"Gay as in so delighted by my confession because you totally feel the same way?"

My wry grin was met with unblinking eyes and an arched brow. As a moment of silence passed between us and my hopeful smile began to falter, it was enough of an answer for me.

I nodded, a sigh pushing past my lips as I tried to make sense of his words, eyebrows knitting in concentration. "Right. Not that kind of gay."

"Not that kind of gay," Tyler echoed, his ice-blue eyes searching my face, carefully drinking in my reaction, I could tell.

"But like- it's a date. You did say that," I reminded him as I pointed a semi-accusing finger, eyes narrowing in skepticism. "Those words were definitely exchanged."

Tyler sucked his teeth, wincing slightly. "An expression?"

Considering that it was my life we were talking about, really, at this point, I shouldn't have been that surprised. Miscommunication had basically been the central theme of all things Stella, and of course. Of course. The love of my life was gay.

Stunned was all I felt, a cognitive dissonance making my head spin between the idealized boy I'd built up in my head and the one sitting in front of me, meeting my gaze, waiting for a response. Distinctly different. Despite the fact that it was his emergence from the proverbial closet, there was nothing stiff in the air around him, the words coming out too natural to be a recent epiphany, I could tell.

I was the only one in the room that was hearing something new, clearly.

"Really? Gay?" I asked again, brows pinched, curiosity bittersweet on my tongue.

Tyler shifted, his face unreadable, gaze unwavering. "Last time I checked."

"Huh," I hummed, scratching the back of my head in thought. "All right. Gay."

As I was combing through my memories to try and find some sort of hint towards this moment, all 20/20 retrospect and all that, I barely even noticed that a quiet had fallen between us. There had to have been some sort of indication, I told myself, but nothing that didn't rely on cheap stereotypes. I wasn't sure if there was any sound science behind a gay-dar, but I had been in love with him, I probably should've realized something was up since I'd been staring at him from across the room for ages. I was basically a Tyler encyclopedia. But when Tyler cleared his throat, lips pressing together, my train of thought was broken and my eyes widened in realization.

"Wait!" I blurted out hastily, shaking my hands in front of me, a heat beginning to creep up the back of my neck. "I don't- it's totally cool! I was just thinking about- never mind. Seriously, like, no worries there. Support you 100%. Have no issues with that, glad you've come to terms with yourself and all that. Finding yourself. Sorry, wrong time to be quiet. I was just thinking of like- you know, since when?"

Tyler's dry look was all I needed.

"Right, dumb question, I just- I'm a little shocked, to be honest. Not a bad shocked or anything, just like- shocked. I don't think of you any differently or anything. Although maybe a little differently in the whole romantic approach. But I think you'd want that. Given the circumstances," I rambled, feeling as if I was further digging myself into a deep, dark hole of no return, my words running into each other quicker and quicker as my face continued to heat up.

Tyler cocked his head, the edge of his mouth quirking upward. "It looks like you don't feel that way at all."

I blinked, taken aback by his tone, my brows furrowing. Facing his words felt like a larger ordeal than I was fully prepared for in the moment. "What? Didn't you hear? Unrequited love? Multiple years? The biggest of burdens on my heart? Didn't we just go over this?"

"If you have to convince yourself that, I don't think it's true," he said, something like amusement toying in his words as he took another bite of pizza. His crystalline eyes were sparkling, dangerous implications dancing behind them.

I shot him a deadpan look. "But you're like, the ideal guy."

He arched skeptic brow. "Most of the time you don't fall for who you want to."

There was a beat of silence that passed between us, and then I groaned, throwing my hands up in surrender. "Wow," I drawled, derision dripping from my words. "Wow."

Tyler drew back, eyebrows knitted in question. "Wow what?"

"That sounds exactly what the ideal guy would say." I shot him a dry look.

Tyler snorted, an easy grin finding his face as he leaned back against the couch. "I'm not the ideal guy, really," he insisted, a chuckle punctuated his words. "Really."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, gay charming."

He beamed at me and I felt my muscles relax, the shameful burn that had been seizing my cheeks beginning to calm down. It was absolutely strange how Tyler now possessed this ridiculous ability to comfort to me, when for years and years he'd been a constant source of love-sick anxiety.

It helped that it wasn't a personal thing, anymore.

"Sorry, though, honestly, for dashing your dreams and all that if you're serious about it. I really didn't mean for it to come out like that, I just blurt things out sometimes," he confessed, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish grin.

"No, no, I mean, I can now convince myself that if I was actually Stellone or something you'd totally be in love with me, so it's honestly really helping the wounded ego thing a lot. Makes for a great first love confession story. I was just surprised, honestly. Never thought that was the team you played for," I admitted, the frazzled feeling quickly being replaced with hunger as my fingers reached for another slice of pizza. "I thought I was an expert on all things Tyler. This is seriously going to put my PhD in question."

Tyler shrugged, a soft smile finding his lips. "It's high school, I'm not ashamed or anything but it just seemed like a bigger hassle than I wanted to deal with, and we're almost out anyways. Figured I'd just ride it out for the rest of year and be more open in university."

I nodded, thinking back to the beginning of the year, similar hopes lingering in the back of my mind. My eyes fell down to my hands and I almost laughed thinking of how different everything had turned out than I thought they would, all my expectations completely shattered. "Trust me, I can relate."

"So if we could just keep this between us, that would be great. Honestly, from school, you're the only person that knows, so keeping it on the low would be appreciated," he admitted, flashing me a small smile.

My eyes widened. "Oh, wow, uh, thanks. For trusting me with that."

There was undeniably a flicker of warmth in my stomach, something that caused the edges of my lips to quirk upward and feeling a little more familiar. Sometime along the way, in between mall-dates and car rides and geography class, I knew Tyler a little more than I had in September, and even though the rose-coloured glasses had cracked and the brunette boy in front of me was different than the guy I was honeymooning in Hawaii with in my head, he still had a place in my heart, and I was happy that I'd gotten to know him.

"I was actually really happy when you asked me to hang out- I mean, you used to always act so weird around me, I was excited you were, I don't know, finally opening up and wanting to be friends?" Tyler murmured, the tips of his ears tinting red.

My lips parted in shock, eyes widening and forehead creasing as I regarded him with pure adoration drowning in my eyes. "Shut the fuck up, you're adorable," I gaped. "That is- of course we're friends, Tyler. Of course we are.  I just- okay, I'll be honest, I kind of was using you as a distraction from the current shit-storm of my life, but seriously, I want to be your friend too. Honestly."

I held up my pinky finger with a broad grin, which only grew in ferocity as Tyler linked his pinky with mine. Tyler smiled. "Great, because those cookies you made last time were ridiculously good. I need more of those in my life."

I threw my hair over my shoulder, a demure grin on my face. "My friendship comes with many benefits."

Tyler chuckled, flashing me a grin. "On that note, you mentioned that you're currently in a shit-storm, mind elaborating on that?" he asked, eyebrows raised and curious.

A tired sigh fell from my lips as I sunk into the couch behind me, the bitter memories sour on my taste buds and causing for my mouth to purse. "Well, essentially, I lied to Savannah and Eva for months, and then blew up, and said some really, really mean and nasty and unforgivable things to everyone- including Reese, who now I think I might have actual feelings for, which is terrible and makes me want to vomit, and basically I ruined everything because that's what I do. Ruin things. Call me Cecilia Gimenez."

My eyes shifted from the strand of hair I was guiltily toying with to Tyler who had his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow cocked. "And let me get this right- you thought that instead of apologizing to them, you should come and ask me on a date instead."

I huffed, the acidic burn of shame hot and growing in the pit of my stomach. "I'm not good at these things!"

"What things?"

I gave a lazy shrug. "Life... life in general, really."

Tyler shot me an unimpressed look, to which I responded with another dramatic shrug, but then a betraying grin cracked across his face. "How did you survive without me?"

I snorted, a smirk finding my face. "Clearly not very well, exhibit A, my entire life right now. Now that you've been burdened by my friendship, now you must tell me what to do to fix it. Because evidently I have no idea what I'm doing. Instruct me, gay yoda. Gayda."

"This might seem pretty out there, but have you thought of apologizing? In person?"

I shot him a deadpan look. "You're not starting off very well. Try again."

Tyler challenged my look and set it back with twice heat, eyebrows raised, arms crossed. "Stella."

A few seconds passed where I refused to back down, but I knew in my heart that he was right, and that despite the fears whispering in the back of my mind, it was what I had to do. And so I groaned, throwing my hands up in surrender and rolling my eyes. "Fine! Fine! I'll do it. I just- it's scary, okay? Especially Eva, she's like a firecracker, I swear. People think I'm the angry one? Eva's crazy. And I know that she's probably going to make it ridiculously hard for me to apologize."

Tyler's face softened, oceanic eyes glimmering with sympathy. "Hey- you like baking right? Maybe something with food? That might soften her up a little bit?"

I chewed on my bottom lip thoughtfully. "Hm, food won't be enough though. I'm definitely going to need a little more to bribe her into talking to me. But, when you put it like that- I think I might have a plan. Your help might be necessary though."

Tyler grinned. "At your service."

His faith in me was infectious, and I was already feeling the confidence begin to blossom within me as the plan continued to formulate in my mind, all coming together beautifully, a hope beginning to untie what felt like the permanent knot in the pit of my stomach.

"All right first- we're going to need your car. Second, I'm going to need your phone."

As I held out an expectant hand, Tyler nodded and fished out his cellphone from his back pocket, placing it in my palm without a question. It was a small gesture, but it caused a warmth to rise from inside of me, and I grinned.

Scrolling thorugh his contact list, I finally came to the bottom and tapped on a familiar name. It was a last-ditch effort, I knew, and there was a huge chance that I'd get denied I felt, but it was something I was willing to bank on nonetheless.

"Hey, Wyatt? It's me, Stella. Sorry if this seems weird, but are you busy tonight and also how close are you to the basketball team?"

***

so i did that thing again where i think everything can fit into one chapter and i'm at 4500 words and it's no where close to done, so i lied last chapter. and so instead of having you guys wait extra long for an extra long chapter, voila~ i'm so nice. there's an extra chapter. BUT i will be updating either tuesday or wednesday since i have the next one basically written which is yay~ there's no reese in this one, but there's reese in the next one!!

also thing: i started a new story! it's a dialogue story and i'm posting the first chapter on wedneday, so you guys should show it some love because i already have a bunch written and i love it. it's called once upon a bathroom stall and i promise if you check it out, i will notice you. isn't that a dream come true?

(is there an award for longest ass author's notes?)

(400k let me love you guys)