Helena's POV:

The nightmare brought back memories.I was trying to focus on the present. Acknowledge my surroundings. Breathe in and out. But I wouldn't calm down. My hands were shaking. I could feel the fear in my chest rising. I looked around. I was home.

<<You're safe Helena, you're safe.>> Maybe if I say it out loud I'll believe it. My voice came out rushed and high pitched, adding to my panic.

It feels like the walls of my apartment are closing on me, like there's no space left, like I'm dying. I feel like I can't breathe, I can't.

I keep on thinking about the day when I was locked at the basement. It was winter and I was pretty cold but that's the last thing I paid attention to. You see, I hated the darkness. Because when it's dark, you don't know what to expect. Me being so young didn't help either. I thought there were monsters hidden or murderers or I don't know. Something that could kill me, something that could cause me harm. Who would have known that some years after I'd be the one harming myself. Still I wasn't the only one though.

I just felt so bad that night. I felt like Malleysa didn't care for me at all. Like she forgot about me. After a while I'd start blaming myself. Like maybe I was just overreacting, that I was stupid and that she'd come back soon. Like what she did wasn't awful and it didn't affect me. Like it shouldn't affect me.

I remember. I spent the whole time thinking. Wondering. Why. Wondering. What was happening. Why would she lock me. Did something bad happened to her. Is that why she isn't coming.

But no, nothing happened to her. I was just trying to find excuses because she was my friend and I just couldn't believe that she'd lock me at a dark, cold basement for the night.

I didn't sleep. Well, I was tired. But I was too scared to close my eyes.

The next morning I pretended I was fine. When my parents found me, I'd smile. But they knew. They knew I wasn't fine. They knew that wasn't fine.

It feels exactly like it felt that night. It feels like it's dark again and cold. It's even more scary now. It's as if there's light but I just can't see it.

My other friends weren't any better than Malleysa. They were pulling me underwater and I couldn't help but wonder. What if they held me down until I actually couldn't breathe ? Until I actually drowned?

I'm not saying they wanted to kill me. We were all kids. But still. That wouldn't matter anyways if I was dead.

It wasn't just the pool thing. Those friends would actually make fun of me and bully me at school.

I once had to sing infront of the whole school. They'd laugh at me the whole time. I was looking at them while I was singing. They'd even leave the room as they couldn't stand it anymore.

And here I was now. Tears running down my face. My mind racing. My heart beating fast. My hands were sweating.

No matter how many breathing techniques I'd try, nothing would work.

I took the phone in my trembling hands.

I have to distract myself somehow. I should call someone. Maybe my mom? No c'mon, she's be busy. Dad should be busy too. I'm fucking 24 anyways. I should be able to calm myself down.

I can't even think anymore. My vision's starting to get blurry. I dial Leana's number.

She picks up.

<<Hello?>> A deep, kind of confused male voice answered.

Oh my God. Who did I call. A freaking stranger. I let out a sob. I'm trying to pick up the phone to hang up the call. But I can't my vision's too blurry and my hands are shaking so much.

<<Helena?>> Confusion was now replaced with concern.

And then I realized. I realized something I didn't want to realize. Deep Voice, or Valenthio was V. The guy from the high school I used to like. Their voice. It was the same. He was the one talking to me now, it Leana.

My head was hurting. I couldn't feel. I could only cry and feel the pain.

<<Helena, are you alright? What's wrong, love?>> I couldn't. I couldn't answer. I couldn't speak. I only managed a nod but that didn't help. He wasn't here to see me nodding.

<<Do you want me to come over? Are you home?>>

<<Y- ye.>> The words barely came out of my mind.

<<I'm coming, Helena. Try to remain calm. I'll be there in a bit.>> He hung up.

I've just called my childhood crush. Someone I met yesterday. He's coming to my house. To help me calm down. How did he even know where I live?

I was so embarrassed. We met yesterday after so many years. I cried infront of him and he helped me. Now I'm having a breakdown, I'm at my worst . And I called him. I'm sure I was bothering him. He shouldn't come. He should just leave me alone.

You can't blame me though, Leana's and Valenthio's number were the same except for the last number. Hers was 2 and his was 3.

It felt as if my throat was closing. I couldn't breathe. At all.

I've never felt that scared before. I've never felt like that before.

There was a knock on my door.

<<Helena, I'm here.>> A loud voice.

I walked to the door, opening it with my shaky hands. I felt so ashamed, standing infront of him like that.

As soon as he saw me he hugged me. He carried me to the couch were we sat in silence. His hug warmed me and I didn't want to let him go. I couldn't stop crying. He stared into my eyes:

<< Helena, hey, hey. Look at me. Can you do something for me? Can you tell me three things you see? >>

His voice was calm and steady. I looked around, trying to answer his question.

<<Yo- you. >> I say and look at him.

<<Nice, nice. Two more?>> He put his hand in mine encouragingly.

<<The couch. M- myself>> I said, my voice still unsteady but I was starting to feel less scared.

<< Good job! Now, three things you hear?>> He gave me a big smile which made me smile too, slightly. As much as I could anyways.

<<Your voice. Mine. And- and I ->> I couldn't think of something else and the anxiety started to kick in again but he noticed and pressed me closer to his chest.

<<Hey, don't rush. It's okay. We can stay here for some time.>>

He rubbed my back soothingly and I melted into his touch.

<<The c- clock!>> I said and looked at the wall where I've put a clock. It was five in the morning! I can't believe I called him so early.

<<Yes! Well done, Helena.>> He said excitedly.

<<Last one. Three things you can smell?>> It was pretty hard to find three smells. There was nothing but

<<Perfume. My perfume. Your perfume. And um. Um- sweat>> I looked down embarrassed, feeling a little sad.

<<Hey, hey it's okay! I'm sweating too!
>> He said and showed me his armpits.

That made me laugh. I was now able to breathe again. His arms were still wrapped around me.

<<You're safe, Helena. C'mon, let's do some breathing together!>> He stared into my eyes, not annoyed or mad at me. He stared at me like - like he was happy? Happy I calmed down? His stare made me feel like I did it! Like I'm okay.

<<Breathe in and out with me>> I watched his chest move as we did exactly like that: breathe. Such an easy thing but some seconds ago it seemed to be the hardest.

Now I've finally calmed down completely. I was the one to break the hug again. I sat next to him.

<<I'm sorry I called you Valenthio. I'm really sorry. It's five in the morning and you were obviously sleeping and I didn't mean to call you, I was trying to call Leana but I just-

<<It's okay, Helena. Never apologize for something like that. You had a panic attack. I'm glad you called me even if you didn't mean to.>> He smiled. His eyes never left mine.

He couldn't be glad really. I called him at five in the morning and made him come to my house to see me in a bad state and calm me down.

Like he was reading my mind he interrupted my thoughts.

<<Hey, I really am glad.>>

<<Thanks>> I said quietly.

<<If you don't mind my asking, have you ever had a panic attack like that before?>>

Yesterday I was close to be honest. At the theatre but he helped me.

I've never had such a intense or panic attack though.

<<Not like this one, but yeah.>> I said and he nodded.

<<You know, I don't mean to be rude but I think you could get help for this. Like professional help.>> He stared at me reading my face.

I was a bit scared he'd see that I was afraid. Afraid to open up about my anxiety. Afraid to get help.

<<I know. I don't feel ready right now though.>>

<<That's okay.>> He didn't push it.

<<I know it's scary. I uh- I discovered an eating disorder some years ago. Myra - that old woman from the theatre? The judge?>>

I nodded not daring stop him after he's trusted me with something like that. I could see that he wasn't that comfortable talking about it but that made him even more brave.

I never thought someone like him would have an eating disorder. But of course you can never know what someone might be going through.

<<She found out about my eating disorder and she and her husband helped me overcome it. But I also received professional help. They took me to a psychologist and when I was scared they'd stay with me the entire time so that we'd talk together. All of us>>

<<It helped me overcome it. But I was nearly having a panic attack the first day of the session. Thankfully Myra was with me so I was okay. >>

<<I never knew Valenthio. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.>>

<<Nah it's alright. I'm okay now. I just want you to know that I'm here for you and that were all struggling at some point of our lives and that getting help can be effective. I don't wanna pressure you, Helena. I just wanted to let you know about one of my past struggles.>> He was smiling. The discomfort was now gone from his voice. I bet it still felt a bit strange, talking about it but he was handling it so well.

I wanted to thank him that he told me, tell him I'm proud of him but hey, we met yesterday after like ten years or more.

We sat at the couch ,silently watching each other,just existing in peace.

<<I had a nightmare.>> I decided to tell him.