6/20/15

"I'M NERVOUS," Max mutters as I open the door to see his handsome face.

I smile. "Don't be." If anything I should be the nervous one.

"Easy for you to say it's your family," he mutters.

Without saying another word I quickly step outside and close the door behind myself. I place my hands on Max's shoulders, and pull him closer to me so that his warm body is suddenly up against mine. I move a hand to set it on his cheek gently. He tilts his head into my hand, and his jungle eyes light up immediately.

Max moves and his lips land on mine. It's gentle and soft and perfect.

I pull away but not before placing another kiss on his strong jaw. "You still nervous?" I ask, as my body stays pressed up all against his. His heat seeps into my skin making me want just a little more than a kiss.

His hands land on my waist, and they squeeze lightly before pressing even further into me causing a small gasp to fall from my wet lips. The kiss was simple, innocent even. But this exchange is anything but that. Max's eyes and hands light up my body and unexpectedly I want more. Much more, and more is something I've been afraid of with Max. But right now in this moment all I want is him, and his lips on mine once again.

But now isn't that time. Now really isn't the time with my family only a few feet away from our meshed bodies.

"Not so much nervous anymore," he speaks. His voice a little darker, and lower as he alludes to feeling something other than nerves. I can't help the flush that covers my neck because I can feel exactly what he is feeling as he presses his hips into mine further. 

I bite my lip and lean into him a little more. "Well then I accomplished my job today," I say with a small smirk playing at my wanting lips.

I quickly give Max another kiss, and pull my body away from his before we can take another step in a direction fueled by lust. He rakes a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath as he tries to calm his body down. Max's eyes narrow at me as if his problem is my fault. "What?" I ask trying to act innocent.

He shakes his head before he grabs my hand and leans down to whisper into my ear, "This is far from over." His words slither around my body, and suddenly my stomach is filled with butterflies and my body with even more anticipation.

I turn so that our noses graze each other's, and I flick my eyes up into his. "Is that a promise?" I ask with a raised eyebrow, and a quick swipe of my tongue against my lips. 

Max pulls away so that he is standing upright and facing the front door. He lets out a low chuckle, and with the slight shake of his head a smile touches his lips. And that smile makes my body hum with a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time. A feeling I've never felt for anyone besides one man, and it's scary and nerve-wracking. I want to shove it away, but I don't. I let the feeling settle into my chest and stomach, and I don't do a damn thing about it. I've let go. I've been let go of, and now it's time to seriously move on.

Tonight is really big. Max is meeting the family, and I've never brought a guy home before. Hell, my family didn't even know about Cale. The thought of him immediately makes my heart clench in pain. I haven't seen him since the exchange at his apartment and I'm thankful. I'm also thankful that Bailey was out with friends the night we kissed, and that my parents didn't hear any of our yelling. I can't believe we acted like that when my parents were just feet away sleeping. We were reckless and stupid and I can't believe I let it go that far.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to still think of Cale. I've been hurt before, so I know I can move on from this. From the pain we both caused each other.

I feel Max's hand hold mine a bit tighter, and my eyes land on the attractive man next to me. I can't help but smile and the thoughts and the pain of Cale Hasting are diminished. Not all the way, but enough. Enough to make the fire lessen.

I pull Max along with me into the house, and then into the kitchen where my parents are waiting. My father almost lost it when I said I was going on another date, third to be exact, with Max and he still hadn't met him. So I agreed we could do some drinks and appetizers together before Max and I left for our date. I know they're interested in who I've been spending my time with when in the past I acted as if I could care less about guys or dating. They don't and will never know the reasoning behind that, but I know they are happy to see me happy.

My parent's faces light up when we walk hand in hand into the kitchen. They immediately stand up and come over to us. "Um...this is Max," I say suddenly not knowing how to introduce him. Do I call him my friend? He's not my boyfriend. Ugh, I already suck at this and we are only a few seconds into the night.

My father comes over first. "It's nice to meet you Mr. Kennings," Max says as they shake hands. My father nods in agreement. I notice him checking Max out as if he will be able to see something wrong with him. I hold in a sigh and the need to roll my eyes at my father.

My mother rushes over next, her floral perfume trailing behind her. "It's so great to meet you Max!" she exclaims shaking his hand also. "You've made our little Gray here so happy lately," she gushes.

"Mom," I murmur in a warning tone trying to get her to ease off.

She gives me a pointed look. "What? It's the truth, and you never bring anyone home so that means he must be really special—"

"Mom!" I say a little too loudly with wide eyes.

She holds up two hands as she takes a few steps backwards. "Okay, okay, okay I'm just saying," she says as he backs off towards the kitchen island.

Max slides an arm around my waist and leans down to whisper, "Gray?" he questions. It's the first time he's ever heard someone address me with the nickname, and a weird feeling hits when the name falls from his tongue. I don't like it, and I don't want him to call me that. Ever.

I shake my head. "Just a family nickname," I whisper back. "You don't need to call me that," I tell him as I pull away from his arm and walk towards my family. When I reach the island I turn to see Max standing in the same spot I left him. His face covered in a mixture of confusion and hurt. I didn't mean to come off rude, but I can't have him call me that name. I love that he calls me by my full name. It doesn't bring up the past, and make me feel sad. It makes me want to look to the future, which I never do. But instead of explaining that to him like a normal person, I shut him down.

I offer Max a small smile before his lips tug in attempts to smile back. He then walks over and stands at the island with me, but his arm doesn't return to its place on my waist. And a small wave of disappointment hits me at the small non-gesture that speaks great volumes.

"Drink?" My father offers Max as he opens the fridge to grab himself a beer. He pauses, "Wait how old are you?" he asks as an after thought.

I chuckle inaudibly. "He's old enough dad," I say knowing this was my father's sly way of getting Max's age.

"I'm twenty-four sir," Max answers right after me. "But I'm driving tonight so I don't need anything," he says. I turn to meet his bright green eyes and smile softly. He definitely just got brownie points for that answer.

"Responsible," my mother says as she smiles a huge hundred-watt smile at Max. She already loves him, and why shouldn't she? Max is amazing. It's me who keeps ruining everything. My mother then waves a hand at the few dips and other appetizers spread in front of us, "Help yourself to anything also."

I grab a small plate and throw some chips and jalapeno dip—my mother's specialty—and some other little appetizers before sitting down at the island next to my date. Max grabbed some chips, but I can tell he is too nervous to eat. Whereas all I do is eat when I'm in any type of mood, especially nervous.

"So do you live in Easton?" My father asks next. He's in interrogation mode and there's no stopping him now.

Max nods. "Yes I do. I have for a few years, but just recently full time," he says. "After I graduated my mom had some surgeries that put her out for a while so I came down to help for a while."

My parents nod at his words listening intently. "That's so sweet," my mother says as she places a hand over her heart. "I only hope if that happened to one of us our kids would be just as willing," she says eyeing me.

I roll my eyes, and immediately regret it as my mother raises an eyebrow at my rude gesture. She hates when I roll my eyes. "That's the oldest's job," I tell her as I shovel some dip into my mouth.

"Oh shush, you better come and help your parents out if we need you," my mother says as she swats at the air in front of her as if she was hitting me.

"So what does your mother do?" My father inquires next because of course the questioning can't end yet. I quickly peak at the clock in the kitchen and see it's somewhat close to the time we need to leave. I silently cheer knowing this is close to being over, though I think I may be freaking out more than Max is at the moment. I know he's nervous, but the anxiousness running through me could rival him. I don't know why I'm so tightly wound. Max is great, and I can tell my mother already likes him, and yet tension still flutters through me.

"She runs a small flower shop downtown, nothing crazy," he answers casually.

My mother claps her hands together in excitement. "Oh, wait is it Flora?" she asks with wide eyes and an even larger smile taking over her face.

Max chuckles at her reaction. "Yes it is," he nods. "You know it?" he asks.

I intercept before my mother can freak out even more. "My mom used to run a shop back home," I tell him. "She loves flowers and knows where to find the best in the area—"

"And your mother's are exquisite, and I'm very picky!" My mother cuts me off as she bubbles over with enthusiasm.

Max smiles at my mother's reaction while I try and hold back another eye roll not wanting to get chastised in front of my date.

"I will have to tell my mom you said so," Max says to my mother.

"Oh, please do," she smiles.

I turn to see my father take a sip of his beer, and open his mouth to ask another question when I decides I've had enough of tonight.

"Ok, well I think it's time for us to head out," I say quickly making sure to intercept my father's nearing question.

"Oh, so soon?" My mother asks sadly. I shake my head lightly. She is already crazy obsessed with Max and this is only our third date. I don't know whether to be overly happy that she loves him, or to feel uneasy that she likes him so much so soon. What if we don't make it? I push the thoughts aside right away and focus on the here and now. I'm trying not to worry so much about the future, but it's hard. Especially when that's all I've done for that past four years. 

Max tips his wrist to check his watch before his eyes meet mine. He knows I'm calling this a little early, but I just can't do this anymore so I'm ending it.

"Yeah we have reservations," Max says simply as he slides a hand around my shoulders. He easily goes along with the lie, following me because again he's perfect and I don't deserve him. At all. I know we aren't exclusive or even officially dating, but me making out with Cale didn't just hurt my relationship with Bailey but I know with Max also.

"Well it was great to meet you Max, and I hope we see you again soon," my mother says as she slides off the stool at the island and comes over to hug Max.

My mother then proceeds to place a quick kiss on my cheek before whispering, "Love." And with that she goes back to her stool and her white wine.

My heart races a little faster at her words in happiness and anxiousness at the same time. It's an odd mix of emotions adding to the already weird feelings filling me.

"Nice to meet you again Mr. Kennings, " Max says as he shakes my father's hand goodbye.

"You too Max," my father says with a small smile lighting up his face.

As soon as Max turns to head towards the door my father's eyes meet mine, and he simply nods once in approval of my date. Once again the same mix of confusing emotions run through me, and I don't know whether to cheer or run away. This is the first time my parents are meeting someone I like, and I don't know how to handle it.

Max's hand slips through mine as he leads me out the front door and down into his car, which he opens the passenger door for me. Because even when I'm acting weird he's still a complete gentlemen. Seriously, I don't deserve him.

The driver's side door slams shut as soon as Max is sitting behind the wheel. "What's going on Grayson?" he asks simply.

"I kissed someone," I blurt into the silent air of the warm car. I had debated on whether I was going to tell Max about the kiss or not, but apparently my mouth decided for me in another case of verbal vomit.

"What?" he asks as shock fills his voice.

I don't see his face because I'm keeping my eyes on my lap. I'm too afraid to face him, and his beautiful eyes that always show every passing emotion he's feeling. I can't see the hurt I've caused him.

"I kissed someone last week," I repeat because I don't know what else to say.

Max doesn't say anything. Not one word in response. Silence fills the dead air as the radio drifts around us quietly, yet so loud at the same time.

"I know we aren't anything official, but I still felt like I should tell you," I say whispering the last few words as the nerves weave through me taking my air.

Out of my peripheral I see Max's hands grip the steering wheel tightly. He doesn't say anything for what feels like an eternity, which in reality is probably only a few minutes. "Okay." Is all he says when he finally speaks.

My eyebrows draw together and my body quickly turns to face him in confusion. My eyes meet his jungle green ones for the first time since I blurted those words, and I was right. I can see how hurt he is plain as day in his beautiful eyes and painted across his handsome face.

"Okay?" I question unsure of what his 'okay' really means.

"Okay," he restates. "You ready for dinner?" he asks as he grabs at his seatbelt, but I quickly put out a hand and stop him.

"I don't get it..." I trail.

Max sighs and leans back in his seat letting his head fall back against the headrest. "What do you mean you don't get it Grayson?" he questions, but he doesn't let me answer. "You kissed someone. Does it suck, yes," he states simply. "I really like you, but you're right we aren't anything so I don't have a say in who you kiss in your free time. Now are you ready for dinner?" he asks once again trying to buckle up and drive off and move on. But I once again stop him, because I can't move on.

"No I'm not ready," I tell him.

"Why?" he asks roughly.

"Because you're mad," I answer plain as day.

He shakes his head. "I'm not mad," he tells me.

"Okay, then you're upset with me," I correct.

He rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, a little bit," he says quietly.

I reach out and place a hand on Max's shoulder. His eyes fall to my hand before lifting to meet mine. "It won't happen again," I tell him.

"How do you know?" he questions.

I close my eyes as the memories of Cale try to come rushing back and ruin me once again. But I don't let them. I keep them locked away where they belong, and that's in the past. And as I open my eyes to meet Max's amazing green eyes I know I'm staring at my future, or at least a part of it.

"I know, because it was a one time thing," I say. "It's over, it's in the past," I tell him reiterating my thoughts.

"The past?" he probes.

I run my tongue over my teeth timidly. "I know I'm not easy Max. I know I can run hot and cold, and come off bitchy at times," I say with a dry chuckle. "But that's because I was hurt a long time ago, and I never really got over it. Well until you," I say truthfully as my hand travels upward from his shoulder to his flush cheek. "It still hurts and I'm still trying and one day I will talk about it. But for now you make me forget, you make me happy, and you make me want more out of life and relationships for the first time in a long time."

Right as the last word leaves my lips Max presses his against mine. It's deep and sensual and everything I need in this moment. As my hand holds his face, his hands weave into my hair pulling me closer to his warmth. His lips slowly play with mine, and it's beautiful. He pulls away just enough so that our eyes can meet. Our hot breathes mix and mingle while I fall deeper into his wild green eyes.

And for the first time I don't compare Max to Cale. I don't compare the kiss, or his eyes, or even the way his hands twisted through my hair.

My mind isn't on Cale. It's on Max, and for the first time since that dreadful summer I let myself fall. Just a little, not a lot. If I need to pull myself back up I can, but I do it. I let myself fall, and it's scary and enthralling at the same time.

"Ready for dinner?" he asks once again.

I smile and press another kiss to his perfectly pink lips. "Yes," I answer. And this time I let him buckle his seatbelt.