That idiot! How dare he think he can just ask me out! Stupid! Male! Chauvinist! I yelled in my thoughts. Gahh! I hate people like that! Well, specifically, I hate males like that! Stupid! Male! Chauvinist! I stumbled into a dimly lit cavern.

"What is this place?" I wondered aloud. "How did I get here?" Upon deciding that I didn't really like this weird cave thingamajig, I spun around to go out from where I came from. There was no exit! Just a mass of swirling black mist. What? Where did the exit go? I just came from there. What? I was so confused I didn't notice the mist slowly stretching out. Spreading. Climbing. I reached out to touch it.

"OW!" I shrieked, quickly drawing my hand back. As soon as had I stuck my hand in the fog, the sensation of being pricked over and over by a thousand needles hit me. What is this stuff? I silently watched the fog, rubbing my still throbbing hand. The haze slowly made its way around me. Concluding that if I stood here I was going to die from immense pain as soon as the black mist made contact with my skin, I ran out of the smog (my body thanking me for the mammoth agony) and out of the cavern.

Wheezing, I was blinded by light. Huh? When did it get so bright? Well, someone needs to turn it off, or their electric bill will start soaring. Maybe it already is soaring. As soon as my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I saw that it wasn't really a bright light, but rather just minimum light reflecting off of something shiny. Something really shiny to be that bright. And that something shiny was...

I turned my head.

A diamond gate! Now where in the blazes would someone get a diamond gate?

Well Persephone, Hephaestus probably has a lot, being the god of blacksmiths and all. The smart part of my brain answered.

But where did the diamonds come from? The not so smart part of my brain asked.

Most likely where you're standing right now, you daft doofus. Diamonds are underground. The Underworld is underground. Hades is the god of precious gems. Honestly, I thought you were smarter than this. The smart sassy part retorted.

Oh yeah. The really, really not so smart part of my brain replied.

Don't worry, everyone can be stupid. I'm here to help on those days. The sassy one tried to comfort, but only ended up getting a mental glare from the other.

Shut it you two! My leftover, very annoyed brain said. I'm trying to focus! I searched my memory bank for anything about diamond gates in the Underworld, as this one sent a shiver down my spine.

Diamond gate... Diamond gate... Diamond gate... Uh... Wasn't there something guarding a diamond gate in the Underworld? Something frightening, I think. Unfortunately, it seemed that the rational part of my brain was not at work that day, as I didn't think to run away when I remembered that something not so good was guarding that diamond gate. As I began to think, I unconsciously drew my gaze away from the gate.

What was it? What was it? What wa-

"Grrrrrrrr! Grrrrrr!"

"Ahhhh!" I shrieked, jumping back away from the gate, alarmed. I watched as something emerged from outside. It appeared to be an animal. Humongous, black and furry. Is that... a dog? 

Whatever it was, it only barely resembled a dog. As far as I knew, there weren't dogs this big, and certainly did not have a mane of snakeheads, lion claws, and a reptilian tail. And I was pretty sure that dogs didn't have three heads.

Another low growl emitted from the...thingy.

"Um... good doggy?" I tried to calm it down. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I'm doomed to death! Well, if I weren't immortal, that is. I'm doomed to terrible pain!

Not helping, Persephone!

Right, right. Um, what guards a gate? That looks like a dog? Um... Um... Um... Was it Cerberus? I don't know.

The dog/Cerberus started stalking toward me.

As you said before, you're doomed to terrible pain! Do something!

But if I do something, my pain might be even more terrible! I have like a 99% chance!

JUST DO SOMETHING! 

Okay, Okay!

"Um... Cerberus, I hate to bother your stalk thing, but, uh, I don't want to hurt you." He started walking a little slower.

Yes! Keep going!

"Um, I don't want to hurt your master either."

Fool! He can detect lies! You know with all your heart you want to injure Hades!

Stop it! I'm doing something, just like you said!

"Um, I don't really have anything else, so, please don't eat me!" I cried out. By now, he had completely stopped prowling to me.

"Oh thank Tyche's lucky cornucopia." I muttered under my breath. At this, Cerberus started slinking to me again.

"No, no, no, no!" I groaned. "Um...Um...Um..." Ahhhhhh! What to do? What to do? Wait a second, didn't some dude get past Cerberus? With...a lyre? So, music? But I don't have a lyre or any instrument.

WELL, YOU'LL NEED TO GET ONE SOON! LOOK HOW CLOSE HE IS!

I looked. Now, he was only a mere four feet from me. I stood there, paralyzed.

Uh...Uh...Uh...

HURRY UP! MAKE SOME MUSICAL SOUNDS!

What musical sounds?

I DON'T KNOW! SING OR SOMETHING! ANYTHING! JUST MAKE HIM STOP!

I began to sing.

To tell the truth, I was an awful singer. Mom always said I had the voice of an angel, but nah. Honestly, I was terrible. I was surprised Cerberus didn't just drop dead from the off-pitch tones. Technically, it shouldn't have been that bad, as I was only singing a simple five-pitch melody, but if you haven't had water for almost 24 hours, it probably wouldn't sound glorious. But hey, it did the trick. He had stopped, head tilted to one side, his ears sticking up like a bunny rabbit's. Slowly, surely, he began to lay down, until he was closing his, eyes, drifting off into sleep.

I was just relieved that I hadn't been eaten alive. As soon as a couple minutes went by, and Cerberus hadn't moved a muscle, I stopped singing and ran for it.

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