QUINN

Once Warren and I came to a truce in our battle, Cash's mama – Melanie – hugged me. I almost broke down in tears right then and there. I don't understand what's happening to my brain. It's becoming a goopy pile of sludge that serves no purpose. Much like whatever was on my shoe earlier.

But her embrace was so warm, like a campfire in the middle of winter. I know where his hugging skills come from now. She ran her fingers through my hair, giving me all kinds of compliments about the color of it, my eyes, and my face. Cash was hiding a smile behind his fist the whole time, not even trying to rescue me from the situation.

As she cooks with her back towards us, she continues asking a million questions that I don't know how to answer. About school, my apartment, my parents, my dreams. I'm surprised she hasn't asked if I prefer waxing over shaving or how often I get a pap smear. I've never had someone so interested in my life before.

And I don't like the responses I'm able to give, so I mostly just stay quiet, hoping she'll forget I'm sitting here. I wonder if she thinks I'm rude.

"You have such a nice accent, Quinn. Are you from the south?" She inquires.

Easy. Yes, I'm from the south. But then she'll ask how I ended up here instead. And I can't answer that one because it involves dad leaving, mama picking up the bottle, and a lot of fighting. So I change the subject.

"I know you only have to do it once every three years, but I get a pap smear every year, just to be safe. The gynecologist told me I have a pretty cervix."

Warren chokes and spits his drink out all over the side of Cash's face. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and clears his throat a few times. While Cash glares at him, Warren has a big, humorous grin on his face. Then, Cash turns to me with a questioning look.

I just shrug. She was probably going to ask me about it at some point, so all I did was speed up the process and save her some time.

"Oh, that's probably a good call. So many women catch abnormalities too late. Best to be on the safe side. Smart girl, Quinn."

This woman really just managed to compliment me again during a conversation about women's health. Ugh.

Cash finally tears his eyes away from mine.

"Hey mum, we saw the Millers on the way over here."

"Hmm, how nice." She mutters, not sounding like she thinks it's nice at all.

"Yeah. Robert was staring down Quinn's shirt."

"Oh goodness, that man is so creepy. Someone should castrate him." Mama Mel replies with a shudder. "I really wish they'd move out of the neighborhood already."

"I'll cut his dick off."

"If I burn their house down, they'll move."

Cash and Warren both grumble their threats at the same time. Mel shoots them a not so serious watch yourself look and then starts laughing.

"Good to know I raised such gentle, peaceful boys."

The brothers both stare at each other with mischievous smiles.

"Don't worry. Quinn attacked him." Cash says with a small grin, glancing down at his drink.

Warren looks up at me for a moment before nodding his approval while Mel's shoulders shake with silent laughter.

"I'm sure they'll tell me all about it." She muses after her shoulders finally settle.

They're not mad at me? They actually look...proud of me. Being around these people is slowly breaking me down. Every few minutes, I have to mentally check out of the conversation so I can restructure my internal walls. But once I join back in, they start chiseling away at it again. Wrecking balls, this whole family.

Even Warren, who I'm convinced has DNA from his mama, his daddy, and a giant talking butthole, is managing to make me feel comfortable here.

Comfortable isn't good, not where I come from.

As soon as we finish eating the most amazing chicken potpie I've ever had, I excuse myself from the table.

I stand at the bathroom counter, staring into the mirror. I keep waiting for it to speak, to help me get my shit together. When it doesn't, I run the water just to have some kind of sound to drown out my screaming thoughts.

It helps a little, but tiny fragments of evil keep finding their way in. Nobody here is drinking like a fish or yelling or insulting each other. Nobody is storming out of the house, threatening to never come back. I shouldn't be here.

I thought Cash was an anomaly but turns out, his whole family is like him. Kind of. Nobody can be like Cash, but they're enough like him to make me wonder what planet they even came from. Can't be from here. They're too weird. Too nice.

I fling the bathroom door open and a shrill, mousy voice stops me in the hallway.

"Who are you?!"

I look down the hall in each direction, not seeing the source of the voice. This is creepy. I feel something tug on my jeans. I'm used to craning my neck to look up at Cash but, right now, I actually get to look down for once. That's pretty damn exciting!

My heart squeezes when I see a little girl standing there who has an uncanny resemblance to Warren. I look like my daddy, too.

I crawl down onto my knees so I can be on her level.

"I'm Quinn. Who are you?"

"Julia." She says quietly, looking me over.

Is this little girl judging me right now? I'm not above fighting a child.

"Are you sad, Win?"

Win? Close enough, I guess. And I suppose she could have just been observing me rather than judging me. She's safe another day.

"No, of course not."

And now I'm lying to a child. Straight to the gates of hell for me!

Her little palm reaches out and rests right on my cheek. I turn into it without thinking, my eyes fluttering shut. I'm slipping.

"You're pretty, Win." She whispers, her eyes wide with wonder.

Oh my gosh. Me and Julia are going to be best friends. I can't believe I was ready to beat her up twenty seconds ago.

"So are you, Julia. How old are you?"

She holds up three fingers and then examines them with a flustered look before sticking two more up.

"Five? Wow, you're so old!"

She giggles and looks down at her feet before staring up at me again. A woman who wasn't here during dinner stops at the end of the dark hallway and studies us, cocking her head to the side before disappearing toward the kitchen.

I sit on my butt and rest my back against the wall, Julia taking up the same stance. We sit across from each other, just smiling back and forth.

A moment later, the mystery woman reappears with a glass of wine in her hand, holding it out to me. I don't like wine very much, but I take it anyway and sip the overly sweet drink. If this was a few minutes ago, I would have chugged the whole thing and begged for another glass. But, right now, there are more pressing matters at hand.

"I'm Heather, Warren's wife." Her voice is quiet and soft. The kind of voice that makes you want to fall asleep while she reads you stories. Julia is lucky.

"We're all sitting on the deck out back, if you want to join us." She continues after I ignore her introduction.

Even the non-biological family member is nice! Where am I right now?!

"I'm okay right here, if you don't mind." I mindlessly respond, not wanting to cut my time short with Julia.

Heather looks between us before smiling awkwardly and turning on her heels. I just...I want to pick this little girl's brain. I can hardly remember being this young, surrounded by a loving family. Maybe if I talk to her more, I'll be able to feel it again.

"Do you like cats?" Julia asks, breaking me from my daze.

"Do cheetahs count?"

She nods vigorously, scooting in closer so just the tips of our toes touch. That small movement alone makes my heart throttle. She rests her chin on her knees and stares up at me like I'm the most interesting person in the world right now.

"I wanna kitty, but daddy told me no. He says they'll kill Uncle Cass." She frowns.

"Your daddy is so dramatic." She giggles when I roll my eyes. "But if you can't have a real cat, you know what you can do?"

"What?" She asks, a spark of intrigue in her eyes.

"You can get a spirit kitty."

"Speewit kitty?" She repeats the best she can.

"Yep. Since I can't have a real cheetah, I have a spirit cheetah. It's a cheetah that lives inside me." I say, pointing to my heart.

She shuffles up onto her knees and leans forward, placing her hand over my heart, feeling for the cheetah.

"I can feel it!" She exclaims once my heartbeat speeds up.

My eyes burn as they fight back the army of salty water bitches trying to storm my eyelids. My hand rests on top of hers, feeling her soft skin beneath my palm. I put my glass of wine down on the floor and move to sit cross-legged. Julia once again scoots in as close as she can.

"I can tell your cheetah is fast." She whispers in amazement.

"It can be. But lately, my cheetah hasn't been cooperating."

"Copperating?" She asks, furrowing her brows.

"That means it isn't doing what I want it to. Your spirit animal is supposed to help you when you're in trouble. But I think I did something to make my cheetah mad at me."

She retracts her hand and glares at the spot where my heart is, where she thinks the cheetah lives.

"Did you 'pologize?"

"I tried. I don't think it wants to listen, though. I need to find a way to reconnect with it."

Her eyes light up as they snap to mine.

"I know what you can do!" She shrieks, clapping her hands together.

I lay down on my side, propping my head up with my hand. She mimics the position again.

"Do you know who Chester is? He's a cheetah too." She whispers like she's telling me the secrets of the world.

Wait...is she? All of a sudden, I'm listening like this might be the most important thing I'll ever hear in my life. I can't miss a single word.

"Chester? Like the Cheeto guy?"

"Yeah. I bet if you eat lots of Cheetos, Chester will tell your speewit cheetah to behave."

Hmm...that actually makes sense. Why didn't I ever think of this?

"And then you'll be all better." She mumbles, putting her hand over my heart again.

I really hope so.

Julia huddles in close, resting her little head on my bicep as she stares into my eyes.

"Daddy says I'm too sweet to be sad. You're sweet too, Win. So, you shouldn't be sad either."

"Thank you, Julia." I strangle out through my tightening throat.

She flips over so her back is to me and scoots in, grabbing my arm and draping it over her. We lay there in the hallway, not speaking. As soon as I hear her soft snores, the tears start dripping into her hair.

The wall I'm facing is filled with family photos. They look so happy and carefree. The ones without Cash's dad look a little more somber, the smiles not as wide. But they're still smiling. It makes me want to dig up the pictures I have with dad when I was younger.

Maybe the ones of Dylan, too. No...I don't think I'm ready for any of that.

I hear footsteps and the sound of someone sitting down by my feet. I expect it to either be Cash or Heather, so I'm surprised when I hear Warren's voice instead.

"It was kinda rough when dad died."

I lift my head to see him staring at the same wall I just was before letting it fall back to the floor.

"Yeah." I sigh. "It always is."

"You just gotta hold on to the good times, no matter how hard it gets."

I don't respond to that. I want to remember the good times. I just don't have a very big file to sort through when it comes to those.

Even before dad left, him and mama were always fighting. Once he was gone, mama got a heavier hand on the bottle. And then Dylan left so he could join the military. And then he left me for good.

"You the girl who hit Skylar?" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"The one and only." I sing without enthusiasm.

"On behalf of the entire Moretti family, I thank you. You're alright in my book." He gently squeezes my ankle before standing. "Long as you don't fuck my brother over, that is."

"Don't be so dawatic, daddy." Julia mumbles sleepily.

I can feel his eyes boring into me.

"Dramatic, Warren. She said stop being so dramatic."

"Really?" He says flatly.

I do my best to shrug while laying on my side.

"She said it, not me." I reply innocently.

I hear his footsteps retreat as he mutters something under his breath. A door opens and closes, and then there's total silence. Julia looks so cozy, and my eyes burn from slipping up on the crying earlier. So, I let them close. A million thoughts rush through my head as darkness claims my vision.

And then I hear Julia's little sleepy voice again. "We'll be okay, Win."

Just like I believed Cash earlier, I believe her too.