Her

Jericho was waiting for me outside. His brows were knitted together as he leaned against a black car. Tumigil ako sa harapan niya kaya pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto, hindi nagsasalita.

"Bakit?" Tahimik niyang tanong nang titigan ko siya.

"Galit ka ba katulad ni Mavrik?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "Sigurado ka ba sa desisyon mo?"

"Alam mo naman kung saan ako pupunta."

He pursed his lips and nodded. My eyes caught someone from the window and I saw Mavrik standing in front of a window as he looked at me coldly. Ibang-iba sa Mavrik na madaldal at masiyahin. I thought he was the less intimidating between the three of them but as I experience his cold shoulder, I guess he can be worse than Angelo.

Kaagad na tumalikod sa akin si Mavrik at naglakad paalis sa bintana. I sighed as my eyes lingered on the window.

"He has a crush on you."

Doon ako nagulat. Binalingan ko si Jericho na nakamasid sa bintana kung nasaan si Mavrik nakatayo kanina.

"H-Huh?" Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

"Noong unang araw mo pa rito, palagi na 'yang nagtatanong tungkol sa 'yo. Hindi niya inamin pero noong nalasing siya umamin din." Aniya kaya napanganga ako sa gulat.

"Pero..."

"Si boss nga na inakalang lalake ka nagustuhan ka, huwag ka nang magulat." Umiling si Jericho kaya bumalik ang mata ko sa kung saan ko nakita si Mavrik na nakatayo kanina.

"Is he—"

"It doesn't matter. Pumasok ka na." Utos niya kaya bumuntong-hininga ako at pumasok sa loob.

Buong biyahe ay nakatulala lang ako sa kawalan. Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang mangyayari ngayon. What I'm looking forward to is to change back to myself. To be a woman again. Even though a part of me... longed for that friendship I made in Casa Cantatio.

Huminto ang sasakyan sa isang malawak na bakuran. My eyes roamed around the surrounding and I saw a cozy cottage house from afar. A fence was surrounding the two storey cottage, trees were alive and the green grass looked homy. Wala akong nakitang bahay sa paligid kundi ang bahay lang sa gitna ng berdeng damo.

"Malayo-layo ang bayan dito pero makakaya mo namang lakarin. Marami namang pagkain sa loob kaya hindi mo kailangang mag-alala."

Lumabas si Jericho sa sasakyan kaya lumabas din ako. When my shoes touched the green grass, I felt a little kind of happiness. I felt... freedom.

"Diyan ako titira?" Tanong ko kay Jericho.

"Oo."

Pinagmasdan ko ang bahay. Tama lang ang laki nito, kung tutuusin ay malaki ito kung ako lang mag-isa ang maninirahan dito. The cottage was made of modern wood, french windows were surrounding the house. There's a balcony and a terrace. A coffee table was resting on the porch. The house was colored brown and yellow, a chimney atop of it. It looked so cozy and homey.

Natigil ang pamamasid ko sa bahay nang may lalakeng lumapit sa amin. The right side of his face was covered with black mask up until his cheek. He has the same ocean blue eyes as mine, as tall as Erikson, or maybe just a few inches shorter, still, he's taller than me and Mavrik so he's more than a six footer.

He looked intimidating and monstrous. Erikson didn't look as intimidating as him, he might be handsome but I can vouch for Erikson— he's much more handsome than him.

Maybe I'm a little bias but whatever.

"Sino siya?" Tanong ko kay Jericho.

"He protects people. His men are going to protect you."

Sinuyod ko ang mata sa paligid pero wala akong nakitang tao na poprotekta sa akin. I looked at Jericho like he's joking.

"They're hiding in the shadows." The stranger said. He has a deep voice like what Erikson sounds like whenever we do sex.

Bakit palagi kong iniisip si Erikson?

"He's the leader. Adam." Jericho motioned the man.

Tanging tango ang sagot ko. Kinapa ko ang bulsa ko para mahagip ang cellphone kung sakaling nagtext si Erikson o kaya tumawag.

"Ci... Ci nga pala ang pangalan niya." Si Jericho nang nanatili akong tahimik.

Tanging tango rin ang sagot ng lalake. He looked at me sharply with pursed lips and infuriatingly dominance. Napailing ako at bumuntong-hininga. I miss Erikson.

Natigilan ako sa naisip.

What the fuck, Ci?

"Pwede—" Nilagpasan ng lalake— Adam ang pangalan, si Jericho at naglakad papaalis. He has a horse with him. He's such a snob person.

Jericho let out a sigh of relief kaya nilingon ko siya. Ngayon ko lang napansin na namumutla pala siya kanina, mabuti naman at bumalik na ang kulay sa mukha niya.

"Takot ka ro'n?" Kyuryoso kong tanong.

"Sinong hindi matatakot do'n?" Iling niya sa kawalan.

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa likod ng lalake. He do looked scary. I guess I was just too occupied with Erikson I didn't mind that man. I bet he could kill me before I could even lift my gun.

"Narinig mo iyong lalake. Makapangyariha iyon sa Casa Cantatio kaya kaya ka no'n protektagan nang hindi mo napapansin."

Tumango ako kaya tumango rin si Jericho. He motioned me to walk towards the house, I did. Habang papalapit nang papalapit ako sa bahay ay kumakabog din ang puso ko sa hindi maipaliwanag na kasiyahan. My thoughts whirled to the future, how I'll be able to walk in this house without caring what I wear and what I do. Without hiding anymore.

Jericho toured me inside the house. It was spacious and cozy as it looked like outside. The floor was made out of wood in a fancier way. Appliances were also present as if someone live in here. Sinabi rin sa akin ni Jericho na may closet ako sa kwarto ko kaya iyon ang kaagad kong pinuntahan.

I couldn't help the smile from forming on my lips as I open my closet door. It was full of clothes with different styles! Baggy, feminine, simple, shirts, and many other clothes! I could wear everything for a lifetime!

"Aalis na ako." Si Jericho sa tabi ko.

I was still hypnotized by the clothes in my closet that I nodded. He sighed and walked out. Pumasok ako sa loob at tinanaw ang iba't ibang damit. I lifted my hand and felt the cloth against my hands as I walk. It feels like I'm feeling the water. It's so good.

"You like it?"

I immediately turned to his direction and my heart lept when I saw Erikson standing on the threshhold. Maybe because I was a little bit sad, maybe because I miss him badly even though it has only been hours, maybe because everything just feels right, but I ran to him and hugged him so tight he was taken aback.

He chuckled. "I didn't know you'd miss me this bad. If I knew, I would've done this sooner."

Hinalikan niya ang ulo ko kaya humakbang ako paatras para matanaw siya. He didn't let go of me as I peek at him through my lashes.

"Nasolba mo na ang problema mo?" Tanong ko pero umiling siya kaya kumunot ang noo ko. "Akala ko ba ka 'tsaka ka uuwi kabag nasolba na?"

"Hindi kita kayang tiisin." He pinched my cheeks, I scrunched my nose and tiptoed so I could kiss him on the lips.

He immediately kissed me back, he cupped my nape and bit my lower lip, I sighed. Akala ko papatagalin niya pero kaagad niyang inalis ang labi sa akin. I opened my eyes and I found him smiling at me.

"So?" Taas ko ng kilay sa kaniya.

"Anong so?" Inosente niyang tanong.

"Anong gagawin mo ngayon?" I glared at him, ang bilis naman yata niyang patigilin?!

He chuckled. "Magku-kwentuhan tayo."

Kwentuhan lang?

"Why do you look so disappointted? Ayaw mo ba na nandito ako?"

Hindi ko alam kung bobo ba 'to o nagmamaang-maangan lang. Napailing ako at bumuntong-hinunga. Erikson pulled me out of the closet room and lead me to bed. My heart beat picked up.

But then I sighed again when he sat on the bed and made me sit on his lap. He really wanted to only talk.

"Nasabihan mo na ba ang papa mo?" Tanong niya kaya nakakunot ang noo ko siyang nilingon.

"Papa?"

"Si Albert."

"Ahh..." Wala sa sarili akong napatango. I forgot about that. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na ang dami ko pa palang tinatago sa kaniya. I gulped.

"Nasabihan ko na. Wala naman siyang reaksyon. Close ba kayo ng papa mo?" Kyuryoso niyang tanong kaya nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na hindi ko totoong papa si Albert pero paano kung tanungin niya kung sino ang totoo kong papa? Paano kung magduda siya? Hindi ko pa kaya. Natatakot pa ako.

"Tell me about your first love." I tried to change the subject.

His answer will determine if I'm ready. To tell him the truth.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "Let's not talk about the past. How about our future?"

The more he avoids talking about Ella like a plague, the more my courage wither.

I forced a smile and nodded. He grabbed my hand and kissed my ring finger. I tried to act natural even though something feels off. Something feels... painful.

This is petty. Siguro naman takot lang siyang pag-usapan ang nakaraan dahil ang alam niya magkaiba kaming tao?

Pero bakit... bakit pakiramdam ko kapag aamin ako mawawala siya? Bakit... bakit pakiramdam ko hindi magiging maganda ang resulta?

I closed my eyes but I really didn't sleep. Nang maramdam kong magaan na ang paghinga niya at nakatulog na siya sa tabi ko ay roon pa ako bumangon sa pagkakahiga. His arms draped on my stomach but his eyes remained close. I rarely see him sleep peacefully and today is one of those rare days.

Ngayon nakumbinsi ko siyang hubarin ang damit niya. Hindi ko alam pero palagi niyang iniiwasang maghubad ng damit sa harap ko kaya ngayong natutulog na siya at walang saplot, doon ko napagtanto ang rason.

Marks. Welts. Scars. He has tons of it on his back. My lips trembled as I observe his back. The last time I saw his marks when we were teenager, it wasn't this severe. Marami iyon pero hindi ganito karami na halos sakupin na ang likod niya. Mukhang matagal na ang mga marka at sugat niya pero ramdam ko ang sakit nito.

Hindi ba't nangako si Albert na poprotektahan niya si Erikson?! Bakit binubogbog pa rin siya?!

I need to breathe. I feel like I'm hyperventilating. The scars on his back is slowly triggering something in me, like the past. The hopelessness. The cries. The pleas. I need air. I need it. Right now.

Kaagad kong inialis ang kamay at paa ni Erikson na nakapulupot sa akin at tumayo. Mabuti nalang at suot ko ang damit niya ngayon kaya hindi ako naglalakad na nakahubad. I entered the bathroom and stopped in front of the sink, breathing heavily. Tinanggal ko ang contact lens ko at pinaandar ang gripo para mabuhusan ng tubig ang nanlalamig na mukha.

The cold water splashed my face and it calmed my nerves a little. I continued until I could feel my muscles slowly relaxing. Dinilat ko ang mata sa kabila ng tubig sa mata at pinagmasdan ang sarili sa salamin. I met my blue eyes and it felt weird. It felt new. Like I'm staring at a different person right now.

"Ayos ka lang?"

My calmed nerves started to tense as my beating pulsate rapidly against my chest. My lips part because I feel like breathing through my nose isn't enough. Unti-unti kong iniangat ang mata ko at nagtama ang mata namin ni Erikson.

My blue eyes met his grat ones. His brows furrowed as his lips slowly parted out of shock. His eyes were glued to my eyes as if he cannot look away. I remained frozen in my place, unable to move as well.

The only sound left between us is the water from the faucet cascading down the sink.

The more he became silent, the louder my heart beats.

And when finally... finally he avoided his eyes and slowly approached me.

"Ayos ka lang?" Hindi iyon ang inaasahan kong itatanong niya.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Pakiramdam ko nawalan ako ng boses dahil sa kaba. Biglaang tumigil ang tunog ng agos ng tubig kaya bumaling ako kay Erikson. Pinatay niya ang gripo at hinarap ako na seryoso ang mukha.

"Ayos ka lang, Ci?" Ulit niya.

"Ahh... Oo." I gulped.

Tumango siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Matulog na tayo."

Nagulat ako roon. Hindi niya ba ako tatanungin? Tungkol sa kulay ng mata ko? Kung ano nga ba ang totoo kong identidad? Kung sino ba ako?

"Ci."

"Ha?" Bumaling ako kay Erikson na nakamasid lang sa akin.

"Matulog na tayo."

Dahan-dahan akong tumango kaya hinila niya na ako pabalik sa kama. When he wrapped his arms around me on bed, I didn't sleep. And I also felt him. He didn't sleep. He pretended to but I know he was not sleeping. I can feel the slight tension from his muscles even though I knew he did his best to hide it.

He... didn't point out my blue eyes.

Why?

Hindi maayos ang tulog ko. Nakaidlip lang ako pero ramdam ko pa rin ang pagod ng katawan. Paggising ko nga lang ay wala na si Erikson sa tabi ko. I looked at the opened window and the sun was already there. Tiningnan ko ang relo sa dingding and it's already 8 am. I usually wake up at 6am but today I woke up late.

Ilang minuto yata akong natulala sa kawalan bago ko napagpasyahang tumayo at kumain. My stomach is crumbling. Nagulat ako nang may makitang tsinelas sa baba ng kama ko. It was a pink fluffy slipper. I sighed and wore it before I went down to the kitchen.

My feet halt when I saw a familiar man waiting in the living room.

"Daddy, dito tayo titira?"

"Hindi, princess. Isang buwan lang tayo rito."

"Rony?" Gulat kong tawag sa kaniya.

Sabay na nag-angat ng tingin ang mag-ama sa akin. Princess' eyes widened in joy but she schooled her expression and rolled her eyes at me, feigning her excitement with nonchalance.

Napatayo si Rony sa sofa at ningitian ako. My lips part as I eye the living room. Wala si Erikson. Paano siya nakapasok?

"Ahh... Sinabihan ni Jericho na kaibigan mo raw ako. Alam na ni Hendrik na alam kong babae ka." He cleared his throat.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Nalilito ko pa ring tanong.

"Dito raw muna kami maninirahan."

"Bakit?" Gulat kong tanong.

Nag-iwas ng tingin si Rony. "Hindi raw muna makakabalik si Hendrik ng isang buwan."

My eyes widened. "B-Bakit?"

Hindi nagsalita si Rony kaya mas lalong nagkabuhol-buhol ang nasa isipan ko.

Did he... discovered I was Ella?