Valenthio's POV:

I owned every second that this world could give, I saw so many places the things that I did, with every broken bone, I swear I lived.

I wake up at this words every day. Bryan's idea. He said a good alarm means a good day. I never got bored of this sound to be honest. I liked the song.

Tomorrow I have a live performance for my first album. When I first started my singing career I was performing alone but it was boring. It was fun, yes, but you enjoy it more with company. That's when I made a band. We're called The Italians - really creative I know. Bryan plays the drums. I play the piano and sing. Mary plays the violin. I write the songs.

Mary was pretty distant and weird at first. It was as if she hated me. But now she's alright.

We love performing together. If I didn't have them I don't know if I'd have managed all of these on my own.

Songs that only have piano are different from those with more instruments. And those with more instruments are usually the ones people like.

We don't give the world what they want to listen though. We give what we want to listen and if people like it then we're more than happy. We do it for us. We don't follow rules. That's the point in music I think. Letting yourself go. Being yourself.

I almost forgot.

Damn, Valenthio, you're pretty weird these days.

Today is another day of searching for an actor at the theatre. Me, Myra and Jack have been looking for a capable woman to play the role of a girl in love.

I hope today won't be like the other days. I'm tired of having girls flirt with me to get the role. One was like
Hey handsome. Since we'll be kissing at many scenes, why won't try now? I'm pretty nervous to try it for the first time in front of the judges.

They were pretty annoying. Of course, those never actually got the role. Their acting was too fake or just bad.

Their confidence though. They thought they were the best. Even made fun of the other actors! Like at least show some respect, girl.

But it was funny, I must say. Watching their faces as they get turned down.
C'mon, we wanted something better than some beauty who just likes the plot, me and in reality doesn't care bout the performance and thinks that she's better than anyone. I mean okay. Like whoever you like. Believe in you. But don't bully others. You're the one who's not capable yet you're making others feel bad? Like what the fuck.

I arrived at the theatre pretty early. It was 9:40. I put on my headphones and listened to the songs I'd be playing tomorrow.

Soon enough, people were entering the room and behind them stood Jack and Myra. They sat down and waited patiently.

After about fifteen minutes, a girl entered the room. She was pretty late.

She turned around. Her legs and hands were shaking but she tried to remain calm.

She seemed as if she was on the verge of a panic attack.

She looked familiar. Her curls, her blue eyes.

<<Hello, I'm Helena Rosemary, I'm really sorry I was late.>>

Helena Rosemary. No, it can't be her.
It can't be that Helena Rosemary.

But she looks exactly like her. She's even prettier now, if that's even possible.

Helena was my crush back in high school. I'd talk to her and it'd be nice but I was always scared to invite her on a date. Or tell her that I liked her. I mean, I don't know I thought she didn't ! She had a boyfriend back then. So I'd figured it'd be better to just let her go. I'd find other girls from the school and make up with them but it'd only last for like a week.

I liked her. I wanted her. But she loved another boy.

We stopped talking two months after we started. Not that we talked much. I used to be like :
<<Hey, Hele?>>
<<What lesson do you have next?>>
<<Aw you look like your mom.>>
<<What are you holding?>>

So clever questions, I know. Unique, I'd say. She'd never really talk to me if I wouldn't.

She wouldn't reply much either. She'd say <<yes>> or <<no>> or <<I don't know>> or <<uh>> or laugh. Yeah, I think she hated me. Or that she wasn't the type of girl who talks a lot. She only had like three girl friends and she'd always change friends after a while. They'd leave her to become like the other annoying girls.

She seemed as if she was always thinking and I wanted to know what made her act distant when she'd sit alone at lunch, what made her look worried, what made her sad.

Some days, she'd arrive late at school running. She'd look anxious and I wanted to let her know that it's okay, that she was safe. Cause I've been there too. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but I went through therapy and took some medicine and realized that if someone doesn't like you , you can't change it. If you hadn't studied for a test worrying about it just before entering the class will only make it worse. If my crowd doesn't like my songs, they can leave.

Yes, I'd still get anxious. Yes, I couldn't help it sometimes. But anxiety can also be helpful and I'm thankful to have it. It helps us people be more careful. It can be annoying though.

I started to believe in me and soon my anxiety was nearly gone.

It was hard though. I was suffering.

And now I'm watching my love suffer. She keeps on looking back at the other actors worryingly and they are laughing. I have to say something. She's reading her role. The paper in her hands is shaking.

<<Hey, don't stress too much. There's nothing to worry about. Just breathe and go for it.>> I said trying to help her.

She looked at me briefly and then looked at the ground. That's exactly what she used to do back then.

<<Eyes up here. It's not embarrassing to be nervous.>> Eyes up here? Really Valenthio. Aren't you acting a little too nice to someone you're supposed you don't know?

She looked at me. Her eyes were less bright. They were full of emotions.

<<I'm so sorry, let's just- go.>> What was she sorry about? I just wanted to hug her. Show her that she's okay.

She looked so beautiful. She was wearing a baggy, white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. Her body was perfect. She was thinner now though which made me quite worried. She used to love food especially croissants, she'd always have croissants at break time.

I just wanted to grab her by the waist and kiss her. Feel her. Touch her. I just wanted to call her my Hele. I just wanted to love her. To give her pleasure.

For fuck's shake Valenthio. Not now.

<<Mary, I loved you, I love you and I always will. War won't change a thing.>> I told myself to think that Mary was Hele. I pretended that I was telling her I love her. It always helped having someone else in mind. It'd feel true this way. I had Helena right infront of me. I didn't need to imagine her or anything. I was scared for a second that I'd say her real name instead of her role's name but I didn't.

<No, Darius. You can't do this to me. Take me with you. I don't wanna be alone anymore>> I was amused by her skills. I looked into her eyes, it felt as if she wasn't acting.

<<Please>> her voice broke and tears formed in her eyes.

I immediately raised my hand and cupped her cheek softly. It pained me looking at her sad face.

I've been acting for seven years but I couldn't figure if that was acting or not. Maybe it was both.

She seemed quite nervous about what was going to happen. In this scene, there was a kiss and I could see her slightly panic as I leaned in.

My lips touched hers. They tasted vanilla. So cute. It matched her personality. She was always sweet and shy, blushing at little things. She was acting quite cold now though.

I didn't want to let go of her lips. I wanted our tongues to touch , I wanted to taste more of her.

<<More passion>> someone shouted and I bit her lips so that she'd let me enter her mouth.

But she didn't get the hint I guess. Her moves were quick and unsure as if she was scared to kiss me. As if she was nervous.

Yeah, Valenthio, right. She doesn't even know who you are yet. But she will. Soon enough.

And if she'll let me I'll give her everything.

We heard clapping and turned to see a pleased look on Myra's face and an amused one on Jack's.

Well, I think she just got the role. I don't think the other girls will be better than her. The last ones weren't for sure.

As soon as Myra said :
<<Bravo! Bravo! Finally! Some passion! True feelings! I'll let you know by the end of the day but you're really talented, I don't think you should worry.>> , a smile formed in her full, pink lips. I swear I already missed their taste.

She thanked them and without looking back at me at all she rushed out of the room.

Well, I guess I'll have to teach her how to hold eye contact. I'll fix her. If she's broken, I'll fix her. If she's shy, I'll fix her. If she's not okay, I'll be there. I'll protect her.

I'll show her what it's like to be with me. I swear her anxiety will disappear.

She'll only be shaking under my touch, shaking with pleasure as I'll be entering her small, fragile body.

All she has to do is give me a chance. I'll do anything to make her give me a chance.

Look at who I've become. I only care about fucking her. C'mon Valenthio, that's not you.