❀𓅰❀  

  ❀𓅰❀  

This was the second time this week Wes offered to pick me up after my class only to forget me. Today, I waited in the nearest building for thirty minutes, pointlessly calling Wes to find out where he was before I gave up and called myself a taxi.

Seething, I unlocked the apartment. I threw my bag down against the wall and stormed down the hall ready to rip his head off his shoulders, but the second I stepped toe in the living room, all of my anger was forgotten at the sight of Wes sprawled out on his stomach on the couch. The lights were off in the apartment but he had the tv on, illuminating the room in different hues of blue and casting odd shadows. I switched on a lamp and picked up the remote to turn it off before I walked up to the couch and sat on my heels near his head.

To anyone else, he probably would have looked like a mess with his face pressed against the couch cushion, his lips puckered out, his hair everywhere, and his arm hanging off the side, dragging on the floor. To me, though, he looked adorable, like a lazy cat you want to cuddle with but don't want to disturb. He was more like a puppy, though, annoyingly affectionate.

He looked so relaxed like that. I wasn't sure how long he'd been sleeping there but he'd have a crick in his neck if he didn't get up soon. I sighed, wiping away his hair and kissing his forehead gently. "Come one, sweetie, wake up," I ran my hand up and down his bicep.

"Mmm," he hummed, bringing his arm up to scratch his cheek before he peeked his eyes open to look at me. I gently ran my nails down his cloth-covered back, feeling his muscles flex under my fingertips. He grinned sleepily as he brought his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me in for a chaste kiss.

"I should be mad at you," I said as I pulled away, "but I'm not."

"Mmm, why would you be mad- Oh shit," his head shot up to look at me.

"Maybe because you forgot me again," I grumbled irritably.

"Babe, I'm so sorry." He sat up, resting his elbows on his knees so he was hunched down to look at me sitting between his legs. He brought his hand to the side of my neck. "I was ready to leave but I had fifteen minutes so I sat down and I guess I-"

I shook my head at his explanation, not caring any longer. He was wearing his shoes so clearly, he was prepared to leave, he just fell asleep.

"I promise I didn't forget again. I'm sorry," he pleaded with a hand on the side of my neck and the other already massaging my hand as he so often did.

"What have I told you about apologizing?" I grabbed his hand that rested on my neck and kissed his knuckles hoping my words would ring true and my anger would fully dissipate. I stood up. "It doesn't matter anyway, I called a taxi." I tugged at his hands for him to stand with me. "Why haven't you been sleeping, hmm?" I brought my hand to his cheek and tilted his head in the light. He had dark bags under his eyes and his eyelids were droopy like he was struggling to keep them open at all.

"I've got that big midterm coming up."

"That's no excuse. I thought you went to bed after I left last night," I frowned.

"It's just got me too stressed to sleep." He swatted my hands away from my face.

I nodded in understanding. "Then let's get you to bed. You're useless if you're too tired to even show up."

"So you're not mad?"

"Not really anymore," I shrugged, shoving him around the couch and towards his room.

"Really? Anymore?" He turned his head to look at me before he tugged his shirt over his head.

"How can I stay mad at this?" I pinched his bare side roughly. 

"Ow!" Wes flinched. It was hard enough that I left the skin red, indicating it would most definitely be purple by tomorrow morning. But it was nothing compared to what I had etched into his back time and time again, or even the blotchy marks Wes had kissed onto my thighs and the bruises he'd leave on my hips. They were no match for each other.

"I may be a little irked, though," I admitted with a sly smile.

"Makes sense," Wes conceded but kept a safe distance from me to avoid more nips of my unforgiving fingers.

In the short distance down the hall to his room, Wes already stripped himself down to his boxers, only to take off his socks while I was barely pulling off my pants as we walked into the bathroom.

Wes had his clothes gathered in one of his arms as he picked up my pants. He reached under my shirt to unhook my bra as I pulled my shirt over my head. I held out the clothes, trading him for his shirt he was just wearing. Wes had all of our clothes and was walking out of the bathroom but as I pulled his shirt over my head, he quickly grabbed my butt. "Hey," I giggled and swatted at him as he moved past me to put away our dirty clothes.  I brought the neck of his shirt to my nose as I smiled to myself. 

When I first started staying overnight at Wes', I noticed he and Flynn weren't the cleanest. I've always been a neat freak so I started washing the dishes Flynn would leave out, and putting Wes' clothes in a dirty hamper, or throwing away garbage if I found it. I never complained about their habits because I knew it wasn't my place. This was his home and I, more than anyone, was well aware I was just a guest. I never even mentioned to Wes I was doing any of this because it wasn't a big deal to me. I did it out of habit and without a second thought. But after a few times of catching me picking up a dirty sock of Flynn's or washing a plate I found, Wes caught on.

I didn't mean to come off as clingy of controlling or anything, but that's what I thought he felt when he started scolding me for picking up after them.  It made me feel I wasn't welcome in his home. I wasn't buying him house decor or rearranging furniture, I was just cleaning.

I was his girlfriend and we were in a relationship, I shouldn't have been feeling like I was overbearing and I certainly shouldn't have felt unwelcome. When I confronted him about it- after many pep talks, of course- he surprised me when he didn't flat out call me clingy. No, instead, he said I'd done enough for the people I left and he didn't want me to feel like I was being used or taken advantage of. He didn't want me doing things for him like that. Since then, I haven't really had to pick up after him, he did it for us both, adding to the reasons why my heart was ever warming.

"When's your test?" I asked as I pulled out our toothbrushes and applied toothpaste to them both.

"Friday," he told me when he walked back in. I handed off his toothbrush.

"That gives you two days to study and plenty of time for sleep." I shoved my own toothbrush into my mouth and brushed the right side before I spit and wiped my mouth. "I'm sure you'll do well," I told him as I rubbed his back with my free hand. 

I shoved the brush back in my mouth and listened to the sounds of the rough bristles cleaning our teeth as I watched him sluggishly brush before he spit in the sink. "Thanks, babe, I hope so." He grabbed the bottle of mouthwash and took a sip before handing it to me so I could rinse my mouth of his grainy toothpaste. I kept forgetting to buy him a new brand.

Wes spit out his mouthwash and wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his forehead on my shoulder. I would have wiggled away from him but I could tell he was really tired. If the bags under his eyes didn't give it away, it was the way he leaned into me like he might pass out right there standing up. And he was finished rinsing before I even reached for the mouthwash when usually, I was waiting on him. His oral hygiene was impeccable and probably why he had amazing teeth.

When I finished, I turned around in his arms and kissed him lightly. He tasted minty and I would have kissed him some more had he not needed some sleep.

"Can we go to bed now?" He mumbled onto the side of my lips while my hands played with the hair at the nap of his neck.

I smiled against him. "There's this book," I mused.

"You and your damn books."

"It's a children's book but I think you could use it. Have you ever heard of a book by Adam Mansbach called Go The Fuck To Sleep?" I asked, slapping his cheek lightly three times as I pulled away from him and walked into the bedroom. "I'm not your keeper, Wes, just go to bed if you're that tired."

"Well, I figured since I left you at school I should probably wait for you for bed, but fine," Wes said, shoving past me and jumping into the bed. I rolled my eyes as he spread out on the full sized bed, leaving no room for me.

On the inside, I laughed at his childishness, but I shook my head frowning and lightly shoved him. He scooted over some as I climbed in after the lazily grinning Wes. "Because that makes up for leaving me alone in the snow," I told him as I lay on my back on the edge of the bed.

"I didn't leave you," he grumbled.

"No, you forgot me."

"I fell asleep. You've seen me, all I've been doing is studying."

"I know, I've been here with you. You stay up late and that keeps me up, but I didn't know you weren't sleeping when you finally do go to bed."

"I didn't ask you to stay," he growled.

I felt a weight press against my chest and my breath caught in my throat. I knew he didn't mean it but my urge to run had not yet fully passed and it was comments like those that made me uneasy. It was instinctive by now. "You wanted me to leave?" I whispered. I wanted to glare at him angrily, but all I could manage was a strangled frown. I was still fragile.

"Of course not!" He reached out and grabbed my check, forcing me to keep my eyes on him. "Of course not, Vienna. But if you're here while I'm studying all night you aren't going to sleep either. I know you."

"You think if I were alone at my own place to worry about you, I would be able to sleep easier?" I asked as if he were stupid. I pulled away from his hand.

I watched his face fall before it morphed into a mix of sympathy, affection, and most doninantly, annoyance. "You know I love sleeping with you, babe."

It felt like he was mocking me so I rolled over, leaving him to stare at my back.

"What are you doing?" Wes asked. When I didn't answer he scoffed. "Wow, you're really going to give me the silent treatment?"

"No."

"Then what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're sulking."

"I'm not sulking," I said indignantly.

"Fine," Wes said smugly. I felt him shift so he was on the other side of the bed and not so close to me. I couldn't feel his body heat anymore. "It doesn't matter because no matter how pissy you are right now, in a little bit you're going to be over here begging for me to hold you."

"You're an ass."

"Stop being so childish then."

"I'm not being childish. You're the one who needs to read that kid's book."

"Vienna, just stop already, would you?" he growled, putting a firm hand over the tattoo on my arm. He didn't give me time to respond before he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest. I had my back pressed against his chest as he held himself up on his elbow so he could nuzzle his chin into my neck shamelessly breathed in the scent of my hair. "I sorry I fell asleep and left you at school, Val. And you have to know I didn't mean that I don't want you staying the night because I love that you're here with me and I love that you need me to fall asleep. I need you too. So please stop pouting already. You know I hate when you do this shit."

There were so many wings flapping around in my stomach, it hurt. "You're the one who acts like you're five," I grumbled but rolled over and curling into his chest anyway, because even if I wanted to be mad, he was right. I needed him and I hated sleeping without holding him; I didn't know how he hadn't gotten sick of me yet and kicked me out. He should have dropped a finicky leech like myself by now but I couldn't be happier that he hadn't.

"I'm glad you came to your senses," he chuckled. He was still propped up on his arm as he brushed my hair out of my face and smiled down at me. I tugged on his bicep and he scooted down and draped an arm around my waist. "Go the fuck to sleep, babe," he mumbled against my forehead.

"Goodnight," I whispered, my lips brushing against his hot skin with every syllable. 

"Good night, Val." His hand snaked down and I laughed as he groped my ass. "Don't let the bed bugs bite." But then he gave me a real hug, squeezing me tightly like he did every night. "Sleep well."

My hand ran through his hair one last time before I settled onto my stomach next to him leaving my hand on the back of his neck.  

But I couldn't sleep well. As Wes relaxed into me and rested peacefully, I kept thinking about how angry I was as I waited impatiently back on campus. I was livid, ready to knock Wes down, prepared with a spiel and all for when I would see him. It was ridiculous how angry I was over such a petty thing. But what I found even more amazing was how quickly it all vanished the moment I found him sleeping on the couch. It was replaced with such a tender emotion I had to remind myself that I was living a reality, something I had lost and regained countless times through humility. And standing in the entryway, staring at the sleeping boy I adored so much, I was humiliated. And I was still humiliated as I lay in bed with him. I was humiliated because I had never told this sleeping, brown eyed boy just how much I adored him.

After I felt his arm go lax around me, I pulled back and sat on my elbows so that I  I could look at him.

Wes was a good guy. Sure, he was pushy on subjects I didn't want to talk about. And he was touchy, always wanting to hold my hand or fondle me in some irritating way. He never shared his plans with anyone so they were always an ungracious surprise. He wouldn't give me all the space I needed, he'd make me work out my problems around him which only made me pissier. But he never budged and was always right there with me. He had a knack of getting under my skin but I was skittish so I'm sure it was his way of keeping me close.

I had a problem with sharing stories and personal information with Wes and sometimes I still did. It wasn't because I didn't want him to know anything but my past held so many of my weaknesses, it was difficult to work up any courage to share that. He already had me, to hand him pieces of my past was like handing him the bullets to load a gun aimed at my heart. I tried for a long time to keep the last of my bullets away from him even though he insisted he always kept the safety on.

I was awful. The things I said to him in our beginning were bad enough for most to give up and walk away. At that point in my life, I would have walked away if I were in his position but Wes didn't. Wes took it all.

I brought my hands to his face. His chin was prickly with whiskers he hadn't shaved in days. "Thank you for putting up with me," I whispered, hoping I wouldn't wake him but there was no chance, he was out cold. I traced his nose and the delicate skin under his eyes; he had such warm brown eyes, I melted when he smiled for me. "I know I've made you question my commitment, but I never meant for you to feel like that." I kissed his nose, wishing some of his subconscious would pick up on my words.

Deliberately not speaking to him for days at a time, picking fights when I felt trapped, walking away, and not even bothering to fight with him were just some of the things I threw his way.

"I hope you know how I feel, though. I know how you feel."

And on top of being a flaky bitch, I never said the words he'd been dying to hear since the night of our first date. I told him not to say them again, even though I know he wanted to many times. There were times I wanted to also, but the words either got caught in my throat or I stubbornly swallowed them before they reached my teeth.

"You say it a lot but never think I hear you. I do," I smiled, brushing his lips with my thumb. His breath tickled the fine hairs of my skin.

Wes knew I was scared to hear the words, I was scared they could hurt me more than he could assure me otherwise, but he still managed to tell me. He got his point across when he would make sure to grab extra honey when he picked up our pizza at the end of the night, when he would wait for me to buckle my seatbelt, or have me roll down my window so he could remind me to drive safe before he kissed me cruelly, leaving me breathless. When he hugged me goodnight and told me to sleep well, I knew.

Sometimes I would even hear him say the true words quietly to himself. He'd say it just before he walked into the room and hug me from behind as I poured myself cereal, or he mumbled it against our hands clasped together as we listened to his crappy music. Sometimes when I'd leave the room angry, he'd grumble the words too, like a reminder. I heard him plenty and to the words, I felt my stomach and my chest do acrobatics that would send Cirque du Soleil performers to their knees. But never- other than that one night- did I ever tell him not to say it because he was doing as I asked, keeping it to himself. He just didn't know I could hear too.

Part of me found comfort in the whispered words, though. It assured me of Wes, who must have felt so strongly that he couldn't keep it from spilling past his lips. Even if it was just for his own ears, he felt the need to say it out loud.

"I've wanted to say it so many times." I ran a single finger down his throat and chest, before stopping. "I just get stuck." I lay my hand flat over his heartbeat. "You deserved to hear it, though."

A boy who stuck around for me, keeping a heart-shaped sticky note on his forehead at all times- a boy like Wes, not only deserved to be loved, he deserved to know he was loved deeply and surely.

I closed my eyes because to say the words to deaf ears, even to myself, was daunting, nerve-wracking. I let out a steady breath, focusing on Wes' heartbeat under his chest. "I love you, Wesley." I whispered it quietly, smiling at the sound of the words. I'd felt this way for a long time and I wanted to know how it felt to say the words in the presence of Wes, even if he wasn't awake to hear them. I wanted to build up the courage to say them to him while he was awake and conscious. I wanted him to know.

Wes' heartbeat leaped under his chest and my breath lodged in my throat like a rock for the thrill of Wes possibly being awake to hear anything I said- especially the last mouthful of words. I opened my eyes as Wes pulled me tightly against his chest again. "Of course, I know you do, baby. And I love you, Vienna." He buried his face in my neck and laughed deeply, "Oh, my god."

"You're awake!" I gasped. "You heard all of that?" I asked, panicking.

His body stiffened against me and I could feel his heart beating against my own chest. "Was I not supposed to?"

"Of course you weren't supposed to," I choked.

"Am I supposed to pretend like I didn't hear then?" His voice shook. "Just go back to sleep and wake up like-"

"Wes," I broke him off. It killed me to listen to him crumble, his voice breaking and his body rigid with anxiety. He was over thinking my response; I was just shocked. With the hand I still had on his chest, I pushed him back so I could look at him in the dark. "Wes, sweetie, you weren't supposed to hear but I'm glad you know. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend because I was never able to get the words out and you deserve better. I wish I could-"

"I've known, Val." It was Wes' turn to cut me off. "And I've always wanted to hear you say it but not if you weren't ready."

"Thank you," I mumbled lacing my fingers in his hair and pulling his forehead to mine.

"Did you really hear me say it to you all those times?"

I nodded my head, making our skin rub against each other.

He sighed, his breath fanning my face. "I'm so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, Val. I just needed to say it and I thought you couldn't hear. You never said anything."

"Don't apologize. I needed to hear you say it even if I didn't want to."

"So does this mean I can say it now?" Wes asked unsurely but excitement lilted off his tongue.

I sighed, closing my eyes. "Yes, Wes."

Next thing I knew, I was on my back with Wes on top of me, muffling his infectious laugh in my neck. It tickled making me scrunch my shoulder up to my ear as I laughed even more.

"Vienna!" He lifted his face to look at me. His grin suggesting he was no longer tired. "I love you. I love you so god damn much. You drive me insane but sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst with how much I love you and how angry you make me." He leaned down and kissed me roughly not giving me time to kiss him back before he was saying the words again. Mumbling them across my face as he frantically kissed me.

I watched him with bright eyes and an ecstatic grin, my arms wrapped securely around his neck.

I knew it. I did. Hearing him mumble the words to himself was sweet and heartwarming; it gave me the courage to say them, but I never knew how much I needed to hear him- really hear him- say the words with as much courage and emotion as he felt them.

And then he stopped. He held my face in his hand, looking at me like I was complete. Like I was enough, always was and always would be.

"Say it again," he said excitedly.

My smile faltered and I almost felt my smile drop completely. I planned to say it but not for him to hear it, and now he wanted me to do it again.

"Say it, baby," Wes coaxed, not at all seeming worried that I would refuse.

I couldn't disappoint him. I swallowed all of my nerves but kept the words on the tip of my tongue for him. "I love you," I smiled shyly, my fingers tightening in his hair.

"I love you." He dropped drown, kissing me hotly before rolling us over.

I looked down at him, still watching me. He dragged his knuckles down my cheek so I closed my eyes to relish in the feeling. "I won't be able to sleep now," he whispered, his voice much quieter from the ecstatic howls he was giving a moment ago. "I won't mind, though."

"Me neither." I opened my eyes. The smile on his face seemed permanent. I curled into him again, snuggling into his chest and pressing my ear against his pounding heart.

"Then just lie with me." He kissed my forehead and I could feel him smiling on my skin as his hand dragged down my hair.

I lifted my head and kissed him again, one last time before we would do our best to sleep. His eyes could never be brighter in a lit room and I could never have wanted to stay with someone for as long as I did with him.

  ❀𓅰❀  

a/n

:( okay, that's it. The epilogue. The last part (there will be bonus chapters EVENTUALLY ;)) 

I advise you all to check out Ziggy Alberts' Simple Things (The Ocean Song). I would have added it at the top but there is no youtube video so... but I like to think of it as the #1 song of Fragile Bird. It is where a lot of my inspiration came from.

Anyway, I've really enjoyed writing this story, but I'm done now. :')

The novel ends but I'm sure Vienna and Wesley's story goes on.