It's all my fault. 

I know it's all my fault. Even before the Hermiton Herald article saying both Tommyinnit and Pearl are dead. Before Scott finds and warns me that Techno wants me dead. There's no way out any more. I've gone too far. 

Next Saturday morning, Impulse. I know there's more you can tell me.

I lie in bed, that same Saturday morning, refusing to get out of bed. I don't want to kill another one of my friends. That's all I know, not even sure what time it now is. 

I finally sit up, shoulders falling as I sigh. Skizz is up when I climb out of bed, trudging my way the the bathroom. It's impossible to of ignore my reflection in the mirror. I look as dishevelled as I expected, black sags around my eyes and I'm pretty sure I've lost weight too. My hair's a tangled mess I don't have time or energy to sort out. 

I can see why Skizz is worried about me. 

Back out, remembering to grab some clothes and change. I meet Skizz in the kitchen. He's made me breakfast, again, setting it in front of me as I enter. I manage a mumbled thanks I wish could communicate how grateful I really am.

'Any plans for today?'

My silence tells him everything. 

'Impulse, if you don't want to go, you don't have to.'

'If I don't they'll force me to. I can't just refuse them. Or...' My hand moves towards the scars on my arms.

'I can go instead. Or with you,' Skizz offers. My gut twists. 

'Don't. You'll get hurt too. They'll hurt you to make me speak. I don't want you getting into trouble for my stupidity.'

'Impulse, seriously. I'm willing to get hurt to help you,'

'I can't.' I push the rest of my bacon and eggs to the edge of my plate. 'I... I need to go now.'

'Eat. You need to.'

'I'm full.' The lie comes easy at this point.

'Impulse...' Skizz stands as I do. I stop.

'Skizz, I'm fine. I've eaten enough. I can do this.' 

He doesn't stop me. I walk off, feeling like I'm going throw up as I leave our dormitory alone.

Next obstacle: everyone hating me. The corridor is full of students. I don't make eye contact, try to hide my face, wishing I'd worn a hoodie as well. It's too late to go back and grab one. 

'You.' The icy voice of Techno freezes my blood. I walk faster. The door to the Principal's office doesn't get any closer. Don't stop walking, don't draw attention. Don't stop walking. Don't draw...

I gasp as he grabs the collar of my t-shirt. I think it tears a little. I can't move. 

'You got Tommyinnit killed, didn't you?'

'I didn't- I didn't do anything.' 

'Don't lie to me.' I hit the ground, winded. A sharp point of something connects with my neck. 'Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you.'

'I...' I'm still struggling to breathe. 'My friend will kill you back.' Not a lie. Knowing Skizz, he'd easily fight Techno if anything happened to me. 

'Unless your friend is Dream then...'

'Or the Principal will.' 

'...what?' 

I'm on my feet the moment the blade's gone, turning to face Techno. 

'If you kill me, then the Principal will find out. And all of you will be punished for it. Maybe- maybe I'll tell them what almost happened anyway. Or just tell them you have magic. Because I am SICK TO DEATH of people telling me this is my fault.' I pause for a breath before diving deeper into the pit I've dug myself. 'And from this day, anyone who threatens or blames me will be next to go until you learn. Starting with you, Technoblade.' I don't give him time to reply as I storm towards the Principal's office, shaking. 

It's the first time I don't hesitate before entering ever.

I ignore the pain in my arm as I reach my dormitory again. Blood runs down it. The conversation repeating in my head over and over again, as much as I try to stop it. 

We don't want this to go the same as it did before.

My hand shakes as I reach for the handle, pale and trembling. I try to calm my nerves, giving up as I realise how long it would take. 

I enter. 

Skizz is there, as expected. I try not to focus on him as I enter my bedroom, slumping down on my bed, grabbing the pyjama top left on it and holding it to the wound as I try not to cry. 

Just give me one name and you can go.

Or what? 

I figured out it would take just over 10 minutes for you to bleed out. 

I barely lasted more than 5 before I gave in.

It takes less time than I expected to get my emotions under some sort of control, breathing in, holding and letting it all out. If Skizz wasn't just outside I think I'd scream.

I think I just sentenced an innocent guy with death.

The pain and guilt are the only things I can think of, no distractions within sight or thought. The throbbing pain, the apparent lesser of two evils, keeps me from falling too far.

Anyone who threatens or blames me will be next to go.

The door opens. 

Skizz doesn't speak as he sits down next to me, gently lifting my hand away from the wound. I watch, silent, as he dampens a wad of wool with what seems to be healing potion, placing it over the cut, dabbing away the blood. I let myself wince at the sharp sting of pain. 

He grabs some more wool, and I brace for the same pain again as he wipes away the blood until it stops flowing. I bite my lip.

'I don't deserve a friend like you.' I manage to say. Skizz looks up at me. 

'Too bad you need one.' He replies. 'Does it hurt less now?'

I nod. Skizz grabs some bandages he's found as well, wrapping up the scar with them, tying it off. It doesn't bleed through. 

At last, I can't hold back my emotions. 

I wipe the tears off my face with bloody hands as I sob, and sob, and keep on sobbing. Skizz puts an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into some sort of hug. I continue crying, unable to stop, gasping and sobbing and crying until there's no more tears to cry and my throat hurts. 

'Who did you... tell on?' Correct as always, Skizz judges the right point to ask. I take a shaky breath. 

'I... I had to do what I said.'

'What?'

'I... I shouted at everyone in the corridor. I said that I'd kill anyone who blamed me. So I had to do what I said. I...'

'Impulse...'

'I told on Techno.' 

Hippety hoppety

Hoppety hippety

HOW DID THIS BECOME

A DSMP BOOK SO QUICKLY-