Him

She got my first kiss!

Oh, I mean first peck?

Isang linggo na ang nakalipas simula nang mangyari iyon pero hanggang ngayon ay binabalikan ko pa rin iyon.

Why? I don't know!

Pero hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti sa tuwing naalala ko ang nangyari. No one... has ever looked so concerned as much as she looked that day. Simula bata, natuto akong gamutin ang sariling sugat dahil wala namang ibang gagamot no'n kundi ako. Alam kong walang may pake kung masugatan ako o hindi, walang may pake kung masaktan ako o hindi.

But that day... I felt like someone really genuinely cares for me.

Gusto kong magsumbong sa kaniya, lahat ng ginawa sa akin ni Papa at ng Mama— stepmom ko. Gusto kong sabihin lahat pero pinigilan ko ang sarili. I don't want to ruin the moment, I don't want to see the anger on her eyes. As much as possible, I'm contented with the concern on her eyes, not any other emotions.

"Hendrik."

Napatuwid ako sa pagkakaupo at nilingon si Papa sa hapag-kainan. Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin kaya napasulyap ako kay Mama. She was looking at me with her usual frown and I realized that Papa must've called me for the third time.

"Po?"

"Nakikinig ka ba?" Kalmado niyang tanong.

I gulped and bowed my head down. I was too preoccupied! I didn't hear it. Ayaw kong aminin dahil mas magagalit siya kapag aamin akong hindi ako nakikinig.

"We were talking about your supposedly marriage." Si Mama kaya napaangat ako ng tingin.

"Po?" Gulat kong tanong sabay baling kay Papa. He was wiping his mouth with a napkin as if the discussion wasn't that shocking.

"Pero bata pa—"

"Dalawang taon nalang at maglalabing-walo ka na. When you're eighteen, I will marry you off to a girl. You don't need to worry about making a heir. Puwede kayong maging kasal na hindi ginagawa ang bagay na 'yon." Si Papa kaya mas lalo akong nagulat.

"Hindi pa ako han—"

"Kaya tigilan mo na ang pagiging tanga at umakto ka sa edad mo." Malamig na putol ni Mama kaya napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko.

I want to tell them that I'm still a teen... not an adult! I'm still in the process of growing!

"At titigil ka sa pag-aaral." Si Mama kaya nanlaki ang mata ko.

"Po? Bakit?" Gulat kong tanong.

"Hindi tayo nakakasiguro at baka makahanap ka ng ibang babae sa eskuwelahan. Mas mabuting sa bahay ka nalang. Mayaman naman tayo kaya hindi mo kailangang kumuha ng kurso." Si Papa.

Pakiramdam ko sasabog na ang ulo ko sa lahat ng sinasabi nila. They're dictating my future! They're taking away my freedom!

"Pero hindi—"

"Ang kailangan mong pag-aralan ay ang pagbabaril at pamamahala. Pero dahil bobo ka, hindi ka puwedeng mamahala sa ahensya natin. You just need to learn how to shoot and kill people. Hindi mo kailangan ng walang kuwentang asignatura sa paaralan." Si Papa at naghiwa ng steak na para bang ang pinag-uusapan namin ay normal lang.

Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng ahensya nabibilang si Papa pero alam kong delikado ito at illegal. It involves killing people and I don't want to associate myself with that kind of life.

"Kaya simula bukas, ibalik mo ang pag-aaral sa pagbabaril ng mga ibon. In that way, you'll be attentive to shooting moving objects." He said as if the birds are just a mere object hunters would enjoy to kill for fun.

I clenched my fist and bit the insides of my cheeks. Gusto kong sabihing ayaw ko pero alam kong kapag sasabihin ko iyon ay didisiplinahin nanaman nila ako.

"Hanggang... hanggang hindi pa kita kayang protektahan. Sundin mo muna lahat ng gusto ng Papa mo para hindi ka mabugbog."

I closed my eyes when I remembered Cinderella's words. I huffed and slowly nodded, not arguing any longer.

"Ikakasal ka kay Ana." Anunsyo ni Ana kaya humigpit ang pagkakakuyon ng kamao ko.

"Yes. Madona is rich and she has access to the government and police men. She can cover all our dirty doings." Mama agreed and nodded, obviously satisfied with Papa's decision.

Nanatili akong tahimik dahil natatakot akong magkamali. Mabuti naman at natapos na ang kainan kaya kaagad akong tumayo para magkulong sa kuwarto ko.

"Hendrik."

Natigilan ako nang marinig muli ang boses ni Papa. Malalim akong nagpakawala ng hininga bago siya nilingon.

"Hunt birds tomorrow. You are free to go just not close to that girl." He said and my heart sped up.

Pwede na akong... lumabas?

"Kahit saan?" Pagkukumpirma ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya sa akin. "Subukan mo lang suwayin ang utos ko, hindi mo magugustuhan ang parusa." Banta niya kaya nanlaki ang mata ko at umiling.

"I won't!"

Tumango siya. "You're not meant for any other girls until I deemed them perfect for our family." He said and dismissed me.

Hindi ako nakasagot dahil iniwan niya ako. I released a long sigh before going to bed. And like any other nights, I slept daydreaming about Cinderella. I feel like a girl dreaming about her crush.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan dahil sa wakas! Makakatakas na ako! Pupuntahan ko si Ella mamaya at bibisitahin. I would buy her a bunch of foods with burger steak! I can't wait to see her reaction!

Kaya nagpaluto ako kay Manang ng burger steak. She looked happy to see me happy so I gave her my excited smile. Iniligay ko iyon sa container at sumukay sa kabayo para makapunta sa bayan at makabili nang mga pagkaing iniisip kong magugutuhan ni Ella.

Mabilis ang naging biyahe ko papunta sa bahay nila Ella which is unfortunately, also Ana's house. When I saw their house from afar, I hopped off the horse and pulled her close to a tree branch so I could tie her up. The familiar wooden and large house gave me a nostalgic feels. It feels like years since I haven't been hear when in fact, it's only been weeks.

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa bahay ni Ella. I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips as I walk near her house. At tulad ng inaasahan ay nadatnan ko siyang naglalaba ng mga labahin. Napanguso ako. Kailan ba siya magpapahinga? Kapag ako ang kasama niya a bahay, hindi ko siya paglalabhin. Mukhang pagod na pagod siya.

"Pst." I called outside the small wooden fence.

Masyado yatang malalim ang iniisip niya kaya hindi niya narinig ang tawag ko. I cleared my throat and glanced at the house, the door of their house was locked. I sighed in relief.

"Pst." I tried again.

To no avail, she continue her chore.

"Cinderella." I called that cute nickname and she flinched and blinked when she heard that name. I stifle my smile when her eyes roam around in panic, as if she thinks she's hallucinating things and it's freaking her out.

And when our eyes met, I let go of all the smiles. Her eyes widened when she saw me as she stood. She squinter her eyes on me and even tried to rub her eyes to confirm that I'm really indeed outside her house.

"Hi!" I said and her pupils dilated when she realized I'm real.

"Erikson!" Then she ran towards me, my cheeks hurt from all the wide smile I've been showing.

"Kumusta na?" I asked happily.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Binuksan niya ang pinto at lamabas. She grabbed my hand and my heart jumped in pure happiness.

Napanguso ako. "Wala man lang 'kumusta ka' diyan?"

She sighed and looked at me sriously. "Hula ko hindi ka pinayagan ng Papa mo na makipagkita sa akin pero sinuway mo."

Wow... she's a psychic!

"Hindi ba't sinabi ko sa 'yong huwag susuwayin ang Papa mo?" Problemadong saad niya.

"Hindi naman niya malalaman!" I said defensively.

"Paano kung mahuli ka?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay.

I avoided my eyes and gulped. "That won't happen. I can lie really well." I reasoned.

"Tapos kapag nahuli ka?"

I sighed and glared at nothingness. "Hindi mo ba ako na-miss?" Hindi ko mapigilang sumbat. Excited akong makita siya tapos ipagtatabuyan niya lang pala ako? It feels unfair!

Hindi siya nagsalita kaya sinulyapan ko siya. She was squinting her eyes on me with her arms crossed over her chest. I scratched my nape, she scrunched her nose. I sighed sadly as my shoulders sag in disappointment.

So uuwi nalang ako?

"I did..." She whispered quietly and my heart nearly jumped off the cliff.

My eyes widened as I face her. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at itinuon ang atensyon sa ibang bagay. Hindi ko mapigilan ang malaki kong ngiti.

See? She missed me as well!

"I brought you a burger steak and foods." I said vibrantly, she turned to me with a stifling smile.

"Asan?"

So I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the familiar branch. Kinuha ko ang mga plastic na nakasabit sa gilid ng kabayo ko at ibinigay ito sa kaniya. Her eyes widened in joy and I tried to stop myself from grinning wide. I feel proud of myself whenever I see the joy in her eyes.

Like the usual, we ate sitting on the branch. I talked a lot of random things as she ate in silence, seemingly engrossed in her food. And I enjoyed observing her eat, the way she looked at her food, it was as if it was the most fascinating thing she saw.

In my case, seeing her eat is the most fascinating thing I see.

Nagpaalam kami sa isa't isa na malaki ang ngiti sa labi ko. She told me I should return home if I don't want to get caught. To be honest, I have no plan of returning home if she didn't remind me of that. Kung hindi niya lang ako binantaan na baka hindi na ako palabasin ni Papa ay baka doon na ako tumira sa gubat.

"Hendrik."

Napatalon ako nang marinig ang boses ni Mama sa likod ko. I freeze on my spot. Natigil ang paghakbang ko sana sa hakbang nang tawagin niya ko.

Kahit kinakabahan ay unti-unti ko siyang nilingon. Her usual frown is evident on her face. Simula bata pa lang ako ay pinaramdam niya nang hindi niya ako mahal dahil hindi niya raw ako tunay na anak. And I was thankful that she wasn't really my mother or I would be disappointed.

"P-Po?"

"Saan ka galing?" Nakataas ang kilau niyang tanong.

"Sa gubat. Naghuli ng ibon." I lied without batting an eye.

Kumurba ang labi niya kaya kinabahan ako. Akala ko magsasalita pa siya pero tumango lang siya.

"Okay, then. Good night, son." She always emphasize that word as if that word was revolting.

I nodded and ignored that word. Kaagad akong tumakbo papasok sa kuwarto ko para magkulong. I tried to remember my memory with Ella and when I recall how happy I was, all my nerves loosened up as I sigh in happiness.

Bukas... bibili ako ng bagong sapatos niya! It should be flats! Para hindi na siya mahirapan.

So I slept with a smile that night. The next morning, I woke up with a huge smile plastered on my face, excited to see Ella.

"Good morning, Manang!" I greeted her happily.

"Good morning, Erikson." Malumanay niyang ngiti kaya nakangiti akong umupo sa upuan.

"Sila Papa?" Tanong ko at kumuha ng tinapay sa counter.

"Lumabas sila ng Mama mo." Aniya kaya mas lalo akong natuwa.

"Manang..." Masaya kong tawag kaya sumulyap siya sa akin habang naggigisa ng kanin.

"Mmm?"

"Nagkita kami ni Ella kahapon." Mahina kong kuwento sa kaniya, napangiti siya dahil doon.

"Ganoon ba? Kaya pala ang saya-saya mo ngayon." Aniya nang nakangiti kaya mas lalong lumapad ang ngisi ko.

"Mas lalo siyang gumanda, Manang." I said, recalling how beautiful she was yesterday.

Natawa siya. "Na-miss mo lang."

Tumango ako at kumagat ng tinapay. "Sabi niya na-miss niya rin ako." Pagyayabang ko.

Napailing siya nang nakangiti. She gave me my food and I thanked her with a wide smile, eager to finish my breakfast and visit her today!

Kaya nang matapos ako sa pagkain ay tumakbo na ako papasok sa kuwarto para makaligo at makapagbihis. Tinawanan pa ako ni Manang at sinabihan na dahan-dahan pero hindi ko siya pinansin. I'm planning on surprising her today! Usually, hapon ko siya binibisita pero gusto kong tulungan siya ngayon na maglaba!

Kaya nang matanaw ang bahay nila sa malayo ay napangiti na ako. I hopped off the horse and tied my horse on a tree branch. Maglalakad na sana ako papunta bahay nila—

"Hindi ako nagkamaling balaan ka, Hendrik."

Napawi ang ngiti ko at pakiramdam ko lahat ng dugo ay nawala sa mukha ko. My heart thumped in an unbearable pain as my limbs started to shake. My rib cage hurt and my lips part when Papa and my eyes met. But thag's not what made me panic, it's the girl beside her, his man holding her hostage.

"P-Papa—"

"Hindi ka naman siguro ganoon kabobo para hindi maintindihan ang ibinanta ko sa 'yo, hindi ba?" Malamig niyang tanong.

My eyes remained on Ella. Her face was bowed down, refusing to meet my eyes. Two men were holding her hostage and I try to search for scratch on her face and I saw bunch! May sugat at pasa siya sa mukha!

"P-Pakawalan mo siya, Papa. S-Susundan na ki—"

"This slut thinks she can gain control over you." He laughed humorlessly and pulled out his gun. My eyes widened when he aimed it on her forehead, Ella and my eyes met and her eyes were emotionless as she stared at me.

Hindi na ako nag-alinlangan, lumuhod ako sa paa ni Papa, nanginginig sa takot na baka may gawin siyang masama kay Ella.

"H-Hindi na, Papa! H-Hindi na kita susuwayin!" I held his feet pleadingly, almost kissing the ground but I do not care about it, Ella's life is much more important.

"Siya ang rason bakit nagagawa mo akong suwayin." Kalmado niyang saad.

"P-Papa! Please! P-Pakawalan mo si Ella! H-Hindi na ako susuway! L-Lahag ng gusto mo susundin ko! L-Lahat! Hindi na ako susuway! P-Pangako!"

"I let it go once, but look at what you've done. Sinuway mo ang utos ko. Paano ako makakasigurong hindi mo na uulitin ang ginawa mo, hmm?" Kinasa niya ang baril at humagulhol na ako sa takot.

"S-Saktan mo ako! B-Bugbugin mo ako! A-Ayos lang! Kahit na sa kulungan na ako manirahan, ayos lang! H-Hindi ako magrereklamo! 'Wag lang siya! P-Pakiusap!" I taste the salt of my tears but I kept on pleading for her life.

"I gave you mercy once, I won't make the mistake twice." Aniya kaya mas lalo akong humagulhol sa takot.

"P-Pa—"

"Shoot her."

I flinched when a bang echoed in the forest. Birds flock away from trees and a cold wind shivered in my guts. I kept on sobbing, begging him to stop, I can't even bring myself to look at Ella because of fear.

Bang. I sobbed loud when I heard a thud, it was her body falling on the ground. Unti-unti akong nag-angat ng tingin at humagulhol nang makita si Ella na nakalandusay sa lupa, nakapikit ang mata  at duguan. There was a bullet near her heart and I sobbed.

"P-Pa—"

He shot her again on her stomach, blood flowed out of her body and I fell helplessly on the ground, sobbing and begging him to stop.

I feel helpless. And dumb.

Kung nakinig lang sana ako kay Papa, hindi sana 'to mangyayari kay Ella.

"Bury her body somewhere." That's what I heard before I completely collapsed.

I wish this was all a dream. Please let this all be a dream.