7/4/15

"OHMYGOSH TONIGHT IS going to be so much fun!" Kylie shouts as we make our way down the beach to the bonfire that gets put on every year.

It's the first year my parents actually let me go, and I couldn't be more excited.

Well I could be technically if Cale were here. But he won't show. I asked earlier in the week if he would come to the annual bonfire, and he completely dismissed me and the idea itself. I asked one more time and he got agitated and said no once again. I know he doesn't want anyone to really know about us yet, but one night isn't going to suddenly out us.

I just wanted one night with him. Hidden in plain sight where we could have a wonderful night together. The fourth of July is a magical night. Colors pop and burst across the sky in the flash of an eye and fill the sky like an exploding star. It's mesmerizing and breathtaking, and I can't help but be amazed every single year by them. It's my favorite part of the summer.

I can't stop myself from glancing at my phone to see if Cale had texted me. He hasn't.

I quickly stow my phone back into my purse and try and focus on the night ahead. These beach parties are always fun, but the night of the fourth is when things get crazy. The kind of crazy that gives everyone here enough wild stories to talk about until the next fourth of July wraps around.

"Come on let's get something to drink," I say as I hook an arm through Kylie's and head towards the group of coolers not far from the fire.

Kylie grabs a wine cooler, but I grab a beer because it always makes me think of the night I met Cale. I can't help but smile when the bitter taste hits my tongue. It's still a taste I'm trying to acquire. My best friend gives me a weird look at my choice of drink but I just shrug her off. She wouldn't understand. She knows a little about Cale and I, but I won't ever tell her how deep my feelings run.

Well, at least not yet.

My phone dings and I almost drop my can trying to get my phone out of my purse. Excitement runs though me at the thought the text is from Cale. I finally find my phone in my mess of a bag, and pull it out to only see a new message from my mother. It reads: Be safe and have fun. Love you.

My face drops and so does my heart. I really wanted to spend the day with him. It's the biggest holiday in the summer, and in Easton it's a huge deal.

I shake off the disappointment that creeps in, and take a sip of my beer. Tonight is going to be fun no matter what! It's my first time at the annual fourth bonfire, and even without Cale I'm going to have a night to remember.

An upbeat song blasts over the speakers, and I can't help the way my body sways to the fun beat. It's one of my favorite songs and always a great way to kick off a night.

"Come on let's go dance!" I say cheerfully to Kylie. She downs her drink, and tosses it into the trash bin behind her before following me further down the beach to where everyone else is dancing.

We link hands and begin to jump and dance around playfully. We don't even care what we look like at the moment. We only care about having fun. The song molds into another one and another one until the group around us almost doubles in size. The fireworks won't start for another couple hours, and the night has just begun. Everyone is having fun, throwing their hands in the air, and swaying to the bubbling beats that pour out of the huge speakers.

Suddenly a guy comes up behind Kylie, and places a hand on her hip to stop her movement. She turns her head to get a look at who's stopping her, and she immediately looks back at me with wide eyes. Knowing Kylie as well as I do, I know this means she thinks he's attractive, and he's a cute one even I must admit.

"Hey do you wanna dance?" he asks Kylie and I catch the blush that coats her cheeks.

She looks at me, and I know she's debating with herself on what to do. I know she doesn't want to ditch me, but she thinks he guy is hot, which he is.

I smile. "Go," I tell her.

"Are you sure?" she asks tentatively though her eyes are already on the cute guy and her hand in his.

"Yes, go have fun," I say. "I need another drink anyways," I tell her truthfully. Mine was only half gone before someone bumped into me and I dropped it spilling beer everywhere.

I toss her a quick thumbs up before she turns to the guy, and I turn and head towards the coolers once more.

The sun has finally dipped below the ocean, and darkness surrounds us now. The night is clear and the stars are bright, and I can't help myself from wishing Cale was here.

I reach the cooler and dig through the half-melted ice for another beer. I stand and crack the can when I hear a deep voice behind me speak. "You finally acquire the taste?" the voice says playfully.

I twist on my heel and can't stop the way my face lights up seeing his. He's wearing a pair of khaki shorts, and a navy blue shirt and he's never looked better. Though I think that every time I see him.

"Why are you here?" I ask taking a step closer whilst sipping on my beer.

Cale stuffs his hands into his front pockets. "Let's get out of here," he says with the tilt of his head.

My shoulders sag at his words. "Why?" I ask slowly.

"So we can be together," he says like it's obvious. "I mean that's what you wanted right?" he questions.

I shake my head lightly. "That's not what I wanted Cale," I tell him. "Not at all," I reiterate.

His face scrunches in confusion. "Gray, I don't get it," he says slowly. "You practically begged me to come so we can hang out, but now you're telling me you don't want to hang out..." he trails off.

I toss my half filled beer into the trash and begin to walk away from this conversation and from Cale. "Whatever," I mumble under my breath.

As soon as I take a couple steps away Cale's hand shoots out to grab onto my elbow and stop me. "Gray, I don't get why you're mad at me right now," he says as irritation laces through his tone.

I pull my arm out from under his grasp because I can never think clearly when his hands are on me. "Exactly Cale, you don't get it," I tell him pointedly.

"Can we just talk about this in private?" he asks as his eyes flit around to the party around us.

I look around and not one person is looking at us. They are drinking, and dancing, and having the time of their lives right now. They couldn't care less about us, and yet that's still all Cale cares about.

"No ones even paying attention to us!" I shout aggravated at the whole situation.

"Gray, please just come on," he pleads.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever," I grumble once again.

Cale stomps over to the local burger shack that's shut down for the evening, and we walk to the back of it so we are hidden from the whole party. It's dark behind here besides a single light that illuminates a small about of the area around us.

I lean against the worn wooden siding and cross my arms across my chest. "What Cale?" I ask tersely.

"What is wrong with you Gray?" he questions. "I thought I was doing what you wanted," he says as his palms turn up in confusion.

"No!" I exclaim. "This is never what I wanted Cale! I wanted to spend time with you at a party on the beach with my friends!" I shout at him not getting why he can't understand what I want. I'm not asking him to tell everyone about us, I am asking for just one night. That's all.

He shrugs at me. "I just don't want to go public yet, I already told you that," he says. "What more can I say?" he sighs.

"It's not about being public Cale. You can show up to a party and no one has to know we are together!" I tell him. "There are hundreds of people out there and no one cares what you do, or what I do!" I point out.

"Gray I don't know what to say," he starts. "I'm sorry I just don't know what you want from me right now, I told you—"

I throw my hands in the air in frustration. "I know its just summer and it's fun," I say repeating his words from weeks earlier. "But I can't stop the fact that I like you a lot Cale," I say my voice breaking slightly. "And I want to do fun things with you, and that includes this party."

"I just can't be seen with you yet—"

"Why?" I ask my voice thick and full of tears that want to spill over.

"My family is really strict with everything right now and you're a few years younger—"

"And I'm not good enough am I?" I say finishing his sentence for him.

He stalks forward. "Of course that's not it Gray," he says forcefully.

"Then what Cale? I can't just hide in the shadows and wait for you to—"

His lips cut off my words and I don't stop him. His body pushes into mine until I'm up against the wooden siding and his hands are all over me.

Cale's hands are in my hair pulling me closer as his tongue plays with mine in a mess of wild need. His touch becomes more fervent as his lips press into mine even harder. He is kissing me so hard and with so much desperation that I feel myself melting even further into his touch. I forget about being upset with Cale, I forget about the party, I forget about everything besides his lips and his touch. Because Cale is the drug I never knew I needed or wanted, but I was instantly addicted.

His hands tug at my hair, and hard as if he's having a hard time controlling himself. I love the fact that I'm the one causing him to lose control, and at the same time I need him to lose control. I need him to touch me. I need him to need me, because at times it feels like I'm the only one who feels this way.

Cale's hands roughly pull my blonde locks until my head bends back and I'm at his will. His teeth graze down my neck, and I let out a low moan as heat coils deep within my stomach. When his teeth lightly sink in the curve where my neck meets my shoulder I feel the heat spread between my legs, and Cale is the only one who can ease the fire burning through me.

His lips replace his teeth and soon he's peppering my neck with his perfect mouth. When I feel his hot wet tongue run up my neck I almost lose it. I drop my grip on his messy hair, and run my hands up Cale's chest loving the way his body feels under my touch. I tug on his shirt as I start to shake lightly. "Ohmygod," I gasp as his teeth nip at my earlobe.

Cale's lips caress the shell of my ear as he whispers into my ear. "Let me show you how much you mean to me," he says as his heated breath spills into my ear making me whimper. "Let me show you how good you are Gray," he says almost growling my name out.

Just as the words leave and fall from his mouth one of his hands untangle from my hair. He begins to trail up the soft skin of my thigh while the other hand remains wrapped up in my blonde wisps.

His hand pushes the hem of my dress out of the way as he hooks my leg around his waist and pushes even further into me. Aligning our hips, showing me exactly how much he wants me, how much I mean to him.

The slight fabric of my dress is pushed aside as his hand comes in contact with the thin string on my hip.

A deep grumble sounds deep in his throat as his hand plays with the edge of my underwear. "You are so fucking perfect Grayson." I love the way he curses. I love the way he says my full name against the curve of my neck. I love too much about him to only like him. "Don't ever doubt what I feel for you." I don't want to doubt him, but I do because even what I feel for him scares the hell out of me.

I raise my hands from his chest and settle them on either side of his perfect face. I lift his face from my neck so that his nose grazes mine, and our eyes are locked. I wet my lips with my tongue and let out a deep sigh that mixes with his sweet breath.

"Then show me," I say my voice raspy as I swallow the nerves that want to rise within me. "Show me what you feel for me," I tell him as I let my hips roll lightly into his causing his hand to grip my hip tightly.

"Oh, I will," he tells me. Just before his pink lips press back into mine, and his fingers dive into my underwear and I close my eyes and see a different kind of fireworks.

God, I love the fourth of July.

I blink a few times as the memory fades away into the darkness. My skin is heated in lust and in anger at the memory that moved its way into my thoughts.

My gaze lands across the deck onto Cale and Bailey cuddling under a single blanket as the sky lights up with beautiful fireworks.

I want to love the fireworks, I want to fall into them, and get lost in the sky. But I can't because the reason for the pain of my past and of my heart is sitting right across from me with my sister. I'm over Cale, and yet my heart still aches in moments like this. In moments where I'm alone and he's with her, loving her, touching her.

Damn, I hate the fourth of July.

My phone dings to alert me of a text message. I look down to see the text is from Max. I quickly open it to see: wish I were with you tonight. Miss you

Suddenly my heart doesn't hurt as much anymore, and the sparks in the sky seem just slightly more interesting than they did a moment before.