Him

She looks so beautiful under the moonlight.

At first I didn't notice it but as I stare at her face longer, without any masks on, I noticed something different.

"You put a blush on?" I asked, really curious if she really put some make-up on her face.

Her cheeks flushed more as she avoided my eyes. My eyes went down on her lips when she parted it and I noticed another.

"And lipstick?" I tried to guess since her lips are red tonight, not her natural pink colored lips.

She glared at me that I blinked. Anong nanamang ginawa kong masama? Bakit parang palagi siyang galit sa akin?

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Huwag mo akong titigan!"

Anong magagawa ko do'n! Hindi ko naman kasalanan na maganda siya ngayon!

"I can't." I say honestly.

Mas lalong pumula ang pisngi niya. Even though I know she put a blush-on but I know that the hue of red illuminating on her face right now is not from the blush she put on. I just don't know why she's embarrassed when she's so beautiful right now.

"Akala ko ba gusto mo akong isayaw? Bakit nakatayo ka lang diyan at tinititigan ako?" Malamig niyang tanong kahit na namumula ang pisngi

Oh right! I forgot I offer her another dance! Nakalimutan ko dahil lang napagmasdan ko ang mukha niya!

"Let's go. I'll introduce you to them." I tried to pull her but halt when she pulled back as her eyes widened. The flush soon dissipated and the rush of blood slowly disappeared from her face, making her appear pale and anxious. 

"D-Dito lang!" She stuttered, obviously nervous.

"Why are you shy? You're beautiful." I said the obvious. She looked tense.

"Erikson. Dito nga lang. Kung gusto mo talaga doon, eh 'di maghanap ka ng ibang masasayaw mo." She sighed and pulled her hand off me but a cast of something dark and gloomy flashed through her eyes. As if she's daring me to do it and I'll have my hands chop off.

"Fine, let's dance here." I said and guided her hand towards my nape.

Kahit na mahina ang musika dahil sa layo nito ay ayos lang. The whisper of the wind added a comforting and nostalgic ambiance. We sway for a while until—

"Ow!" Reklamo niya nang matapilok siya matapos masagi ang paa ko ng takong niya.

"Ella!" I tried to catch her but she fell!

"Erikson!" She glared at me.

"Sorry!" Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya habang nakaupo siya sa damo, masama ang tingin sa akin. I scratched my nape and tried to offer my hand but she swat it!

"Sabi ko sa 'yo hindi ako sanay!" Reklamo niya.

I should be guilty. But I'm not. Because she looked so cute! Ang sarap pisilin ng mukha niya kung hindi lang siya nananapak.

"I'll help you get used to it." I said as an offer.

Dapat masanay siya dahil siya ang palagi kong isasayaw.

"Ewan ko sa 'yo! Gutom na ako!" She stood on herself, ignoring my hands. I sighed and went beside her to assist her. Just in case.

"Tara, may chocolate fountain doon." Nakangiti kong sabi.

She grabbed her mask and put the scarf around her head. completely hiding her blond hair.

"Bakit mo tinago? Ang ganda ng buhok mo." Taka kong tanong.

Tumikhim siya at sinamaan ako ng tingin pero hindi siya nagsalita. She started walking where the party was so I walked beside her, in case she'll fall again. I didn't bother putting my mask on, they knew my face after all.

Nang makarating kami sa hardin ay pansin ko na ang atensyon nila sa akin at sa babaeng kasama ko. Ella walked faster, away from me that I had to keep up with her pace.

"Ell—"

"'Wag mong tawagin ang pangalan ko!" She hushed me, I zipped my mouth.

Tahimik ko siyang sinundan kahit na alam kong sinusundan din ng mga tao ang bawat hakbang ko. This is a first. I never associated myself with other girls maybe because I was afraid their paid by my father. He may look like she's letting me choose the girl that I love, but I know that deep down, he's setting all the things up according to his plan.

Sumulyap ako sa likod ko at tulad ng inaasahan, nakita ko ang ama ko na nakamasid sa bawat kilos ko. His eyes went down to Ella that I instinctively covered his vision with my body. His brows furrowed when our eyes met and my heart escalated the moment I met his cold eyes.

Flashes hit my brain and I momentarily forgot where I was. My feet halted and my brain started recalling flashbacks— one I'm not proud of being part of me. The loud beat of my heart felt deafening as memories reel in my mind.

Belt. Cries. Pleas. Torture. Big veiny hands. Loud sharp words. Warning. Do not defy him. Do not go against her. Let them rule you. Let them order you. Let them—

"Mukhang masarap ang mga ulam."

A snap made me go back to the real world and I'm suddenly back to the garden, to the loud chatters of people, to the soft orchestra in the background, and... with Ella. I'm not in the past. Today is the present. Today is my day. My sixteenth birthday. I'm not the ten years old Erikson anymore.

Ibinalik ko ang atensyon kay Ella at kahit na nanginginig ang kamay ay nagpanggap akong kumuha ng plato. My heart was thumping loud and my insides were twisting as if they want to vomit. I feel nervous. That look from my father... I know it's not good. I know he doesn't like my chosen girl.

He clearly instructed me to choose another blond girl. And it's not the girl whom I'm with.

"Ella." I called, my voice slightly shaking, I'm thankful she was too distracted with the foods that she didn't notice the slight tremor in my tone.

"Mmm?"

"Sa Gazebo tayo kumain." I tried to sound lively.

"Okay." Kumuha siya ng karne at iniligay sa plato niya bago ako binalingan. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa plato ko.

Kaya kaagad akong nagsandok ng kahit anong masasandok dahil wala pa palang laman ang plato ko. My hands are shaking so I pretended to move my plate in different direction to conceal my shaking hands. Nang matapos ay binalingan ko siya na nakatingin pa rin sa kamay ko. I'm still shaking but it wasn't visible unlike earlier.

"B-Bakit?" I failed to hide my nervousness.

She stared at my hands for a while so I held the plate firm in my hands. The shaking thankfully stopped but my hands are still cold from her scrutinizing gaze.

"Ba—"

"Bakit ang unti ng pagkain mo?" Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin, nakakunot ang noo.

My lips parted, ready to lie why I was shaking but the words I was about to lie died down with her unexpected question. I... didn't expect that. Akala ko napansin niya!

"Ahh... ang dami kasi ng sa 'yo. Akin na lang ang tira mo." The lies rolled out of my tongue naturally.

Lies. They were easy that I wouldn't even bat an eye the moment I tell someone a lie. After all, I was raised with a lie, lived with a lie, and probably will die with a lie.

She wrapped a protective arm around her plate, glaring at me for the nth time.

"Akin 'to! Kumuha ka ng sa 'yo!"

Natawa ako kaya mas lalong sumama ang mukha niya. I controlled my expression and cleared my throat, pretending I don't find her cute.

"Kukuha ako." Sabi ko at nagsandok ng maraming pagkain bago kami umalis para makabalik sa gazebo.

This gazebo was my hiding place, not only because it's far from where our house was, but also because of the perfect place where I can observe the moon alone.

"Kumain ka." Si Ella kaya nilingon ko siya. Nakaupo siya sa tabi ko at may laman na ang bibig ng pagkain. She looked so hungry and I wanted to smile at that but she might think I'm teasing her.

"Ella." I called.

"Oh?" Sumubo siya ng panibagong pagkain. I wiped the rice excess on the side of her lips but she kept on feeding her mouth full that I also kept on wiping the excess off her face.

"Ang dumi mo kumain." Puna ko.

"Gutom ako." She uttered in muffled tone.

"Dahan-dahan." Paalala ko.

Pero hindi siya nakinig. She barely even chew the food. I wonder if she had any breakfast? From the looks of it, she looked like she haven't eaten anything.

"Magdadahan-dahan ka o susubuan kita?" Banta ko dahil baka mabilaukan pa siya.

Pero mukhang dahil sa sinabi ko ay tuluyan siyang nabilaukan! I panicked and stood. We didn't bring any water!

"Kukuha ako ng ulam!" I shouted in panic.

Patuloy siya sa pag-ubo kaya mas lalo akong nagpanic. I ran back to the venue and then I remember what I said.

Bakit ulam ang kukunin ko?

Bobo. Napailing ako sa sarili at kumuha ng botilya ng tubig. Pagkahawak ko palang ng botilya handa na akong takbuhin ang distansya—

"Hendrik."

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses sa likod ko. Ang plano kong pagtakbo ay lumipat yata sa puso ko dahil sa bilis ng takbo nito nang marinig ang boses ng Papa ko.

"P-Po?" Nauutal ko siyang nilingon.

His wrinkled eye and cold stare remained the same and my heart picked up. Nasa likod ang kamay niya nang dahan-dahan siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin kaya napaatras ako. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa botilya na hawak ko kaya humigpit ang hawak ko rito.

Baka patay na si Ella ngayon kung hindi ka tumakbo, Erikson!

Pero dahil mas lamang ang takot ko sa Ama ay hindi nakagalaw ang paa ko hanggang sa tumigil siya sa harapan ko.

"Today is your birthday. Bakit ka nagtatago?" His tone was usual but there's a hidden pitch in there and I can hear it— rage.

"H-Hindi ako nagtata—"

"Halika. Ipapakilala kita kay Madona." Kaagad niya akong talikuran matapos sabihin iyon kaya mas lalong hunigpit ang hawak ko sa botilya.

"May kasama—"

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad kaya mas lalong kumalabog ang puso ko. His back remained on me but even though I'm facing his back, I could feel the anger in his stance.  He looked over his shoulder, as if he's talking to the wind and I stepped back.

"Iwan mo ang babaeng 'yon." Kalmadong wika niya.

"Pero—"

"Follow me, Hendrik. You wouldn't want to go back to the cage won't you?"

I gasped as my body trembled in fear. Sudden flashbacks hit the back of my mind and my feet froze. Hindi ako nakapalag, hindi ako nakapagsalita. I remained on the ground, frozen in place.

Isang lingon, isang banta sa mga mata niya, alam kong hindi dapat ako magmukhang tanga sa harapan niya. I ran where he stopped as I hid my trembling hands behind me.

"I see how handsome your son is!" The woman— whom I assume is Madona, said.

Tumawa ang Papa ko sabay yakap sa braso ko. Nanigas ako. He always acts like a caring father in front of everyone, but behind close doors, he suffocates me to death.

Gusto ko nang bumalik kay Ella at kalimutan lahat ng takot ko.

Teka! Baka patay na 'yon ngayon sa pagkasakal!

I panic and fidget but froze when my Dad gave me a bruising squeeze on my shoulder, a warn to stay still.

"Saan pa ba nagmana, Madona?" Tawa ni Papa.

"Siyempre sa 'yo!" She laughed and glanced at me.

I clenched my hand and tried my best to remain compose despite my loud mind. Kapag namatay siya, kasalanan ko!

"So this is your two beautiful daughters?"

My attention went to the girl in front of me. They were both giggling and flushing. One has a blond hair and that's who my father said I should befriend. Naalala ko tuloy si Ella na baka naghihingalo na hanggang ngayon!

"Tinititigan ako!" Tili ng isa kaya natauhan ako.

"Nice to meet you." I gave them a small smile. Forced one.

"One is definitely my son's type." Usal ng Papa ko na siyang ikinagulat ko.

"Ako na 'yon!" Bulong ng babaeng may parehas na kulay ng buhok ni Ella.

"'Wag kang assuming! Ako 'yon!" Ani ng isa.

I sighed, really wanting to exit so I could go back to Ella.

A brilliant idea popped in my mind.

"Natatae ako." I announced.

Natigil ang tili nila kasabay ng pagbagsak ng kani-kaniya nilang panga. Nilingon ako ni Papa at nagtaas naman ng kilay ang matandang babae sa akin.

Awkward silence.

"Why would you say that, son?" Tawa ni Papa kahit na ramdam kong gusto niya akong pagalitan.

"Would you mind if I use the bathroom?" I asked the three ladies politely, completely ignoring the terrifying man beside me.

"S-Sure! S-Sure!" The blond girl who has the same color as Ella said, obviously bothered.

"Salamat." I said and exit their crowd.

Mabilis ang lakad ko paalis sa kanila, hindi naman halatang tumatakas ako dahil iisipin nilang kanina ko pa pinipigilan ang tae ko kaya ako nagmamadali.

Minsan hindi ka pala bobo, Erikson.

I pat myself proudly when I finally exit the garden. Kumaripas ako ng takbo kung saan ang gazebo pero natigilan nang walamg makitang ni isang anino. Wala si Ella!

Baka namatay na nga talaga 'yon!

Bobo. Naglalakad ba ang patay?

"Ella?" I called, kahit halata namang umalis na siya.

Naiwan ang plato ni Ella sa lamesa sa gazebo. Ubos. Pati ang plato ko ay inubos niya. Walang natirang ulam. Natawa ako at napailing. Akala ko namatay na siya! Nakaya niya pang ubusin ang pagkain!

Kinuha ko ang plato ngunit lumagapak ito sa sahig kasabay ng pagtama ng kung ano sa likod ko dahilan para muntikan nang mabali ang leeg ko sa epekto nito. A sting on my head made me close my eyes as I groan in pain. May matigas na bagay ang tumama sa likod ko! Pakiramdam ko mas lalo akong magiging bobo dahil dito. Pati ang utak kong walang laman ay muntik nang mawarak dahil sa hampas ng bagay na 'yon.

"Ang sakit no'n!" Reklamo ko sabay himas sa ulo ko.

"You deserve it! Bakit ka nang-iiwan?!"

Natauhan ako nang marinig ang boses ni Ella. She was glaring at me while holding a small rock around her palms, ready to strike another blow. Nakatakong pa siya pero sa postura niya, halatang handang sumabak sa giyera.

"I can explain—"

"I waited, Erikson." Kalmado ngunit madiin niyang sabi.

"I'm sorry—"

She hit me with a rock but I stepped back that I was able to avoid it. I sighed as the rock hit my black shoes, rolling off the ground. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya pero nakatalikod na siya sa akin at naglalakad palayo!

"Ella!"

Hindi siya huminto o sumagot. Mabuti nalang dahil hindi pa siya sanay sa takong at iika-ika pa siya sa paglakad kaya nahabol ko siya.

"Ella—" Natigilan ako nang may makitang tubig sa mata niya. Her eyes and nose were red as she glared at me with those teary eyes.

She's crying! Becauze of me!

"I waited!" Inulit niya iyon, galit na galit.

"Alam ko." I sighed and tried to chase those tears away with my thumb. But she swat it once again.

"'Wag mo akong hawakan!" Banta niya.

Pero hindi ako natakot kahit na sapakin niya pa ako. I pulled her for a hug, at least hoping she'll be comforted with it. Thankfull, she didn't let me. I smiled at that and hugged her tight.

But my smile dissipated when I met a cold black eyes from afar. Puffing a smoke as he stare at us. My heartbeat picked up again and I froze. Even though he didn't say anything, I could understand quickly what he wanted to say.

Stay away from her or I'll kill her.