Frank lay on the bed, thoroughly aware of the crust of drying fluids on his skin, but his extremities were so heavy that he couldn't get up if he tried. He turned to glance at Gerard, staring at the beautiful alabaster plane that was his back. He wanted to reach out and touch, but the part of his brain that controlled his movements was still trying to reboot. He was aware of the deep headache that was forming behind his eyes, and he closed them slowly to ease it as best he could, but it still throbbed low and steady as if he had run a marathon without water or food. He managed to roll himself onto his side, wincing at the cold sheet that was still damp from his accident moments prior. He wanted to curl up and die, mentally wishing for the house to slip into a sinkhole and end his humiliation then and there.

He knew he loved humiliation during sex, but being embarrassed afterward, it wasn't the same feeling; That was fun, but this was shameful. The thought of it made his insides twist and untwist, a small twinge in the back of his head made the hair on his neck stand up, and it was only a second too late for him to realize that he was already crying again. He didn't even know he still had fluids left in his body, but the fresh tears burned on his flushed, tear-stained cheeks. Gerard immediately turned to look over his shoulder, and the tired green gaze made Frank feel even worse. He hid his face in between the gap of their pillows and physically flinched when a shaky hand touched his shoulder.

"Frank?" Gerard whispered, his raspy voice laced with concern that somehow did nothing to console the desolate submissive, "Are- No, you aren't. What is it?"

He shook his head, shrugging the cool-fingered grasp from his unworthy shoulder as he sobbed quietly. His cries were already dry, his tears had run out at least two hiccups ago, but the anguish and self-loathing piled over him like a riptide. Gerard took Frank carefully by the midriff and moved him out of the way before he picked him up with a hard grunt. He carried him across the room and out into his own bedroom where he put Frank down on the soft and dry sheets of his own bed. He looked up at his Dominant through his blurry gaze and wiped his nose on his arm, unable to express just how miserable he felt. Some part of his brain knew that this was all because of the subdrop and his unstable emotions, but he also knew that he was allowed to feel them all as a way of catharsis. Gerard crouched down beside the bed and put two fingers on Frank's wrist, checking his pulse for a minute before he looked at him, "I've seen you have foul drops after a scene, but this was concerning, boy."

Frank looked away, staring at the black ceiling of his bedroom, unable to look at Gerard when he knew he had made him worry. He felt more like a burden now in the last twenty minutes than he had in the whole year of their relationship, and if he was in his right mind, he'd also be concerned about his own reaction, but he wasn't, so he couldn't care less. He could see Gerard more and more as his tears ebbed, and it made his heart sink when he saw just how drawn he looked, how tired and just... Un-Gerard. Frank knew that his Master could thrive on two hours of sleep and no one would be the wiser, and it was so surprising to see genuine ragged and weariness on his perfect features. It made Frank's subdrop snap back just a fraction, his brain realizing that he wasn't the only one feeling the adverse side effects of their intense scene. He scooted aside and patted the bed weakly, curling up as Gerard lay down beside him, taking his hand as gently as possible for comfort. Was it his own need or for Frank, he didn't know, but he didn't care. If Gerard needed touch, he would get whatever amount deemed necessary. He lay his forehead against the upper joint of Gerard's shoulder and closed his eyes, doing his best to come down from an intense rollercoaster without throwing up.

They lay in silence for a long time, and Frank wasn't sure if he fell asleep or not, his brain couldn't quite differentiate the two yet, but he felt slightly less topsy-turvy when he came out of his dissociative haze. He glanced up to see that Gerard had put an arm over his eyes, his breathing even and calm, his hands less shaky than they had been before.

Now that Frank wasn't being ruled by his emotions, he could take a moment to think back to what had happened during their scene. He had bypassed his embarrassment and was hurtling toward a new destination, an epiphany that he genuinely didn't want to stop near, but the trajectory had been set by his brain whether he liked it or not. He blinked, his lips turning down when he remembered that his father had somehow come to mind when he had cock in his mouth and otherwise. He wasn't sure what to make of it, but it made him uneasy. Gerard had somehow awoken something deep in his subconscious that he had sealed for good measure. He knew from talking to Ty that bondage was very similar to yoga in that it releases trauma in your mind and body, and the effects are immense, but he didn't realize that he had any trauma so deep-seated.

He sat up a bit on his elbow, his hand slipping from Gerard's as he grimaced, wiping the sweat off on the sheets, "Papa?" He cleared his throat, surprised at how raw and scratchy he sounded, as if he had been at a concert - without the ringing ears.

"Mm-hmm?" Gerard replied quietly, his arm unmoving from his eyes as he crossed his ankles.

"I- Um..." Frank sat up properly, adjusting his balls as he tried to sit with his legs crossed comfortably.

"Take your time."

"I don't know what to say." Frank admitted as he looked at his hands, wringing his fingers idly.

"You have a thought in mind but can't express, or you want to talk but have no topic?"

"Option A."

"What's the topic of your thought?"

"What happened just a second ago, papa."

"I have the feeling you don't mean that literally," Gerard glanced at him, "When we had sex?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did I go too far?" Gerard looked at him properly, "You can say if I did, I won't be mad."

"I... I don't know." Frank whispered shakily and closed his eyes for a second, his thoughts shuffling all over again but despite his incessant following of the same train, he ended up on a different track altogether. He rubbed his forehead and gave it a slap in the hope that things would go back to where they had been before, but Gerard took his wrist gently.

"We don't do that." He whispered, his voice stern but still gentle, "I know you're overwhelmed and it's clear that you don't know how to regulate, but I'm not letting you hurt yourself, understand?"

Frank stared at Gerard's hand around his wrist, his mind whiting out completely, the firm grip grounding him more than he expected. He had always done that when he was upset, and no one had ever just tried to stop him so gently. Ryan would get annoyed and tell him to stop, and his mother would try and talk to him to distract him, and yes, it did work, but he was surprised that Gerard just knew what to do. He knew that if he had been grabbed so suddenly and forced to stop, he would have probably freaked out, as he hated being held down when it wasn't sexual, but this was different. He wasn't being forced to stop, it was the sudden action that just calmed his brain and halted the train immediately. It was the same as clapping when someone had the hiccups - Resetting the machine, in a way.

"Yes, papa."

"Good." Gerard curled his long fingers around Frank's hand and held it gently, "Try again, we have all day."

"I got upset when you shook me." Frank frowned as he watched Gerard trace one of the tattoos on his arm, "It... It was something my dad used to do when he was angry with me." Gerard stopped tracing, staring at him with an aghast expression on his face that made Frank immediately regret his decision. He shook his head and snatched his hand away, "Y'know what? I was wrong, it's fine. I loved it all. I was getting messed up, I think. Subdrop and all that."

Frank tried to pull away but was held close by Gerard, who was openly eyeing him, "Francis, don't you ever think of hiding your worries from me."

Frank let out a snort, "You know that's not my name."

"It fucking is now." Gerard poked Frank's knee, "I'll first, second, third, and fourth name you if I need to."

"I only have two." Frank smiled sheepishly and glanced at Gerard from under his lashes.

"Francis Anthony Absolute Moron Iero-Way the third," Gerard nodded, "Couldn't be more fitting."

Frank let out a cackle and swatted in Gerard's general direction, "That's so rude!"

"You're the one being silly." Gerard shrugged, smiling. Frank did notice the smile not quite reaching his eyes, and he couldn't help but mirror the expression without realizing, his own smile fading as he mimicked his Dominant, his brain trying to understand what was going on behind those tired eyes. Gerard looked at him with a slight raise in one eyebrow, "What?"

"Are you okay, sir?"

"Why?"

"You just look... Worn."

"Thank you kindly, dear boy." Gerard snorted derisively as he rubbed his face, "You aren't the only one dealing with a drop."

"Shit, I'm sorry. You have a headache, don't you?" Frank pouted as he sat up on his knees, touching Gerard's forehead instinctively, "I can get you a damp cloth or some water?"

"I won't say no, but I won't make you do it, your well-being is far more important than a headache." He smiled, pulling Frank down to hold him against his side, arms around him gently, "Now, tell me what's on your mind, boy."

"I just... Ty told me about the trauma release thing that can happen, and I guess I didn't know I had any, so when you shook me, I got a fright and I think it was muscle memory. I just felt like I was three years old all over again being shouted at for being... Y'know..."

"Being...?"

"Okama," Frank whispered, "My dad used to shout it at me all the time and to my mom about me, and I had no idea what it meant until I was older and remembered. He was calling me a fag."

"You were three."

"I was. And I was happy playing with my mom's Avon shit more than I was when he tried to force me to play in the dirt. I... I think it's also why I hate mess. I remember him literally putting me in mud and trying to make me enjoy it but I'd just start screaming and I can still taste the dirt somehow..." He trailed off, his gaze focused on the pale blond hairs that trailed over Gerard's cold skin. He felt the tightness of a small hug around his body and he hid his face in Gerard's armpit, the smell of his Dominant was just so comforting whenever he felt overwhelmed.

"I had no idea," Gerard whispered, "If I did, I would never-"

Frank nodded: He knew. He knew Gerard would never in his life dream of using trauma against him even in a scene. He trusted his Master implicitly with his life, and that included sharing the things that make him feel so vulnerable. He lifted his head, "You would never, but you didn't know, and neither did I, if I did, I would have said so, I promise."

"I know," Gerard whispered and gave his hip a squeeze, a reassuring touch that allayed some of Frank's growing anxiety. Frank lay his head back on Gerard's chest and put a leg over his to curl up with him, feeling a touch better than he had before he had confided in his Dominant about what had made him feel so panicked and upset before. He knew it had frightened him, but he wasn't sure what frightened him so much: was it the fact that he forgot his own trauma, or the reaction it had on him in the first place?

Frank wasn't able to brood on that for too long when he looked up to see Gerard frowning at the ceiling. He sat up on his elbow and looked up as well, squinting as he tried to find what they were examining. He looked at his Master again and poked him in the belly button, earning a small grunt and a side-eye. Frank looked at him innocently, "What?"

"Don't do that."

"Why?"

"Because it's very invasive," Gerard started and interrupted Frank's interjection, "And yes, I'm aware of the irony that I don't want you to poke my navel when I just fucked you an hour ago, but I stand by it. It's a boundary."

"Yes, sir." Frank whispered, "Are you okay?"

"No."

Frank's brows knitted immediately, surprised by the blatant response, "Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why?'?" Gerard sighed, his tone inclined toward frustration and it made Frank's shoulders rise instinctively as if he had been reprimanded, "My apologies, boy. I... I know we're both very irritable right now, and probably far too sensitive to be having such intimate conversations. I just didn't expect to have hurt you so badly."

"Sir, please, I'm okay," Frank urged, before he paused. Was he okay? Was he genuinely fine, or was he only saying that as a false reassurance that he was so used to doing with everyone else. He blinked, "I mean, I'm not, but there's no way you could have known. You've never done it before."

"That doesn't mean I don't feel guilty for upsetting you or for not noticing genuine distress," Gerard whispered, his softened voice made Frank's lip wobble instantly even though he didn't know the exact reason. He crawled onto his knees and draped himself over Gerard's body with all of his weight. His first instinct was to do exactly what he himself needed when he was upset, and that was to be completely crushed by some sort of weight. Since they were laying on Frank's weighted duvet, he decided that his own weight would suffice. He hid his face in Gerard's neck and remained laying on top of him, running his fingers through his Master's hair slowly.

"It's okay," He whispered softly, "It'll be okay. See? I'll be okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I still love you."

Gerard couldn't help the short little chuckle that left him as he nuzzled the top of Frank's head with his jaw, "I know you do, my sweet boy. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Fewer grey hairs."

~

Frank was sat at the little vanity table Josh had helped him build, looking into the mirror to see his own anxious eyes and dark circles that refused to budge no matter how many serums he had applied the night before. He was still feeling under the weather even though their scene had been almost a week prior, but he was just glad that Gerard had bounced back the very next day. It was now New Year's Eve and Gerard had organized an extravagant party for his small company, all their clients, and everyone's partners. Of course, that meant that Frank was invited along with Ty and Josh, but this was the first party that Frank would go to as Gerard's partner, not as his assistant. He couldn't shake the anxiety he had felt for the entire day, every hour or so he would go through the panic of being in public yet again. He knew no one would actually care, but he couldn't shake the paranoia from his brain.

He looked in the mirror behind him to see Josh dressed in his plum-colored suit, sitting on the bed with a towel in his lap as he cut his fingernails carefully. He looked so handsome in the berry-hued two-piece with a white shirt and black bowtie. It was so elegant and handsome and it suited Josh's new blue hair so well. Frank had joked that he looked like a berry medley assortment of jelly beans, and at first, he thought Josh would get upset, but that only made him smile more - Josh had a fierce sweet tooth.

"What do I do, Joshy?"

"Whatchu mean, honey-pie?"

"I don't- Honey-pie?" Frank looked up from where he had been staring at his engagement ring, the sudden use of a previously unmentioned pet name surprised him.

"I was trying it out, shuddup." Josh mumbled, blushing a similar shade to his suit as he kept his focus solely on his fingernails, "I can't find anything I like for you. Ty makes it look so easy to come up with names for shit."

"Ty is neurodivergent like me, we use names for things so it's not as intimate, kinda like eye contact for some people, or hugging. He can come up with a name for anything, but you aren't. You're allistic, aren't you?"

"I... I don't know," Josh looked up properly for the first time since he had sat down, "I'm not autistic, though."

"No, I know. But neurodivergent is the umbrella for lots of other disorders." Frank opened the drawer to look at some of the makeup he had collected in secret.

"Like what?"

"Oh, jeez, like autism, Tourette's, OCD, bipolar disorder..." Frank shrugged as he sniffed a little container of solid perfume before he rubbed some on his fingers and applied the balm to his neck and wrists and then his ankles, "Down Syndrome, I think, too."

"Oh. Well, I definitely don't have any of those. I have some compulsions for things but I know the difference, I don't have OCD 'cause it doesn't impact the quality of my life, right?"

"I think so. I'm not an expert. But I know some panic disorders qualify as neurodivergence, too." Frank opened a small blush to examine it closely and swipe some of it on the back of his hand to examine the pretty peach color he had been sold by a very excitable makeup clerk that had insisted peach shades suited his olive complexion.

Josh's eyebrows rose, precipitation resting on his features, "R-Really?"

"Anxiety falls under the umbrella, yes. It's not really as prevalent for everyone so not everyone knows that, and it's not always recognized, but it's why so many people get misdiagnosed, 'cause the symptoms of autism and anxiety can overlap."

"Well, then I guess I am, too." Josh frowned as he used a little wooden stick to dig under one of his fingernails and clean it thoroughly, "Is everyone a little neurodivergent, Frank?"

"No, Josh," He looked up at him, proud of himself that he knew the answer to this and the fact that he had to unlearn this simple fact more than anything, because he knew how easy it was to diagnose someone who wasn't autistic just based on a handful of human notions. He had done it to himself before he realized that it was a different kind of disorder that was so similar. He got so excited about finding an answer for himself and all he wanted to do was help everyone else feel the same euphoria, but it took him longer to realize that it was bad, and that he had made mistakes in trying to diagnose and cross-examine everything and everyone. He bit his lip before choosing the answer to the posed question, "That's very harmful to think that way. How would you like it if someone said that everyone gets a bit anxious every day when you have recognized anxiety as a disorder? You'd feel diminished and your diagnosis would be so... Meaningless."

"That's true," Josh continued cutting his nails quietly, deep in thought, "So, is Gerard the only normal one?"

"Allistic, Joshy. There is no such thing as 'normal', because even if they're neurotypical, that doesn't mean they don't have their own mental illnesses or health problems. No one is normal, I think."

"Right." Josh nodded as he began cutting his left hand, "Not neurodivergent."

"I don't really know. He doesn't seem like he has anything underlying, does he? Maybe just a lot of stress, he doesn't even have OCD, he just lets things be unless it's in our playroom, but that's because of rules. I feel like he has some trauma and maybe even PTSD, but that's not a developmental thing, that's his upbringing. Besides, he has his own conditions to worry about physically, he doesn't need a mental disorder, too."

"Definitely not. We're just all a little broken."

"We are, but we help each other from completely falling apart. I like to think that way," Frank smiled as he remembered all the times he would help Gerard when he was stressed or how Gerard would calm him down when he was overwhelmed. It was the same way that they all helped Ty in public spaces, or when Josh had bad anxiety, no one was ever alone, "Just because I was born different doesn't mean I need fixing. I can live with being a bit broken, like a doll with a missing eye, someone weird is gonna play with me either way and probably love me even more because I'm unique."

Josh looked up at Frank in the mirror, a small smile playing on his pretty lips that made Frank's inside feel all melted and mushy. It was the same look that Frank recognized every time he took Josh to the pet store to see the puppies. He wasn't sure what it meant, but he was okay with being a puppy if it meant someone looked at him that way. He paused at the slight revelation and glazed over it quickly, ignoring the imminent epiphany as Josh continued with his praise, "You're very wise, Frankie. I think you forget that, sometimes. You don't get enough credit for being so smart."

Frank felt his face warm up immediately and he looked down at the eyebrow spool in his hands that he was brushing over his knuckles idly, "Thanks, Joshy."

"Any time, pumpkin." Josh got up to clean his supplies and put everything away, "What did you need help with, anyway?"

Frank gestured to his face and to the small pile of makeup, and Josh came over to look, his brows furrowed, "Oh, jeez, Frankie, I dunno about any of this. The... The stuff on your cheeks? Maybe?"

Frank looked at the little collection and scratched his head, his frustration sparking instantly, "You mean the pink stuff on my cheeks, or the shiny stuff?"

Josh faltered immediately and blanched as if he had been asked to defuse a bomb, "...Both?"

Frank frowned as he held up the blush again, doing his best to not get irritated because he knew it wasn't Josh's fault, but he felt so anxious already, and this wasn't helping either, "This one?"

Josh nodded, "Yes, that's pretty."

Frank sighed softly, rubbing his knuckles over his palm, and tried to focus on it rather than snapping at an unsuspecting Josh, "I'm not good at this, I'll just put on some eyeliner. I just... I never really had to bother learning because the last time Lindsey did it for me and I thought I paid enough attention to remember what went where, but I guess I just got too excited and my brain turned into an actual colander."

"I'm sorry I can't help," Josh whispered when he saw the sad expression on Frank's face, and it made Frank realize that he had stopped smiling, after all, he had no idea. But he was determined not to let his frustration upset Josh or ruin their evening, and he waved a hand dismissively,

"It's my issue, not yours." Frank spent some time to be as precise as possible as he applied a thin score of eyeliner, thereafter he tried his hand at a careful brush of highlighter on his cheekbones and nose, a light coat of mascara on his lashes, and his favorite strawberry lip oil that Josh had bought him from the fancy makeup store that Frank was too afraid to go into for some reason - he had no idea why, it just intimidated him, as if they would see him in there and demand to see his makeup skills just to tease him when he messed up.

Josh smiled warmly as he stood behind Frank and put a hand on the back of the latter's neck, grounding him from his anxious spiral as he stared at his own face in the mirror. He looked up at Josh and turned to nuzzle his hand before Josh went to sit and put his shoes on.

"How did I do? Is it okay? I don't, like, look stupid, do I?"

"You look so pretty." Josh grunted as he wrestled with his unlaced shoe, determined to pull it on without untying the laces.

Frank smiled and watched him fight with the other shoe, huffing as he successfully managed to put on both shiny black loafers, ditching his multicolored trainers for once. Frank waited until he finished before he walked over and put a thin layer of the lip oil on Josh's pretty lips, smiling when the latter couldn't help but grin brightly, his freckles deepening in color as he blushed, "So? Am I pretty, too?"

Frank could only feel his cheeks flush in response, his entire face aflame as he decidedly wrapped his arms around Josh's neck and sat himself across his lap, "So pretty, Joshy."

Josh gave Frank a playful wiggle of his eyebrows before they shared a small kiss, and Frank had to realize that if he had even told his past self from a few months prior that he would be kissing Josh on a regular basis, he would have ended up with a donkey-kick to the knees, and yet, here he was, and he was actually enjoying it more and more each time. Their moment of intimacy was interrupted by Gerard calling them downstairs, an indicator that they had to leave soon. Frank got up, watching Josh leave with Jim in tow, leaving him all alone. He turned to look at himself in the mirror, his anxiety returning with a vengeance the moment he was away from the calming presence of any of his partners. Not only was it his first corporate party in over six months, it was his first party with Gerard where they no longer had to hide, and if that wasn't enough, it was also the first time Frank had decided to dress as himself. A pair of tailored black pants and a blazer were accompanied by an ivory turtleneck and a string of pearls and his day collar, but the thing that made him so effectively nauseated was the pair of black heels he had dichotomized with the outfit when his boots were discarded in the closet. He looked down at the pointed-toe pumps with an instant second-guess, realizing that it would also be his first time wearing a heel that wasn't a platform or chunky. What if he tripped and embarrassed himself? Or worse, Gerard?

He shook his head; He had been practicing all week on every kind of surface he could find, even bracing the tarmac outside despite the cold. He did feel somewhat confident in his own skills, but he was nervous nonetheless. He walked out after giving himself his usual four spritzes of cologne and made his way down the stairs to stand with Josh, watching Gerard try and wrestle Ty into a tie. The only thing Frank could compare it to was trying to watch a pug wiggle on its back if it were tipped over. Ty managed to break free of Gerard's grip with a huff and almost swing at him, his face red and irritable, "Get that thing away from me, white man."

"How did you manage to turn this into a racially charged incident?" Gerard huffed as he put his hands on his hips, "You're half-white, you reprobate."

"I'll have you know," Ty fixed his collar and pulled it open wider just to infuriate Gerard even more, "I can pull the race card whenever I want because my people suffered enough, and now you're trying to dress me in your colonial garb. Get that noose away from me, colonizer."

Gerard turned to look at Josh incredulously as Frank hid behind him, cackling quietly. Josh shrugged, keeping his stance fairly neutral in the argument between both of his Dominants. Gerard looked at his brother with an exasperated sigh, "Ty, come on, don't be a child. You've worn a tie before. And my ancestors were Irish, we had nothing to do with your people. At least get your history right."

"Ireland absorbed Scotland, didn't they?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were from Glasgow, McJoseph, now put on the fucking tie."

"I would rather die."

"You have no idea how close you are to getting your wish." Gerard snapped, "I have no idea why you're so suddenly making a fuss, it's not like I'm putting you in a posture collar, it's just a tie."

"Do I make you wear matching socks?"

"That's different."

"But do I?"

"Well, no," Gerard started and Ty threw up his hands, earning an annoyed grunt, "It's not the same!"

"It is too the same!"

"Put on the tie, Tyler."

"Suck my rim, Arthur."

"Don't call me that."

"Ditto, white man."

"Oh, for God's sake." Gerard rubbed his face and Ty grinned triumphantly, chewing on some menthol gum. Frank glanced at him, earning a subtle wink that made his insides twist more than necessary. Gerard held it up, "Please, just try it. You've done this before."

"And I fucking hated it, and I still do. I don't like things around my fucking neck, Gerard. I never have." Ty scowled and rubbed his neck, "Why can't I just wear this stupid suit without the tie?"

"I will give you anything you want, if you just wear the tie." Gerard looked at the tie and Ty snatched it from him and looked as if he were about to throw it across the room.

He paused and glanced at Gerard, "What, exactly?"

"Anything you want, Ty, I need you to look presentable, please. This is my first party with my fiance, my first time with all of my clients and I have to make a good impression. They don't need to see you and realize you're a criminal, and then I know they know with whom I associate. I don't care about your past, but they might."

Ty squinted, "And why should that matter, exactly? I only went to jail for little things."

"Ty, please-"

"No, I don't want to go if it means I have to behave just so you look good. That's such a shitty thing to say. If you can be proud of him," Ty gestured to Frank, and then to himself, "Why not me?"

"That's not comparable." Gerard countered.

"It is. I'm a petty criminal who protested animal testing, he's a man in heels. Which do you think they're going to care about more?"

Gerard pursed his lips, "You're right. You're absolutely right, what I said was unfair. I take it back, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed that something is going to go wrong, and that's the last thing I need. I didn't mean to shift the blame. You don't need to wear a tie, you look fine as is."

Ty nodded and looked down at the silken material in his grip, pursing his lips unhappily, when Josh held his hand out, "Can I do it?"

Ty looked at the long necktie in his hand and at Josh before he sighed and handed it to him wordlessly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He looked so handsome in his all-black suit and his freshly shaved head. Frank watched Josh carefully fasten the tie and leave it somewhat loose, adding a casual aspect to the formal attire, "How's that, Daddy? It's not too tight?"

"It's fine, chiot."

"You look so handsome, Daddy. I'm so glad you're coming with us, it's gonna be fine." Josh went on his tiptoes to give Ty's cheek a kiss. Frank smiled at Gerard, taking in the dark emerald suit that clung to his body in the best way, the tailored set was accented by a baby-blue shirt that Frank usually wouldn't have paired together but Gerard had a way of making colors work in a way that was unique to his style. The shoes and belt were his usual brown, and his tie was also a dark shade of green with a tie-clip that Frank had bought him a few months back, engraved with a one-line etch of a running fox.

Frank turned back to see Ty had turned into a thundercloud already, and he grabbed the keys to his Jeep before he walked out to the garage wordlessly. Gerard sighed softly and Josh looked down, regretting their evening already. Frank looked at him and nudged Josh's foot with his shoe, "Let's just see how it goes, if he doesn't enjoy the party then he's welcome to come home. He wanted to come with initially, remember?" Frank gave Josh a quick kiss on the temple before he went to join Ty in the car. Frank grabbed his phone and keys from the counter, walking to the garage as Josh and Ty were reversing.

He opened the door to the Mercedes for Gerard before he climbed in and started the car, but he immediately paused when he looked down and realized his predicament, staring at his heel-clad feet on the pedals. He kicked off his dainty shoes and put them on the back seat, turning to Gerard, "Is it illegal to drive barefoot, sir?"

"Not exactly, but it is considered unsafe." Gerard smiled nonchalantly, "I can drive if you feel safer that way, I don't mind."

"No, I... Just let me run in and grab some shoes, I have sneakers by the door, sir."

"Frank, don't be silly, I am well and truly capable of driving my own car." Gerard smiled, "Come on, climb over."

He got out of the car and walked around as Frank scrambled across into the passenger seat, immediately feeling uneasy that he wasn't driving. He always drove unless he was in subspace. He watched Gerard get into the car so gracefully and close the door, snorting as he pushed the seat as far back as it would go from where it had been pushed right against the wheel, "Si petit."

[So tiny.]

"Ne suis-je pas." Frank grumbled as he folded his arms with a disgruntled huff, "Je suis une taille saine, un cinq-six gracieux."

[Am not. I am a healthy height, a gracious five-six.]

Gerard snorted, the smile on his face uncontainable as he reversed from the garage carefully, "Si tu le dis, mon garçon."

[If you say so, my boy.]

Frank folded his arms even tighter across his chest, jumping as Gerard reached over to pull his seatbelt across his torso for him, holding onto the wheel again as Frank clipped the belt into place, "Thank you, sir."

"Your sass proceeds your safety, boy. Watch out." Gerard stated simply as he turned onto the highway, leading their two-car proceeding from home into town where the party would be held at The Citizen Hotel. Frank watched the wintery town go by, smiling at just how pretty it was. He felt a hand on his thigh as they stopped at a red light, and he looked over at his Master, who was smiling at him, "You just sit and be pretty this time, I'm in control."

"Thank you, sir."

It took them a mere ten minutes to drive from their house in Westlake to the hotel that was located in Midtown near the César Chávez Plaza and the moment Frank looked out at the enormous titan of a building, the anxiety set in once again. It took him a minute to realize that the building actually wasn't as big as he thought, with only a dozen floors, but that his nervousness had stretched the skyscraper to double its size. He swallowed, and jumped in his chair when the door was opened for him, but he didn't move. He looked at Gerard wordlessly, panic in his eyes.

"What is it, my prince?"

"I- I don't know if I can do this," Frank whispered, his voice shaky and uneven, "I've lost my nerve. It's like I'm in the second grade, I'm on stage for the school Spelling Bee, and they've given me 'Trichotillomania' to spell out. Gerard, I can't do this. I- I'm gonna be sick."

Gerard reached over to close the door politely, taking the handle from the valet attendant and pulled aside to get out of the queue. Frank wasn't paying attention anymore. The entire building had turned into an awaiting anglerfish, the door agape like a maw, the shiny windows like its luminescent bait, waiting for him to bite. He looked away and sat back with his eyes closed, doing his best to try and breathe evenly.

"Why all the nerves, my boy? You were fine earlier... Weren't you?"

"Not really." Frank croaked, "I wanted to be a brave boy. I don't think I am."

"I think you are." Gerard took one of Frank's hands in his and held it gently, "Where did this come from?"

"What if I embarrass you?"

"You could never do that."

"Correction, I have. The big one."

"I wasn't embarrassed to be caught with you, I was angry and I felt betrayed, but it was also freeing, it forced me to deal with something I had been hiding for thirty-something years. Every bad decision we make sends us onto the path of the right one with the knowledge we didn't have before. It's okay to make a mistake once, twice, or even a dozen times, it's how you correct yourself that matters. So what if you say something wrong, slip and fall, or vomit on someone? I couldn't care less because I know deep inside that all you did tonight was try."

Frank stared at him, his brows furrowed, "I... Get the fuck out."

Gerard blinked, his eyebrows up in genuine surprise, his eyes somewhat wider than usual, "I beg your pardon?"

"Who gave you the right to be so nice. It's infuriating." Frank muttered, earning a chuckle, "I don't deserve you, Gerard."

"Au contraire, I think you do. You deserve someone to praise you and pick you up when you're down, you didn't have that before, and it's about time. If anyone does, it is you, my boy. I promise you that."

Frank sighed softly and looked back into the seat behind him, eyeing the red-bottomed shoes that he had discarded. On the floor below, sat a spare pair of boots, and he was faced with a decision. He glanced between the two pairs, his brows knitting as the seconds passed.

"What do I do, Apollon?"

"With what, boy?"

"Which shoes?"

Gerard glanced into the back as well, and smiled, "You didn't buy yourself those Pigalle 85s for nothing, did you? They're a very pretty shoe and you deserve to wear them." He picked the heels up with two slung fingers and handed them to Frank gently, "Besides, you didn't bring spare socks."

Frank let out a laugh and bent down to put the shoes on, smiling as he wiggled his toes into place before he checked his face in the mirror one more time. He tucked his hair behind his ears to show off the new conch piercing he had also received at least three months ago, and the little gold sun that hung from it snugly. When he was somewhat satisfied, he took a breath and opened the door, "Alright, let's go."

Frank and Gerard made their way inside where they found Ty and Josh waiting for them, and Frank looked around in wonder, taking in the beautiful interior of the lobby. It was all black wood with mahogany trim, light flooring, soft lighting, and red chairs. The front desk was red with an intricate geometric pattern around the bottom. The left side was taken up by a separate section highlighted with gallery lights and photos of which he couldn't quite make out. He knew they were important, however, because the lobby had a second floor that was a balcony and it wrapped around the top, an open ceiling that was fenced in, and the upstairs wall to the left had the exact same display. He genuinely wanted to go over and have a look, but the firm hand on his back that was guiding him to the elevators made it impossible. He took in a deep breath as the door closed, his brain skidding to a halt as Gerard leaned down to kiss him, calming him immediately. He kissed back without hesitation, a hand on Gerard's clean-shaven cheek. Their embrace lasted all the way to the top floor where they heard the soft 'ding' and the door opened onto a ballroom that practically took Frank's breath away. The entire ceiling of the room was draped in some sort of soft material that draped into a point at the center of the room, reminding him of a tent. The far wall was all window that extended to the wall on the right, the opposite facet on the left had beautiful marbling. The floor was perfectly polished hardwood, and there were large round tables seating with nine chairs per. The chairs were black velvet, the table linen a beautiful caramel color. The warm tones matched the fake trees that had been placed in between some of the tables, their leaves shimmering gold and twinkling with small lights draped in the branches.

There was a small instrumental band on a platform in the corner that played soft music, and a bar that stretched a good thirty feet with two handsome men behind it in suits. Frank looked around and saw that a few of the guests had already arrived and were nursing drinks, but it was no one that Frank actively recognized.

"How many people RSVP'd, sir?"

"Around fifty." Gerard smiled as he walked with Frank to the bar, "Shall we have some champagne?"

Frank looked at him, "But you can't drink."

"Of course, I can," Gerard smiled, "I can't have anything sugary like a cocktail, but I'm allowed some champagne or a glass of wine here and there as long as I'm careful. It's just a choice that I don't drink."

"Well, fuck," Frank muttered, "Can I have a Jack and ginger, sir?"

Gerard smiled knowingly as he greeted the barman, ordering Frank his requested drink and a half-glass of Merlot. Frank looked around again, freezing in his tracks when he saw a tall, beautiful blond woman in a bejeweled gold dress with her blond hair messily pinned up and her lips painted red. He felt his chest seize when she turned to look at him, smiling and waving from across the room. Frank spun around to look at Gerard, "Lindsey's here?!"

Gerard handed Frank his tumbler of jack and ginger ale and sipped his wine, "Shall we go over and say 'hello'?"

Frank tugged Gerard's hand, towing him along as they wormed their way through the tables toward Gerard's ex-wife. She smiled brightly as Frank set his glass down and did his best run, hugging her tightly, his face nestled in her boobs. She smelled like the most expensive perfume, and it filled his head with a familiar scent. He missed her more than he cared to admit, as she was his first real friend when his life had flipped upside down almost a year ago.

He looked up at her with a smile, "I didn't know you were coming!"

"It was a surprise," She whispered and eyed Gerard as she sipped her wine, "I missed my boys far too much. The house just isn't the same without your pink knees running around."

Frank immediately blushed, thankful that Gerard gave her a kiss on the cheek, "I told you he'd be happy to see you, dear."

Frank waved a hand at his Dominant, smiling at Lindsey, "Of course, I am! I need some womanly energy in my life."

Gerard sipped his drink and eyed Frank over the rim of the glass, "Oh, you've developed quite a bit of your own womanly energy lately."

Frank's eyes widened as his entire face lit up as if he had a startling fever, his eyes immediately looking away, "I-I-I..."

Gerard put his arm around Frank gently, "Have you shown Lin your new shoes?"

Frank smiled sheepishly as he lifted his pant leg to show Lindsey his shoes, internally relieved when she smiled, "Very pretty, and impressive."

"Thanks, Lin."

She took one last sip of her wine, "I'm going to say 'hi' to the boys."

Frank smiled as he received a small kiss on the cheek, watching her waddle off in her impressively tight dress. He couldn't get over how beautiful she looked, and Frank couldn't help but pine after her, a small smear of jealousy tainting his heart. He wanted to be pretty, too. He wanted to look like that in a dress. He paused, the slight epiphany hitting him in the face like a rotten tomato. He had always had the inclination to be feminine even as a child, and he was just discovering that it was still hidden, curled away and buried deep thanks to his father and Ryan. But, what if he wanted to explore it yet again? What if he wanted to experience his own personal blend of femininity? He did. He knew that much.

He turned to look at Gerard who was staring at one of the golden trees, and he found himself wondering exactly what Gerard's reaction would be if he decided to start wearing skirts and dresses in his everyday wear. Would he allow it? Would he even care? Would he like it? Frank knew that Gerard would never really control his appearance to an extensive point. If he came home with a yellow buzzcut and bright green leggings, Gerard probably wouldn't bat an eye if it made Frank happy, but Frank still wanted to be considerate of his partner. He would still wear what made him happy regardless of what any of the other three said, but it was still nice to know that he had their support. Frank looked down at his pants as he wondered the thought to himself, trailing along its coil so delicately as if he were floating.

His eyes widened when he looked up at his Dominant, wondering whether or not Gerard might even buy him his first real dress. What if he took him dress shopping? All of these ideas floating in his head made his stomach churn with giddy anxiety. He cleared his throat softly, "Papa?"

"Hmmm?" Gerard hummed and tore his gaze away from a nearby group of people to give Frank his undivided attention.

"I think, I... I maybe... I wanna buy a dress."

Gerard tilted his head and set his glass down on the illuminated acrylic of the bar, "A dress? Is it for a specific occasion, or just for your general wardrobe?"

"General wardrobe, I think. For now."

"So, you don't want to wear a wedding dress?"

"No! God, no! No way, I'm nowhere near ready to do something like that. Jesus, I just got used to skirts and panties," He huffed, "Would you be okay with that?"

"If that's what you want," Gerard smiled, "Of course, I would, my boy. Why would I not? Do you think that I'm under the impression that dresses are only for women, Frank? For shame."

"I didn't think that.," Frank began fidgeting with his pearls, "But I was worried that you wouldn't like them... on me."

"I'd love you in everything and anything," He leaned in close, "And nothing."

Frank found himself blushing even more as a grin spread on his face, "You're one smooth motherfucker."

Gerard shrugged casually, "I used to be a politician, you know. I still use it to my advantage."

Frank couldn't help but giggle as he leaned in to give Gerard a kiss, but what he didn't anticipate was Gerard tensing suddenly and moving away after kissing back for a split second. He blinked, hiding the overwhelm in his eyes and Frank realized his mistake. That was the first time he had ever shown Gerard affection in public. They've never so much as held hands in front of anyone that wasn't in their close circle. And he had spent so long hiding that part of himself, and now Frank had pushed him into a spotlight without even thinking. He immediately turned to make conversation with someone as a way of distracting himself, but not leaving Frank's side. He felt so guilty, but he also knew that Gerard would want to get used to PDA, he just wasn't going to force it.

He stayed at Gerard's side throughout dinner, eating his food like a good boy, and afterward whilst everyone mingled and danced, Frank stayed at the table on his phone, browsing online listings for dresses to get an idea of what he wanted as his first. He had no idea there were so many kinds, just like shoes, and it was honestly very fun in a scary way. He sipped his champagne as he saved some favorites to show Papa later when they were curled up in bed, but something told him to look up.

He glanced up from his phone to see Josh herding Ty into the bathroom quickly, and at first, Frank smiled because he thought they were going to have sex, but when he saw the worried expression on Josh's face, his smile fell. He got up and waded through the small groups of people and across the floor without even a second glance, focusing solely on the bathroom door. He hurried into the bathroom to see Ty laying like a starfish on the floor with both long arms draped over his face and his fingers digging into his biceps. Josh was on the floor beside him, doing his best to keep Ty as calm as possible.

"Need help in here or do I just guard the door?" Frank offered in a whisper, nodding when he was given his assignment. He slipped out of the washroom and closed the door, standing in front of it like a bouncer at a club. He folded his arms in an attempt to look intimidating, but when Lindsey made her way over, he deflated, knowing that she had a better chance of scaring anyone else off than he did.

"Everything okay?"

"Ty is having a meltdown," Frank whispered softly.

Lindsey frowned immediately, "Is he alone?"

"With Josh." Frank nodded, "I'm guarding the door." Lindsey turned to stand with him, sipping her drink that Frank could tell had gin in it, and her clutch purse tucked under her arm. Frank sighed as he lay his head back against the facet of wood separating him from his secondary Dom, "We shouldn't have forced him to come with us. I knew it was a bad idea. He just started leaving the house and we pushed him too far. Now, look. It's gonna take ages for him to get used to people again. I feel like shit, Lin."

"From what I heard from Gerard, he wanted to come with to show his support for his brother, you didn't force him to do it. Besides, I'd like to see anyone force Ty Akecheta Tashunka Joseph to do anything and walk away from it with all of their organs in the right place."

Frank snorted softly, "Yeah, but still. We all know his aversion to crowds and that low public-y noise. He hates shopping malls and restaurants for a reason. It's fucking killing me, too."

"Didn't he bring earplugs?"

"Guess not."

"Don't blame yourself, sweetheart, you didn't push him over the edge." Lindsey offered with a kind smile. Frank was staring down at the intricate gold jewels sewn to her figure-hugging dress. It was so beautiful, so sparkly, and even more so up close. It made his insides clench with want and need. But he shook his head, refocusing as they kept everyone from going in and redirecting them to the bathroom next door.

It was now hours later and Josh had taken Ty home and to safety. Frank hated the dissociated stare on Ty's face when he came out of the bathroom, and he asked Josh to keep him updated. He was currently standing with Gerard, listening to his Dominant chat with one of his staff about their targets for the new year. He was honestly so bored, but it was almost midnight, and it was making him anxious.

He looked around to see a big clock on the wall and on the opposite side is where a small projector screen had been pulled down, a projector counting down the time. He finished his second glass of Jack and ginger and took it to the bar, getting himself a bottle of water in the process. He watched his Master from afar in the dim light and couldn't help but melt inside. He was so tall and graceful, so elegant without even trying. He laughed lightly, his eyes crinkling, his teeth shining, his face so full of genuine happiness. It made Frank smile.

He made his way back and felt an arm around his waist, reveling in the slight contact that made his insides jolt. It wasn't much, but it was way more than he had ever gotten, and he was so grateful for the fact that Gerard was trying. He smiled as he sipped his water - one minute to go.

Everyone meandered to the dancefloor, every guest turned to stare at the glittering screen, waiting for the countdown to hit 'ten'. Frank finished his water and put it on the tray of a passing waiter, fiddling anxiously with his ring as the clock ticked down.

"Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven... Six... Five..." The whole room shouted together - everyone but Frank. His ears had begun to ring, his stomach chopping like a stormy sea. It took him too long to register the cheers and the loud banging of fireworks outside. He didn't even register when he felt the soft press of a kiss to his head, but he smiled, happy that Gerard didn't do the one thing that would send himself over the edge. Was it a knee-sweeping kiss in front of a crowd of people? No. Was that what Frank wanted? He didn't quite know, because it also sounded terrifying. But he knew he was happier with what he had received, because he also knew that he would get the real deal where it mattered: at home, just the two of them.