Valenthio's POV:

I walked out of the theatre. Myra and Jack were pretty impressed with Helena. Just as I thought. They told me she got the role. I couldn't wait to see her reaction. She'd be excited. She's so cute when she gets excited.

Myra approached me as soon as the other actresses left and asked if I liked Hele. She said:
<<Oh, boy. I saw the way you looked at her. Don't you dare tell me you don't know her. Or that you don't like her. I know you son.>>

She did know me. We spent seven years together. She was the first person to learn about my then struggle with anxiety.

She was the one who found out about my eating disorder. I used to struggle with my image so much. I wanted to change so badly. You see my weight was normal but still that's not the point. It doesn't matter if you're thin or fat or normal. These categories don't even exist. When you have an eating disorder it's you against yourself. Your only enemy is you. You're hurting yourself.

My relationship with food was really bad. I'd hate myself for eating extra calories. I'd feel bad after some sweet. I'd go months without sugar. Tea and gums were my best friends. I was treating myself poorly and did the same to others. I used to tell them :
<<That's too many calories>>
<<You eat sugar every day>>
and things like that.
Like they fucking cared. Like they shouldn't eat. I was so sorry about what I've told them, I still am.

But I just felt bad and insecure about eating and without realizing it I was starting to do the same to others.

You see my ex would make me feel like shit about the way I looked.At first she used to say something like:
<<That shirt is too small. Guess you gained more weight>> and laugh.
Then this would become:
<<If you keep gaining wait you'll become fat.>>
Then she'd say:
<<If you get fat you'll just stop being ... Good-looking. If you are now.>>

Yeah, she was such a bitch. I know. So pathetic. I mean the fuck? Let me eat, girl. I shouldn't have let anyone make me feel insecure. But I was just 20.

One day when I was 21, Myra found me at the toilet while I was trynna make myself throw up to get out what I've consumed.

I was crying and shaking, panicking because the food wouldn't come out no matter what.

She helped me calm down and I told her about it.

About the way I treated myself. About how I thought my ex was right. About the fact that I'd never feel pretty even if I got prettier. About how I was starting to treat others. What I'd tell them when they'd touch something to eat.

She told me that it was okay. She thanked me for letting her know. She told me she was there for me and that she'd help me recover. She did.

Her and Jack would take me out to lunch and I'd eat with them. They'd spend time with me afterwards in the theatre so that I wouldn't try to make myself puke.

I was sick of it. I wanted to recover.

They took me to a psychologist to help me even more.

It was scary. Talking about it to others. Talking about my feelings. But day by day, it became easier.

I got to know Jack and Myra better. They were kind and respectful. They never judged me, not then and not now. I appreciate everything they've done for me.

I broke up with my ex and I never saw her again. I hope she knows what she said was bullshit and that it pained me. I don't hope she gets to know what it is like having an eating disorder because the person you loved the most made you insecure. Because you were too young to defend and protect yourself. You didn't know how to love yourself but you did know how to hate it.

That's why I was worried about Helena. She seemed like she's lost some kg. I hope she's alright.

So when Myra she asked if I liked Hele, I replied honestly.

<<Myra. I don't like her. I love her.>>
It felt good. Saying it out loud. I've been in love with her since high school. She's perfect.

I took a left turn and parked my car at my Café. I owned a Café , it was my dad's gift for when I'd turn twenty. I was about to enter but what I saw was shocking.

Hele was in there. She was working as a waitress at my Café. I was pretty happy about it.

She was heading at a table with an old man that's been looking at her like she was some kind of meat for more than ten minutes.

I sat at the next table and started reading a magazine, trying to hide my face. None of the waitresses seemed to pay attention or recognize me.

Helena was so focused on what she was doing. She didn't notice me at all.

I was right. That man was a fucking bastard. She called Helena <<kitten>>. Fucking kitten. I wanted to hit him till his nose bleeds. Till he can't breathe no more. But we were in front of so many people with kids. Plus, I'm the owner I shouldn't hit people.

Then some girl came over and I thought she was there to rescue her but she only made it worse. She made it seem like Helena wanted that man's - if that thing is called a man- number and that she was playing hard to get when that psycho offered it.

Such a bad waitress. That Maggie?- I think, she'd soon get fired. I don't know if the old thing is worse than her. What the hell though? The Café used to be better organized once.

My poor girl, she told the man she was there to take his order and nothing else but he wouldn't listen. I could see the sadness in her face. She was hurting.

If I interfered now she'd think I'm some kind of stalker. She doesn't know who I am yet but me sitting here with a magazine for such a long time overhearing their conversation would worry her for sure.

She just left. Couldn't stand it no more. It's high time I appeared.

<<Helena?>> I asked confused as if i wasn't sure if that girl was her.

She turned around. Looking at her face closely broke my heart even more. The worry in her eyes, the fear they were all clear. I just wanted to hold her, to reassure her. But I've just entered the Café. That's what it seemed like at least.

<<Are you alright?>> I asked, hoping she'd say something about the whole situation.

<<Yeah>> she said in a low voice. Anybody would know she's lying.

<<You seem upset>> I stated the obvious, trynna get her to talk to me. But she didn't.

<<Don't worry. Would you like to order?>> She just brushed it off and smiled. Aw. Why. I mean today was the first day she saw me, or at least that's what she thinks. But still. If she needs help, she should say something.

<<Just a black coffee>> I said and took a sit next to the old thing. I was an ass, I knew that. But I just wanted to get him out of here and he had to say something in order for me to kick him out and fire that daughter-of-a-bitch waitress.

Just as soon as she brought my coffee, she turned to leave.

<<You know if we're really gonna be playing together, we should at least talk a bit.>> I said, trying to at least make her forget a bit about the whole situation.

<<Well, we don't know yet if we'll be acting together, so-

<<Oh c'mon, you're fine. I'm sure they'll pick you. You're talented.>> She should know she's talented.

<<That's what you think>> I couldn't tell her that the role was hers, it wasn't the right time for something like that.

<<I've been an actor for some years I know who's capable and who's not. You're just a bit scared but we've all been there.>> I said, waiting for her reaction. I knew she was scared of letting herself go when acting, of feeling truly. I saw it earlier in the morning.

<<I'm not scared>> she said in a low voice. My gaze softened. I was about to tell her that it is alright to be afraid, that I was once too but-

<<Oh c'mon kitten. You're a bit difficult to handle but I know you want me and not this- thing. He's a child. I'm better>> That's fucking it! Enough. As soon as Helena heard the words that came out of that old things mouth , she left. I could sense her fear.

<<I'm sorry? Who do you think you are to talk like that to a waitress? I think you should leave before it's too late.>>

<<She likes it, sir. Don't worry. >> That Maggie bitch said.

<<She doesn't like it. You're disgusting.>> My patience was running thin.

<Huh? C'mon kid, who do you think you are?>> That old disgusting thing said referring to me. He's funny. Who am I? I'm the fucking owner. I scoffed.

Finally the boss-I guess from what he was wearing- entered the Café. He was furious and wanted to learn what happened. When he saw me he forced himself to calm down and put a smile on his face to greet me.

<<Hello, mr Crossl.>> I just nodded.

<Alright. It's time you get the fuck out of my Café and never come back.>> I said growling at that old thing.

<<And you- you're fired>> I looked at that good-for-nothing waitress.

They looked at me, shocked.

<Now both of you go! NOW!>> I didn't think I'd have to repeat myself but they're both fucking stupid.

I watched them leave, looked at the boss and had a little conversation with him.

I just told him to let me know if things like that ever happened again and kind of gave him a little warning to be careful when chosing who to hire.

By little I mean the whole Café heard us and I might've pressed him to a wall but yeah. That was nothing.

I went to the restroom to find my love locked in the bathroom, crying!

I felt like it was my fault. Like I should've known. Like I could've prevented it somehow.

She was crying and I was trynna get her talk to me, to let it all out but she wouldn't let herself do that and I don't know why she was so hard on herself. I cared about her and how she felt. But she wouldn't open up. And that was okay, of course, for now. I'd have to earn her trust and make her feel comfortable first.

She was about to leave but she had tears in her eyes so I hugged her.

She cried, her small body shaking and her hands holding on to me with all their power like I'd ever let her go. Like I'd break the hug soon. But I didn't. I just held her and whispered to her ears that I'm sorry, that she's okay and that I'm here for her, hoping it'd make her feel somewhat better.

She broke the hug and said she was sorry.

<<For what? >>I looked at her questioningly.

<<Nevermind.>>
She smiled. But I did mind. I wanted to learn what she was thinking, what made her feel sorry.

<<Hey, it does matter. Why do you feel sorry?>> I touched her arm slightly to encourage her to talk.

<<Um. Well>>

<<I want to listen. Tell me.>> I stared into her blue, puffy yet pretty, eyes.

<<I'm sorry for behaving like that. I shouldn't cry over something like this. You needn't see me in this state. We met today and I already cried infront of you.>> I couldn't understand why she was beating herself up. She thinks that everything is her fault but she's done nothing wrong.

<< Everyone but you should be sorry. Don't be afraid to show how you feel. It was something different. Usually I just meet the actors I'll be playing with and we just talk or have a coffee the first day. >> She should never feel sorry for showing her emotions, why would she? Was she afraid? Of what? Judgement?

<<And that's- boring to be honest.>> I leaned in and whispered in her ear. It was boring.

She asked for my name and I was quite scared she'd recognize me. She seemed to be lost in her own thoughts when she heard my name but she didn't say anything.

She told me her name and I couldn't help but smirk and remind her that I already knew.

Her cheeks turned pink and she looked at the ground. Aw.

As she was about to leave, I told her the news, that her role was hers. She gave me one of her amazingly beautiful smiles, thanked me and left. I was hoping she'd feel a little bit better after this at least. I wanted her to feel better. She deserved so much rhan just feeling good.