Note: I'm so sorry. I added this chapter to the book, saved it, and didn't realize I forgot to hit the publish button.

Overall Impression

Thank you, NickfEast, for sharing The Last Philosopher with us Wattpad heads. I apologize in advance if any of this is overly harsh. I strive to give honest, detailed critiques. If you have any questions or want me to take another look, please DM me.

I have mixed emotions about this story.

I love the humor. I could sit here and read about Dick the Black Hole all day and be perfectly content. I adore the world building. It's the sort of complex stuff I can sink my teeth into and just forget about the outside world for a few hours. Love!

This next part could just be me. I am one of those hyperlogical, follow the twenty steps to properly change a lightbulb because the steps exist, type of people. I took symbolic logic for fun. Seriously.

To me, the plot lacked flow. It's grabby and entertaining -- I'm not saying it isn't -- but I was left feeling as if 2.2 occurs before 2.1 even though it's not a traditional flashback. More on this later.

The Good

Setting. The settings are detailed, well imagined, and best off all the characters interact with them, making them three dimensional instead of two. Very well done!

World Building. The world is detailed and consistent.

Humor. While this sense of humor may not be everyone's cup of tea, I had several laugh out loud moments. (You know the ones where the dog looks at you like you've lost your mind…yeah, those.) Even if you read this and think what I thought was the funniest moment wasn't at all what you intended, it still made me laugh. Kudos!

The Bad

Telling. I always find showing easier to connect with and find myself getting lost in showing heavy books over telling ones. Telling me the warden has scales on his neck isn't half as effective as showing me the scales on his neck and Herschel's mental freak out when he notices them.

Plot flow. To me, chapter 2.2 is everything that's going through Herschel's head while he's escaping in 2.1. Since the reasoning behind his escape is so integral to his character and his sense of self, I need to see the reason before the escape. I need him wrestling with his decision, maybe even debating it with his gaggle.

Passive voice. "Would have been", "could have been", and all the other was (action verb) and have (action verb)…To me, this takes a strong action verb and cuts its impact in half. Sometimes, passive voice is necessary. For example, during a fast paced section it may slow the pacing a little and give the reader time to absorb what's going on. For me, more passive voice equals a slower reading pace. The quicker I'm reading, the more likely I am to ignore the WattPad ads between the chapters and move on to the next one.

Cover

While I love the cover image, I believe it would benefit from a bolder font and perhaps a 1 px contrasting outline around the lettering. "Everything" disappears a little into the flames.
Love the image.

Blurb

I rarely encounter my favorite line in a blurb. I did here.

"If there's a problem, someone else can fix it, or just ignore it until it goes away."

That said, I found the opening lines of the blurb a little too abstract. They didn't entice me like the above does. This goes back to the three tiny, old tweet-sized lines WattPad gives you beside the cover thumbnail. World building doesn't entice me. Characters and their story worthy problems entice me. Just me…

Hook/Opening

I'm a geek. I saw "mad Gnome philosopher" and pictured Gandalf wearing an orange foam hat shaped like the Gnome desktop footprint. (Just in case you need a little evidence that I'm a bit off sometimes.)

Anyhow, I loved the quote. By itself, it almost hooked me. Unfortunately, the opening paragraphs tell me about the world. They don't pick me up and throw me into it. I realize this is a rather abstract, birds eye view of the world. Still, I wonder if showing a character interacting with the world in the opening paragraph would grab me more. Put differently, what I'm referring to here in the difference between describing an apple and eating it.

About the actual first chapter…I almost didn't put this. I've deleted it three times, but I keep adding it back because if it were me and someone thought this, I'd want them to tell me.

I'm a meat person. To me, adding forwards, awards, reviews, and information...they don't hook me. Never have. Never will. A few lines for an author's note at the beginning is fine, but everything else...I'd rather have it as an endnote that way I can skip to the next chapter. However, Wattpad's format encourages these not chapters…

The idea of a non-violent prison break in chapter 2.1 hooked me harder than the prologue's opening paragraphs. I loved the personified black hole, but I wasn't intrigued until I met Dick several pages into the story.

Plot

Plot overview includes plot, flow/pacing, accuracy, and consistency.

2.1

Although I love the showing in chapter 2.1, I believe the passive voice slows the pace a hair too much.

Since Chapter 2.2 covers why he escaped in Chapter 2.1, I felt like the order was off. Would these thoughts be going through his head while he's escaping via the privies? Something to keep him motivated and remind himself why he's doing this.

I could have misinterpreted this. I believe warden is the catalyst for his escape. That makes Herschel seeing the scales on the warden's neck the inciting incident. This is just my opinion, but I believe if I saw this moment and then experienced the prison break I'd start rooting for Herschel the second the break begins.

Logical error…

If, then, else statements help pay my health insurance each month. So I may be the only anal nutjob who thinks this...

Starting with "(e)verything elderly inmates wanted…" Then it explains how everyone in the prison is an elderly man.

This is how my brain put this together. Hershel was an inmate. Therefore, Hershel is elderly. But wait, in 2.1 he's described as middle-aged. Suddenly, I have middle-aged Herschel and octogenarian Herschel. Perhaps, if Herschel previously mentioned something about his youth relative to the rest of the prison population…Just a thought.

Telling

I love the warden mystery, but I wish instead of telling what Hershel realized it showed the moment he glimpsed the scales beneath his collar. His disbelief and panic in that moment…ah! That's the stuff of an amazing story. (The warden is what I'd call great story bones.)

World Building

I almost feel like the prologue and chapter 2.1 are two separate stories: the scifi prologue and fantasy chapter 2.1. Anne McCaffrey frequently melded scifi and fantasy. I don't find this element off putting. I just feel like I have two stories: Dick's and Herschel's.

To me, the evolution of life in the Huom galaxy and how the planet is mostly covered in water is a given. Unless these diverge greatly from earth (liquid nitrogen sea, anyone?), I don't believe I need to be told this because these are the assumptions I would make without being told. I don't mind it. I'm just not convinced it's strictly necessary.

2.1

Open-backed gown > Just so you know, in my incredibly warped brain I kept picturing the Shawshank Redemption escape with Andy in a hospital gown. Yeah…

If that is the case, I find the idea of a hospital gown as a prison uniform entirely appropriate and side-splittingly hilarious. Even if it's not, I still think it's funny.

Using a prison "gaggle" instead of a "gang" was a brilliant way to show the difference between this prison and normal ones. I particularly enjoyed how Herschel's gaggle called themselves the socks.
gaggle instead of prison gang.

"Hence, they took a practical approach towards their work which meant not doing more of it than necessary." > I'm going to be brutally honest here. I understand that I don't Herschel well yet.  He may be a chauvinistic butt.

Even though this is worldbuilding, to me it implies the guards are lazier because their female. This implication is borderline offensive. To avoid this reaction, maybe their laid back work ethic could be a reflection on their species, not their gender.

Characters and Characterization

Dick the Black Hole

I loved Dick the Black Hole and all the snark. However, I do wonder if he'll interact with the characters. In my opinion, Dick's limited ability to interact with other characters makes him less believable. However, he also seems to be this universe's omnipotent god. In which case, he's believable. Either way, I enjoyed him.

Herschel

Although I found the idea of debating a prison break (telling people before he tries it) a little risky, it fit his character. Hershel reminded me of several academics I've known over the years. I found him completely believable.

That said, in my opinion, using "middle-aged man" instead of his name in the opening paragraphs imposed a distance  between me and the character. I did not get invested in him until I read his name. Why? To me, a no name character in the opening chapter exists to kill them off at the end of it.

He's definitely not a throw away character. Since this is the main character, please go ahead and name him!

Dialogue

Since these chapters focus mainly on his escape and what drove him to escape, there is more introspection than dialogue. Correctly, in my view.

The overall voice feels natural though.

Line by Line

2.1

"a middle-aged man (delete comma)."

Herschel named too late.

"Not getting caught escaping (is) the first and most…" I believe pondered should be thought here.

To me, the ending two paragraphs introduce the immediate problem better than the beginning ones.

2.2

"had been other" > were other

"Th(e) gate"

Conclusion

Overall, I look forward to how this intricately built world will evolve. Personally, I'd keep reading for a few more chapters, but I would need a lot of showing in those chapters to keep me interested. That's just a personal taste thing.