Prologue

There is always a perfect size of shoe that fits perfectly in your feet.

Because some shoes are meant to fit with you, while most belongs to someone else. However, there is no shoe that fits perfectly in me, maybe because I chose not to wear what was meant for me? Or maybe, I was forced to.

Just like how I've always dreamt of wearing sandals or heels but always end up with a pair of black shoes that doesn't fit right with my size.

"Stop slacking around, pretty boy and do your job." Natauhan ako sa boses ni Angelo. I straightened my back and shifted my attention away from the pair of sandals displayed on a store.

"Sir, yes, sir."

Hindi siya nagsalita at iniwan na ako sa posisyon ko para mabantayan ang boss namin na hanggang ngayon ay kinakausap pa rin ang sales lady tungkol sa plano niyang bilhin na sapatos para sa babaeng pakakasalan niya.

My heart unknowingly squeezed at the thought of the woman he's going to marry.

This is wrong. So so wrong.

He's my boss, and I'm a mere bodyguard. I should be professional and separate intimate feelings from work. Except that I was a fool that I didn't know how to filter out these gruesome feelings.

I didn't know when the fuck did I start to have feelings for him again. All I know was that one day, I woke up, blushing over his mere gaze and teases.

Like damn him, bakit araw-araw niya kasi akong inaasar? It's infuriating and annoying, and I don't know why the fuck did I fall for that motherfucker.

Mahina siya, bobo siya, oo, guwapo siya, but he's far from my type! My type had always been a smart moreno filipino man who loves combat, except that I fell for a tall, foreigner young man who loves to play around. Plus, he's a dumb ass. A fucking opposite of my type.

Or maybe that was just an excuse I kept telling myself. An excuse that I have traits I like about a man opposite to him when in fact... it's always been him. Always.

"Pwede pumasok? Nakakainip na." I couldn't help but voice it out. It has been an hour and a half since he was inside that fucking botique for his fiancée just to buy a pair of fucking shoes.

Forgive the curses, I just fucking hate this situation. Especially him and his fucking fiancée.

"Stay on your ground, you wimp." Angelo warned me.

I stared at him pointedly, he stared at me with a warn. Trust me, I do respect him as my senior. But sometimes, I was just there meant to defy his commands.

So I went in. With of course, his curses that follow through.

"Welcome to our botique, sir!" A woman welcomed me but I spare her no glance.

"So you mean, there's no perfect size for this shoe that fits for my fiancée?"

My ears rang like from that of an after bomb explosion and my mind almost went berserk with the use of his words but I remained stoic.

The sales lady looked apologetic. She glanced at me and her posture straightened, suddenly intimidated by my presence. Nilingon ako ni Erik. His eyes widened when he saw my presence.

"Ci! Matagal ba ako?" He immediately put the shoe down so he could run close to me.

See? Who wouldn't fall for that? He acted like he forgot about the whole damn shoes and saw no one but me.

Fuck him.

I would love to.

Umiling ako sa naisip. Damn you, Ci.

"Oo." I said coldly and glanced at the frightened sales lady.

"Sorry! Ilang sapatos na kasi ang pinili ko na magugustuhan ni Drizy but nothing seems to fit for her. It's either small or too big."

Bakit kasi ang laki-laki ng paa ni Drizy? Kasinglaki ng sama ng loob ko sa kaniya.

"Anong size ba ang mayroon?" Tanong ko sabay sulyap sa sapatos. I fought the urge not to fall in love at first sight when I saw the magnificent blue diamond shoe.

"Thirty-eight." He sighed, I paused.

That size... would fit perfectly for my feet.

"Oh! I realized it now, you have the same size!" His eyes gleamed and my heart thumped loud against my chest.

"Yes..." I said calmly.

His shoulder hunched at a sudden realization and I tried my best to remain stoic.

"Sayang, lalake ka. Bibilhin ko sana para sa 'yo." Aniya kaya lahat ng lakas ay ginamit ko para lang hindi masabi sa kaniyang babae ako at puwedeng-puwede niyang bilhin ang sapatos para sa akin.

Except that I didn't voice it out. My lips remained shut and pursed.

I should be rational and logical, I should always remember my goal, the reason behind this sham, on why am I hiding my real gender and identity from everyone. I couldn't and shouldn't let my feelings reign over me or else I'll regret all the sacrifices I made just to be in this position.

Even when my chest feels suffocated from the bandages I wrap around it. Even when I find it uncomfortable walking in a suit, where a woman was hidden behind the buttons of its shirt. Even when I walk in a black shoe where my feet yearns for a touch of heels.

"Miss, may black shoes kayo?" He suddenly asked the sales lady.

The sales lady flushed and scratched her nape, seemingly embarrassed and I know why. For fucking sake, this is a woman's boutique, why would they sell a men's shoe? Erik is just obviously a dumb ass. 

"Hindi ko kailangan. Bilhin mo nalang 'yan." Sabi ko sabay sulyap sa sapatos sa likuran niya dahil nanghihinayang akong iwan iyon.

"Sinong magsusuot?" He sighed.

"Give it to me. I know someone with the same size." I lied.

His eyes gleamed and a smile formed into his lips. Fucking adorable. I avoided my eyes and shifted my attention on the boutiques door.

I should stop falling for this dumb ass boy.

"Wrap it, Miss. Bibilhin ko." Aniya kaya bumalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

My heart nearly tripped when he winked at me playfully. Damn him. I cleared my throat and turned my back on them so I could walk out.

When I opened the boutique's door, I was welcomed with Angelo's scrutinizing gaze. I tried to ignore him even when my heart started to thump violently against my chest. Was he watching all along?

"Garcia." He called seriously, my heart banged loudly against my chest, suffocating me once more.

Whenever he calls my fake last name, I know something bad will happen.

"Bakit?" I remained stoic.

Nanatili rin siyang seryosong nakamasid sa akin, pinigilan ko ang sariling ipakita kung gaano ako kinakabahan at apektado sa kung paano niya ako titigan.

"The boss has a fiancée." He reminded me as if I forgot about the whole damn thing over and over again.

"Alam ko." I said nonchalantly.

"Whatever the fuck you feel for our boss, make it unknown." He said seriously, my heart burned in another level of hell.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" Nilingon ko siya, sinusiguradong hindi halata ang kaba ko.

"It's not my business if you like men, just make sure it's not our boss." His eyes were cold as he stared at me.

I scoffed and shook my head as my fist clenched, trying to deny the obvious.

"Hindi ko siya gusto, Angelo." Hindi ko naitago ang irita sa tono ko.

Hindi siya nagsalita kaya mas lalong sumurok ang dugo ko. He just shook his head as if he was disappointed with the decision I made, as if it was my choice to like our boss! Trust me! I didn't! I fucking tried my best to stop this stupid feelings!

"Hin—"

"Nandito na, Ci." Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang marinig ang boses ni Erikson sa tabi ko.

The flames of hell that was ready to burn Angelo alive suddenly turned into smoke, as if his voice was a bucket of water, calming the raging fire that was about to explode anytime.

Kalmado kong nilingon si Erikson na inosenteng nakamasid sa akin. He offered me the bag of shoes he brought and I accepted it with a defeated sigh. Sumulyap ako kay Angelo na nanatili ang malamig niyang mga mata, it was a warn, and he don't have to worry, I won't step the line.

Because I'm just a mere bodyguard.

Meant there to protect him. That's my role, nothing more, nothing less.

And I'm not aiming for him to reciprocate this feelings because from the very start, I never liked how my heart chose to defy every logic my brain wants to step. It was as if every path I prepared myself for was all useless just because he came in the way, blocking the driveway I should've taken instead of going in that fucking green light. 

The truth that he was unaware of his intrusion made this all fucking complicated.

Not only am I hiding my gender but also this fucking feelings I have for my dumbass boss.

"I hope the shoe fits." He smiled at me and looked down at the paper bag he brought.

It does. But I cannot and shouldn't wear it because even if it fits perfectly in me, it doesn't mean it's meant to be used. 

Just like him, even if I know he will perfectly fill the gaps of my heart, it doesn't mean he's meant to be with me.

Because no shoes, nor anyone, will fit perfectly with me.