Her

"You're lying to me, Ci."

I gulped and shook my head. "Hindi ko alam ang sinasabi mo." I denied.

"You are! You said you're..." He swallowed hard. "gay..." He trailed off.

Kumumot ang noo ko dahil sa kalituhan. He glared at me and crossed his arms.

"But you flirted with a girl!" He accused.

Oh... Oh!

"Wala 'yon." Umiling ako at nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga. Akala ko naman narinig niya ang pinag-usapan namin ni Rony!

"You're flirting!" He accused. Mukhang ang sama-sama ng loob niya, siguro ay dahil inagaw ko ang chix niya.

"Ano naman ngayon?" Nakakunot ang noo kong tanong.

Ngumuso siya at sinamaan ako ng tingin. "Stop flirting! You should be protecting me."

Inirapan ko siya. "Iniwan mo ako, paano kita mapoprotektahan?"

He scrunched his nose. "Hindi na. Dito na ako sa tabi mo." Aniya at lumapit sa tabi ko, umusog naman ako. Ano bang nangyayari sa kaniya?

"Hendrik! Kanina pa kita hinahanap!" Biglang sumulpot si Jericho sa harapan namin, may dala-dalang bote ng alak at babae sa tabi niya. He was holding the girl's waist.

The girl's eyes went to Erikson and a glint appeared as if she hit a jackpot. I stepped forward, blocking the girl's view of him. Kahit na maliit ako kumpara kay Erikson ay nagawa ko namang ma-distract ang babae dahil bumaling siya sa akin. She must've thought she could do  threesome with Jericho and Erikson but I won't let that happen! Babantayan ko si Erikson.

"Ano?" Hamon ko sa babae kaya napaatras ito at nagtago sa likod ni Jericho.

Humalakhak si Jericho. "Talo ka, Erikson! Naunahan kita ng babae! Bakit ka kasi lumapit diyan sa bodyguard mo? Alam mo namang madaming takot na babae diyan!"

"Shut-up!" Si Erikson sa likod ko.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing. Henry called and told me your finacée would pay you a visit tomorrow. Thanks bro. Baka napatay ako ng mapapangasawa niya kapag nalaman niyang may babaeng umaaligid sa kaniya." He tapped my should tauntingly, I clenched my jaw.

"Hindi ko 'to ginagawa para sa finacée niya." I hissed and swat his hands off my shoulder.

Jericho chuckled, provoking me. "Oh! Huwag mo sabihing ginagawa mo 'to dahil nagse—"

"I'm simply doing my job and that is protecting him including from diseases." I cut him off.

"Bahala ka." Irap niya sabay agaw kay Erikson sa likuran ko kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

"Ci..." Bulong ni Erikson.

Kaya inagaw ko muli si Erikson sa kaniya. Jericho's jaw ticked and he tried to snatch him away but I punched his hands off his arms. He groaned and glared at me.

"Entertain your girl." Sabi ko sabay sulyap sa babaeng nakatago pa rin sa likuran niya.

"Huwag mo ngang inaalis kay Hendrik ang kalayaan niya! Hayaan mo muna siyang magsaya bago siya ikasal!"

"Shut the fuck up." I hissed at him, irritated at the topic.

"Kung makaarte ka para kang girlfrie—"

I punched him. Straight to the face. Erikson gasped while Jericho staggered back. His girl toy or whatsoever behind him glared at me but she's smart enough to pull him away from me.

"What the—" Aakmang susugod si Jericho pero kaagad siyang hinarangan ni Erikson.

"Calm down!" Si Erikson sa gitna namin.

"Sige lang." Hamon ko kay Jericho kaya sinamaan ako ng tingin ni Erikson.

"Sige pala, ah!" Si Jericho at umakmang manununtok muli pero tinigilan siya ni Erikson.

"Tama na, Jericho." Seryosong saad ni Erikson.

"Hindi, eh. Nanghahamon 'tong lalakeng 'to—"

"Natatae si Ci!"

Natahimik si Jericho habang kumunot naman ang noo kay Erikson.

"So excuse him and we'll go to the bathroom." Patuloy niya pa!

"Ano? Sasamahan mo siya pati sa—"

"Aalis na kami! Huwag mong susundan si Ci dahil nahihiya siya!" Aniya sabay hila sa akin palayo kay Jericho na natunganga lang.

"Hindi ako natatae." Sabi ko nang makalayo na kami.

"Alam ko." Aniya, seryoso pa rin sa paghila sa akin palayo sa kung nasaan si Jericho.

Bumba ang mata ko sa kamay naming magkahawak. Dalawang beses niya nang hinawakan ang kamay ko...

Tumigil si Erikson at nilingon ako, nahuli niya siguro ang mata kong nakatingin sa kamay naming magkahawak kaya kaagad niyang tinanggal ang sariling kamay sa akin. I looked at him coldly.

"Umuwi na tayo." Aniya.

Tumango nalang ako. Mabuti nalang at hindi na nanggulo si Jericho sa amin kaya nauwi ko ng payapa si Erikson. I drove us both home, not caring if Jericho doesn't have car. Wala naman akong pakealam sa kaniya, kung wala siyang masakyan, eh 'di magtaxi siya.

Tahimik na pumasok si Erikson sa opisina niya. I never once saw him entering his bedroom or if he have one. Walang kama sa opisina niya at madalang ko siyang nakikitang natutulog. Maybe he takes nap every morning but still...

"Hindi ka matutulog?" Tanong ko nang umupo siya sa upuan niya at nagbukas ng computer.

"Hindi." Sagot niya, ang mata ay nasa computer, nagsimulang magtipa ng kung ano.

"Bakit?"

Natigilan siya dahil sa tanong ko. He paused for a whole lot minute as if flashbacks appeared on his eyes, then when he snapped back, he shook his head and sighed. Nagpatuloy siya sa pagtipa.

"Nightmares." Simple niyang sagot.

I gulped and clenched my fist. What kind of nightmares?

Sinulyapan niya ako at bumuntong-hininga. All of a sudden, he stopped what he's doing and gave me all his attention.

"There's this... unforgettable experience when I was still a teenager..." He trailed off.

My eyes widened and my heart went wild. Hindi ako nakapagsalita dahil may pakiramdam ako kung anong pangyayari iyon.

"I like a girl back then." He said and looked at nothingness.

Fuck.

"She was my friend and my home." He continued.

Mabuti nalang at nakatulala siya sa kawalan dahil kung hindi ay makikita niya ang kung anong nasa ekspresyon ko. I'm affected. So damn affected that if he so much glanced my way, he'll get suspicious of my reaction.

"My safe space. Kapag nandiyan siya, pakiramdam ko protektado ako. Kahit na wala naman siyang kaaalam-alam. I don't know when it start, maybe when she discovered I was getting beaten up? Hindi ko makalimutan iyong ekspresyon sa mukha niya." He chuckled, reminiscing the past.

My heart clenched in pain. That was the time I decided I wanted to protect him. That was the time I wanted to be his protector.

"She cared for me. At first I like her because she's pretty and she's not like any other girls who chase me, kahit na masungit siya. Pero habang tumatagal, nahuhulog ako." He scrunched his nose and shook his head. "But she died. Because of my father. Because I like her." Bumaba ang mata niya sa computer. He gripped the mouse tight as his adams apple bobbed.

Natahimik kami. Hindi siya nagsalita, hindi niya rin ako sinulyapan. Sinabi niya lang iyon para ipaliwanag bakit hindi siya natutulog. Dahil sa bangungot. Dahil sa akin?

"What if... what if she's alive?" I croaked.

Fuck it. Bakit nagpapadalos ka, Ci?!

"Imposible." Tumawa siya. "I buried her body." He added.

"What...?" Lito kong tanong.

"I buried her body. After she was shot. I buried her body. Kaya hindi ako naniwalang katawan niya iyong nasunog dahil ako mismo ang naglibing sa kaniya."

Mas lalo akong nalito. He... buried my body?

"Paano?" Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

"Anong paano?" Natawa siya. "Naghukay ako, mag-isa. Ako mismo ang naglagay ng katawan niya sa lupa."

What the fuck?! What does he mean by that?! Nandito ako!

"Ikaw mismo? You mean you... held her dead body?"

Inosente siyang tumango. "I held her body. Hugged her 'till her last breath. And buried her."

Tangina. Ano bang pinagsasabi niya?! Nandito ako! Buhay ako!

"Ayaw mong maniwala?" Tanong niya at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

My lips part as I slowly shook my head. That can't be! Kung naligtas ako ni Albert, hindi ako malilibing ni Erikson!

Nagulat ako nang biglaang tumayo si Erikson. My eyes widened when he slowly stepped towards me.

"Puntahan natin." Aniya.

"H-Huh?!"

"Puntahan natin ang libingan. I'll prove you what I did." He said and turned his back on me.

Kumalabog ang puso ko nang makitang kumuha siya ng flashlight sa drawer. He gave me the other one and then he stepped out of the office. Seryoso siya! Gusto niya talagang ipakita sa akin!

Kahit na nanginginig ang kalamnan ay sinundan ko siya hanggang sa nakapunta kami sa baba. He went out of the mansion and I gulped when the night breeze engulfed my shivering body. Crickets were loud and the moon was shining against the dark sky. Clouds were present and stars were absent. There's no light except for the moon and Erikson's flashlight as we walked towards an unknown path.

Sinundan ko siya hanggang sa may matanaw akong pamilyar na gazebo. My lips part and my heart clenched when I remember memories from the gazebo. How we danced under the moonlight, how he gave me his first present inside that gazebo, how we talked and eat, just every thing.

Tumigil siya kaya tumigil ako sa likod niya. Malayo na kami sa gazebo pero tanan pa rin iyon. Tress were surrounding us and it seemed like a forest. Bunaling ako kay Erikson at nanlaki ang mata nang makita siyang tinuro ang lupa. I gulped as I slowly... with heart beating loud, looked at the ground.

And there. I saw a pile of soils against his flashlight. I couldn't even open my own flashlight because I was afraid. Nakita ko. Sa dalawang mata ko ang pangalan ko.

Ella

That's it. That's what's engraved on what seemed like a rock where he wrote my name.

"Diyan ko siya nilibing. Her name is Cindy Dela Vega. Not Ella but I know her as Ella so that's what I gave her tombstone a name."

Tombstone... that's a rock.

"Ayaw mo pa ring maniwala?" He asked.

"K-Katawan niya ang nasa ilalim niyan?" I asked, a little spooked.

"Oo." He answered innocently, I shivered.

Hindi iyon totoo! Nandito ako!

"S-Sigurado ka?" Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

"Oo." Natawa siya at umiling kaya kinagat ko ang labi ko.

"S-Sigurado kang katawan niya?" Tanong ko.

"Yup." He smiled, but his smile looked sad.

"Paano ka nakakasi—"

"Sigurado ako." He sighed and shook his head. "Umuwi na tayo." Tinalikuran niya ako at lumakad na pabalik sa mansiyon pero nanatili ang mata ko sa libingan ni Ella. Libingan ko.

What the fuck is this?

"Ci?"

I snapped back from my reverie. Sinulyapan ko si Erikson na nakaupo na sa upuan ng opisina niya. I didn't even notice we're already here. It was as if my mind was floating somewhere.

"Bakit?" Tanong ko.

"Kanina ka pa nakatulala sa mukha ko. Bakit? Naawa ka?" Tawa niya kaya kaagad akong umiling.

"Hindi..." Iling ko.

Ngumuso siya at tumango. "How about you?" He asked all of a sudden.

"Anong ako?"

"Do you have a first love?" He asked and my eyes bulged.

"Bakit gusto mong malaman?"

"Dahil sinabi ko ang akin!" He pouted.

"Hindi ibig sabihin no'n na kailangan mong malaman ang akin." Malamig kong sabi.

"You're unfair, Ci!" He glared at me, umiling nalang ako.

"Hindi ko kasalanan 'yon." Sabi ko.

Hindi siya nagsalita. Inirapan niya ako at ibinaling ang atensyo sa conputer, tumikhim ako.

"I opened up to you." He murmured.

Umirap ako. "Hindi ko naman sinabi na mag-open up ka sa akin."

Hindi niya ako sinagot. He glared at his computer and didn't talk any longer. It lasted for about sixty minutes before I cleared my throat. Oo, binilang ko dahil hindi ko kaya ang katahimikan niya!

"Meron." I croaked.

Tumigil siya sa ginagawa s computer at kaagad na bumaling sa akin.

"Babae o lalake?" He asked.

Umirap ako. Kaya ayaw kong pinag-uusapan, eh!

"Lalake." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang makita ang panlalaki ng mata niya.

"So... how did you know?"

"Na ano?" I pretended not to know.

"That he's your first love."

I sighed. "I was willing to sacrifice my life for him." That simple.

Ngumuso siya at dahang-dahang tumango. "Nasaan na siya ngayon?"

Ugh! Nasa harapan ko?!

"Hindi ko alam." I lied.

"Hindi ako naniniwala." Pinanliitan niya ako ng mata.

"Eh 'di huwag kang maniwala." I hissed.

"Paano mo siya nagustuhan?" He probed.

I glared at him. Not liking the topic anymore.

"Sinabi ko 'yung akin!" He defended.

"Fine! Because of his gray eyes!" I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Gray..." He cleared his throat and avoided his eyes. My eyes widened when I realize he has gray eyes! Siya naman kasi talaga iyon!

"Hindi ikaw 'yon. Huwag kang assuming." I said before he could assume things.

"Hindi ako nag-a-assume!" His ears went red and he glared at me.

Hindi ako nagsalita kaya ngumuso siya ulit. He shifted on his seat and observed me.

"Did he..." I heard his loud gulp. "Like you back?" He cleared his throat.

"Oo." Walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot.

"Tapos... anong—"

"Huwag mo nang tanungin." Iritado kong putol sa kaniya.

"But I'm curious!"

"Huwag mo nang alamin."

"Sige. Last question." He bit his lower lip and heaved a deep sigh.

"Ano?" Inip kong sabi para matapos na itong topic na 'to.

"Do you... still like him until now?"

Tangina naman, eh.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Wala akong masabi. Anong sasabihin ko? Gusto kong sabihin na hindi na, na ang tanging rason kung bakit ko 'to ginagawa ay dahil gusto ko siyang protektahan. Iyon lang. Hanggang doon lang. Pero hindi, eh. Alam kong hindi lang hanggang doon iyon.

"Ci?"

I glared at him and pursed my lips, refusing to talk.

"Last question! Promise, hindi na ako magtatanong!"

Umirap ako at umiling, ayaw pa ring magsalita.

"I just want to know, Ci! Hindi na kita kukulitin!" Dagdag niya.

"Bakit ba gusto mong malaman?!" Iritado kong tanong.

"I'm just curio—"

"Curiosity killed the cat. So shut the fuck up and stop asking questions."

"I just—"

"Bakit? Hanggang ngayon ba gusto mo pa rin iyong si... Ella?!" I cut him off.

Damn. Why do I feel like talking to a different girl? When in fact it's... me.

Hindi siya nakapagsalita kaya napailing ako. "Iyon naman—"

"No. I moved on." He cut me off.

My lips parted out of shock as my eyes widened. My heart fell, a different kind of fell I felt pain and fatigue all over my bruised heart. I should be happy... I should be... He moved on but why do I feel pained about that?

"Likewise." I said coldly, even though I know that under the depths of my heart, that beneath the surface, I was lying all along. I was fooling myself all along.

No. You never moved on, Ci. Liar.