Overall Impression

Thank you for sharing Midnight Light with us Wattpad heads. I apologize in advance if any of this is overly harsh. I strive to give honest, detailed critiques. If you have any questions or want me to take another look, please DM me.

Before we get into the meat, let me say this. What follows is one person's opinion. Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one. Just because I suggest something doesn't mean you should act on it. Keep your vision in mind and remember that all I see is the beginning of the rainbow, not the end.

Overall, pieces of this worked wonderfully. Unfortunately, others didn't work as well for me as those wonderful pieces.

I loved the scene with Addie in the lunchroom. It elicited a strong emotional response and really made me feel for her. On the other hand, the classroom scenes in chapter one didn't resonate as strongly. Since I'm still getting to know Addie, I need that grab my heart and squeeze it moment earlier.

The Good

Addie's characterization. Finger combing her hair and gluing down fly-aways with spit...love.

Point of view. A consistent first person point of view with zero head hoping. Nice!

Setting. Overall, the settings were well imagined. While I might like a little more detail in a few spots, I could easily picture them.

The Bad

Opening. Look, I'm a little quirky. I'll skip author's notes, character lists, etc. No problem. But the preview reads like a chapter to me. It is my first introduction to the book. This is just my two cents, but you have a blurb and nineteen chapters. Although I enjoyed the preview, I don't think you need it.

Flow/Pacing. More on this later.

Cover and Blurb

Your cover's quite beautiful. I'm not sure how it relates to werewolves, but I don't need that connection on the cover to read the book. One minor quibble (and it truly is minor), is how the "L" in "Light" obscures the first "I" in Midnight. Since covers are normally viewed as thumbnails first, you may want to lighten the word "Midnight" and make the text above "Midnight" slightly more visible.

Although the blurb is grammatically correct, I wonder if the opening line represents the best use of your limited words.

Okay, technically Wattpad blurbs can be longer than the chapters. Yours is a pleasant length, FYI. However, a reader visiting from your profile or the werewolf stories page, at best, sees 4 tiny lines.

Here's a screen-shot taken with my little 7" tablet.

(Note, I had to scroll left to see the entire blurb. If this story is your primary focus -- the story you want everyone to see -- you may want to reorder your works. Just a thought.)

Here's the same screen-shot with a few highlights. These are not grammatically incorrect. What you have is fine. I just think there's a little missed opportunity here.

For instance, changing "comes to a closing" to "ends" saves 14 characters. To me, a unique voice isn't as important here as your hook and letters count.

"Secrets being kept" and "hushed conversations going silent" convey the similar ideas. "Hushed conversations" hooks me more than "secrets being kept".

I wonder if rewriting the blurb without "could be", "to", and "was" and few, if any, "-ing" might make this a little grabbier. Just an idea.

Hook/Opening

I like the premise behind the opening sentence. How time slows and she's shocked back to herself...However, it didn't hook me. I think it's because of the passive voice.

Time slowing is a wonderful metaphor. It's even better if it really happens. To me, "seemed" minimizes its impact. Then "was too soon to be pulled back" feels a little wordy. I feel like there are stronger verbs -- yanked, for instance -- that may work better here. I also want to see what shocks her, feel it jolt through my mind.

"His voice broke..." Since this is the opening one hundred words, if she knows who's speaking to, I need to know whose voice this is.

If you're reading this and want to throw a virtual book at me because I analyzed the preview like it's the first chapter, I understand. To me, the blurb is the first impression; the hook is the second. The hook is always the first book-like paragraph I see when I click read. That's the preview.

Plot and Characterization

I don't normally merge plot and characterization discussions. I'm going to here because the plot's flow in the preview and first chapter meant I didn't care about Addie until I saw her in the lunch line penniless. That heart wrenching scene sucked me in.

Up until then, it's whispering and secrets and possibly rumors about the student and the teacher. That is also my memory of high school. It's not unique. Not having money for lunch and being too proud (or her brother's too checked out of her life) to sign up for free lunch is grab me by the shoulders and shake me until my teeth rattle type characterization. That's a good thing.

During in person groups, I often tell people "make me care". If I care about your character, I will keep reading until the bitter end. You have five pages, courier font, size 12pt, double-spaced to do this. Chapter Two accomplishes this with flying colors. Unfortunately, this happens in chapter two, not chapter one.

Below is a rudimentary plot chart with dashes showing what I expected as far as energy went and what actually happened.

Now, this is just one reader's opinion. It's not meant to be hurtful. It's meant solely as food for thought if you ever have the desire to do some editing/rewriting.

Notice how the preview built the energy up towards the chapter conclusion then chapter one slumps toward the graveyard, rises during the graveyard, and slumps again at school. Part of this is the unfortunate consequence of whetting my appetite and setting my expectations with a preview. The rest is because its everyday stuff.

While I like what how she gets ready for school shows about her character, having her stumble out of the car at the graveyard with her hair unbrushed and still wearing the tank she slept in would have the same impact without immersing me in her daily routine. It also shows who she is better. As a reader, I entered the graveyard thinking she overslept. The graveyard gives her hygiene habits more importance, but it happens pages later. Merging these two scenes may serve as a better introduction for Addie.

Then she's dropped into every day high school. I realize she attends school with a wolf pack. And all her friends are whispering behind her back...To me, that's just normal high school, werewolves aside. There's always some rumor flying around or someone cheating on their boyfriend or the cute...And tests, the girl begging for the A she didn't earn...It doesn't stand out. Even if she feels like she and her friends share everything, it still wouldn't stand out to me. I hate to use the word "mundane" particularly while I'm tearing into someone else's baby, but that's the only word that comes to mind.

That said, I have a bit of a problem. (By the way, I've read far worse stories than this one like a hundred times worse.) When critiquing, I always ask myself what grabbed me. My problem is that I loved the lunchroom scene in chapter 2 and how perfectly it showed Addie's character so much that I have trouble remembering 3/4 of chapter 1.

Then the plot progresses to "never have I ever". While I normally find these sorts of games in fiction highly contrived, this worked because they are high schoolers. It's something I had no problems picturing them doing. It also showed more about their individual characters than all the classroom scenes thus far combined. Nicely done!

There's some really good stuff in here. I just feel like portions of the first two chapters were highly focused on everyday activities that didn't necessarily advance the plot.

Although classroom piece of Chapter One may serve as a catalyst, it didn't show me who Addie is. The lunchroom scene did. It also made me care in a way the graveyard didn't.

Overall, the secrets aspect of Chapter One feels a little forced like maybe I'm seeing too many people keeping secrets and removing a few would help the pace. Also, I feel like "Ma...ow" in Chapter 2 does a better job of showing her friends keeping secrets from her than the earlier classroom scenes.

A few more notes I took concerning the characters...

Addie

"My body no longer felt concrete." I love this and I'm curious if it's literal like she felt weighed down.

Jay

He had my favorite line.

"No, it's perfectly healthy. Anyone who can't understand the yummy goodness of warm, crunchy, buttery, ooh extra buttery popcorn." Love. Just love. Finally a character who mirrors my own obsession with the fluffy, crunchy goodness. I've waited decades for this.

Dialogue

"edge!" his voice boomed. --> I'm not certain boomed is the correct word here. (Preview)

Since Chapter 2 opens with Addie, Bly, and Jay, I need a name at the first "he said". This would help minimize any confusion as to which guy's talking here.

"but I sure would like to find out" doesn't feel as natural as the rest of this paragraph.

Overall, the dialogue felt natural. I would still encourage you to read the entire book out loud to yourself, but that's more a general recommendation because I think it helps me.

Grammar

"heart beat" --> "heartbeat"

"to the sound of the slammed door." -- Personally, I feel this would be stronger as "A door slammed. I turned back..." (direct objects become indirect. Direct are always stronger.)

"was soon occupied"

Consistently throughout this story, commas occur in the dialogue in place of periods. Personally, I find the harder break offered by periods easier to read. It also helps prevents the five line sentence.

Rewriting passive voice sentences (ex. "but his voice was kept low" chapter 2) would make your strong verbs shine a bit more.

Line by Line

Chapter 1-A New Partner

"Stretching out my legs (I) pushed..."

"It burned at a light touch." I'm assuming this means feverish. If so, I don't believe the lightness or harshness of her touch would change the temperature of her forehead. I may be reading this incorrectly. If so, sorry.

"shining time" What color is the clock light? Does it glare?

"plush of my pillow" --> "plush pillow"

"about to answer but was stopped" --> How? His expression, a hand on her shoulder?

"The stone was wet..." --> A little more detail please. Are her fingers damp? Is the headstone splotched like from damp, but drying, concrete? Is it slightly weathered or still new? What shows this?

"bustling this town did not acquire..." --> To me, and I'm weird like this and grew up in a minuscule little town so I could easily be projecting, if the town doesn't acquire a "bustle" why remark on it? If it's a sleepy little town, let that shine through.

"I told him that I would not wait around for someone with conflicting feelings..." --> Breaking this sentence at the commas into three sentences makes it more readable to me.

"Have (it) done by the end of the day..." Again, break at the comma.

"If a tree were falling in the forest" --> A minor quibble with Addie's explanation. Sound by definition refers to sound waves. They are always present when the tree falls in the forest. Noise is defined by ability to hear it, i.e. presence.

"with her voice a whisper as she said something" -- just whispered

Chapter 2-Movie Night

"Your obsession with popcorn..." --> "Your popcorn obsession"

"with a scold" --> scowl?

Conclusion

Overall, I think you have the makings of a fascinating story. Addie's a wonderful character and I can easily see myself becoming increasingly invested in her as a I read on.