Chapter 21

Another sophisticated blow in my plotline

(Unedited)

The crisp autumn air sways over the sandbars as leaves dance their way downstream making way to their destination in nature before being succumbed to their demise. Amber and Dryden making their way to wherever it is that they had in mind. Making me wonder why he had done what he did back at the food cupboard. 

Had he intentionally wanted someone to see his hand brushing mine ever so slightly? Had he seen the kiss that Christian and I shared in the jeep as the climax reached its peak? Maybe metaphorically speaking and I had been like the leaves racing towards their fated demise.

 My Black Hole, Supernova; whatever this had been now being deeply fated by Dryden. Though, baringly it hadn’t been his fault. 

He seemed happy with Amber and I was sure as they splashed cold water at each other; though I was sure that in October I wouldn’t have wanted to do such a thing as a result of receiving a cold. A sunset reflecting off of Dryden’s aviator sunglasses just before Amber leans in for a passionate kiss. If he had been happy with Amber, why would he have brushed his hand against mine? I had supposed it had been another sophisticated blow in my plotline.

“Come join us,” Amber tells me as I continue to sit in the sand as she pulls out her phone in a manner to take a selfie with me, a smile plastered on her face, showing she was having fun. No doubt that it would be on her social media later. 

Thinking it over, I got up and joined them building a sandman, adding features that they found on the beach as Dryden’s pop punk playlist played in the background; giving the sandman a trendy jock aesthetic to work with as both their fingers force a smile onto the sand. I’ve always wondered how does one person know what the fake circled figure is feeling, but I wasn’t about to bring that up. 

“This is going on the socials,” Dryden announces cheerfully as he pulls out his phone, taking a photo of Mr. Sandman. Without thinking, I trudged forward and placed a kiss on the sands cheek, probably guaranteeing I’d never get this chance again as I’m sure one of the two had taken a picture of it, making a picture of the fun that I had lived in the moment with; having it be followed by a group selfie with Dryden and Amber as she instantly posted it on Instagram for her followers to see. 

As the sunset turned into night, a firepit left by others before us had been lit, sodas and a Spotify playlist had been portioned for the occasional teenage hangout. A relief had been fulfilled when I hadn’t seen any alcohol. A referendum of Dryden’s party and a drunken call to Christian. What I hadn’t expected was to hear Dryden tell me that we needed to talk somewhere alone. What could he possibly want to talk about that didn’t involve Amber? Without another thought, I agree as he leads me down a path just off the sandbar. 

“What did you?” I start to ask when we stop, and I place my hand on my hips. I didn’t need to finish asking. The remaining part of the question led to what had happened earlier. The part where he brushed his hand against mine, the affirmation of him not wanting Amber to overhear. 

“About earlier,” he begins, confirming anxiety about what I had already figured out. An uneasy tension between us. The years of what could have been said, now hanging in the balance. “I’m not,” he tells me, and leaves it at that, leaving the tensional drift of thick autumn coolness between us. 

“My parents could’ve seen you do that. Gloria could’ve seen it,” I tell him as my frustration shows, and I want to spill everything down to every feeling I have at the moment. “It’s not easy being gay with religious parents. You’ve known them your entire life,” I tell him as I feel tears welling up in the corner of my eye, yet not wanting to cry in front of him.

“You thought I was hitting on you?” Dryden asks as though he’d rather talk about anything but what had happened as he swallows his pride and thoughts down. The same as I had seen him do at his house. “Jesus; that’s fucked up. I’m not the one who,” he tells me as he steps away from where I was standing. What had he wanted to finish saying?

“What Dryden?” I ask him. My curiosity and frustration mixed together at once making my anxiety bubble up more than what they had been earlier.  Would he even want to tell me as I try to work through the maze of teenage love triangle plotlines in my head. 

“You really want to know? Fine,” he throws his hands up in surrender. In overplayed media; this would be the party where someone has a cellphone and posts whatever is about to be revealed on social media for the real world to see or hear what is about to be said. The disdain of the climax makes it peak as the main lead gets a crash down. “My dare at the party was to kiss you,” he tells me then walks away towards Amber. 

This would have been a cliffhanger to end a chapter if everything in my anatomy hadn’t been in complete shock from what he had just said. 

As I rejoin Dryden and Amber I can only replay what he said. What I could say to him edged in my head. Tell him exactly how I felt. Out myself to Amber even though we had just met. That’s how normal queer people do it, right? The pressure of just shouting it for everyone to hear? However Dryden wasn’t labeled for being who he was. So maybe, it was now or never. 

“You know what Dryden? I don’t give a shit that you almost kissed me. I really don’t,” I tell him as I say what was in my head as Amber looks on, seeming confused at what this was about. Tension setting in between us. “I”m gay. Queer. Whatever your stereotypical judgement wants to call it,” I added onto what I wanted to say. Had Dryden been a side character of my story who needed his character development as well as the readers looking on wondering who to cheer for?  

He looks ready to say something as I receive a text notification. In most teenage preferences, now would have been the worst time to text, but the one sending the text wouldn’t have known that and I could only think of what Dryden would be thinking as he wraps his arm around Amber as she comfortably around the lit fire. 

“Your boyfriend is texting, or sending a dick pic,” Dryden announces, letting me know that he knows who it is, and making him sound like the over cliched villain in any story. As wrong as he was about the dick pic, I actually had wanted to laugh at the thought of him saying it.  “You know what, Dryden?” I ask him as I stuff my phone back in my pocket. 

“What? You have an extreme crush on me?” Dryden asked sarcastically, yet somehow sounding exactly like he had meant it as Amber chuckled, pulling him closer as I saw the empty alcohol container on the ground. I wasn’t sure if Dryden had any of it and I didn’t really want to find out after the stereotypical comment he had just made. With that, I shove my phone in my pocket and brush any loose sand off myself.

“You’re so full of it. I don’t need to explain myself to you or Amber or anyone else,” I tell them followed by a scoff as I leave them sitting on the sandbar carrying onto what they had been doing. No doubt talking about what I had revealed to them as I kept walking, throwing my hoodie on in the cool autumn air. I had my mind set on where I was going, and it wasn’t home.

***

 “Luke,” I hear Christian whisper when he opens the door. Behind him I can see Linda had half decorated the living room for Halloween, and the other half decorated for fall season. A pumpkin spice scent greeted my nose, as we stood there wondering who is going to say something next. Instead of going in, I wrapped myself around him, not wanting to let him go until I felt comfortable enough to do so. 

Was this what feelings were like? An emotional rollercoaster of walking away from someone who you had thought you knew for almost your entire life to realising you might be in love with someone who you had your actual first kiss with to trying to explain your sexuality to your parents? I believe the correct term would be self discovery, but I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t ask someone to give what they had already given. 

“You want to come in? Watch some old school movies?” Christian finally asks as I break away from him. Of course I had wanted to come in, I wanted to talk about what had happened between Dryden and myself at the beach. 

A scene from Young Frankenstein plays on the TV in the living room as we finally find our way to the couch. I was sure that this was the answer that would take my mind off everything that had been on my mind as I felt him wrap himself around me, as we lay on the couch.

“Thought you wanted to watch old school movies,” I tell him as I feel him blow lightly on my neck and I wrap his arms closer, not sure whether I want him to stop or continue. If this cuddlefest would be heading to where I think it was, shouldn’t this be in the bedroom. I definitely didn’t want his guardian walking into something that she wouldn’t want to see in the living room.

“I’ve seen the movie millions of times,” he tells me. “One of my favourites, actually,” he adds as he lands his lips by my ear, sending a shiver down my spine, now knowing where this was going. The physics and human anatomical dynamical as I knew shortly this could turn into a makeout session; leaving me to wonder if this now irony or karma of a dream. 

“I think your aunt would want to see you doing homework instead of,” I tell him, cutting the karma effect of a dream off, as much as I had wanted to finish our makeout moment we came close to, but there was no way I was going to tell him that. 

“Nah. She’d be proud to see her nephew making out on the couch instead of doing bio,” he tells me as he gets off from the couch turning off the TV in mid sentence of the iconic “Could be worse. Could be raining” line to head upstairs, knowing he’d want me to follow. 

“The rumoured heroin addict is an AP Bio genius,” I tell him, quickly kicking myself as I uttered the words that Dryden had told me, and I swore that I wouldn’t say out loud. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. 

“How the hell do you know about that?” he asked me as we reached his room and he threw himself on the bed, in a position of him staring at the ceiling. Had it been true. He hadn’t exactly denied it. His eyes now showed a stormy hunger that he hadn’t shown before, setting my veins on fire. 

“Dryden told me,” I tell him honestly as I crash down on the bed beside him, propping my head up on my wrist, as I brush some hair out of his eyes, his anger from a few moments ago, now settling down to a calm, as I return the kisses from downstairs to on his forehead. 

“Well I did try selling drugs to a teacher in my last school. In my defence, it was either that or try to sleep with principle. I’m a Royal, remember?” Christian tells me, and I’m not sure if he’s serious or not as he cups his hands around my jaw, taking me back to that memory of being in the park with the kids. “Honestly though I’m not sure how Dryden found out,” he adds as his lips crash on mine, his fingers tracing the outline of my arms. 

There was no way AP Bio was going to get done anytime soon, not the way his kisses kept sinking into mine. In response to my addiction with this boy, my anatomy responds back as my hands autopilot themselves to reach out underneath his shirt, feeling his stomach, as he reaches up and takes off his shirt tossing it to the corner of his bedroom, then letting our kisses deepen themselves as he traces the hem of my jeans. 

As right on que, that when my phone pinged letting me know I have a notification and breaking our moment.