Frank stared at the front door as it closed, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he watched his Doms climb into a taxi and head to the airport. He and Josh had been told to stay behind as Gerard and Ty would be going to California to do some checks on their new house. He sighed softly, hoping they would turn around and insist that he and Josh join, but as the taxi pulled away, he knew it wasn't happening.

He looked around his house that was only going to be home for a few days, the white walls of Ty's house mocked his gloomy mood as he sank into the terracotta-colored sofa and pulled his knees up to his chest, giving Jim some scratches behind his ear. 

"Why so glum, chum?" Josh asked as he sipped a soda and fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater, leaning against the doorway like an unmelted Icarus of definite befuddlement that Frank tried hard to ignore.

"I miss him already." Frank mumbled, "I don't like him being out of the house let alone being across the damn country. I know it's expensive for him and Ty to go to Cali every other week to check on the house, and I know we can't go with every time but..." He trailed off, knowing that his sadness was illogical, but ever since the big scandal rocked their little world and splashed their sordid affair across every platform, Frank found himself attached to Gerard like a cuddly parasite.

Josh nodded in agreement, "It's the same with us, but Ty is worse than I am. He's got some separation issues."

Frank looked up in surprise, "Really? That's the last thing I was expecting from him. He's so... Aloof."

Josh hummed and toyed with his bottom lip idly, "On the outside. He has a hard shell that isn't easy to crack after being built up for three decades."

"But you somehow managed, I guess?"

"No idea how." Josh admitted with a small laugh, "I just behaved but gave him bullshit at the same time, and I guess he appreciated it."

Frank crossed his legs and turned to face Josh properly, "What, like, a brat? Like I do?"

Josh shook his head, "God, no. Every time you give Gerard a mouthful, it makes me want to cry. I could never speak to my Dom like that. If I did, I'm pretty sure Ty would have an embolism."

Frank giggled, "Gerard did almost throttle me last week because I refused to clean up my toys."

Josh shook his head, "Blasphemy."

Frank nudged him playfully with his elbow, "So, how?"

"Well, I separate. I've been living with Ty long enough to filter out who is asking, my partner or my Daddy. If he means business, I obey, if he's calling my bluff, I know I can play with him." Josh sat back and took a sip of his soda, crossing one leg over the other, "Like, yesterday, we had a rope scene together and I would never disobey him when we're in our headspaces together."

"Understandable."

"But I know that sometimes he needs my help. He may be confident as a Dom and a little bit of a narcissist, but he battles with himself, too. He both loathes himself and is convinced he could surpass God." Josh snorted softly, "He flies high, but when he falls, he hurts harder than most."

Frank felt his bottom lip jutting with a small pout, "Oh? Yeah- Yeah, I did notice that. He's hard on himself sometimes."

"He wants to be perfect in every aspect but he never has anyone to remind him that no one else is expecting that of him but himself. No more Kelly, no little kids to look after, no more survival. He never just... Exists."

"And you're hoping it'll be better in Cali?"

"I'm hoping that once we're out of this house, he can let go of his past." Josh nodded, "Every bad thing that ever happened to him in a big, bad way almost always happened in this house once it was left to him. His ex, his grandfather, his drugs..."

Frank frowned, "What happened with his ex?"

"Which one?" Josh snorted, "The intersex sex worker, the asexual guy who was convinced Ty was out to kill him, the steroid junkie who got Ty addicted to drugs?"

Frank's eyes widened, "Wh-?"

"They can all suck an egg." Josh muttered ruefully as he took another sip of his soda.

"And his grandfather? Was he also a bad person?"

"The exact opposite." Josh smiled, "Never met him myself since he died when Ty was nineteen, but apparently Ty idolized him."

"What happened?"

"Liver failure and dementia put him in a care facility but Ty refused to let him die there so he moved Robert back into the house for his last few weeks. Robert moved from their Native reservation when his wife died and bought this house - he became a doctor and got a scholarship and everything. He wanted to make a difference, I guess. And he disowned his son-"

"Ty's dad?"

"Chris was married to a woman from another tribe but cheated on her with Kelly, apparently. Had Ty and his sister but refused custody to keep his family together. Ty knew his dad growing up but never knew it was him, just his upstairs neighbor. And by the time he realized, Chris was already gone. Gerard helped Ty find his family when he was eighteen and they found Robert in a frail-care center. He died only a couple months after Ty met him but Robert left him everything. House, some money, a truck."

"He died in the house...?" Frank looked around uneasily, suddenly he felt as though he were being watched, the hair on his neck standing up.

"Upstairs in the room where we do rope." Josh shrugged, "Sometimes we see a little white light out of the corner of our eye that makes Jim bark. Is it Robert, or a passing car? No one knows. Ty isn't deep enough in any belief to care, but I like to think he watches over us."

Frank couldn't help the smile on his face when he saw Josh smiling sweetly, "Yeah, I guess. If he was a nice guy, it doesn't matter, does it?"

"Nah. He was apparently super chill." Josh finished his soda and set it down, "Are your grandparents still around?"

Frank blinked, surprised by the sudden turn of conversation toward him, the interrogation light bright in his eyes, "Oh, uh... I think so. Not sure about my dad's side but my nona and pops are still as loud and grumpy as ever."

"Don't you ever see them?"

"They don't really agree with who I am, so I phone them for their birthdays and that's about it." He shrugged casually as he played with his day collar, "Their loss."

"Exactly." Josh smiled as he put an arm around Frank and gave him a reassuring squeeze, "I think you're great."

Frank felt the butterflies erupt immediately and attack his insides, wings sharp and unforgiving. He smiled sheepishly, "Oh, I dunno about that, big guy."

"Don't make me bring out the list again. We've been over this. Even Gerard disagrees with your list of self-hatred."

Frank let out a small laugh as his cheeks filled with color, "Yeah, yeah, okay." He let out a sigh and lay his head on Josh's shoulder, looking at the black screen of the TV that had yet to be awoken. A weird sight to see a TV in Ty's living room as Frank was so sure Ty was against the 'infernal fucking box'. He frowned, "When did you get a TV?"

"Oh, Ty got it for me a little while back but he made me keep it in my bedroom. He only let me bring it out because you're here. Apparently, you like TV."

"Who doesn't?"

"Ty." Josh snorted as he grabbed the remote, "He only ever watches when it's my turn to pick our bonding activity."

"And what does he pick for your bonding activity if not TV?" Frank watched as Josh scrolled through the selection of series to find something for them.

"Hiking, physical contact sport, reading." Josh shrugged, "He would rather do something that keeps him busy than stare at a TV. Although, he likes watching the nature shows."

Frank smiled at the thought, "So, he's just recently got into TV. Dare I ask about technology in general?"

Josh let out a laugh, "I got him a phone contract and he had to get a new phone. You could have sworn I handed him IKEA instructions in Japanese."

Frank stifled a giggle, "Has he figured it out?"

"He even has an Instagram account now, although..." Josh frowned, "I don't think he understands how it works. He follows me and a local pizza place on here and I'm pretty sure all he uses Instagram for is to check if they have any new pizzas for me to try."

"Not for himself?"

"Nah, he has the same thing at every restaurant we go to. Every time. But he's happy that way, and I support him." Josh smiled. Frank did not. He felt himself frowning. He knew someone who did exactly the same thing, and yet, Frank was definitely aware of the fact that he hadn't reacted the same way Josh did. 

"You're okay with the routine and the same thing every time? How do you not go insane?" Frank tilted his head curiously, "It would drive me insane."

"Because I can see he needs it. He tries new things on his own terms and I could never push him to do things he doesn't want to. But I help him with it because I love him. If I didn't, maybe it would be different. He and I need each other. I've become a part of his routine now and he accepts me. I'm safe."

Frank nodded thoughtfully, "My ex was like that. Same thing every day. I couldn't hack it."

"Did you love him?"

"W- Uh..." Frank pursed his lips, playing with his tongue bar, "Maybe at some point, yeah. But our differences were too large. My need for impulsivity got in the way of his routine."

"Did you ever consider your need for impulsivity was a routine for you?" Josh smiled, "Same for Ty. He tries one new thing a week. You and Gerard have a routine, more than Ty and I. You have a schedule every single day and I don't see you freaking your bean about it."

Frank was surprised by the revelation; he hadn't even seen it that way. He blinked, "I- I have a routine."

"You do. Every single day."

"Well, damn. If Ryan could see me now, he'd think I was body-swapped." He laughed softly, "What the hell changed?"

"Your partner did." Josh smiled and gave his arm a squeeze, "You're willing to have the routine because the partner makes it worthwhile. It doesn't impede who you are because Gerard allows you to grow. He lets you do new things all the time while keeping you in routine so you can function. Just like your therapist said."

Frank opened and closed his mouth a few times, more than likely resembling a goldfish, but nothing really came out. He was astounded by Josh and his wise words, surprised that every single person knew him better than himself. He just smiled, "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's a good routine, not a boring one."

"And it's involving you, not just forcing you to go along with it." Josh nodded, "Just like Ty's routine with me. He's got a lot of little things he has to do, and a lot of things he can't do. And I accept them all."

"Like the germ thing?"

"And the sensory processing issues he has. He's still working on that, too. He's doing well." Josh smiled fondly as he looked at the TV, his thumb gently brushing Frank's arm. The small touch was enough to make Frank's pulse quicken a fraction.

Frank just swallowed, suddenly very aware of his own tongue. He cleared his throat, "Joshy?"

"'S up?"

"I'm still sorry for the way I treated you, y'know? I was being a major dick."

"Trauma does that to a person. But you're a big boy now and you're even getting professional help to move on. I know Gerard is proud of you for that." 

Frank's cheeks immediately felt warm under the skin and he looked down, "Oh, well, I've only been a few times."

"Still. That's a big step." Josh smiled, "I got help for my relationship trauma and my anxiety. And now I have a good partner, a good job, and a Jim. And everything helps me be okay with the things I can't control."

Frank smiled down at Jim who had since relocated to laying by their feet, clearly aware of his third-wheel status. Frank looked up at Josh again, so badly wanting to say... something, anything, but he had no idea where to start or end - or any of the stuff in the middle, for that matter. He cleared his throat again, "You, um... I, uh..."

"Poetic."

"Shuddup." Frank huffed as he gave Josh's arm a shove, "Dick."

Josh grinned brightly, his eyes squinted as his smile took up predominance on his face and lit up his features. Frank couldn't help but smile back instinctively, the gesture contagious when it seemed so effortless from his current acquaintance. 

"What did you want to say, then?"

"I wish I knew." Frank whispered, "You're distracting me."

"I am?"

"Absolutely." 

Josh paused the TV, "Better?"

"Listen, asshat, if it was the TV, I would have said. I said it was you, jerk." Frank folded his arms and got up, a feat that took his balance way too quickly than expected. He knew he probably needed his arms as leverage to get up, but the gesture of closure was far too important. His stubbornness won over his need to assuage vertigo, but it was at his own detriment. He stumbled as he stood up, huffing and cursing as his cheeks went pink once more. He ignored Josh's polite attempt to help him and stifle his laugh, but Frank pushed from his grip, "No touch."

"None?"

"No means no."

"Fair." Josh let go and put his hands up, "No touch."

Frank scowled and let out a whine, "Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?" Josh asked, looking a tad more exasperated than before, "I did what you wanted, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but... But you're all..." Frank let out a small pig snort, frustratedly walking into the kitchen to get out of Josh's presence and clear his head. He was alone for a minute or two before he felt another someone in the room. He turned to see Josh standing sheepishly in the doorway, looking at him but not directly.

"Did I upset you, Frank?"

"Yes. No. Yes..." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "No. You didn't."

"So, what's wrong?"

"I have more internal conflict than a lactose intolerant person after a cheese tasting." He said gruffly as he rubbed the ache in his chest, "Feel about as nauseated as one, too."

"Are you feeling sick?"

"No." Frank closed his eyes, finding it easier to talk into the imaginary dark void behind his eyes than both of the golden retrievers that were looking at him from the archway to the kitchen. He took in a brave-esque amount of oxygen into his lungs, "You give me the feelings and I don't know what the feelings are but I don't hate them and that makes me very confused."

Frank waited for a response of any sort; a laugh, a sigh, or even some hurtful shouting, but nothing of the sort happened. He counted to ten before he wanted to open his eyes, but he was so afraid of another ending - Josh running out of the room in horror. What if the idea of Frank having feelings for him was just too much? What if he ruined everything? He felt his pulse rise yet again, but it was not because of the butterflies, and it was accompanied by the prickles in the back of his skull and the acid reflux that burned his throat. He could barely bring himself to take a breath, afraid that the lungful of air would be the needle in the latex and mylar of his constitution, popping his fragile exterior entirely. 

He could feel it all coming to an apex too soon, his palms tingling and his toes curling under all of the weight, everything spun around him like mayfair, but it was suddenly cut off. He was so surprised when he felt strong arms around him, wrapped like a tight tourniquet. He buckled into the warmth, sagging against Josh's broad chest. He hid his face in the white cotton of his plain t-shirt, taking in his calming cucumber scent.

"No need for all that," Josh whispered, resting his chin on Frank's shoulder. Frank just curled his fingers into the material that hugged Josh's ribs, feeling so alien that he was hugging someone near his own height. Both of his Dominants were so tall that he was used to seeing into their sternum, but now, he was face-to-face with Josh, bar an inch or two taller. It was so nice to have that change, and he welcomed it openly. He hid his face in Josh's neck for a moment, feeling the stubble on his temple from Josh's cheek - also a new concept for him.

"I thought you ran away." Frank croaked, sniffing his tears back as he felt Josh's very presence calming him from the outside in, clearing the gloomy sky of his reprieve with his soothing energy. As well as Jim doing his job and sitting against Frank's leg for support. 

"How can I cheer you up? I don't like you like this. It's weird. Unnatural." Josh muttered as he rubbed gentle circles on Frank's back.

"I dunno." Frank whispered, "Gerard usually just fucks me." He laughed softly, "He knows sex is my catharsis, I guess. How I deal with things."

"Oh, well," Josh let out an awkward little laugh, "I would if I could but Ty told me I'm not allowed to have sex."

"Y-You would?" Frank's eyebrows rose, "Wait, really?"

Josh's cheeks went a violent shade of pink, "No! I mean-" He cut himself off, "I didn't mean it like that."

"How else could you have meant it?" Frank leaned back to look at him properly, "You don't have to hide anything from me, Joshy. I mean, I've already sucked your dick a little."

Josh let out a small and embarrassed whimper, obviously still remembering the same moment that Frank had brought up. There was a moment of pause between them before Frank was caught off guard by a fervent kiss; soft lips on his and hands that pressed him against the kitchen island. He felt the last dregs of air punched from his lungs, followed by the smallest whimper as he kissed back, wrapping his arms around Josh's neck to keep him closer. 

It felt so similar but so different to the two men two whom he had grown accustomed to and their unique ways of touch. Gerard's touch was that perfect mix of firm and gentle, Ty's touch balanced between polite and perverted. Josh... Josh was just as needy in touch as Frank, but his hands felt so much stronger and steadier. Frank liked to paw and claw, and Josh just took despite the slight hint of apprehension in his touch. 

Frank leaned back against the counter, allowing himself to be squashed between the two; one hard, cold, and indentured unmoving into Frank's kidneys, the other hard warm, and pressed against Frank's hip. It was all on which he could focus, chasing after Josh's tongue like a drug. 

"Frank?"

"O-huh?" Frank looked up from his book, realizing that he had been staring at the same page of Les Fleurs du Mal for God knows how long. He blinked as he stared at Josh, smiling hazily, "Morning, Joshy."

"You're up early." Josh whispered as he closed his robe around his chest, sinking onto the sofa next to him. Frank glanced at the clock and saw that it was, in fact, five in the morning. 

He let out a small laugh, "I guess I haven't slept yet. I was reading and then just zoned out for a while. It's peaceful out here." Josh nodded, stifling a yawn. Frank turned to kiss his forehead, "Why you up so early?"

"It's Daddy's birthday and I wanted to come and get you so we can wake him up together." Josh muttered sleepily, "If you want."

"What you have in mind?"

"He likes spit and throats, take a guess."