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I didn't realize how hard it was not to care until I started caring. When it came to my mother, I craved her approval. Her acceptance of me meant everything to my thirteen-year-old-self. Trevor only ever cared about what it took to get me to do his favors, but the tricks he used to get me to do it, filled that need in me. I became accustomed to their ways, craving their attention by all means necessary. 

Eventually, though, I was able to see through them, making my indifference easier. I had to learn how to no longer concern myself with their feelings or opinions anymore. But it was different with Wes. In the beginning, I didn't care what he thought of me. In fact, I couldn't care less about the boy who was interrupting my process of change. 

"Hey, Val," Wes' chipper voice rang through the phone.

"Hi."

"What's up?"

"I was going to go to the beach then the bookstore."

"Oh, where?"

"Um," I tried to think but all I came up with was, "Near the harbor?"

"Very descriptive. Which one?" He laughed.

"I don't really know the names of the streets and all yet," I said sheepishly. "It's on the west coast of Bristol. Why?" I asked as Wes chuckled.

"Can I tag along?"

A smile invaded my features. I tried to shove it aside by scrunching my face up instead. "I'm just going to finish my anthology on the beach," I said, confused why he would want to come, though, not altogether opposed to it.

"Your what?"

"Book." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh," he said, still not fully understanding. "So," he trailed off, "is that a yes to me coming with?"

"You want to come with me while I finish my anthology on the beach at night?"

"Sure," he said casually.

Can you hear the glee in his voice, Vienna?

There is no glee, I shook my head at the ridiculous thoughts.

That was glee, Vienna. He's happy he gets to see you in a little bit. And so are you.

Shut up, I told my smug self.

"Why?" I asked distastefully.

"Because I want to hang out with you?" Wes tried slowly, wanting to gauge my reaction which seemed pretty hard to do since we were speaking on the phone to each other.

"Um okay, then I'll text you the address. It's a private beach."

"I didn't know you trespass too, Val," I could hear the taunting grin in his voice.

He loves teasing you, Vienna, you know that.

Only in a friendly way, I argued.

"It's a friends house. He lets me use the beach to relax and read," I said, rolling my eyes at the boy again.  

"Oh," Wes said quietly.

And there, Vienna, is the disappointment of him hearing you have another male friend.

My male friend is a grouchy old man! I screamed internally at my intruding thoughts.

"Um," I mumbled, "I'll see you later, alright?"

"Yeah," he said as I hung up the phone and quickly did a web search for the address I was going to meet Wes at.

After texting him the address, I started up my car and drove the small town roads to the little house I'd become accustomed to. Wes' car was already in the small driveway and I could see Wes sitting on the steps of the dwelling, wrapped in a thick jacket over a hoodie.

When Wes saw me, we stood up on the steps, watching as I grabbed my book from my glove box before I hopped out of my little car and strode up to him.

I smiled as I stopped near the edge of the steps. "Hey." 

He towered before he jumped down from the top step right in front of me. "Hey," He smiled down at me.

I took a step back, creating a little distance between us. "Come on," I nodded my head to the side, directing him to follow me. I started making my way around the small house with Wes in tow.

"So who is this friend of yours?" Wes asked kicking at the sand as we walked down the side of the house and down the small beach.

"You'll meet him in a little while. Ida introduced me to him." I smiled at the displeased glance Wes cast at the house. I walked over to a set of chairs near the back porch and sat down in one facing the water. Wes took the seat next to me. I wrapped the cuffs of my sweatshirt tightly around my fingers as I opened my book, about to finish the last few parts of the collection.

I couldn't concentrate, though, not with the feel of Wes' gaze burning holes into the side of my face as I kept my eyes trained on fishing through my paperback for the last line I remember reading. "What are you doing?" I finally asked.

"Is this all you came here to do?"

I looked up at him. "Yeah, pretty much." I refocused my gaze to the words on the pages.

"But this is boring," he groaned, slumping down in his seat.

I squinted over at him. "What did you expect?"

"For this not to be so boring," he shrugged.

"I told you I was coming here to read," I shook my head in disapproval.

"I know," he groaned again.

"Do you want me to get a book out of my car for you?"

"No," he shook his head and sat up. Wes twisted his body towards me, slouching onto the armrest and resting his head in his palm.

"Give me twenty minutes to finish this and then we can go inside."

"Is your friend inside?"

"Not right now, he's not."

"Mm," Wes hummed as he continued to stare at me as I tried to focus on the words I was reading.

I did try too. Really hard, but Wes' dark brown eyes were nagging at me. They demanded an attention I refused to give. I closed my book suddenly and looked out to the water, sighing. Wes didn't flinch, just watched as I thought.

You can't even concentrate when he's around you, Vienna.

You are perfectly capable of concentrating.

You're whipped, Vienna.

You are not.

Shut the hell up and look at what's right in front of you for once, Vienna.

You are! There is water. Lots of it.

You're a fool, Vienna.

Shut up.

"What are you thinking?" Wes asked in a voice much too loud for the serene quiet that had blanketed the beach.

"The suns really bright when its setting." I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. "And maybe home," I whispered, trying to compensate for Wes' disruptive noise.

"California?"

"Yeah. And everything there."

"What's there?"

"Nothing," I scoffed. "It's not really a home anymore."

"I know how you feel."

"You can go home, a home where you can be happy" I corrected him. "Can't you?"

"Yeah. So can you."

"No," I drew out. "My home is empty. Dad's dead, Tammy left a little after I did, best friend is at college, and I don't even count my mom and step dad."  

"My mom's gone and she was the life of the house. Now it's just my dad, alone most of the time because we're all in school."

I turned back to the water and sighed. "Shit."

"Mmm?"

"Death sucks."

"That it does, Val."

"Sadie watches over my dad's house for me because no one is left to do it." I shook my head. She said if I wasn't there, then there wasn't much she had left at the house either. So I put Sadie in charge of house sitting while I'm over here. "Mom wasn't happy about Sadie doing that for me but-"

"Why would your mom care?"

"Because my mom has an undying hatred for her dead ex-husband. If she couldn't keep her me away from him she would try her best to keep her new favorite away."

"New favorite?"

I smiled sheepishly, though I wasn't remorseful at all "I had a big fight with my mom the day I fought with you so I'm no longer the perfect child."

"She said that to you?" Wes asked taken back.

"Didn't have to."

"She probably doesn't expect you to be perfect, maybe you're projecting onto her. The way you did me," he chuckled, dragging his knuckles down my arm. Even through the thick jacket, I felt uncomfortable.

"You didn't grow up with her, Wes." I crossed my arms, and Wes let his hand fall. 

"You're depressing," Wes said, sinking lower in his chair but still not taking his eyes off of me.

"Thanks," I rolled my eyes. "My sister doesn't care what she says, though. She's a good kid." 

"She seems like a cool sister."

"She's a bit overbearing."

"They all are."

"Please stop looking at me," I mumbled, slipping off my flip flops and sinking my toes into the cold sand.

"I like looking at you," he mumbled back.

"It's weird."

"Just a little, Val."

I turned to him and thought I saw his eyes light up. "I'm going to get in the water," I said randomly.

"What?" A laugh ripped from his throat as he sat up. He searched my face as if trying to decide if I was serious.

"I'm going to test the water." I stretched out my legs so I could roll the cuffs of my pants higher up my calves so they wouldn't get wet when I dipped my feet in the small waves. I stood up, smiling down at Wes as he watched me walk down to the water.

"The water is cold," he called after me.

"It's alright. I grew up in the bay, I know cold water."

You really think this is the same thing, Vienna?

Wes laughed at me again. "Pacific water is not the same as over here." 

"I'll be fine," I said confidently, walking straight into the small waves as the water crashed over the tops of my feet and splattered up the shins, surrounding me in a good half-foot of ice cold water, making me stop cold. "Holy shit," I gasped.

You're a real genius, Vienna.

You, shut the hell up. That's fucking cold.

"You dork!" Wes yelled from behind me. "You're going to catch pneumonia or something, and you just got over a cold!"

I waddled out of the water before another rush of waves swallowed my already numb feet.

"What did I tell you?"

I shivered uncontrollably as I walked over to my flip flops and tried to slip them onto my unfeeling feet. Once I thought they were secure, I grabbed my book and started walking around the house. Wes stayed behind watching as I walked away.

"Where are you going?"

"My car," I shiver. "I need to warm my toes."

Wes jogged up behind me and wrapped an arm around me, rubbing his hand up and down my arm as we walked. I shook him off, immediately feeling the loss of the weight of his arm around me. Wes chuckled as I did so, instead opting to walk as closely as he could next to me, lightly brushing my fingertips with his as I made my way to my car.

"Get in," I said through chattering teeth. Wes rounded the car, to the passenger side and slipped inside. I went around to the trunk and pulled out a towel and an extra pair of socks I kept with my boots for emergencies. I tossed the boots to the front for later.

I went back to the driver's side and turned on the car. I dried my feet of the water and shook off as much sand as I could before I pulled on my socks and closed the door. Without another moment to waste, I turned on the heater and felt the warm air rush out onto my feet. I sighed in content, feeling my toes thawing out as I relaxed into my seat.

"I told you so," Wes chuckled.

"Shut up," I mumbled, absorbing as much of the heat as I could.

"Hey, Val?"

"Mm?"

"Can I ask you a question?" Wes asked casually.

"You can ask me anything, Wes, but-"

"That doesn't mean I'll answer it. Yeah, I know," he chuckled. "But I don't think this is that kind of question. I'm curious."

I opened my eyes to look over at him and smiled. "Then ask your question."

"Why flip flops when it's 40 degrees out?" A grin broke out on his face as I smiled sheepishly.

"Honestly, I just like flip flops."

"But don't your toes get cold?"

"Oh yeah," I laughed breathily. "But I like flip flops, I only ever wear closed toed shoes if I have to. It was the same in California too. I wore then rain or shine."

"Well, look at where that got you," Wes smiled, reaching for my hand.

Without thinking, I pulled my hand away, immediately feeling guilty as I stuck my hands between my thighs. Thankfully, though, I recognized the car pulling into the driveway soon after. I grabbed his elbow and shook him lightly. "Bernard is here," I said, tugging on my boots.

"Who?"

I turned to him and smiled. "The grumpy old man who owns the house."

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a/n

Here is the first part of chapter 17. It's long so I split it up but I'll still post it all today.

I know, this is really shitty and unedited and I just kind of hate this chapter, but I don't really feel like revising it because as I said in the stand alone a/n, I'm just wiped out to the point where I just don't give a shit anymore. Maybe I'll come back to this one day and fix some of it but idk. Plus, I'm on vacation and I don't really feel like doing much else other than relaxing and watching the little squirts play in the snow.

So enjoy and don't forget to vote, comment and fan.

Goal: 15 votes and 30 comments