Book Cover & Title (4.5/5): The title is definitely captivating but in a way you don't really expect—giving us a quick glimpse as to what we're diving into. . . kinda. The revolution part, however, is the part that piques my curiosity. Is there a revolution to be had in this other world? Does that involve politics? Or is this going to change the isekai genre? How will this story do that? Right off the bat I questioned what the real intentions are with this story in hopes that the book will enlighten me.

The cover has multiple layers that catch the eye and personally I love cold colors—like cyan—so this is easy on the eyes for me. It introduces a tone that this story revolves around magic or at least something magical. There are some intricacies with the borders that fit the color scheme and overall aesthetic, so great touch!
Now the synopsis could use some touching up. I got lost trying to understand it.

"Suffering from a terminal illness, Jordan lived an exceptionally mundane life. Surprised to find out his odd family has been reincarnated into this world, the world he unfortunately departs from, only to be reincarnated himself in a less desirable situation—a slave. In his new world magic exists. However, its inhabitants have a completely different perception on life. Even though he possessed extraordinary powers, his status made him comparable to waste.
His wish was to become a mage, to put his powers to use. But he ends up being hunted by multiple countries(or nations, whichever is clever) for his unique ability thus bringing about a war. . ." Or something like this. That last sentence you could definitely use some touching up. It doesn't make any sense no matter how much I read it, but that could also just be me.

Plot(15/50): The story begins when the family decides to let him in on a family secret—that they're all from different worlds. All of them reveal their true identities due to some magic and eventually their backstories(I also read this story back before the big edit so I remember their backstories, but I digress). As time ticks for our protagonist, Jordan, his family brings him on a trip during his seemingly periling moments. These moments lead to an emergency flight that leads them into a storm cloud.
Jordan finds himself in limbo with a few gems in front of him, given a blue pill or red pill type of moment. Unfortunately, there's no explanation when he's presented with these crystals but eventually he chooses one in hopes it's awesome. But we don't know yet.

Character Development(8/25): In the beginning we are introduced to the main character, Jordan. A boy who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and is soon to meet his inevitable death. His family, a lively bunch, do their best to comfort him through his last hours. At first we meet Aikido, the sister, and then Roy, the brother. During a picnic we meet everyone else being the mom and dad. Oh! I almost forgot to mention, Jordan's an orphan. Really adds on to the depressing, mundane life he had.
Nothing much is mentioned in the beginning about the main character, just tiny snippets of their past. We do, however, get to know the family who seem to have already reached the peak of their character arcs.

Once Jordan makes it into his new world, he finds himself starting from the ground up as a baby. Unfortunately, he doesn't end up with his adoptive family but runs into a familiar face. However, he does get to keep his memories which will prove helpful in the future once he's older.

I will say, I have no doubt that the character development progresses further into the chapters. But chapters 1-5 plateaus to this subject in which I understand; chapter 5 letting us know the potential "OP"ness(teehee) of Jordan's new found power. The set up for this is long, and it seems to just drag. I've seen the formula for this in many anime's, however, it's in the form of an animation that's 1-2 episodes long, or a graphic novel that's captivating in its obvious way. This is a book. The format is going to be different so an adjustment might be needed to fit that pacing for this market.

Overall Enjoyment(9/20): I will say, right off the bat, you captured some emotion and sometimes that can be hard to do with certain scenarios, so kudos on that. But the emotion isn't the problem, it's the fluidity and the direction of the writing. Oftentimes when I read your paragraphs and dialogue I find myself having to go back to try and understand it, getting lost in what you're trying to convey or tell. For example: ". . . She then had found the thing she was looking for; her bow and arrow. It was right beside the chair I sat on, which was actually my favorite too.

'So you took it, didn't you? C'mon, stop wasting so much time and let's get to it.'" Who is talking here? After some deciphering, I came to the conclusion that it's Aikido but I could totally be mistaken— I wouldn't know. Instead, try something like: ". . . She then had found the thing she was looking for. 'So you took it, didn't you?' she asked, her gaze falling on the bow and arrow beside the chair I sat on. 'C'mon, stop wasting so much time and let's get to it.'" But again, something like that.
You're separating the dialogue from the descriptive narration that goes with it. Which is a recipe for disaster as things can get confusing real quick. Try combining them respectfully to their partnered narration so these confusions don't happen. Pay attention to your viewers' comments. If one has mentioned a concern, it's a great possibility that many others have thought the same thing.

Some of your paragraphs could be dissected more. What I mean by that is: some commas could be turned into periods so the sentence could end and then start anew. There's nothing wrong with short sentences or short paragraphs. A period allows the reader to breathe and really digest the data that's been given to them and helps with overall flow.

The further I go into the story, the more grammatical errors I find. Ultimately making this story difficult to read or at least get a good grip on. Don't get me wrong, it has the potential to get its point across but the amount of work to do so is cumbersome. A lot of editing needs to take place as you, the author, probably knows. Just bear in mind that the story should, if not needs to be told in past tense. Only the dialogue should have a present tense description or anything of that sort.

Taking 4 chapters to get to the beginning of the actual story might deter a reader. I'd find a way to try and bring that point closer to chapter 2 or 3.
Some of the writing does feel a bit rushed so slow down and be more descriptive of the scene(s). Really draw out what you want your readers to see and let them get lost in the world you created for them.

And I'm sure that at a certain point it switches from first person perspective to third. You have to choose one.

(36.5/100)

Other notes: Seriously, I don't want to put you down as a fellow author myself. I've definitely had to scrap some of my projects because I did a lot of the things you're doing now, receiving the same feedback. I'm not telling you to quit, I'm telling you to keep improving this and learn from this to ultimately create your masterpiece. Who knows, it could be this book. But really go through this and read it aloud to yourself. Or put it through a text-to-speech program and understand the flow you've created. Pay attention to your comments, they'll help you in your process.
I freakin' love isekai animes so I wanna see this one take off but you gotta spend more time with it. Give me descriptions, give me more of what's going on, explain what Whitlock's shop looks like etc. Everything felt rushed, missing out on details that could help enhance the actual story so slow down and provide these little snippets of lore. All of these small accents create the beautiful picture of the world you want us to see.
Lots of room for improvement and I know you can do it, my friend! Keep on keepin' on!