~ Part 5 ~ | Slipping Through My Fingers

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** Anyone (Demi Lovato) **
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"Anyone, please send me anyone
Lord, is there anyone?
I need someone, oh
Anyone, please send me anyone
Lord, is there anyone?
I need someone"

~ Demi Lovato

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This chapter is dedicated to my sister! Because you were singing so loudly that I decided to hole myself up in my room and write this!

(comment or PM if you'd like a shoutout! Seriously, the new people who vote get drowned out in other notifs and I keep forgetting to write down the name XD)

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Warning: some mental health struggles.

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It was a beautiful summer day.

A little boy shovelled the cereal into his mouth as he watched the sun dance across the surface of the table like spotlights, creating golden streaks along the dark mahogany top. It looked so cheerful the way the sun cast its light across the darkness like it was reaching out to touch every living being and give it its energy and joy.

His blonde hair lit up like fire in its light and the child grinned to himself as he watched the shadows dance across the room. He turned to his paper and began to doodle a simple sun with shades and a toothy smile. His fat crayon made huge thick lines across the page as he tried to mimic the way the rays shone.

"Eat your breakfast, Lloyd, you can draw later today." A smooth voice said as fingers ruffled through his hair.

The boy's smile spread wide, dimples appearing in the corners of his mouth as he looked up to see his father stride through the room. Garmadon winked at Lloyd, moving to where Misako was washing the dishes and giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

Lloyd turned back to his picture as they exchanged quiet words. A gleeful expression on his innocent face as he drew him and his father hand in hand.

Everything was so easy, so simple. A happiness only a kid can feel spread like sunshine through his fingertips. The little boy couldn't help but giggle a little as he finished a third stick figure.

The man grabbed his hat and plopped it on his head. The man glancing back at his family once before turning to the door. "Have a nice day!" He called as he departed.

"Bye daddy!" Lloyd yelled.

Misako turned and looked towards Lloyd, who beamed back at her. She smiled and gave him a kiss on the forehead, sweeping his hair back from his face. She picked up a red dinosaur from the ground and placed the fallen toy in his arms.

Lloyd accepted it with open arms. "Grundle!" He cheered.

"Finish up, darling." Misako murmured before she turned away.

*****

Lloyd was beyond confused as he approached the duo huddled around the door. Nya and Zane were whispering too each other quietly, their gaze flicking to the door as they shuffled and squeezed so they could place their heads against it.

What are they up to?

He cast a puzzled look at Tala who shrugged before strolling up beside them and pressing his ear against the door too.

"What are you guys listening for?" Lloyd gave a goofy grin as Nya jumped and spun around in surprise. She quickly dragged him from the door, her expression panicked.

"Oh! Lloyd!" Nya's smile was a little to wide. "Wow! You're back!"

"Yeah... we only were talking for a few minutes." Lloyd shifted awkwardly, his brow furrowed. "Are you guys okay?"

Nya glanced at Zane then at the door then at Lloyd again. "Uh- yeah! We're great! Totally fine- right Zane?"

"We are doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing and are not being suspicious." Zane said unconvincingly.

Nya's eye twitched. That's not weird at all.
Lloyd frowned and glanced at Tala who was starting to move the other way.

"Maybe I can talk with your friend another time..." Tala suggested, her expression was one someone wore when they just saw a head sprout from someone's ear. "Thanks Lloyd."

"Uh... okay, bye?"

Confused green eyes watched her go as she rushed away towards the chattering up above. Nya and Zane were trying to side-step away but froze when Lloyd narrowed his eyes at them.

"What's going on?" He raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Is Kai in there trying to prank me?"

Nya hesitated, her eyes holding something he couldn't quite read as she and Zane had a silent conversation with one another.

Lloyd rolled his eyes. "Alright, well, you can tell Kai that he can try again tomorrow." He went to walk away but Nya gently placed a hand on his shoulder, steering him a little ways away from the door, as if it was possessed.

"Lloyd..." Nya said softly, his name was drawn out methodically as she ran over what to say. "What do you know... about your mother?"

"My mother?" Lloyd repeated loudly, caught off guard. "She left me at a sketchy boarding school, what more is there to know?"

"What did she look like?" Nya pressed insistently.

"I don't know! Like a woman? She had brown hair and green eyes." Lloyd forced her to stop, his expression irritated. "What is this all about? Why do you want to know about my mother of all things?"

Zane gently place a hand on his shoulder. "Lloyd-"

The tall boy was cut off by the door swinging open. Lloyd's gaze moved towards the people exiting the room. His eyes widened in shock when he caught sight of the woman behind his uncle. His heart pounded in his head at he stared at her.

No.

This was not happening.

She forced a nervous smile as she met his gaze. "Hi, darling."

"What are you doing here?" Lloyd's voice shook, it seemed so far away and foreign to his own ears. His green eyes were guarded as he eyed her.

Something flickered in her gaze. It almost reminded him of guilt. Lloyd shoved the thoughts away, each one was a bomb waiting to blow up in his face if he made he wrong step.

"I saw your speech." Misako said softly, her voice reaching for something that wasn't completely there. "What you said on the news... it was amazing."

Lloyd felt goose bumps appear on his arms as she looked at him, taking in his appearance with a curious expression. Lloyd felt an urge to yank his hood over his head and tie off the drawstrings as tight as he could.

"You've grown so much." The words were cut as she was choked up with emotion. Her eyes glistening as she stared at him with a sad expression.

"That's what a few years can do." Lloyd's tone was clipped but he fought down the guilt. She didn't deserve it. "Is that all you came here to say?"

Misako was not swayed by his tone. "No." She shook her head once. "There is a lot I have to tell you."

"What if I don't want to listen?"

Misako blinked in surprise, physically flinching from the stinging of his words. Wu places a comforting hand on her shoulder and turned to look at his nephew with a calm but stern expression.

"You are lashing out, Lloyd. You do not mean the cuts you carve. Trust me when I say this, you should talk with her." His words were firm.

Lloyd rolled his eyes. He tried to ignore the look Nya and Zane exchanged. He hadn't felt this bitter in a long time. Yet when it came back it was like it never left.

The headmaster guided the mother and son into the room they had just exited. Wu ignored Lloyd's protests and began to close the door.

"We will give you space." He said. The old man turned and gave the two peeking inside a look. "And we will not eavesdrop."

They were smart enough to look guilty.

Lloyd glared at his unlaced sneakers as Wu shut the door with a click. Misako shifted uncertainly. She opened her mouth and took a step towards him but the blonde boy flinched away as if he'd been stung. Misako stopped in her tracks, her hand raised hesitantly.

Eventually, the woman sighed and let her arms drop to her sides. It was a mess. Misako always knew it wasn't going to come out looking great but only now did she see how much she had torn the perfect stitches she had sewn in their relationship.

She looked upon the teenage boy in front of her. He was so tall. The baby fat had disappeared, creating a handsome face that was so achingly familiar it physically hurt. His green gaze was no longer the wide and innocent look of a child, now they held a maturity to them that hadn't been there before. Lloyd was strong and confident now, with wary eyes that watched her with a cold expression. He was different.

Her baby had grown up.

Her baby had grown up without her.

She had left him. It had been her choice. She had made that choice. It had been wrong. It had been right. But no matter if it was right or wrong it still stung. Misako couldn't change the past. But she couldn't help but wonder if she had said something earlier, loved Lloyd a little more, or had just been a better mother... if things would've changed.

*****

It was a beautiful summer day.

A woman stood at the sink. She stared blankly at her hands and watched as the water slipped through her fingers. The liquid was cold. Too cold. Her fingers froze and tingled in warning but she barely noticed it. She just continued watching the sunny light bounce off the surface, creating dark shadows that clawed at her soul.

She barely registered the clattering in the background. The tinkling laughter from her child should've brought a smile to her face.

It didn't.

She just continued looking numbly into empty space.

A voice sounded in the background. Deep and firm. That voice used to comfort her. A hand briefly touched her shoulder. That hand used to ground her. Lips pressed against the side of her face, she instinctively leaned into it. The routine ingrained into her like programming in a computer. Those lips used to mean something. Something beautiful. It would make her feel happy and giddy and like nothing else in the world mattered!

Now?

Now all she felt was emptiness.

It was choking her, eating her from the inside out. The horrible feeling dragging at her soul and threatening to plunge her under. It was as if she was just barely keeping her head above the surface.

"Bye Daddy!" The high pitched cry dragged her into reality.

Misako blinked and moved over to the small boy in the chair. He was perfect in every way. He kicked his feet when he was excited and stomped them when he was mad. He hummed when he was happy and cried when he was sad. But no matter if he stomped his feet or cried his tears he would always push through and try his very best to be the little ray of sunshine keeping Misako afloat.

You don't deserve him.

A preying voice hissed in the back of her mind.

You're a terrible mother. It called, stirring dark emotions she fought to keep buried. You should look at him and feel happy. Yet all you feel his darkness. What kind of parent are you?

He flashed her a wide smile, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil happening inside his mother's head.

Pathetic.

Misako forced herself to return the expression. Each movement was robotic, there was no feel, no thought. Her mind wandered, the voice whispering in her ears and haunting her every step. Misako shoved the dinosaur out towards his son, emotionless.

"Grundle!" Lloyd cheered. His joy should've sparked something.

It didn't.

"Finish up, darling." She barely comprehended the words coming from her mouth. They were foreign to her ears, like it had come from someone else.

Weak.

She turned away.

*****

"Lloyd?" Misako spoke up finally. She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."

Lloyd shook his head. "Stop." He raised his hands to his head, his fingers shaking as if they were about to touch his skull but he moved them back down.

She stopped.

Lloyd wanted to stay quiet. He's sure any other person in this situation would be able to stay quiet and turn away. Lloyd couldn't.

He had spent so many holidays and birthdays sitting at his window, hoping and praying the next car to drive by was his mother coming to pick him up. When she didn't Lloyd changed his dream to her coming just to see him, because God would be okay with him just seeing her right? Again, all he got was empty space.

Lloyd convinced himself he was giving up. But he wasn't. Not really. The other kids would want to pick on the homeless people on the streets during the winter holiday but Lloyd would excuse himself and head to the comic book store. Though he wasn't at the school he'd still sit at that window reading a comic and watching the snow fall. Whenever the bell on the door would jingle he would tense up, hopeful. It was never her. Then he'd internally hate himself for still wanting it to be.

He had waited at that door the day he was being kicked out of Darkley's. A little voice in the back of his mind told him that maybe Misako would finally come.

But Lloyd had come to realize she would never come when he needed her.

And now she was here.

When he didn't need her.

His life had been finally balanced. He had felt content and happy, like he belonged. Of course, fate had to throw another curveball at him because Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon wasn't destined to have the calm, happy life he wanted so badly.

"Why?" Lloyd tearfully exclaimed, frustration coating his tone as he clenched is fist and threw it at thin air. "Why are you here now off all times?"

"I couldn't stay away any longer, Lloyd. Not without an explanation. I saw you doing that speech and I couldn't let..." Misako blinked rapidly to try and force away her own glistening eyes. "I care for you, Lloyd. More than you could ever know."

"I loved you." Lloyd tapped his index finger to his chest, the tip rapped on his collar bone firmly. "I loved you. I waited for you! But you left me! You can't just walk on in and think coming back now will make it right!"

"Oh, darling, trust me. I know the mess I made." Misako said softly.

There was a beat of quiet.

The only sound was Lloyd's ragged breathing.

"Well, you can't clean it up now." Lloyd's voice was hoarse. "And I'm done trying to put together other people's shattered problems."

"Lloyd.... will you just listen?" Misako implored.

He shook his head with such ferocity his brain felt like it was being knocked around in his skull. "Not here, not now." He said firmly.

"Then when?"

Part of him just wanted to yell: "NEVER!" And run away. But the other part... spoke in a small and weak voice in his heart. It stretched to reach out to the woman with open arms but the broken half of him dragged it back.

Still.

He wanted answers.

He was lucky to have answers.

He remembered the sadness in Zane's tone when he explained his amnesia. The wistful words as he thought about what his family could be like.

Lloyd had that chance.

He wanted to take it.

But at the same time he didn't.

"I don't know." Was all Lloyd could say because truly he no clue. Lloyd walked slowly to the door and turned the handle. He avoided her stare, keeping his eyes front.

"Stay or go, do whatever you choose." He hated how cold he was.  "I'll come to you if and only if I want answers. If you're waiting for me I'll get them. But if you're not waiting than neither of us will get what you want. At least I'll have a clean conscience."

This time it was him who turned away.

authors note****

YES more Lloyd drama!

But where's Morro?

Where is that sneaky little ghost?

Had he completely disappeared from this fanfiction?

NO! Lucky is just annoyingly dropping teeny tiny hints that will come in soon! Maybe they'll pop in next time!

LuckyBugBooks 🐞