Her

"Rony, paano ko ba mababalik sa dati ang kulay ng buhok ko?" I asked him as the three of us watch a horror movie in the living room.

"Anong totoong kulay ng buhok mo, ta?" Si Princess habang kumakain ng ice cream, nasa gitna siya naming dalawa at nakapokus ang mata sa telebisyon.

"Blond."

"Wow. May lahi." She said with feigned enthusiasm.

"Bibili ako ng pankulay tapos bleach." Si Rony, nasa telebisyon din ang mata. Pareho kasi nilang gusto ang horror movie. Napailing nalang ako.

"Okay. Mamaya ha? Gusto ko bumalik sa dati 'yong buhok ko." Sabi ko kaya wala sa sariling tumangk si Rony.

I sighed and stared at the television. It's been a week without Erikson and it's kind of boring. Mabuti nalang at kasama ko ang mag-ama dahil kung hindi pakiramdam ko mamatay ako sa pagkaboryo.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone sa bulsa ko. I stared at my last conversation with Erikson.

From Erikson:
morning my beautiful girlfriend! Eat your breakfast :)

To Erikson:
morning! Kailan ka bibisita?

He didn't reply to my message that morning. He only replied when the clock hit noon.

From Erikson:
eat your lunch! love you :)

To Erikson:
ikaw rin. Kailan ka bibisita?

Once again, he didn't reply. Until it's six pm.

From Erikson:
eat your dinner, miss you :)

Hindi ko na siya ni-replyan. Ganyan lagi ang sinasagot niya pero hinahayaan ko. His message is becoming repitative and old. Kapag nag-iinitiate naman akong tumawag, hindi niya sinasagot. Sinasabi niyang busy raw siya. Tangina niya pala eh. Ganyan na excuse sa loob ng isang linggo?! Halata namang iniiwasan ako! 

"Tawagan mo kung hindi ka mapakali." Si Rony nang mapansin ang masama kong titig sa telepono.

"Hindi niya sasagutin." I predicted it. I don't want to get hurt if ever he doesn't answer my call again.

Nilingon ako ni Rony na salubong na ang kilay. Princess is already fast asleep on his lap. I caressed her hair and stared at her peaceful face, avoiding his scrutinizing eyes.

"Do you think he's chea—"

"Hindi 'yon. Patay na patay 'yon sa akin." I tried to joke even though something in me broke, something in me... felt a little bit doubtful.

"Iyon naman pala. Bakit takot kang tawagan siya?"

I sighed. Should I call him? I think I should at least clarify things right? Hindi iyong halos mabaliw na ako kakaisip kung ano bang nangyayari sa kaniya!

"Fine." Tumayo ako at naglakad na paalis para makapunta sa kwarto.

"Goodluck." He chuckled, I flip him off.

Nang makapasok sa sariling kwarto ay kaagad ko itong sinarado at naglakad papalapit sa kama. I sat on the bed and released a breath.

Staring at his number, I hit call.

My heart drummed loudly as the phone vibrate against my palms. My beating picked uo the each second he don't answer my call.

Until finally! He answered!

"Erik—"

"Hello?"

My lips part when I heard a familiar tone, it isn't because it's from Erikson but because... it's from a woman. Ana.

"Hello? Sino 'to?" Si Ana sa telepono.

Siguro dahil babae ang tono ko kaya hindi niya napagtanto kung sino ako. Pero tangina? Hindi niya kilala kung sinong tumawag? Ano bang nilagay ni Erikson sa call id ko?! Tinatago niya ba ako?!

Kaya ba? Kaya ba... gusto niya akong magresign? Because I'm a fucking side chick?!

"Ana?" I heard Erikson's voice from afar. "Bakit mo—" before he could talk to me, I end the call.

Tangina niya. Tangina niya. Tangina niya. Dinala niya lang ako rito para matago ako?! Kasi ang totoo... nandiyan pa si Ana!

I felt something wet in my cheeks. I touched my face and water was in there. Pinahid ko ang luha at kaagad na tumayo. Hindi ko siya iiyakan! Tangina niya, hindi ako iiyak sa manloloko!

My phone rang and it's Erikson. Instead of answering him, I turned my phone off and head to the closet. Kukunin ko lahat ng gamit ko rito. Aalis ako! Hindi ako maninirahan dito at papayag na maging kabit niya!

Hindi porket pumayag si Ana na may kabit si Erikson ay papayag na ako! I will not be a sidechick! I will not be a mistress! I know my worth.

Mabilis ang pag-iimpake ko. Duffle bag ko lang ang dala ko nang lumabas sa kwarto. I head to the living room and found Rony standing there. carrying a sleeping Princess in his arms. Bumaba ang mata niya sa bagahe ko pagkatapos ay ibinalik sa mata kong alam kong mag bahid ng luha. I thought he would ask me but instead, he nodded.

"Antayin mo 'ko." That's all he said and I felt relieved.

Naglakad ako papalapit sa sofa at umupo. Natulala ako sa kawalan habang inaalala ang nangyari kanina. Ana was there. That means... for the past days I kept on thinking about him, he... was with Ana. Is that why he kept avoiding my calls?!

Pinalis ko ang pumatak na luha pero kahit anong pahid ko ay mayroon pa rin. I cursed at myself as I tried my best to stop my tears.

Ang bobo mo talaga sa pag-ibig, Ci. Ang bobo bobo mo!

"Halika na."

Kaagad akong tumayo nang marinig ang boses ni Rony sa likod ko. Gising na si Princess at nakatayo na siya. Kaagad niya akong nilapitan at niyakap sa paa. I sighed and wiped my tear. Akala ko wala na, mayroon pa pala.

"Nandito lang ako, ta."

Yumuko ako at binuhat si Princess. Hindi siya nagprotesta, instead she wrapped her small hands around my neck. Kinuha ni Rony ang bag ko at nauna nang naglakad paalis. I followed him as my heart slowly break.

Ever since I was a teenager, my life started to revolve around Erikson. Now that I'm leaving, how will I find purpose in life? Tangina naman kasi, ang aga kong natanga sa pag-ibig kaya hanggang pagtanda nadala ko.

I don't even know myself. Yet, I know almost everything when it comes to Erikson.

Is losing myself the expense of loving too much?

My thoughts whirled down to how my life will turn out now that I find no purpose in life. I failed to protect Erikson. The welts, marks, and scars on his back are the proof of it. I failed to protect him.

"Ayos ka lang?"

How... how will I live now? I thought being free would make me happy but now I realize something. My life was too dependent on Erikson.

"Ci."

Doon ako napabalik sa ulirat. Nilingon ko si Rony na nagda-drive ngayon.

Wait... kailan ako nakasakay sa sasakyan? Did I dissociate?

I sighed. "Ayos lang."

Hindi siya nagsalita pero sinulyapan niya ako, halatang hindi naniniwala. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at itinuon ang atensyon sa kalsada.

Siguro ay dahil sa pagod kaya nakatulog ako. I only woke up when I heard faint murmurs from afar. 

"Natutulog pa."

"Pupuntahan ko."

"Mamaya na."

"Hindi ko naman siya gigisingin."

My eyes snapped open when I heard Erikson's familiar tone. Kaagad akong bumangon sa pagkakahiga at napagtantong nasa bahay ako ni Rony.

Ang tanga-tanga rin naman ni Rony! Bakit sa bahay niya ako dinala?! Nahanap tuloy!

Tumayo ako at kaagad na hinanap ang nag para makaalis ngunti bago ko pa iyon magawa ay bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Erikson. I glared at him and turned my back on him.

"I—"

"Hindi ako nakikipag-usap sa mga manloloko. Umalis ka." Malamig kong sabi.

"I'm not cheating! You're my only girlfriend and—"

Hinarap ko siya, punong-puno na. "Tangina mo. Sa tingin mo maniniwala ako diyan? Iniwan mo ako tapos kapag gusto kong tumawag, hindi mo sinasagot! Noong sinagot mo naman, ibang babae ang sumagot!" Hinihingal ako nang isigaw ko iyon.

"Hindi lang si Ana ang nando'n. Nando'n din si Angelo. Sinagot iyon ni Ana kasi nakita niyang girlfriend ko ang tumawag at hindi niya alam na ikaw iyon."

"Hindi ako naniniwala!" I glared at him and clenched my fist.

"I'm sorry I was really busy. I was planning a plan to deceive Henry." He sighed and stepped forward, I stepped back.

"Eh ano iyong hindi ka palagi nagre-reply kapag nagtatanong ako kung kailan ka babalik?!" Tumaas ang boses ko.

"It was because I don't want you to expect. I was too busy and I don't want you to get disappointed. I don't want you to wait."

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at tinalikuran siya. I heard his footsteps near me but I didn't turn to him. Pinahid ko ang luha, hindi dahil nasaktan ako kundi dahil sa galit sa sarili. Dapat magali pa ako! Ano pang pwede kong isumbat sa kaniya? Gusto ko siyang sigawan!

He slowly wrapped his hands around my stomach, I tried to remove it but he firmly gripped me. It wasn't too harsh but enough to keep me in place.

"Sorry..."

"Tangina mo." Iyon lang ang nasabi ko.

"Sorry, baby. I didn't mean to."

"Baby mo mukha mo." Irap ko sa kawalan.

He chuckled. "I don't like Ana. And don't be jealous. You're literally gorgeous. I bet many would line up once I let you go and that won't happen."

"Tumahimik ka! Napakabolero mo akala mo kikiligin ako do'n? Hindi! Galit pa rin ako! You left me after we had se—"

"Made love, baby. Made love."

"Stop calling me baby!" Iritado kong sigaw.

"Okay, Cinderella."

"Ugh! Tumahimik ka muna?!"

"Bakit ang init-init ng ulo mo ngayon?" He kissed the crook of my neck, I hissed at him.

"Sinong hindi magagalit kung iyon ang madadatnan ko sa tawag?!" Tumaas muli ang boses.

"Calm down." He whispered and bit my ear lobe, I jolt.

"Erikson!" I huffed as I feel my cheeks warming up.

"Let me make it up to you."

I yelp when he lifted me up, bridal style. Inilapag niya ako sa kama at lumuhod sa harapan ko! Sinubukan kong bumangon ngunit bumagsak muli sa kama ang katawan ko nang hilahin niya ang paa ko hanggang sa dulo ng kama. He lifted the hem of my daster up and I gasped.

"Thong." He whistled playfully, I flushed.

"Iyon lang ang underwear sa clo—" I heard a ripping of cloth and it's definitely my thong!

"Erikson!"

"Shh. I would love to hear your screams but we're in someone else's house."

I was about to protest when his head disappeared between my thighs. I cursed and arch my back the moment his tongue flicked to my clit.

Napaigik ako nang may biglaang kumatok sa pintuan. I tried to stand but cursed when he continued lapping my insides!

"Ta! Hindi kayo maninihapon?" Ang bata pa talaga ang nasa labas!

"H-Hindi na!"

"Umiiyak ka ba, ta?"

He parted my nether lips with his digits as he tongue-fucked me. I cursed and grabbed his hair, both in frustration and pleasure.

"Ta?"

I muffled my scream by slapping my palm against on my mouth. The high from my orgasm made me forget why was I even mad at him.

Bakit nga ba?

"Ayos lang siya, Ces." Si Erikson nang hindi ako makasagot dahil sa panginginig ng buong katawan. It was a good type of shiver.

I glared at Erikson as I pant. He smirked at me and licked the excess cum from his lips. Namula ako at dahan-dahang bumangon, he assisted me, I hissed.

"Sungit naman." He chuckled.

"Kumain na kayo, to!" Si Princess, walang kamalay-malay sa nangyari sa loob.

I huffed and tried to stand-up. He held my elbow, I tried to wiggle it out of his hold but he was stubborn that he wrapped his hands around my waist.

"Don't be so grumpy my future wife."

I groaned. Hindi ko na maalala kung bakit ako galit sa kaniya pero gusto ko pa ring magsungit at magalit. Akala niya gano'n ako karupok? Hindi ako marupok.

Our dinner with Rony was awkward. Or that's what I felt considering that I had no underwear beneath my daster! Erikson ripped it off! A reason to be mad of!

Yes, I'm mad at him but it doesn't mean I can't touch him.

Right?

So after the dinner, I used him as a leverage to my pleasure. I rode him to reach my ecstasy. Akala ko hindi siya papayag na ako ang pumaibabaw pero hinayaan niyang ako ang manguna. I was enjoying it too much, I shock myself. I was aroused or maybe I just missed him that much.

I initiated it first but when I woke up the next morning and felt sore all over my body, I blamed him and got mad at him. He took the blame and admitted his mistake. I was too sore to even move or I was just too lazy that he ran a bath for me.

"Ang sungit mo naman, ta. Kawawa si to." Bulong sa akin ni Princess nang mag-umagahan kami. Tahimik si Erikson dahil pinagalitan ko siya sa harap ng hapag-kainan.

Kasalanan niya 'yon, sabi ko gusto ko ng menudo, ang binigay niya sa akin afritada! Tatanga-tanga kasi! He reasoned that I requested a chicken in it so he thought I mistook Afritada to Menudo. Pero hindi iyon ang ikinagalit ko, nagalit ako dahil sinasagot niya ako, which leads us back to this dining table where he remained quiet beside me because he thought I hate hearing his voice.

"Tubig." Utos ko sa kaniya kaya kaagad niya akong binigyan ng tubig.

Rony was eyeing us with his usual scrutinizing gaze. I didn't mind him though.

Tahimik lang si Erikson nang matapos kami sa hapag. He was awfully quiet and I feel a little bit guilty so I approached him and made it up to him in the shower.

"Bati na kayo, ta?" Ngisi ni Princess nang makita ang malaking ngisi ni Erikson, nakikipag-usap na ngayon kay Rony. Basa ang buhok katulad ko.

Rony looked at me suspiciously the moment he saw Erikson's charming-in-a-good-mood smile and I knew he knew something happened inside his house. I avoided my eyes and focused on chatting with Princess.

Sa huli, nagpaalam na kami ni Erikson kila Rony at Princess. They both gave us a hug and told us to take care.

"Akala ko isang buwan, isang linggo lang pala." Ani Rony kaya namula ako.

"Hindi nakaya." Ngisi ni Erikson kaya mas lalo akong nahiya. Ako naman ang rason kung bakit, malamang kaya niya naman kung hindi ko siya pinatayan ng tawag.

We both part our ways. Rony told me he'll visit me and all I need is to text him. Which I will do in the future. As of the moment, Erikson spent an entire week with me in the cottage. Doing mudane things in the day, and some highlight things in night (sometimes in daytime as well).

I was happy and contented. He didn't even point out my blue eyes, sometimes I'll caught him staring too much at my eyes as if he's drowning in ocean but most of the times he'll hide that fact and stared at me whenever he thought I'm busy doing other things.

Should I tell him the truth?

"Erikson." I called and turned to him, it was too late for him to notice that he's staring at me instead of the movie, he cleared his throat and turned his head back to the television.

"Nanonood ako." He reasoned. Nagagalit kasi ako kapag hindi niya nasasabayan ang pinapanood ko dahil palagi siyang nakatitig sa mga mata ko.

"Hindi mo ba ako tatanungin?" I tried to ask calmly even though my pulse started to pace rapidly.

"Ng?"

"Kung... bakit ako nagpanggap?" I bit my lower lip.

Bumaling siya sa akin, nakakunot ang noo at halatang gulat. "Ayos lang, hindi mo kailangang sabihin."

I closed my eyes and heaved a breath. When I opened them, I caught him staring at my face in deep thoughts. From my brows to my eyes, from my nose to my cheeks, from my lips to my chin. His eyes were roaming around my face as if he's trying to decipher my look.

"Ci Garcia is not my real name." I said, breathless.