Helena's POV:

As I was washing my hands, I could feel his gaze on me. What should I do to make it seem like it was nothing? Like I wasn't hurt? Is smiling enough? Is my smile even convincing?

<< Hey, how are you feeling?>> He kept looking at me and I focused on the water on my hands.

<<Fine, you? Thanks by the way.>> I said fine as I usually do. Now he could just go. Finally.

He took another step.

<<I'm pretty sure crying isn't feeling fine>> he said narrowing his eyes.

<<They're happy tears. They called from the theatre!>>

He chuckled.

Eh?

<<I work there. I was the one supposed to call you.>>

Oops. That made me even more embarrassed about the whole situation. Now what?

<<For real, Helena. I saw the while thing. I know you're upset and that's okay>> he took my small , trembling hand in his.

<<I'm alright, don't worry.>> It was getting harder, trying to pretend.

<<But I do worry. >>

<<And you shouldn't! Nothing happened! An old man just liked me and you helped me get rid of him! And Maggie. >> My voice came out high pitched.

<<Just liked you? What happened was far from normal. It's okay to be upset about it. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to say how you're feeling and not keep everything inside. It's good, actually.>> He said

<<I'm okay.>> My voice shook.

I turned to leave - if I stayed maybe he'd make me talk which should not happen- but he grabbed my wrist.

I was ready to ask what's going on, tell him I'm fine for the tenth time but he turned me around. He looked into my puffy eyes and did something I didn't expect. He hugged me. His large arms held me close to him. My head was on his chest and I couldn't help but let it all out. Sadness, anger, tension, everything. I felt weak. But it wasn't actually that bad.It's been months since I last hugged someone.

<<I'm sorry, Helena.>> He murmured to my ears.

<<I'm here for you, you'll be okay.>>

But I don't know if I will. I don't think I will be okay.

He stared into my eyes.

<<The blame is on him and that stupid waitress. You did nothing wrong.>>

We stayed hugging each other for some time. It wasn't uncomfortable - it was nice, actually. Weird because nobody ever saw me cry except for well, Leana. But good.

I broke the hug.
<<I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.>> I said whipping away my tears.

<<For what? >> He looked confused.
Like I didn't just cried infront of him.

<<Nevermind.>> I smiled.

<<Hey, it does matter. Why do you feel sorry?>> He touched my arm gently to make me look up at him.

<<Um. Well>>

<<I want to listen. Tell me.>> He was patient with me.

<<I'm sorry for behaving like that. I shouldn't cry over something like this. You needn't see me in this state. We met today and I already cried infront of you.>> I chuckled at the last part.

His gaze was soft as he spoke.
<< Everyone but you should be sorry. Don't be afraid to show how you feel. It was something different. Usually I just meet the actors I'll be playing with and we just talk or have a coffee the first day. >>

<<That's boring to be honest.>> He whispered in my ear and I could hear him smile.

<< So what's your name? >> I was running out of ideas for my next move so I just asked for his name. I can't call him Deep Voice infront of other people.

<<Valenthio>> He seemed quite nervous. Why?

Valenthio. It was a pretty name. It suited him. It reminded me of a guy I used to like. They used to call him V. Something was strange about him and that V. Their eyes- that intoxicating green. No- it can't be him, Helena. He was blond.

<<I'm Helena>> I didn't know how to answer.

<<I'm pretty sure I know that>> He said smirking.

<<Right, right.>> I was starting to feel nervous. His eyes where never leaving mine. My cheeks were burning and I wanted to leave!

<<Alright, so Imma go now.>> I was heading to the exit. I took one last glance only to find him staring at me intensely. I was about to push the door.

<<Oh. And, Helena? You got the role. I'll see you tomorrow at ten. >> He gave me another breathtaking smile.

My heart was full of happiness when I heard those words. Maybe I wasn't so bad at acting after all.

<<Thanks>> I said and run back to the Café.

I've never felt more excited in my whole life. Sure, I did sorry because what if I messed up? Sure, I was nervous. But I was so glad I was accepted!

I appreciated Deep Voice. Without him I don't know what I would've done.

He was the owner of the Café. Wow.

Tomorrow I'll be considered an actor. I'll be playing at a theatre and get paid for it! I could not believe it. Yet, I couldn't stop working at the Café. I needed the money. The house I lived in was pretty expensive to rent and I was kinda running out of money. But now that Maggie was fired I think working here would be so much better.

Except for acting I also loved singing but it's been a year since I left the choir. I don't know where I could find choirs in Italy buy I don't think I had the guts to go there on my own. I always had a friend who'd come with me. I don't like starting hobbies where I have to meet so many people I don't know and show my abilities. Because let's face it. My voice was neither unique nor amazing. It was kind of deep and weird. I was an alto.
The songs I wrote weren't even designed for my voice. I'd always put high notes cause they were essential to show the pain, they were essential to make the song emotional, make it relatable, real.

I always dreamed of singing live with friends. But I had no singer friends. And whenever I was singing solo I was so nervous. I could feel the fear in my chest. I'd think about it weeks ago. I'd be counting the days and freaking out more and more. I thought nobody would like my voice because the other girls at the choir had perfect voices.

So now I was just writing lyrics every now and then. I did it for me. To get my feeling out. To let it all out. My songs are telling my story- how I
feel , what I want, what I dream of.

I kept it to myself. My whole room was full of papers. I wrote when I couldn't sleep. I wrote when something bad happened. I wrote at home. I wrote at the University. I wrote at work. When I was sad. When I felt hopeless. When I was happy. When I was in love. When I felt nostalgic. When I felt anxious. When I felt scared.

Most of the times my lyrics were messy just like my emotions. I was feeling so much at the same time and I couldn't write clearly. But it helped me get everything out.

Ninety percent of my songs didn't make sense. They were complicated.

But that ten percent was fine. At least they were completed and made sense.

Even though I had been playing the piano for three to four years I couldn't make music for my songs. I mean I did but I'd change it everyday. I didn't like what I'd come up with . So I just wrote lyrics and sang them in my room. Felt nice.

My music was too simple. Okay, I don't wanna be the next Beethoven but whenever I tried to make something that'd sound good, I always felt like it wasn't good enough. Like I could do better.I mean 3 years of piano are kind of a lot, so I should be able to do better, right?

Nah, to be honest I didn't really study. I just had it as a hobby. Sometimes I'd hate playing the piano. I wouldn't want to learn new songs because it was difficult and I'd get mad.

Other times I'd love it. I wouldn't wanna do anything else. I'd sit , close my eyes and start playing. I just played. I don't know what I was playing but I felt free.

Sometimes Leana would join. She plays the guitar but only for fun. I think she's really talented though. She's her own teacher.

She lives in Italy too, thankfully. We go at the same university but her house is not close to my house. It's like 60 km away. At least she's here too though.

I wonder what she's doing now. She's probably busy with some other stranger. It's been a month since we last saw each other. Since the day I cut. Since the day I told her about it.

We've been friends for over five years. She was there at my worst, I was there at hers.

I just don't want to lose her.

I just hope I won't lose her.

I hope she won't leave too, just like everyone else.

Because that's a part of life I hated the most. How one day you could be so happily married and the next you'd fill in the divorce papers.

How one day you'd be safe with a roof under your head and the next your country would be in war.

How one day you'd meet nice people and become friends with them, stay with them for years only for them to leave. Sometimes you'd even find out they were nothing like you thought they were. You just hoped so because you didn't want to get hurt.

But I guess that's life.

At least that's what everyone says life is.