired not mentally. I wanted to be able to lay down and fall right asleep, not sit here in torment as I try and get my thoughts to shut up. Maybe I can make them shut up. For good.

Wait. What? Where did that come from? I haven't had thoughts like these since mom died since the stress started since I was suicidal. No, these thoughts need to go away. I refuse to think about this anymore.

I laid down and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. "Don't act on that hurt." Levi had said. I said up. "He knew," I mumbled. How could I be so oblivious? That's why he was being so nice, well nicer than normal, why he was talking to me, why he kept telling me not to do what I was planning. He feels emotions and he could feel what I was feeling just a second ago.

I took a deep breath and needed to calm myself down. I'm panicking I have to tell him that I'm okay that I won't do such a thing no matter how much I'm hurting. I have to.

"Eren? Eren what's wrong?" Shit now I've woke Jean up.

"I'm fine," I said through panicked breaths.

"Like hell you are," he said turning on the light and running over to me.

He sat on the bed next to me and just held my hand as I got my breathing under control. Apparently, I was hyperventilating and that woke him up. When I finally was able to breathe normally, I told him I was okay now and that it was just a bad dream.

Surprisingly he believed that and didn't ask any further questions. Not even why my clothes had changed from the ones I was sleeping in earlier. I know he noticed, but maybe he assumed I got up and changed or just didn't want to press me further.

I took a deep breath and laid back down. Jean had gone back to sleep in nothing flat. Despite me feeling absolutely exhausted I couldn't bring myself to sleep just yet. It took a while but eventually, my eyes did close, but when that was I don't remember. All I remember is waking up with a major headache to my alarm.