Thank you, 10k! I love you so much, no words could express how much I'm happy we've reached this far :))

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Him

Sinabi ko sa sarili kong kaya kong manuyo kahit abutan pa man ako ng isang taon. I knew I could... I knew I hurt her. I knew I should validate her sometimes hostility towards me.

I was too good at lying that I hurt both of us just because I was a coward. I didn't want to lose her again so I need to push her away.

Pero... hindi ibig-sabihin no'n hindi na ako nagseselos!

The fact that that Adam seemed to know our daughter more than me wanted the beast side of me unleashed. Ako ang ama! Pero kung ngumiti si Ci (my Ella) kasama iyong lalakeng iyon, parang mag-asawa sila! Hindi! Sa akin siya ikakasal!

Well... Ci— my Ella was not basically smiling at Adam but at our daughter but! She's smiling while Adam and my daughter play.

Added to the fact that my daughter couldn't even call me Papa! In my nine months of being with them, I never once heard her call me Papa, or Pa, or Dada, or Da, or Pang, just anything! Kapag nakikipag-usap siya sa akin, palaging, 'hoy', 'mister', 'to'! 

I've been trying to bribe her with lots of toys but my Ella would go tiger, roaring at me that I'm spoiling our daughter.

"Dapat matuto siyang pahalagahan ang mga binibigay sa kaniya! Paano niya maa-appreciate 'yon kung bigay ka nang bigay? Iisipin niyang madaling kunin lahat ng gusto niya!"

Madali naman akong kausap kaya tumango lang ako at natahimik sa gilid. She banned me for three days and that was one of the worst day of my whole years of existence. Hindi ko nakita ang mag-ina ko ng isang araw at pakiramdam ko naghihingalo na ako.

"Boss, kalma." Si Mavrik nang makita akong nagmumukmok sa bahay.

"Paano ako kakalma! She banned me! Paano kung mamatay ako bukas?! Hindi ko na sila makikita! Mamatay akong ganito kamiserable!"

Napailing si Angelo sa gilid habang bumuntong-hininga naman si Jericho— or Cedrik. I glared at the three. I'm jealous of them! Nasaksihan nila ang paglaki ng anak ko, ang pagbubuntis ni Ci (my Ella), lahat-lahat habang nakahiga ako sa kama! Pati ang anak ko ay malapit sa tatlo, kahit na alam kong masaya si Rae kasama ako pero pakiramdam ko mayroon pa ring naghihiwalay sa amin. She still has walls I couldn't break.

I parked my car in front of Ana's house and narrowed my eyes when I saw a familiar man riding a horse with a girl in front of him. Lumabas ako sa sasakyan kasabay ng pagbaba ng lalake. He didn't notice me because he wqs too focused on his girl. Huh, that's good. It means akin lang—

"Uncle Adam!" Umalingawngaw ang malakas na boses ng anak ko.

My daughter ran to him with a wide grin and Adam smiled at her after she put his girlfriend down from the horse. Rae swung her hands in the air and Adam caught her and lifted her up. A sudden pang hit my chest and I feel jealousy leaking in the cracks of my broken heart.

My Ella came out of Ana's house with her signature neautral face— a strict face. When she saw them, a smile appeared on her lips as if she didn't suffer from those three days being away from me!

I slowly approached them with calm strides. I wanted to act cool about it. Ayaw kong namomroblema ang anak ko dahil lang nagseselos ako sa lalake.

Rae's eyes caught my movement and her eyes widened in a glint of excitement. I grin at her.

"Miss me?"

"Yes!" Before I could celebrate her decleration of love, she turned to Adam. "Especially you, uncle!" She kissed his cheeks, I breathe the jealousy out of my flaring nostril.

Tumawa ang mang-aagaw ng anak. "Uncle missed you too."

I scoffed. Two pair of eyes glare at me. One from my Ella who's chastising me from antagonizing my daughter's 'favorite person', and the other is from Adam's girl who hated me because I hated her boyfriend.

"So... may laruan ka?" She giggled.

Damn it! Kung hindi lang ako pinagalitan ni Ci, eh 'di sana madami na akong laruang dala-dala ngayon!

"Unfortunately no. But it'll follow soon."

Rae's shoulder dropped and she turned to me. Huh! I feel like I'm an option! A second choice! Gusto kong magtampo! Nakakatampo!

"Ikaw?" Tanong ng anak sa akin.

I sighed in resignation. "Bibili—"

My Ella cleared her throat warningly, I stop before I tell my daughter I could buy everything she wants.

I missed them but Ci is barely glancing my way. Rae's whole attention was on Adam and I feel like I was the only one suffering without their presence! It made me feel like... they could live without me.

Of course they could. Seven years without you, surely they'll live even when you're not with them, Erikson.

"Erikson?"

I snap from my trance and looked at Ci who's brows were furrowed. Doon ko napagtantong ako nalang pala ang mag-isang nakatayo sa labas ng bahay nila Ana. I sighed and turned to her. She looked at me with worry, I realize I might have been out of focus.

"Ayos ka lang?"

Tumango ako at ningitian siya. It was years ago when I was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder due to my brain's deviant way of coping with trauma. My thrapist told me it was temporary and that I'm fine but I still need to go to him for further treatment such as learning how to deal with my past. It's an ongoing process I'm not ashamed of and Ella knew about that fact. But sometimes she worry too much of my mental health, I feel like she's my girlfriend.

She'll be soon though. Just not my girlfriend. But my wife.

"Hi... I miss you. Hindi mo ba ako na-mi—" Tinalikuran niya ako bago ko pa matapos ang sasabihin ko!

I jog where she is and entered the house. Adam was already sitting on the couch with Rae. So like a jealous child, I walked in between my daughter and him and sat in between.

"What the fuck?" He groaned and scoot away from me when I sat in between them.

I glared at the guy. At least I'm taller than him. Just not something to be proud of since I always croach when walking inside Ana's small house. This is why I want my Ella and Rae to move in in our house! It's much more bigger and spacious.

"Sorry, I need a time with my daughter." I enunciated the word so he'll know his boundaries.

Adam tsk-ed. "She didn't mind me though. Almost as if she forgot your existence." He said haughtily. My nostrils flare.

"Usog kayo! Naiipit ako!" Tulak ng anak ko sa akin. I pouted and turned to my baby. "Hindi mo na-miss si Papa?"

Adam scoffed. I glared at the guy who smirked at me and sat on the carpet. He picked up some lego toys and started to build something, my daughter soon joined him like a curious cat. I tried to sit on the carpet too but Adam stretched his legs on the carpet as if he didn't want me to sit.

"Na-miss!" Rae's answer was late as she pick up some lego toys.

I picked up a barbie doll and waved it in front of my daughter.

"You want this baby? Come play with papa!" I encouraged her.

Adam laughe at me mockingly and whispered something in my daughter's ears. She giggled as if they plotted a plan without me! I might be thankful to Adam for protecting my Ci and Rae while I was in the hospital bed but I'm starting to regret hiring him!

Natigil lang ang tawa ni Adam nang hampasin siya ng babae niya. He groaned and glared at the toys.

"Bakit?" Akusado niyang tanong. hindi nakatingin sa babae— Arabelle is her name I think. And yes, I'm acknowledging her name now that I got the payback I deserve through her.

"Don't own Rae like some childish bastard."

"I'm not!" He denied and glared at me.

"Para kang bata! Umusog ka at bigyan mo ng oras ang mag-ama!"

I grin at Arabelle who was glaring at Adam. Adam groaned and he slowly folded his stretched out legs to give me space. So I took the opportunity to sit and build some legos with my daughter.

"If you give me some babies, I wouldn't be like this." I heard Adam's faint murmer.

"Sira ka ba? Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo eh nanliligaw ka pa lang." Arabelle said that made me stop.

"Kaya nga sabi ko magpakasal na  tayo..." He suggested nonchalantly.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa babae. I thought she was his girlfriend? I clearly remember her answering my phone call months ago and introducing herself as Adam's girlfriend...

Arabelle must've realized that I heard their conversation. She gaped at me and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Pa!"

I startled and turned to my daughter with wide shock eyes. Did she just call me...

"Pa-Pass! Pass me the lego please!" She pointed one lego and I stiffen.

Adam snort a laugh, Arabelle spat his arms, he stopped laughing and glared at the lego toys. Napangisi ako. At least I find some similarities.

"Ehem!" My daughter pointed the lego toy she wanted me to pass to her, I turned to her and chuckled.

"What will you say, baby?" I grabbed the toy but didn't give it to her yet.

"Please..."

Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "Please Pa..." I let her continue but instead she pouted.

"Never mind." She shrugged, I sighed.

Mukhang mas mahihirapan akong manuyo sa anak ko kaysa sa ina.

"Rae, magsiesta ka na." Biglang sumulpot ang boses ng Ella ko.

Nanlaki ang mata ni Rae at halatang naalarma ito. She turned to me with a pleading look kaya kahit na alam kong wala akong laban kay Ci ay nilinis ko ang lalamunan para maipahayag ang damdamin ng anak.

"Ci-"

"Tumahimik ka." She glared at me, I shut my mouth and looked at my daughter with worry.

"Pero ayaw-" Rae ended up with a shriek when Adam attacked her and lifted her up. She broke in giggles and for a moment, I want to be the one who killed their joy by snatching my daughter from me.

Ci followed him inside Rae's room and I clenched my fist from jealousy. I only stopped when I heard a clearing of throat from behind. 

"Hendrik... right?" The woman asked.

Tanging tango ang sagot ko, nakakunot ang noo at nagtataka.

"Don't tell Adam... na sinabi kong... girlfriend niya ako." She said in hushed tone.

"Bakit naman?" Lito kong tanong.

Namula siya. "Magyayabang 'yon."

I sighed. I don't like Adam and his cockiness so her favor would play a part in my side. 

"Ilayo mo si Adam sa mag-ina ko kung gano'n." I said like it's a deal.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay at natawa. "Why are you so jealous? Mahal niya ako kaya hindi niya aagawin si Ella mo." Ngisi niya kaya sumama ang mukha ko.

"He's acting like my daughter's father!"

"That's because he is. He wanted to be a good father... napamahal na 'yong tao sa bata. Hayaan mo na." Iling niya.

"Nakikipagkompetensya siya sa akin!" 

"He just likes riling you up. Sabi niya nagmumukha ka raw isip-bata kapag nagseselos. Mas bata ang isip kaysa kay Rae."

Napatayo ako dahil sa narinig. I feel offended!

"Hindi naman siya ganito dati ah? Bakit parang naging isip-bata siya!" Reklamo ko. I remember Adam as the cold and ruthless boss. I chose him and his goons because they were serious and can protect Ci at all cost. Hindi naman papasok sa isipan kong magiging kakomptensya ko siya sa anak ko! His looks could even scare kids away and yet he's being this childish with my daughter!

"Shut-up! Don't judge him." Arabelle gave me a warning glare. I stomped and sat beside her so I could have my condition.

I leaned in to whisper just in case they'd hear our conversation. "Keep your boy on the leash and I won't tell him about it."

Her lips part and she was about to say a word when a harsh hand hauled me up. Adam's playfullness vanished and he looked at me as if he's about to start a war, I feel he same way.

"Bakit ang lapit mo sa kaniya?" Parang nanghahamon ng away niyang tanong.

Tsk. Mas isip-bata pa yata 'to kaysa sa akin! Alam niya namang patay na patay ako sa kaibigan niya tapos magseselos siya? Ang bobo!

"Ikaw? Bakit ang lapit mo sa mag-ina ko?" Pagpatol ko sa kaniya.

"Huwag mong iniiba ang usapan." Dinuro niya ang dibdib ko kaya dinuro ko rin ang dibdib niya. I straightened my chin up and he did the same. Huh! Mas mataas ako sa kaniya ng ilang pulgada kaya lamang ako!

"Bobo ka yata, eh. Bakit ka magseselos eh hindi ko naman type 'yang babae ko." Agresibo kong sabi kaya nanlaki ang mata niya.

"Putangina mo, buti nga hindi ka matawag na Papa ng sarili mong anak." Atake niya kaya nanlaki rin ang mata ko.

"At least may anak na kami. Eh, ikaw? Umaasa pero wala." I glared at him.

"Oh ano naman ngayon? At least manliligaw na ako ni Arabelle. Ikaw? Ama lang ng anak ni Ci." Sarkastiko niyang tawa kaya kimuwelyuhan ko na siya dahil sa pagkapuno, gumati siya at kinuwelyuhan din ako.

"Manliligaw ako!" Giit ko kahit na hindi pa rin pumapayag si Ci na ligawan ko siya. Aniya para lang daw iyon sa mga bata at masyado na siyang matanda para roon. Ano naman ngayon? Liligawan ko siya! I'd still pursue her like a damn teenager even when she doesn't categorize me as one.

"Talaga ba? Hindi halata. Mukha ka lang desperadong naghahabol sa mag-ina mo." Asar niya kaya hindi ko na napigilan. I punched him straight to the face, he quickly recover and punched me as well.

"Inggit ka lang kasi meron kaming anak." Ganti ko kaya sinuntok niya ako, gumati ako ng suntok. I heard Arabelle sighing behind us but she didn't move.

"TIGILLL!!!"

Parehas kaming natigilan nang marinig ang talinis na boses ng anak ko. I pushed Adam away, he staggered back and glared at me. I glared back.

"Mga isip-bata!" Sigaw ni Rae sa aming dalawa kaya nanlaki ang mata namin ni Adam.

"Siya ang isip-bata!" Sabay naming sabi at turo sa isa't isa.

"Tita, pakilabas po muna si Uncle." Buntong-hininga ni Rae.

"Adam." Arabelle called that he flinched as his face pale.

I gave him my smug look, he glared at me and sighed in defeat. I was about to celebrate my win when my daughter cleared her throat and glared at me. My eyes widened.

"Sorry, baby. Si uncle mo kasi—"

"Magsorry ka kay mama."

"Ha?" Taka kong tanong.

"Kay mama! Nasa kwarto siya, sabi niya sumasakit daw ulo niya dahil sa inyo!" She pouted and I sighed.

"Pasensya, anak." I rubbed her hair and she glared at me, pointing at the door where her mother is. That bossy attitude, she got that from her mother.

I couldn't help but feel proud. Kahit na ako ang kawawa sa aming tatlo ay masaya pa rin ako. Hindi katulad ni Adam na walang anak. Inggit lang siya. Kapag nagkaanak siya, aagawan ko talaga ng atensyon ang anak niya! Iyong ay kung magkaanak siya. A smirk formed on my lips imagining a fatherless Adam while I have three kids with my wife. 

My thoughts are cut off when Rae pushed me towards the door where Ci was. She thrust me inside the room and locked the door with a loud click. I gulped and eyed Ci who was sitting on the bed, her back was leaned against the bed's headboard while reading a book. Bumaling siya sa akin na nakakunot ang noo.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Malamig niyang tanong.

"Sumakit daw ulo mo dahil sa akin." Kamot ko sa ulo.

Umiling siya at ibinalik ang mata sa librong binabasa. Wala naman siguro siyang pakealam kung mamatay ako sa gitna ng pag-aaway naman ni Adam. Napanguso ako dahil sa sariling naisip pero sa kabila ng tampo ay humakbang ako papalapit sa kaniya para makapag-sorry katulad ng sinabi ng anak ko. Natigil lamang ako sa paglalakad nang ilapag niya ang librong binabasa at pinagkrus ang dibdib. Despite her obvious displeasure, I still wanted to say sorry. Not just because of the fight... but more than that.

Ella and me might have a painful past but I'm thankful I never once heard her blame me. She never blamed me even though she lost her father just because my father wanted to prove a point in front of me on who has power, and how he can control my life. My mother... real mother. Tried to kidnap and kill her yet she still accepted me despite of my parents' sin. Elena is locked in a mental's hospital and as much as it pained me to see her detoriate from the chaos in her mind, I knew I needed to accept it for my Ci and daughter's safety. Not once, even once... have I heard her blame me for anything she went through in the past just because she met me. And despite that, I still wanted to apologize.

"Hi... sorry." Sabi ko matapos ng ilang minutong katahimikan.

"Upo." Iminuwestra niya ang kama kaya kaagad akong umupo.

She sighed and grabbed something on the nightstand's drawer. Akala kung ano na, first-aid kit lang naman pala.

"Lapit."

Umusog ako palapit sa kaniya. "Hindi na kailangan niyan. Maliit na sugat lang." I had a small cut on the side of my lips but it was not that painful. "Isa lang kailangan ko para gumaling." Dagdag ko.

She glared at me. "Ano?"

"Kiss." Ngisi ko kaya nanatili ang sama ng tingin niya sa kabila ng pag-iinit ng pisngi.

Akala ko hindi niya gagawin. Nag-expect na nga ako ng sapak pero nanlaki ang mata ko nang biglaan niyang nilapit ang mukha sa akin at hinalikan ang gilid ng labi ko. Kumalabog ng malakas ang puso ko dahil sa gulat.

My Ci just kissed me! Huh! Maiinggit nito si Adam!

"Happy birthday." She said after a while. "Hindi mo ba alam?" She cocked her to the side and I suddenly want to grab her and kiss her. 

"Alam ko. And that was not a kiss. A kiss is different from a peck." I said with a smirk, she glared at me.

"Iyon lang muna." Lumayo siya pero hinuli ko ang kamay niya at at hinila papalapit sa akin. She yelped and landed on my lap.

"Anong iyon lang muna? Hindi na tayo bata." I grabbed her nape and leaned in closer, her eyes widened but she slowly closed her eyes to welcome me—

"Happy birthday, Papa!"

Marahas akong tinulak ni Ci sa gilid dahilan para mahulog ako sa kama, sge was so strong she managed to push me until my body hit the floor with a loud thud. I groaned as pain explodes in my back, head, and butt, I even heard Rae's panicking squeal.

"Papa! Ayo—"

I heard another thud but before I could even open my eyes from the blackness of pain, a sticky substance covered my face as the sweet filling of icing cake assaulted my nose.

"Rae! Sabi ko mamaya nang gabi!" Si Ci.

"Pero mama! Gusto ko sanang gulatin si Papa!"

"Anong nangyari ngayon? Nahulugan mo ng cake!" 

"Sorry Papa!" She removed the cake on my face while I lie on the floor, motionless.

The room was silent, I heard my daughter's loud and nervous gulp. Nanatili akong nakahiga sa sahig, ang mukha ay puno ng icing, Rae was trying to remove the icing on my face and I heard her sniffling from panic.

So I burst out laughing. My laugh echoed in the room and I felt Rae's hand on my face freezing in shock.

"You finally called me Papa!" Bumangon ako sa pagkakahiga at umupo, pinalis ang icing sa mata ko para makita ko ang anak ko na mapupula na ang mata at handang umiyak.

Her teary eyes suddenly beamed at me and my heart melted.

"Of course you're my Papa!" She attacked me with a hug and I laughed despite the icing coating my face.

Ci kneeled in front of me and wiped my face with a towel. "Of course you are." She assured me.

I couldn't help it, I grabbed her with my wide arms and hugged them tight. Nagreklamo si Ci dahil sa icing habang napasigaw naman si Rae. In the end she laughed and spread the icing on her mother's face. Ci retaliated and did the same thing to Rae. I laughed at their small fight.

This is the life worth living for and I couldn't ask for more.