Helena's POV:

The sound of the alarm wakes me up early in the morning. I could really use some sleep.I don't wanna wake up. But today isn't one of those days where I wake up at seven for work or studying.Today's different. I've got an audition for a role in the local theatre. It's been two weeks since I applied, well I did not exactly apply myself, my friend Leana just happened to be there while I was scrolling on my phone and found the article saying they needed a new actor, with or without experience.
She said
<<You gotta chase it, if you like it. You're talented, so go>>
I said no but of course she'd do it anyways if I wouldn't. You see, she really does believe in me and that's why I love that girl.

Opening the window, I look at the sun. Same, old sun. Used to be brighter once. Warmer. Prettier. Everything felt more beautiful when I was a kid.
Now it's like everything's typical. When you grow up and you become an adult you're supposed to be extra serious, less excited. You're not a kid anymore. You're entering "real life" which is nothing like your " imaginary world you made up when you were a kid ".
Does that even make sense?
It's not even fun.

ANYWAYS, I gotta rush. I really don't wanna be late. Oh my God! I gotta be there in twenty minutes and it's 15 km away. Well I guess I'll have to run to the station.

Thankfully the bus did arrive on time today. I was due to be there at ten but I'm already ten minutes late.

I hope they won't hate me. I hope they will give me a chance instead of getting mad at me for being late.

I don't really believe I can do this. I can't even order at a cafe without feeling embarrassed. But that's different! Right? I just gotta pretend! That's not difficult! Alright, I got it. Just breathe Helena, just breathe.

Well the mini encouraging self talk didn't really help if I'm being honest. No, Helena, no. Don't think this way! C'mon just go inside. You shouldn't be nervous. That girl you'll be playing in there has nothing to do with who you really are. They can't judge you. Or hate you. Well, typically they can. Gosh, I just want to leave. Maybe I should just leave. But I promised Leana I'd do this. She knows me too much, unfortunately.Okay just don't waste any more time.

I open the door. I feel everyone's gaze on me. Inside there are 20 actors for the same role I'm here for, God I'm so done! They're also 2 judges, a woman with grey hair, pretty , brown eyes, gold bracelets on her wrists and a heart necklace with a white chain. The man sitting next to her seems quite older, his gaze is soft yet serious. They seem to be a couple.

Some seconds pass and there's nothing but silence. I should say something.

<<Hello, I'm Helena Rosemary, I'm really sorry I was late.>>

<<Good morning Helena. It's quite alright but please try to be on time. You're the first to go. My name's Myra and I'm one of the judges. Nice to meet you.>> The old woman, Myra, said and extended her hand for a handshake.

<<It's nice to meet you too.>> I attempted a smile. My hands weren't so shaky while I did the handshake but afterwards I couldn't help it. I hope it's not visible. But maybe it is. Everyone's looking at me. Maybe they're thinking that I'm pathetic and weak, imagine being nervous for a role. Actors are supposed to never get nervous! Aren't they?!

Myra was holding a paper in her hands which I suppose was for me to read. I took it from her hands and she slightly smiled.

<<Take your time to read through it, Helena . Whenever you're ready, let us know. I'm Jack by the way.>> Said the other judge.

In the scene I was about to play, the woman was saying goodbye to her man. He had to leave for a war. They were in love. Didn't want to say goodbye. She wanted to go with him. Die, if he did.

It was a romance story. I don't know about the end. I hope it's not a drama. They're too sad for my little heart to handle.

I looked around. All of the actors were paying attention to me. Some seemed annoyed and angry. Others were just waiting , talking to each other and laughing. I hope not at me.

God, who am I kidding? I'm never gonna be ready for this! I should've never came.

I feel tears in my eyes but I hold them back and put on an emotionless face.

<<Hey, don't stress too much. There's nothing to worry about. Just breathe and go for it.>> A deep male voice said. I looked up and my gaze met two green eyes. They were captivating. The man standing in front of me was really tall, I guess that's why his voice was so deep. I nearly jumped. I averted my gaze to look at the floor again. He seemed quite familiar. Nah, he can't be.

I gotta say, he was really handsome. His hair was pretty too. What he said was nice, but his face didn't match it. He had a cold expression or maybe he didn't have any expression. Or both. I couldn't quite figure.

I looked at my shaky hands and tried to make them stop . But I couldn't.

<<Eyes up here. It's not embarrassing to be nervous.>>
Yeah, well. You're telling me! It's not like you are worried or even care at all!

<<I'm so sorry, let's just- go.>> I said which made him look at me questioningly with a why-are-you-sorry look on his face.
But he just brushed it off.

<<Mary, I loved you, I love you and I always will. War won't change a thing.>> The way he'd change the look on his face within seconds was amazing. His voice was full of pain- too convincing.

<<No, Darius. You can't do this to me. Take me with you. I don't wanna be alone anymore>> I said with my unsteady voice. That last sentence was pretty tough though. I'd always feel alone since I was a kid. I was surrounded by people yet I felt like no one was there for me. Like nobody gave a damn about me. Something inside me broke and out of a sudden I truly felt sad. I've never felt like that while performing before.

<<Please>> my voice broke at that please and I don't know if it was the fact that the others made me feel like they were laughing at me but I felt a tear sliding down my cheek. I felt so embarrassed and weak crying infront of all those but I figured it fitted the scene so I didn't let anyone see that I was crying for real. That was the point anyway. Acting. But a tear doesn't count for crying anyways, right?

His eyes never left mine. Deep Voice suddenly raised his hand and cupped my cheek. I think that wasn't a part of his role but that was alright. It seemed pretty helpful for the following move : the kiss.

Oh yeah, of course, I forgot. There's "the kiss". I have to kiss someone infront of a crowd!I have kissed a couple of guys when I was like 16 or 18 but still!

That'll be great. He'll get that I don't know how to kiss! Who's twenty four and doesn't know how to kiss? I was taken aback when Deep Voice leaned in and touched his lips on mine.

"More passion" someone shouted.

He moved his lips against mine, they felt rough but soft at the same time. His left hand was on my neck pulling me even closer while his right hand was at my waist, holding me against him firmly.Mine were on his cheeks. You can't blame me! Where else could I put them? I was lost in the kiss, forgetting about my twenty four years of existence when I suddenly heard clapping.

We turned to the crowd. Finally it was over. God, how can I even look at him in the eyes after that! He's probably disgusted with my pathetic attempt to kissing. He probably wonders if anyone even liked me, ever. But I don't think he's that kind of guy. Well, Helena, you do know people are not what they look like. Still I felt his gaze on me and not in a bad way.

<< Bravo! Bravo! Finally! Some passion! True feelings! I'll let you know by the end of the day but you're really talented, I don't think you should worry. >> Myra said and I don't know why but it felt like proud was dancing in her eyes which made me smile. I did it!

<<Thank you! Goodbye! >> I said and turned to leave without daring to look to Deep Voice or any of the other actors. Because you know, THAT WHOLE THING WAS A LOT.

I was so embarrassed and my heart was still beating so fast. What the hell had just happened?

I just kissed a stranger for a role. I was still shaking. My phone rang. It was Leana.

<<HEY HEL! HOW DID THAT GOO?>>
she sounded excited and kind of pleased.

<<Oh my gosh, Leana. There was a kiss scene! Did you even know about it?>>

<<OF COURSE! THE APPLICATION HAD A FILE WITH THE ROLE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING. THE "GOODBYE I'M GOING TO WAR" SCENE. BUT I FIGURED KISSING A STRANGER WOULD DO YOU SOME GOOD!>>
SHE KNEW IT?!

<<LEANA, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? WHY DID YOU APPLY IN THE FIRST PLACE? I SAID NO>>

THIS WOMAN!

<<C'MON HE CAN'T BE THAAT BAD. WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?>>

HOW COULD SHE SAY STH LIKE THAT ? HE IS A STRANGER!

<<HE IS A STRANGER>>

<<WAIT, HELENA, OH MY GOD. IS HE THAT HOT? DO YOU LIKE HIM? >>

<<OF COURSE NOT! HE'S A STRANGER, C'MON! He was kind of pretty but still!>>
I feel my cheeks burn. What did I just say? Why!

<<LAST NIGHT I DID IT WITH A STRANGER AND IT WAS AMAZING WDYM? WE TRIED SO MANY POSIT->>

<<WHAT THE FREAK? OKAY! I DON'T CARE? >>

<<ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. HEY, HEL I GOTTA GO SORRY. GOTTA MEET LAST NIGHT'S STRANGER.>>
I could feel her smirk and wink at me.

<<LEANA! >>

<<WHAT? WANT TO PARTICIPATE?>>

<<EW, NO JUST - ANYWAYS, BYE>>

<<BYE, HEL>> She said and hung up.

That woman is crazy.
That woman is my best friend.
No wonder I'm crazy too.

**The song choice might not fit the chapter's plot haha. I just love the song. Most of the times I just ADORE them so much that I have to put them here.**

*Hope you're all doing really well. If you aren't, remember it won't always be like that, trust me in this, please. Contact a helpline if your thoughts are too hard too handle! I put an international one in the next chapters!*