FOUND LANDS.

chapter three, break the cycle.
[ season five, episode two ]

ODESSA IS GRATEFUL TO be reunited with her family. But she wants Beth to be with them. She misses her. It physically hurt. She feels selfish about the fact she wants Beth to be with them. She thinks it was unfair for Maggie to be reunite to Glenn but Odessa can't get her reunion with her girlfriend.

Her brother is alive, her sister is alive, her father is alive, her best friend is alive. And according the Daryl, so is Beth. But they can't the too sure.

They've been walking since they left Terminus, they only stopped when night draped over them. Odessa sits between Theo and Carl. Carl holds a sleeping Judith to his chest.

The oldest Grimes child has her brass knuckles on her hands. She examines them. The blood from the Terminus guy still stains the gold color.

She doesn't want to think about it. She knows the people from Terminus weren't people. They were monsters just like the walkers were. They ate people. They lured them to their home with the promise of sanctuary then they took their stuff and locked them in train cars. Fed them nothing but powdered milk. Then they would bleed them and the meat of their bones.

But guilt gnaws at her heart. Her mind tells her it's okay to kill someone who would've killed her but her heart— it screams at her. It is angry.

That was her thirteenth kill. And not one was without reason. Every single person she's killed was to protect herself and her people. But the guilt of it was killing her.

"Des?" Carl asks. She snaps out of her trance and looks to her little brother. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she shakes her head. "Just glad to be back with all y'all."

Carl nods but Odessa can see the unsureness in his eyes. She clenches her jaw and turns back to look at her brass knuckles. Carl's eyes move to them as well. He remembers Odessa telling him about what she did to Randall after Dale died.

He didn't fear her then. He could never be scared of Odessa because he knew she would never hurt him or do anything to cause him harm.

But right now as she stares at her brass knuckles he feels a weariness he'd never felt towards her.

She glances back at him and sees the look in his eyes. She takes them off and shoves them in her pockets. "I did what I had to." She says to him.

"I know." Carl states. "I know."

The next morning, they are up and moving at first light. Odessa walks in front of one of the new people. Her name is Rosita. Odessa likes her. She seems nice.

Suddenly, a twig snaps. Everyone raises their weapons but lower them when Daryl Dixon steps out of the woods. He looks at them before he raises his arms and squirrels. "We surrender."

As they walk, Odessa looks back at Rosita. "So, Eugene knows a cure?"

She nods, "yeah."

"Y'all gonna peel off eventually? Head to D.C?" She questions. Rosita glances at her sideways.

"You ask a lot of questions," Rosita states.

Odessa shrugs. "Just curious. It just seems too good to be true."

"Hey," a voice says. Odessa glances to Abraham. "He's gone cure it and we're gonna get the world back to normal."

"Even of there really was a cure, the world would never go back to the way it was. Too many people have died. We've lost too many people." She says. Every single one of them has lost someone. More than one person. It is a never ending cycle. To light the dark mood she created, Odessa asks, "besides, do you really wanna go back to paying taxes again?"

Abraham scoffs a laugh. "Nah, not really. But it's better than killin' undead pricks and escaping cannibal compounds."

"That's true." Odessa nods.

Then they hear the scream. Odessa nearly jumps out of her skin. "Help! Help me!" Someone screams.

Carl looks back at their dad, "Dad, come on! Come on! Come on!"

Then they are running to help. Odessa pulls out her knives as run ran. Once they find the course of the screaming, Odessa rushes forward. She kicks a walker into the large rock and stabs one knife into its skull. Another approaches from her left and she quickly yanks her other blade from the dead walker and slams it into the next walker's brain.

Once all the walkers are dead, the group looks to the man on top of the rock. "Come on down," Rick tells him.

He is dressed in a priest's get up. Once his feet touch the ground he looks around at them and doesn't say a word. No thank you. No introductions. Nothing. "You okay?" Rick asks, tilting his head to the side.

The priest holds up his finger. Then he throws up. Odessa turns her head away immediately.

Once he is done, he looks back at them, "sorry. Yes. Thank you. I'm Gabriel."

"Do you have any weapons on you?" Rick questions.

The man laughs then when he realizes Rick isn't joking, he holds out his arms and asks, "does it look like I would have any weapons?"

"We don't give two short and curlies what it looks like," Abraham retorts. The side of Theo's lips tug upwards at his comment.

"I have no weapons of any kind. The word of God is the only protection I need." Gabriel informs them.

"Sure didn't look like it," Cole speaks up from beside Michonne.

"I called for help. Help came." Gabriel look at him. He then looks at the group again before looking back at their leader, "do you have— do you have any food? Whatever I— whatever I had left, it just hit the ground."

Carl pulls some pecans from his pocket, "we've got some pecans."

Gabriel takes them gratefully, "thank you." Judith starts to coo in Tyreese's arms. "That's a beautiful child."

Odessa's shoulders tense. Her father just stares at him. "Do you have a camp?" Gabriel questions.

"No. Do you?" Rick replies.

"I have a church." He answers.

"Hold your hands above your head." Rick shakes his head. Gabriel does as told with a terrified expression on his face. Rick begins to pat him down, "how many walkers have you killed?"

"Not any, actually," Gabriel tells him.

"Turn around." Rick forcefully shoved Gabriel. "How many people have you killed?"

"None." Gabriel looks at him with shock.

"Why?" Rick asks.

"Because the Lord abhors violence." The priest responds.

"What have you done?" Rick narrows his eyes. "We've all done somethin'."

Odessa bows her head and stares at her blood stained boots. She's killed thirteen people. Thirteen lives lost to her blades, to bullets she'd unleashed. She held one as he took his last breath. She'd stabbed a man over and over and over.

"I'm a sinner. I sin almost every day. But those sins, I confess them to God, not strangers." Gabriel says. It's a good answer but it is just good enough for Cole's radar to go off.

"You said you have a church?" Michonne speaks up.

After that, Gabriel takes them to his church. Odessa stands outside the white building. Rick and the others leave to sweep the inside and check around the church for anything. But Odessa doesn't go.

The last time she saw a church was just before she and her brother were shot and nearly died. It was before she met the Greene's, three of the most important people in her life. It was before she killed Shane. It was before she watched Dale die.

And now one of the Greene's is dead and another is missing. Whenever she thinks about Hershel, her heart clenches and tears threaten to spill over.

As she stands outside the church, Carl comes to stand beside her. She takes Judith from his arms and holds her close. The baby lays her head on her big sister's shoulder.

Carl stares at the church. Odessa glanced down at him. "What're you thinkin' about?"

"Last time we found a church we both got shot." He states. Odessa nods because she was thinking the same thing moments before.

"It'll be different this time." She says. But will it be? Just like before someone is missing. Instead of Sophia, it's Beth. The love of Odessa's life. The person that pulled her from the darkness so many times. The girl that gave Odessa her strength.

"No, it won't." Carl shakes his head. "Everything always goes to shit. Everywhere we go, we destroy it. The farm, the prison, Terminus. We got to those places and everything went to hell."

Odessa frowns. What happened to her baby brother while they were on the road? She'd never heard him talk like that in her whole life.

"We'll make it different this time. It's time to break the cycle." She says.

And she doesn't believe it.

Then she breaths in. "Carl," she starts. "You know I would never hurt you, right?"

His eyes shoot to her. "Yeah, I know." He tells her.

"You and Judith are the last people in this world I would hurt. Nothing could ever give me a reason to hurt either of you. I would die before I did such a thing." She breaths out.

"I know, Odessa. I know." Carl reassures her.

"I'm not a monster, Carl. I kill because I have to. The people I've killed were going to hurt me or our people." Carl continues to stare at his older sister. "And I will keep killing people if it means our people are safe."

Carl nods because he knows it's the truth. He knows Odessa wouldn't lie to him ever in her life. But he also knows, she would kill every human in the world of it meant keeping her people alive and well.

And he feared for anyone who threatened them.

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word count: 1,660

so we've met gabriel!! it's now time to tackle the church and hospital storyline. i'm not prepared to write this whatsoever but y'all aren't prepared to read it at alllllll.

so carl was kinda wary of his sister this chapter. weird but not so weird after that he endured on the road. but it's okay because big sister odessa told him she would never hurt him.

it hurts my heart that the guilt of killing so many people is literally eating odessa up from the inside out.

this chapter is sad. there's so many parallels to season two and it makes me uneasy because we all know what's happening and we do not need a rerun of season two odessa. but do we get her?? y'all won't know until after episode eight.

also i'm sorry i disappeared for a little while. softball has been a constant thing but the season ends next week after we go to regionals and school is out in two weeks (thank jesus). then i'll have all the time in the world to write this book and my others.