All these thoughts about the connection made me restless. I couldn't sleep when we bunkered down for the night. A problem I hadn't had had to deal with for a while. I didn't have nightmarish memories anymore. I slept like the dead. Except for this night.

I kept thinking about my father and how he had descended into what he was now. At some point, he must've loved my mother. She was so loving herself, but I couldn't remember my father being in the picture when we were small. Had they even been together after we were born? They definitely weren't when I was five. The conversation I had overheard between my mum and Ailis confirmed that.

But they must've been together for a while since they had gotten Cal and then me and Nat seven years later. Could my mum have been with him if she knew he didn't love her? Love their children? Who knew really? I had been a kid, and I had only known my mum for five years when my dad killed her. Now I couldn't help but wonder why he had killed her in the first place. Maybe because she was keeping Nat and me from him?

So one thing was definitely for sure in all of this. I needed Che. Not only for selfish reasons but for Nat too. If I was connecting with him, maybe there wouldn't be such a hard pull on the connection for her. I didn't want her to end up like our parents. I didn't want her kids to end up like us. History couldn't repeat itself. I wouldn't let it.

I looked over at Che, who was lying on his side, sleeping peacefully. I needed his love like I needed air in my lungs. I needed us to get back on track. To be on the same level again. To be us.

I wasn't fractured anymore. I was finally complete, and it had scared me. Broken people are probably broken forever, but I had gotten such a gift here. And Che hadn't pulled away. He had stubbornly stayed by my side, reminding me he loved me still.

I put my hand on his cheek, softly moving my thumb over his skin.

"Che," I said softly, hoping to wake him up. He slowly opened his eyes and looked tiredly at me.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, his eyes becoming more alert by the second.

I didn't say anything. I moved in and kissed him. He was hesitant, just receiving the kiss at first. I moved closer to him, upping the intensity on the kiss. Deepening it. Outlining his mouth with mine. His hand landed on my hip and pulled me even closer.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he murmured softly.

"I need to feel you," I just replied and pushed him on his back, crawling on top of him. I haunched over and kissed him again. He pushed up from the bed and put the palm of his hands on my back, slowly running them up and down over my skin. I inhaled sharply and pressed my chest to his. I just had to feel more. I was almost there. I just had to feel more.

I wiggled out of my briefs in a less graceful way and pulled Che's off. Fuck foreplay, I wanted him now. And he was ready too, just letting me do whatever I wanted. I sat down on him, loving the sound that brought forth from him. I took his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine again, as I started moving up and down.

It was as if Che finally woke up or something. The real Che. He grabbed my waist and with one swift motion got us turned around without losing contact. He was hovering a bit over me, looking down at me with a serious expression. Nothing but his chest was moving until he clenched his eyes shut.

"I've missed you," he whispered.

I didn't want to hear this now. I just needed him to move. I needed to feel him more.

I.

Just.

Needed.

More.

I grabbed his ass with both hands and pulled him forward. He groaned and tried to stop, but I moved him again.

"Nathan..."

"No," I growled and started moving my body with his.

"Wait. Please wait," he murmured softly.

I stopped and met his gaze, waiting for him to explain.

"It's been a while. Just... Let me take it slow, okay?" He smirked a bit at me and settled down on his elbows on either side of my head.

"I love you," he whispered and kissed me. I kissed him back with a hunger I had forgotten I had in me. And it wasn't just mine. It was the animal too. It gave out a very short purr when Che slowly started moving.

"Come on. Purr for me," he whispered and moved away from my mouth. He moved the weight of his body to one arm and ran his hand over my chest. "Come on," he said playfully.

I could feel something opening up in me. Welcoming him in completely. I had started down this road when I told him I loved him. When we were together in bed, connecting. When he continuously helped me. Supported me. Loved me.

This was the last step. I was finally going to be his completely.

I circled my arms around him as what felt like an explosion burst inside of me. I had never in my life purred this loudly. Che groaned and slammed himself deep inside of me.

Of course, it wasn't just his amazing body curing me right now. It was everything about this moment. Me finally giving up that last bit of C41, of the monster my brother and father had tried to make me into. I was finally just... Becoming me. And Che and I were finally becoming a real us.

It sounds like some supernatural shit right there, but it didn't feel like it. It felt so natural. Like a lone wolf finally finding a pack. Or one of those birds that mate for life, because what are we really but animals?

We both couldn't hold back anything at that point. I was clawing at his back, as he grabbed the backrest of the motel bed with one hand while the other snaked its way under my body. He lifted my lower body up, sealing me to his pounding hips. He showered me in kisses all over, before almost drowning me in the pure luxurious feeling of his tongue twisting around mine.

I ran my hands over his back and felt something odd. Feathers were springing out of his skin. They were so soft and right then and there I didn't really put much thought into it.

I moved my hands to his strong arms and felt more feathers. It was like they were following my hands. Fuck it. I didn't care. Che was rolling his hips in a way that made me fucking crazy.

"You like that?" he asked with a very gruff voice. I knew he wanted feedback on this new move.

"Yes," I breathed back and buried one hand in his hair.

"Oh, fuck I've missed you," he almost growled and jerked his hips hard. "You don't know how much I've missed to feel you. Feel your body squirm under me. I love you, I love you, I love you."

He kept repeating that over and over. Was he going through the change too? Hadn't he gone through it already? Did he somehow know what this was all about?

I was getting close and judging by Che upping the intensity again, he was too. I guided his mouth back to mine once again, and lifted my chest up, pressing it to his. He pressed down, really pressed down on me, and I felt him pulsing, which sent me over the edge too.

"Fuuuck..." he groaned after a long while. He plopped down on my chest, kissed it and then rested his cheek on it. "I've missed this sound so much," he murmured under his breath.

Even I had missed feeling the vibrations the purring sent through my body.

"I've missed you," I whispered. He looked up at me and smiled, looking all nineteen years old.

"What changed?"

I shoved my fingers through the longer strands of hair on top of his head and started massaging his scalp.

"I just realised I couldn't just... Fade away again. I need to be present. I need to be here with you."

I didn't know if I was ready to talk about the connection yet. I didn't want him to think I was only with him because I wanted to save Nat. I doubted he would ever think that, but I didn't want there to be any doubt, why I was here. I needed to figure out how to say it. Fuck, I wish I was better with words, and this wouldn't be a damn problem.

We were both silent for a while. Che was just listening to the never-ending purring, that didn't seem to stop any time soon, and I was playing with his hair.

"This one time in prison," I said softly. "We were all in the yard. It had been cold and dark for ages. Everyone was getting real depressed. So the guards gave us a ball to play with. We were playing football, me and some of the other inmates. I kick the ball really hard, and it goes up into the air. Out of nowhere a seagull appears and gets hit right in the face by the ball."

Che snorted loudly. "What happened to it?"

"It just fell down. It was dead. Like... I killed a seagull with a ball."

"Remind this bird to never get on your bad side then," Che chuckled and kissed my chest again.

"You could never get on my bad side." I smiled softly at him.

"Oh just wait. I'll probably say something stupid to piss you off again sometime soon. It's been a while since our last fight."

I rolled my eyes and sighed at him. "Or maybe I'll be the one pissing you off."

"You could never piss me off," he challenged.

"Your hair looks stupid."

"No, it doesn't."

"Your shoulders are not as broad as you'd like them to be."

"Yes, they are."

Dammit. He was good.

"When people see us together, they think I'm the handsome one."

Che smiled widely and nodded. "They'd be crazy to think otherwise." He scooted up and kissed me.

"You have a white ass."

"Well, I'm white," he said and shrugged a bit. He kept kissing me on the cheek, moving down to my throat.

"You're stupid."

He just chuckled at that. He wasn't stupid. His IQ or whatever was over 200 or something. He was a genius.

"Birdie's taller than you."

"Yep."

"I'm taller than you," I snorted.

"Idiot," Che chuckled and trailed a path with his mouth over my collarbone.

"I'm not gay. I was just lying to get out of prison."

"You're gayer than a rainbow," Che pointed out and looked up at me from his position now on my chest.

"How is a rainbow gay?" I asked and frowned.

"Just is," Che murmured and shrugged, before diving back down, kissing my skin again.

"My alpha appearance made you gay."

"Not gay," he shot back, not really paying attention to me anymore. He kept moving down, and I kind of forgot what we were doing. Seemed like Che didn't intend on sleeping more tonight, as he took me in his mouth. I clenched my jaw and grabbed a fistful of his hair.

"You're bad at that..." I breathed.

He just snorted again and looked back up at me. He nodded down and shot me a real 'are you kidding me'-look. It was very obvious he wasn't bad at that at all.

He lowered his head again and continued. I groaned and moved my hips a bit with him. He was not bad... Not one bit. Nope.

"Che," I breathed. He looked up again and smiled at me. He crawled back up to my face, finishing me off with his hand.

"I'm still not pissed off."

"I just came, and you didn't," I said and smiled very contently up at him.

Che snorted and dropped down next to me, pulling me close to his chest. He ran his hand over my head and kissed my scalp.

"That was kind of the plan, dummy," he murmured.

"Well, you're still jealous."

"Nah. I get just as much out of you getting off as if I got off myself."

"You know, it's hard trying to piss you off when you're being so sweet," I pointed out and pressed my lips to the middle of his chest. He had a soft patch of skin right in the middle. Like it was softer than the rest of his skin for some reason. "Che?"

"Mhm?"

"Your feathers were out when... When we..."

"I know. I couldn't control it. I was kind of hoping you didn't notice."

"What happened?"

"It's just... It's hard to control around you sometimes. I just wanna give in to the urges and shit. It's not a big deal."

"How long has that been happening?" I pulled back and looked up at him.

"A while."

"Have you told Birdie?"

"Yep. I went to him first. He says it's probably nothing to worry about. Not right now anyways. It's just the thing you were talking about, I guess... That connecting thing. And the fact that I haven't really listened to the little critter my entire life."

"You've ignored it?"

"Yeah. Easier that way."

"But Che... You do realise that could've been the reason for your bad nights right?"

He sighed deeply and shrugged a bit. "I'm not a shifter."

I frowned a bit. "Doesn't matter. You can still be in touch with your inner animal if you're not a shifter. And I think your animal is trying to tell you something."

"Yeah? What's it trying to tell me, oh wise one?"

"That I'm yours," I said softly. "I'm fully and completely yours. It recognises me." I slipped my finger over his bicep and small almost black feathers sprang out following the path that I was drawing, only to sink back into his skin again. "Like mine recognises you."

Che looked very seriously at me for a while, and he took a deep breath. "I think you're right. I feel it moving when you're touching me."

I put my hand on his chest and feathers spread around it, outlining it. It was fascinating seeing the small, soft feathers poke their way through his skin. It looked kind of painful. It couldn't be comfortable.

"Does it hurt?" I whispered.

"No," he replied softly. His eyes slowly slid shut as I moved my fingers over the feathers. "It tickles a bit when they break the skin."

"They're beautiful," I breathed and moved my hand further down on his chest, the feathers following my path. They caught the light from the neon sign outside, reflecting back a green colour on top of the black.

"You think? Most get a little freaked out," Che said and tried to make it sound like, he thought that was funny, but it bothered him. It was so obvious it bothered him.

"Why? You're a bird. Makes sense you can grow out feathers. Would be a shame if you couldn't."

"Why?"

"Then you wouldn't be in touch with your animal that much. I knew a guy in prison. He was a dog, but he had next to no abilities. He had no contact with the animal. Took me a while to even figure out what animal he was. It must be hard not having any contact with the animal."

Feathers sprang out again, brushing over my fingertips. "You're in contact with yours."

"I am. I'm trying to listen to it. To what it wants. It just wants you."

"Then our animals agree with each other," I snorted and kissed his jaw. "And I just want you."

"Fuck you're sweet." Che pulled me up a bit and kissed me.

I was right. Che didn't intend on sleeping more that night.