Chapter 28

Once More With Feeling

Unedited

The tangent awkwardness between us stares us both in the face as we stand a few feet apart from us. The paradigm'd scenery being worse that what Christian could imagine in my head. What could play out worse than this? In my labyrinths of thought, there were many scenarios that could go wrong.

"You. Me and a Star Wars binge? Maybe Buffy? Angel? Two of the three appear on Hulu, and since you have the app up, Christian's voice breaks the mold before I can think further. "You know? To get your mind off this awkwardness," he adds, holding the remote in his hand, as I think back to that time that he had mentioned he had worked for Angel, which I still hadn't bothered to tell him that in Angel's own show he's Angel, and not Angelus, from that time we both were "hunting vampires". My mind wondering if I should bring that up, or let him figure it for himself.

"Technically, you'd have to watch Buffy before Angel for the plotline to make sense," I tell him as I click our Vampire Slayer binge, cozying myself up on his bed, making myself comfortable, with the realisation that we'd need some snacks for episode one to work in full swing. Or maybe I just needed the sweet taste of buttery popcorn before we see my favourite vampire in action shortly after the start of the first episode.

"We could just skip to the first kiss episode," Christian blandly points out as he places the bowl of buttery goodness on the bed. "There is a kiss episode, right? There's always a kiss episode somewhere," he adds, as he grabs a handful of popcorn, then stopping to observe the angelic view of the vampire who has yet to have revealed that he has a soul. A part of me wants to reveal that part to him. However, keeping it under wraps that he doesn't. I just scoff instead.

"We're watching this all the way through. No episode skips," I tell him, as I get ready to grab some popcorn as well. Abandoning all hope of any, as our hands collide side by side in the bowl, making my insides go all giddy. We both laugh, our eyes meeting for a moment. Then we settle in to watch the show, neither of us wanting to be the first to move away. I can feel the warmth from his hands and the electricity that passes between us.

"Wait. Does Angel know that she's the Slayer? He keeps helping her a lot," Christian asks, after Angel helps Buffy again, as Christian watches Angel disappear during the night, as he does on more than one occasion. "Isn't that against Slayer's law or something?" he adds, showing his now enduring curiosity about the show. My weakness is how much I want to tell him what's coming for us Bangel shippers in the next couple of seasons. Being how he's being intrigued my he dark brown-haired vampire, there's no way I'm going to break him with the news now.

"For someone who works for Angelus, shouldn't you already know this?" I asked him, placing a kiss on his on the forehead, in an effort for him to stop asking me information she already know, leading me to suspect that he wanted to watch the show to see what he already or didn't know. I could only imagine how many questions he's going to have later in the show.

"What if I told you I was lying? I don't actually work for your Angelus," Christian tells me as the credits pop up at the end of the episode. I chuckle at his words, wrapping myself around him, as we return to the episodes list, then selecting the second episode, pressing play to start the next episode.

"You were lying about that? How did you even find out I was into vampires? I mean, my parents found my Twilight poster once. I'm surprised they let me keep it. It could have also been the fact I told them Dryden, and I had a Twilight tidbit," I tell Christian. A small piece of my life before him that once again I had never told him. I've told no one about my Twilight phase or how it came to light.

"That night, I was in your room. Your Twilight poster was still up," he tells me, as he lays his head only shoulder. "I came home and Googled popular vampires. Or something like that, Angelus popped up, thought demonic vampires with leather jackets seemed something you were into," he tells me, the memory popping up, the first time he met my parents. The memory of how awkward it had gotten after he left. The memory of how much I wished we had talked more that night. The night I was sure I was catching feelings. The night my parents had mentioned that they didn't like his kind, as though he were some demon I had invited into our house.

"I had a brief love affair with Edward," I tell him with a small smile. "Didn't last long though, it was middle school, fast forward to now it's been on my wall for so long now taking it down wouldn't feel right, you know? It's like a reminder of my past, and I'm not ready to let go of it yet. It's a reminder of how far I've come and how much I've grown. I like to think of it as a symbol of my resilience," I tell him as we watch where Buffy is in battle with the episode's villain, as we neglect to factor in how little Angel is in the episode. Just opening that little of myself to Christian made me feel better, telling him something I had told no one before.

"I think it's cool, really," he tells me as he adjusts himself into a comfortable position on my lap. "It's a part of who you are, you know? Everyone has a part of their childhood that they want to remember or forget, it's a funny thing about growth and development," he tells me as we both watch Angel change do his famous vampire disappearing act, then neglecting the show again for a moment.

"What are you Dr. Phil, or something?" I ask as I smile and roll my eyes as the credits roll, neither one of us rushing to get to the next episode, knowing it would automatically start in a allotted timeframe as Hulu shows do as I place my hand in his hand, leaning down to place my lips on his.

"Former therapy patient, remember?" he asks, smirking back, as another villain attack happens in the background. "Former drug addict, boyfriend," he adds, before his lips react to the kiss that I had just given him. My heart pounding is so loud I'm surprised he can't hear it, as I hope this little kiss manifestation doesn't go where I think it's going with his aunt in hearing distance.

"Future crushing on Angel," as his Angel's handsome demonic face enters the future Bangel plotline; hoping he gets the idea that whatever he's thinking, this doesn't lead to whatever this is headed to. Christian's kisses are seductive, leaving me wanting more, and before we started our binge, didn't he say he would not have sex with me with aunt around?

Instead, I find my fingers tracing the outside of his hands and arms. I can't seem to stop, or wanting to.

"I can see why you be crushing on Angel," Christian tells me. "He's a fucking cutie, and muscly. Hell, I'd let him turn me into a vamp," he adds, as every muscle in me wants to let go, and finally give into my temptation that I had held onto for so long. The wanting, the craving. The memory of the blowjob dream wanting to come into a reality. Did he even have condoms in the house? How do teenagers sneak them into a house without parents knowing? I should be answering his prom question and watching Buffy with him, instead of wanting a sexual encounter with him, as his aunt could walk in at any moment. I push the thoughts away as I turn my attention back to watching the show, counting down to Angel and Buffy's first kiss.

"He hasn't revealed he's a vamp yet. Don't rush the plotline," I tell him, as I remember which episode that was. The second or third episode wasn't it. It's later on, leaving me to want him to see it revealed for itself. "I told you, no episode skipping," I add, as I slide myself down beside him, placing my arm around his waist.

"AHHH, I got you to reveal a spoiler," he tells me, as he places his soft warm lips on the nape of my neck. I smile, holding back a small moan. His touch sends a wave of pleasure through my body. I can feel my heart racing. I turn to face him, my lips hungry for his.

"You seeing Angel has you craving more, doesn't it?" I ask him as my fingers slide down his slender body, filling the empty craving, as he grabs my hand, leaving my heart craving more. I wanted him like Buffy wanted Angel. Though I knew where that storyline led to in the next season, I wasn't sure that was the right scenario to play in my head. He pulls me closer, pressing his lips on mine, and I forget everything else. I forget the ending of the story, I forget the world outside of his arms, I forget my own name. All I know is him, and what he's doing to me.

"Maybe, or maybe it's something else," he tells me as he brushes his fingers down my body, sending me shivers down it, as he pulls me closer, tracing his fingers around my waistline. The teasing momentum he had used the last time. The moment taking me back to our last make-out session in the same spot. The momentum heating like kinetic energy as body heat becomes a factor between us, him turning towards me, reaching up to take my shirt off, tossing. it in the corner. The ecstasy of both of us knowing what comes next. The deep passionate kisses, our binge watch now completely abandoned as he pushes me backwards on the bed, getting up only to let me assist with the taking of his shirt off.

"I thought you weren't going to," I mention as he gets off the bed, standing as though he was thinking about something else. Was it the make-out sessions, then stopping just before we finish, or was it something else? Did he know I was nervous, even if I didn't say it? What was it that made him want to stop each time? I look up at him with curiosity, only to prop myself on my side as I take in the view of his body, as though I had never seen it before.

"If we're going to do this, we're going to need," Christian tells me, leaning down to give me a kiss. I drag him down with me, moaning quietly. "We're going to need condoms," he says before I interrupted him. I nod and he reaches for his wallet, pulling out a few. With a smile, he rolls one onto his thick length and I shiver with anticipation. He leans down and kisses me hungrily before pushing inside me.

Was I supposed to feel this nirvanic as he slid in and out? A bliss that I was sure was supposed to hurt painfully with each sexual velocity friction, making me feel like I was in a sexual heaven between Gods and Demons. As the thought processes are in my mind, I moan of ecstasy, Christian's hand lightly covering my mouth so Linda won't catch us in the act, landing me with some more kisses as he continues kissing down to my stiffened membrum virile where he leads his mouth using his tongue as a tool of symmetry for that of an ice cream cone. His tongue gently licks my shaft. My breathing becomes heavy with pleasure. I grip his head as he takes me in deeper, my pleasure intensifying with each lick. I'm close to the edge, but I'm not ready to let go yet.

When he's done, he grabs my hand, guiding it down to his condom-covered membrum virile. "Don't take it off. Just feel it," he tells me with a smile. This steamy moment was almost like that blowjob dream I had of him. The abandoned memory now comes to light. His grin broadening, he moves my hand up and down, his eyes full of desire. I swallow hard, the anticipation of what's coming consuming me. I can feel his excitement as I continue to stroke it, my heart pounding in my chest. His breathing quickens, and he moans in pleasure. He leans in closer, our faces inches apart. His eyes flicker with pleasure as he whispers, "I want you." I smile and he pulls me closer, our lips meeting in a passionate kiss that takes my breath away. I can feel his need for me, which only makes me want him more. We stay like this for what feels like an eternity until we finally move apart.

*****

It did not surprise me to wake up to an empty bed. Christian didn't stay in his room, sleeping often on the couch. No doubt last night's sexual ecstasy didn't change that factor. The awkwardness of knowing we had sex led me to wonder if Linda knew or would question it if she found out. I rolled over and lay there in my own thoughts until I got up to get dressed. I knew I had to talk to Christian, but I wasn't sure how to approach the conversation. I steeled myself before leaving the room, knowing I had to face the consequences of my actions.

Getting dressed in my school uniform, I head downstairs to see Christian sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. My mind roams as I try to figure out what to say. Having sex with him in his own bedroom with his aunt around seemed weird in the morning. Maybe I should have paid more attention in health class or spoken to Linda about sexual pressure or something. Before I can say anything else Christian abandons whatever he's eating, wrapping himself around me, and kissing the nape of my neck "I'm sorry we failed our Buffy binge last night," he whispers. I didn't want to talk about our failed binge. I wanted to talk about my first time and how weird it seemed.

Was this my Buffy arc where Angelus comes back, but the Slayer loves him anyway, though she is on a mission to kill him? One night of happiness, and I ignore the factor that had it with Christian? Was I mad at him or myself? Did I regret it? Did I feel guilty for thinking it was okay to love a demon? Was I looking for an escape from reality or trying to make things work? Was I trying to forgive him? If this had been our binge-watch, that scenario would have worked well. In the real-world dimension of humanity and love, I had a high chance of admitting to myself that I actually had a good time with Christian.

This was my Once More With Feeling. With a deep breath, I hug the lavender-curled boy. "We can watch it tonight," I tell him as I look into his eyes and smile. It was now obvious that I had his attention, as he picked up his plate, placing it in the sink to be rinsed before it went into the dishwasher.

"After last night," Christian smirks, but immediately stops, not knowing if anyone else was in the house besides us or not. "I think we left on episode three or something," he adds covering up what he really wanted to say as we walk out to the Jeep together. I laughed, giving him a look that said I knew what he was really going to say. We got in the jeep, and I started the engine, pulling out of the driveway. We were both silent as we drove, lost in our thoughts of what might have been.

"Only under one condition," I tell him as a Lady Gaga song is cut off as we pull into the school parking lot. I waited for his response, but he just smiled and shrugged. We got out of the car, and he kissed my forehead before we went our separate ways. I couldn't help but wonder what his response would have been if I had given him the chance to finish his sentence. As I closed my locker, I received a text message from Christian.

Christian: What was your condition???? 😢😢👀👀

With that, I smile as I walk to class, thinking of how I wanted to answer his text back. I would have to think of something that would make sense ti him without giving it away that I was preparing to say yes to come to prom with him.

Me: I'll tell you only if you don't fanboy over Buffy and Angel's steam later. 😉

Christian: Deal.

Me: So my condition is...

Christian: Yes?

Me: You have to come to prom with me.

With that I head to alegbra one with a smile on my face.