~ Part 8 ~ | Early Morning Thoughts

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**The Climb (Miley Cyrus) **
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"The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No, I'm not breaking"

~Miley Cyrus

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This chapter is dedicated to Chel. I know you hate it when I call you that but haha you probably won't ever see this so you'll never know!

You introduced me to writing and for that, I say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You changed my life forever. It was a good change. It was a great change. Some changes are scary but this one was like coming home.

(comment or PM if you'd like a shoutout!)

*****

Lloyd wasn't an early bird but he certainly wasn't a night owl either. He liked to think he was somewhere in between a late morning dove and an afternoon pigeon. Some days he slept in, other days he was up at dawn. It wasn't a pattern like on even days he ignored his alarm clock or on weekends he decided to rise with the sun. It just happened.

This time Lloyd was up before the sun had even begun to peak out from the hills. He had tried to fall asleep again, he really did. He counted so many sheep that whenever Lloyd closed his eyes he saw the fuzzy mammals staring at him with their bugged-out eyes. He would hum songs as softly as he could which would only result in him getting annoying jingles stuck in his head. Lloyd read all his comic books (even the really boring ones) and even recited a few of the weird poems Wu had made them memorize backwards. No matter what Lloyd found himself staring wide-awake at a ceiling stain instead of drifting off into dreamland.

Finally, Lloyd gave up and shoved on his shoes, ignoring the fact that he wasn't wearing socks. Nya was sound asleep and snoring like a bear (not that he would ever tell her that) so she didn't notice him slowly slide along the creaky floorboards and shut their room behind him. Lloyd shuffled down the halls in his pyjamas, hoping he didn't look too much like a toddler who couldn't sleep as he pattered along.

Lloyd barely suppressed a shiver as he crept down the hall but it wasn't from the cold temperature. Lloyd couldn't help but think of the creepy stories the kids had been telling before he drifted off. Haunted houses and scary dolls filled the tall tales, each one more horrific and violent than the last. Lloyd tried to deny his thumping heart and the adrenaline high he was having but eventually, he stopped lying to himself.

You're scared, Lloyd. You're scared of a stupid ghost story.

Lloyd huffed in irritation and wrapped his arms around himself, continuing towards the staircase with a wary gaze. The halls were empty since Wu was very strict about his curfew for the younger students. The headmaster didn't want any of them discovering his vintage sword collection and try out how well they can pierce their classmates.

Lloyd made his way down the stairs and snagged the blanket on the armchair by the door before he slipped outside. The cool air welcomed him as he took a deep breath and carefully closed the door.

Three pairs of eyes followed him suspiciously as he made his way into the garden.

*****

Kai was not a morning person in any way. Unfortunately, his roommate was. The brunette grumbled under his breath and tossed in his bed as he tried to ignore Zane's puttering around. Anyone who woke up before they absolutely had to was crazy!

Zane remained oblivious to Kai's muffled complaints and continued his morning routine. The tall young man carefully made his bed, folding the sheets and smoothing the comforter out so the covers were laid with perfectly crisp clean edges. Zane was a very tidy person. He was constantly tidying and making sure everything looked just as straight as his hair. It annoyed the rest of the group to bits while Wu was pleased to have someone else to help him keep the school from looking like the bottom of a garbage can.

Kai was average when it came to cleaning. He left things on the floor, occasionally he could force himself to vacuum from time to time, but cleaning at seven o'clock in the morning??? Come on. Zane must have something screwed in wrong because there was no teenager who willingly did that.

Zane quietly used a paper towel and window cleaner to wipe at the smudges on the glass. Once the fingerprints had been cleaned to his satisfaction, he opened the curtains and light came streaming into the bedroom.

"Zane!" Kai finally jerked up to glare at his roommate. It was odd to see Kai, who put a lot of effort into his appearance, looking so bedraggled. He resembled what a person would look like if an angry badger dragged them through a thorn bush backwards. His brown hair stuck up in various places, dried drool stuck to the corners of his mouth and he wore a deeper scowl than usual.

"My apologies," Zane hastily closed the curtain. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was," Kai growled.

Zane blinked in confusion and tilted his head. "Well...if you're up you can help me make breakfast for everyone."

Kai stared at him for a long time before he flopped down and shoved a pillow over his head.

"Kai?" Zane frowned at the boy. Why wasn't he getting up?

"Itstooearly!" Kai whined.

"I cannot understand what you are saying."

"ITSTOOEARLYYYYY!"

Zane still didn't understand him (not that he ever knew what was going on in Kai's head) so he assumed Kai would join him later. "I will meet you in the kitchen." He told his friend before he turned and walked out of their room.

There was a thump as Kai punched his pillow in frustration. He wasn't angry at Zane, he was just mildly annoyed that his beauty sleep was interrupted. Still, it was hard to stay mad at Zane's innocent confusion. With a groan, Kai reluctantly rose from the comfort of his bed and got ready. After spending an unnecessarily long time in the shower he came down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Kai was surprised to see Mistaké there. The crabby old woman tended to keep to herself, claiming all the cheerful children irked her in all the worst ways. She only ever came out when one of the students inevitably injured themselves and she'd slap a bandaid on with little remorse than go back to watching cheesy sitcoms. Mistaké pointedly ignored Kai like the brat she could be and focused on whatever Zane was getting her.

Kai's friend stirred whatever was in the cup carefully and then presented it to the woman with a smile. Mistaké squinted at Zane then snatched it from him and leaving the boys without a care in the world.

"She's always so friendly," Kai commented sarcastically. Zane snorted in amusement and turned back to the stove.

"Would you like some broth?" He offered Kai.

"Sure." Kai shrugged and took a mug.

It smelled delicious, the Asian spices were strong and comforting, achingly reminding Kai of the quiet mornings at home when his parents were around. They'd all sit in the living room, Ray would drink his coffee and Mya would let Kai help stir the pot. Kai blinked hard and tried to shove away the bittersweet nostalgia as he took a long sip. It was hot with a satisfying kick to it that simmered pleasantly in his stomach as he drank.

"Where did you get this recipe?" Kai asked in a disinterested tone, trying to appear casual.

"It was recommended to me." The vagueness of the answer made Kai raise an eyebrow at Zane but the boy avoided his gaze stubbornly. Kai wondered if the recommender was Pixal or even Cyrus Borg. The more Kai thought about it the more he speculated if it was someone much deeper in Zane's memories.

Kai was curious about his friend's story. He didn't want to dig too much into it since he knew personal privacy was something to be respected. (Unless Ki decided it wasn't.) But he was interested in Zane's past.

When he had explained it to them it left Kai confused and worried. Zane had answered some questions but it only had raised more from the group. Did Zane feel alone? How much did he remember? Who were the people he had in his life before Wu? All these questions were overwhelming but Zane seemed perfectly calm. He never wondered too much, never worried, Zane barely seemed aware of his own situation sans his DNA test.

"I know you said you've forgotten..." Kai tried to think of the right word.

Your family? Your life? The choices that made you, you?

Kai settled for the less than intelligent, "-stuff but do you remember anything?" Kai asked.

Zane thought for a moment. "Amnesia is an odd thing," Zane told him. "Nothing is completely wiped. It's like... bits of time have been plucked from my mind. I remember who I am. I am Zane. But the rest is all small things. Little snippets of happiness."

Zane looked wistful as he talked. "I remember cooking over a small stove, trying hard to perfect recipes and how smell of burning wood filled the room. I liked keeping warm around a fire, wrapping a worn blanket around myself and reading a book under the dim light. I would always go out and chop down some branches off the big birch trees in the woods," Zane laughed a little. "It would be cold and crisp and I would do tricks with the logs to keep myself entertained."

Kai smiled at the expression on his face. It was light and dreamy in a way that was almost childlike. Zane was someone who had an old soul. He was practical, responsible, he didn't sigh like a love-struck teenager. He didn't daydream in class or do things pointless things just for the sake of it. Zane was controlled. Everything he did was for a reason. But here he was reminiscing and grinning fondly without a care in the world as he thought of the happy memories he had before Wu.

Before the school.

Before Kai.

As someone who had experience growing up too soon Kai could appreciate those little moments of youth that came your way. It was nice to see Zane sucked into one too. Kai must've been making a really stupid face, the one Nya always said made him look like a sappy parent because Zane frowned and tilted his head.

"Are you alright?" He said in concern. "You appear as if you are about to cry."

Kai scowled, giving Zane the stink-eye and quickly shoving all those hallmark-worthy emotions away to direct the conversation elsewhere.

"I know we've talked a lot about Pixal lately-" Zane rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. Kai felt like a proud parent as he watched the irritation stiffen his friend's frame as he continued. "-but I can't remember the last time you guys talked. Is everything okay?"

Zane exhaled, this time it wasn't dreamy, it was tired and confused. (The kind a boyfriend does when their girlfriend does something confusing, Kai might add)

"I'm not sure..." Zane pressed his lips together as he swiftly made some noodles. "She's been acting unusual lately."

"Isn't she always acting unusual?" Kai snorted.

The taller boy huffed in annoyance. "She does not." He protested. "Pixal is more concerned about the DNA test than I am and I'm worried it is causing her more stress than she is letting on."

"How is that, by the way? The DNA test." Kai asked curiously as he handed Zane the soy sauce.

Zane shrugged. "Still nothing. Tracks can be covered and trails can be lost. There are a lot of people in the world and my family could be any one of them. But it is okay. I don't even know if they want me. I have no idea who these people are." He sounded so flippant, so causal.

That made Kai angry. The emotion surprised him, as it usually did, flaring up and rearing its ugly head. What was he even angry at? Kai didn't even know. He couldn't be angry at Zane, the boy hadn't done anything wrong. So what was the problem? Why was there always a problem? What got his brain and body worked up this time?

Kai knew he had a bad temper. It was no secret to anyone who knew him. He told himself every day that he wouldn't let something silly get to him and yet here he was stewing and glaring at a scratch in the counter like it personally offended him. He flinched and almost threw a fist when Zane laid his hand on Kai's arm. Zane smiled softly when Kai jerked his head up, remaining oblivious to the angry gaze. Maybe not oblivious just... unafraid.

"It is alright, Kai," Zane told him gently but firmly. Kai watched dumbly as the boy slowly pulled his hands out of their fists. The brunette blinked slowly in surprise and allowed his palms to relax.

He stared at them numbly and automatically apologized. "Sorry." Kai croaked quietly.

He didn't understand why it happened. The anger came like a tidal wave then trickled away just as fast as it came. Nya was tolerant enough but even she got tired of the fire. Kai tried to stamp out the embers but the fury was an eternal flame that constantly burned, constantly flickered inside his soul. It fed off Kai's worries and doubts like it was the oxygen it breathed. Kai hated it. He hated how he got. He hated how he used to scare Nya when she was little and hated how Jay would tip toe around him like a bomb waiting to be set off.

"You are willing to fight for those you love." Wu had told him. Wu had made it seem like he was a warrior. A guard. A guardian. Not a monster or an angsty teenager.

Maybe that was how Nya saw him, as her defender and her teacher. Maybe Wu saw his flame as a defence mechanism rather than aggression. Maybe it wasn't a weapon but rather a structure he built up over the years. It reminded him of the protective wall he hid behind. It was hard and cold but it was safe. It was familiar.

His shield never used to be so sharp. It used to be made up of the small things. His mom singing to him when he would have nightmares. His dad laughing and letting Kai help in his workshop. Those memories would be the walls that kept him happy and warm. When those disappeared Kai found himself scrambling for his footing as his safe space fell away like sand through a sieve. Maybe that's why Kai was so protective. So he could become that shield to the ones he loves.

But Kai wasn't a protector. Not in his eyes. To Kai, Zane was the protector. He was the safety net Kai could fall back on. He was a little weird and sometimes hard to understand but he was constant, he would communicate. As much as Kai wished that he could rely on Nya to be that beacon it wasn't true. Nya was growing and changing in ways he couldn't catch up with and that scared him.

"Don't you ever..." Kai hesitated. "Don't you feel sad? They're... they could be your family. But what if... what if they left you?"

Zane paused a moment. He did not take offence which is one of the reasons Kai felt comfortable talking with him. Zane was careful with his words, he was careful with his reactions, he was calculating and thought about each word before it came out of his mouth.

In other words, he was Kai's opposite.

"Sometimes I do," Zane admitted freely with another one of those small smiles he'd always do. "But you are my family. You all are. It would be nice to find them. Find my past. I want to be able to know who I was but I already know who I am now. I don't need my history to know what page I am on now."

"I want to find them so I can tell them I'm okay. If they truly cared for me wouldn't they be worried? Wouldn't they be distraught that I didn't return from wherever I was?" Zane shrugged one shoulder. "I want to relieve any fear so that their minds can be at ease."

Kai stared at his friend. His kind, selfless friend. Of course Zane would want to find them because he was worried about them not about himself. It made Kai realize just how much Zane would always look out for others. If Zane was selfless, was Kai selfish? If Zane was the backbone, was Kai the fist?

Zane patted his friend on the hand, unaware of his friends inner turmoil before moving back to the meal, humming a song without any particular melody as he strained the noodles.

"Why don't you call the students?" Zane suggested, his eyes happy and free.

Kai nodded slowly but his mind was miles away. Kai didn't always seem like someone who thought a lot about things. This was true, Kai was a man of action rather than one of forethought. But Kai was a worrier. Which meant he had to think about something otherwise he wouldn't have anything to worry about. So, while Zane was dousing noddles with sauce Kai was weighing out what set him apart from his friend.

Zane was calm. Kai wasn't.

Zane was controlled. Kai was uncontrollable.

Zane let go. Kai held on.

They were so different. Opposites were made up of wrong and right to Kai. It was hard for him to see the grey area when everything was either this or that. No in-between. Zane always seemed so perfect in Kai's mind. He was this figure of what he should be. What could've made everything easier if Kai had just been born that way.

Kai wondered what he represented in Zane's eyes.

There was a loud click as Kai stabbed the button and leaned down so his mouth was by the speaker.

"Hey losers, get your butts down here before I eat all your food!"

NOTE****

Trying to see if I can break my habit of doing boring lengthily notes that I'm sure no one reads. 😂

So far I've been able to do a few chapters. Let's see how long I last before my need to ramble pushes through!

LuckyBugBooks🐞