Him

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatakas. I ran away after he confessed his feelings! Hindi ako ang umamin pero kung makatakbo ang puso ko, akala mo siya ang nahuli!

This can't be! I'm straight!

I paced back and forth, contemplating his words. I mean... I expected him to at least deny it! I'm his boss! Dapat... natatakot siya sa akin.

"Nahihilo na ako."

Natigil ako sa boses ni Angelo. Nilingon ko siya at doon ko pa napagtantong kanina pa pala siya nakatayo sa tabi ng pintuan. I forgot he was my night shift bodyguard. I shook my head and sighed. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papalapit sa computer ko at sumalampak. I immediately opened google search and typed something.

Signs you are not straight.

Namula ako at nag-angat ng tingin kay Angelo, takot na baka mabasa niya kung ano mang tinipa ko. He raised his brows at me so I avoided my eyes.

"Huwag kang lalapit." Sabi ko dahil baka mabasa niya!

He regarded me coldly. "Nanonood din ako." Kalmadong sabi niya kaya mas lalo akong nahiya.

I wish it was porn!

I clicked one article and scrolled down as I read the signs.

1. Wondering if you're gay in the middle of the night.

Nope! I released a relieved sigh and scrolled again.

2. Little interest on the opposite sex.

Hindi... I find girls attractive.

I'm straight! I chuckled to myself and found myself dumb because indeed, I know I'm straigh—

3. You dream about kissing someone in the same gender.

Unang pumasok sa isipan ko si Ci. I mean... he has good lips, a natural pink lips, they looked soft and— wait! How did I know that?!

Namutla ako sa naisip. I can't believe I'm imagining kissing him! On the lips?! Kissing a man?!

I gasped and looked at Angelo. Nakakunot ang noo niya habang nakamasid sa akin, halatang nalilito na sa pinaggagawa ko.

If I imagine kissing Angelo—

Umiling ako dahil sa pandidiri. Hindi ko kayang halikan si Angelo! I can't find myself kissing him!

I rested my head against the chair's headrest and closed my eyes. For a minute, I let my thoughts rest. And eventually, it went dark.

I dreamt of something.

Something weird.

But soft.

A kiss! She kissed me and it felt good.

But who's...

She stepped back and I slowly opened my eyes. The moment my eyes found light, a black eyes suddenly appeared— a black hair! And... a bodyguard suit! I gasped.

It's not a she, it's a he!

"Bakit?" Kalmado ang boses ni Ci nang umatras ako dahil sa gulat.

"Y-You kissed me!" My lips were pale as I stare at his neutral face.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay. "You enjoyed it."

Mas lalo akong namutla. "I-I didn't!"

A slow smirk formed into his lips and I froze. He stepped forward slowly as he regarded me. Hindi ako nakaatras nang dahan-dahan siyang tumingkayad para maabot ang tainga ko.

"Hindi mo matanggap?" His breath fanned my ears and I held my breath.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. He stepped back and looked at me triumphantly. Slowly... his mouth opened and he uttered the words  that stopped my world.

"You're gay." His words echoed as if he was inside a metal room, reverberating my ears, repeating again and again and again.

You're...

Gay!

I jolted awake as I breathe harshly. Ramdam ko ang pawis sa likod at noo ko habang humihinga ako ng malalim. I met Angelo's eyes and they were narrowed, I gulped audibly.

"You slept for hours." He pointed out.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Natunganga ako sa mukha ni Angelo. Iba ang inaasahan ko. I thought it was—

"Si Ci?" Bago ko pa maisip ang sasabihin ay lumabas na siya sa bibig ko!

Nagtaas siya ng kilay sa akin. "Nagpapahinga."

Tumango ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. I grabbed the telecom landline and dialed Jericho's number.

One ring, he answered.

"Ano? Na-realize mo na kailangan mong tanggalin. sa trabaho iyong body—"

"Yes..." I breathe deeply.

He gasped at the end of the line. "Talaga?! Tutulungan kita! Ano? Gusto mo ng bago? Ano bang pangalan niya at nang—"

"Ci Garcia."

Saglit siyang natigilan. "Ci—"

"Forget it. Pumunta ka nalang dito. I need to clear things." I cut him off and ended the call. Ayaw ko nang isipin ang lalakeng 'yon.

I have a fiancée! Is this considered cheating?

Should I end it with Drizzy, then?

I gasped at the thought. Anong plano ko kung matatapos kami ni Drizzy?! I can't marry— why am I thinking this far?!

Bumukas ang pinto at sumulpot si Jericho galing sa labas. Angelo stepped out of the room and slowly closed the door. Nakakunot ang noo naman akong nilapitan ni Jericho, nanliliit ang mga mata at may pagdududa. He's in his pajamas, halatang plano na yatang matulog, mabuti nalang at malapit lang ang bahay niya sa mansyon namin.

"Ano?"

I beckoned him and his eyes narrowed deeper. Inikot ko ang swivel chair paharap sa gilid at tumayo nang huminto siya sa tapat ng lamesa. I motioned him to sit on the chair and he suspiciously obliged.

Sumalampak siya sa upuan habang ako ay nasa harapan niya nakatayo. I gulped and stared at him. Trying to think what's the difference if it's Ci.

"Ano—" He gasped when I leaned in closer to his face.

He has pointed nose and a moreno but aside from that. I saw all the blemishes and flaws on his skin. I don't have a skincare routine, maybe I'm blessed.

"Bro?!" He gasped and gaped at me.

Guwapo siya pero mas guwapo ako. Iyon lang ang naiisip ko. Wala akong maisip na iba!

Can I kiss him?

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa dry niyang labi. Jericho gasped and he pushed me. I shivered. I cannot! Hindi ko kaya! Lalake siya at lalake ako, hindi ko siya kayang halikan!

"Bro?! Anong nangyayari sa 'yo?!"

Maybe I'm just overthinking. I straightened my back and eyed him.

"Lumapit ka sa akin, Jericho." Utos ko.

"Bro, tinuturing kitang kapatid kaya—"

"Lumapit ka sa mukha ko." Patuloy ko dahil natatakot na ako na baka hindi nga ako straight.

But when he obliged and I saw his face up close, I stepped back and held my stomach because I cannot stomach it! Hindi ko kaya!

"Tawagin mo si Angelo!" I said, desperate.

"Ano—"

"Basta! Tawagin mo!"

Nakakunot ang noo niya akong tinalikuran at naglakad palabas sa opisina. Maya-maya ay pumasok na si Angelo na halatang nalilito. I motioned him to walk closer and he did. When he was meters close, I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close to my face.

He didn't bat an eye even when we were inches close. I glared at him and waited for the feeling and I felt the same! Hindi ko kaya! Hindi ko maisip na halikan siya dahil hindi ko talaga kaya! I was about to push him away—

"Boss—"

Tinulak ko si Angelo palayo at sinabunutan ang buhok. I'm straight! Hindi ko kaya siyang halikan kaya bakit...

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa namumutlang si Mavrik. Nakabukas ang bibig niya at halatang gulat habang nagpapalit-palit ang mata niya sa akin at kay Angelo. I stormed close to Mavrik and he stepped back.

"Boss, ano—"

I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close to my face. I tried to look down on his lips but I just cannot! Tinulak ko siya palayo at lumabas ng opisina. I'm going crazy! Anong nangyayari sa akin?!

Hindi ko na namalayan kung saan tumungo ang paa ko, ang napansin ko lang ay huminto ako biglaan sa harapan ng pinto ni Ci, knocking on his door like a madman.

Bumukas ang pinto at sumalubong sa akin si Ci. Maliit siya. Hindi siya mataas kaya kinakailangan niya pang tumingin sa taas para makita ako. His lips part out of shock as his eyes roamed over my messy hair. He tilted his head, confused. I'm confused as well! Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?!

"Bakit?"

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa labi niya kasabay ng pagkalabog ng puso ko. Hindi katulad kay Jericho, Angelo, at Mavrik ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I felt something inside me... an urge. An urge to—

"Bakit?" Ulit niya kaya umangat ang mata ko sa mata niya, gulat dahil sa sariling naisip.

"You said you like me." Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko 'to sinasabi.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. "Ano naman ngayon?"

"Do you think it's unprofessional?"

"Oo." Tumango siya at hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak sa doorknob.

Bumaba tuloy ang mata ko sa kamay niya. Even with the biceps and muscles, he still has small arms compared to other men. Mataas din siya kung ikukumpara sa babae— babae?! I shook my head, he'll get offended if he hear my thoughts.

"Bakit? Gusto mo magresign ako?" He aggressively asked, I gulped. 

"Puwede ka maging bodyguard ni Jeri—"

"Hindi ako papayag. Ikaw ang poprotektahan ko at hindi ang ibang tao."

My heart skipped like a teenage boy. This feeling felt familiar. Like the time when I was still a—

"Bakit? Bakit gusto mo akong—"

"Kasi gusto kita." He glared at me and avoided his eyes, I bit my lower lip.

Huwag kang ngumiti. Huwag kang ngumiti. Huwag kang—

A small smile forced its way onto my lips. He scrunched his nose and shook his head. I cleared my throat and stood straight.

"Bakit..." Mahina ang boses ko.

Pinanliitan niya ako ng mata. "Anong bakit? May rason ba?"

"Meron!" Hindi ko alam kung bakit gusto kong malaman!

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. I tilted my head when I noticed something unusual from his chest—

"Guwapo ka."

I gulped and pouted. "That's it?"

Umirap siya. "Hindi mo na kailangang malaman. Basta gusto kitang protektahan, iyon lang iyon." He stepped back and closed the door, creating a barrier between us.

I heaved a sigh and stared at the closed door. I cannot believe it! Bakit gusto kong malaman? I shouldn't care! I'm straight!

Kahit na nalilito ay umalis na ako sa harapan ng kuwarto ni Ci.  I walked back to my office and saw Angelo eyeing me suspiciously. Nasa labas din si Mavrik at halatang nalilito na sa kung anong nangyayari sa akin.

I'm also confused as well!

Sumalampak ako sa office chair at natulala sa kawalan. Jericho was seating on a sofa, eyeing me curiously.

Hindi ako nagsalita at binuksan na ang computer. I could almost hear crickets from afar but I didn't mind it because my thoughts are too chaotic to engage in conversation.

"I'll meet Drizzy tomorrow." I said after a while.

"Bakit?" Si Angelo.

I glanced at him. "I just need to have a talk with her."

Hindi na siya nagsalita kaya ikinugol ko ang atensyon sa computer ko. I took a quick nap, thankfully I didn't dream of something bad, or... certain someone.

Kahit na hindi ko siya napanaginipan, hindi ko alam kung bakit siya pa rin ang laman ng utak ko. Siguro ay dahil inamin niyang gusto niya ako kaya ganito ako? There were a lot of girls who confessed to me but none of them made me think this much. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa kaniya na...

Maybe because he reminds you of someone.

Umiling ako at bumuntong-hininga. A voice splattered in front of me and that's when I realize I was with Drizzy today.

"Hendrik?" Her voice echoed.

I sighed and snapped back. I straightened my back and looked at her seriously. Today we're having breakfast together but I forgot about that fact and didn't even move my food. Ngayon ko lang din napagtantong tapos na siya kumain.

"Bakit?" Tanong niya sabay sulyap sa pagkain kong hindi ko pa nagagalas.

I cleared my throat. "Drizzy, do you believe in love?" Hindi ko alam kung anong sinasabi ko!

Namula siya. "Of course!"

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked curiously.

She scrunched his nose. "Sa 'yo!"

Napailing ako dahil doon. "Hindi sa akin. This isn't love. You don't even know my favorite color."

Her cheeks reddened, this time due to embarrassment. "Kaya nga magpapakasal tayo! Para makilala kita!"

Umiling ako at bumuntong-hininga. Namutla siya. Mukhang alam niya na kung saan tutungo ang usapang ito.

"I want to marry because of love." I said honestly.

"Bakit? Have you ever been in love?" She sounded a little aggressive.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. A certain someone appearing on my mind but I brushed the memory off.

"It doesn't matter. I don't love you—"

Marahas siyang tumayo kaya napatayo rin ako. Mabuti nalang at nasa labas si Ci at ang ibang tao dahil baka kapag nakita niya iyon ay biglaan iyong sumulpot.

Why am I thinking of Ci?

"You can learn to love me!" She insisted, rage starting to form on her eyes.

"Dri—"

"I-I waited for you! You can't do this! Bakit?! May ibang babae ka na ba?!"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Wala akong ibang babae! It's just that...

"Ano? Hindi mo masagot?! Are you cheating?!"

"Hindi," I sighed and shook my head, it's complicated!

"I'm sorry, Drizzy. I just want to marry because of love not because it's necessary." Iyon lang ang sinabi ko na siyang nagpawala sa kaniya. She stormed out of the dining room without glancing my way.

Ilang minuto yata akong natulala sa kawalan bago ako bumalik sa ulirat. Sigurado akong maya-maya ay papatawagin na ako ni Henry dahil aabot sa kaniya ang balitang ito. I should be scared but I don't know why I'm focused on a different issue right now.

So I decided to go out of the dining roon. Una kong nakita si Angelo na nakakunot ang noo habang nakatitig sa kung saan umalis si Drizzy. I'm sure he has a hunch on what happened but instead of saying it, he pursed his lips and turned to me. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil kaagad na hinanao ng mata ko ang kung sino mang gusto nitong hanapin.

And I found... him. His lips were pursed and his eyes were looking straight as Mavrik beside him talk things. Nakatayo lang siya sa gilid, hindi gumagalaw. He's in his bodyguard suit and I don't know why I find him different from Mavrik or Angelo. Maliit siya, oo, pero lalake pa rin siya!

He must've noticed my stare that his eyes snapped at me. The moment his black eyes met mine, I knew my heart was acting out. It was beating loud and unrestrained, like a wild animal in the zoo who was freed by its captor, it ran like his life was on the line.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at ibinalik ang tingin sa harapan. My eyes remained on him as I try to figure out my heart. Maybe... maybe it's just confused because of his confession. Maybe it'll go with time.

But then I caught myself staring at him every moment I get.

Marry because of love, huh?

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A/n: Comment your thoughts, my loves! I would like to read them!! (＾▽＾)