7/12/15

"AGH, GRAY LOOK at this turnout!" My sister Bailey exclaims as she jumps up and down in excitement.

The house is filled with a ton of our family and Bailey's friends for her bridal shower. The house is decorated with pastel streamers and balloons and table cloths. It's simple and beautiful, and most definitely my mother's choice of decorations rather than Bailey's more extreme taste.

"It's going to be great party Bai," I say truthfully.

Bailey swipes a hand over her white eyelet dress and tucks a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "How do I look?" she asks nervous as if she could ever look anything but perfect even in a simple sundress.

I smile at her. "You look beautiful," I tell her. "Now go mingle before cake and presents!" I chuckle.

She nods at my words. "Okay, okay," she starts. "Thanks," she says with a touch of a smile and walks towards the crowd of guests that continue to fill our house.

I take a deep breath and turn around to see Max leaning a hip against the counter on the other side of the kitchen. He is pouring himself a glass of punch as he snacks on some crackers and cheese. I walk over and slide up right next to him before lifting my gaze to his. The corner of his eyes crinkle just slightly, and I can't deny how much I love the way his green eyes change when they meet mine. They go a shade darker, almost wilder, and I love that I do that to him. 

Max immediately hands the drink he was pouring for himself to me. In the most simplest of ways Max always shows me how much he cares. I take a quick sip of the tart punch before setting it down. "Thanks for coming again," I tell him quietly as if we are in our own little bubble. We stand in the corner of the kitchen away from the chatter and the excitement of the party.

He sets down his own drink and wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me into his body lightly. "Of course Grayson," his deep voice responds. "I'll always come," he comments last and my heart stutters with nerves and anticipation at his words.

I'm still not use to my feelings for him. I know I'm falling for him, slowly but steadily. Yet at the same time it scares the hell out of me. It's hard to remember the exact moment I fell for Cale, because it feels like I fell for him the moment he sat next to me in the sand. It feels like I loved him from the moment he first said my name, or asked me out, or held my hand, or kissed me. That summer was a blur of emotions that ran wild, and it didn't end well. Obviously.

So now trying to be in a relationship, a real honest to god relationship is difficult. I don't know how to navigate myself through these feelings, because I've only felt them once. But as Max swipes his thumb against my neck slowly and absentmindedly my body can't help but sink a little bit more into his, and my mind clears. My worries seem small, and my body hums at peace as my thoughts falls silent. Because this is what falling should feel like, effortless and with no concerns.

"So how was your fourth?" I ask leaning my head against his shoulder. We texted a little back and forth since the summer holiday, but haven't really had a moment to talk. With Bailey's wedding coming up so fast, my mother and I have been running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to help with the finishing touches.

My head rises slightly as he lifts his shoulders in a shrug. "Fine," he answers simply. "It was fun to see some cousins, but you know how family can get."

I chuckle. "Yeah, I do," I respond understanding exactly where he is coming from. My family can be a bit much at time, or all the time.

Max had gone up to Tallahassee with his mother to see family. He thought he was going to be in town and be able to hang out with my family and me, but his mother had other plans. "Did your mom have fun though?" I ask knowing that she was the reason they went up there. After her surgeries she's been having a hard time getting around hence the reason Max is staying with her and helping her with her shop. But that also means she hasn't been able to go see her family since Easton lies on the opposite side of Florida from them.

"She had the most amazing time, she definitely needed it," he says.

I lift my head and turn to face him. "I'm glad you went then," I say truthfully. "Though I am sad I didn't get to be with you," I admit running my finger over the color of his linen button up. "And you missed the best view in the town," I tease as I playfully bump my shoulder into his.

"What, you?" he asks with a smirk playing at his lips.

I roll my eyes. "I meant the annual firework show," I state but can't help the smile that lifts my cheeks.

Max takes a string of my hair and places it carefully behind my right ear as if he's afraid I might break. His eyes paint over every inch of my face as if he needs to take it all in, as if he can't miss one thing. "No, I definitely missed the best view," he expresses quietly before placing a lingering kiss against the corner of my mouth.

My body runs warm at the action, and my eyes flutter closed at the small gesture. Max pulls back and I place a hand on his flushed cheek. His face and lips still so close to mine, and I love the way his eyes dance between my lips and eyes as if he can't choose where to land his gaze.

"Thank you," I croon.

His eyes narrow as confusion fills his green eyes. "For what?" he questions.

My tongue darts out and wets my lips. "For making me happy," I answer.

Max's eyes soften and a touch of a smile lifts his face, and before he can fully lean back in to kiss me someone stops us. Actually someone's words stop us. 

"Oh, well I guess we can all see who will be next up on the engagement train," Bailey says as suddenly a whole house full of eyes land on Max and myself.  Sappy smiles and cheers erupt from the crowd that stares at us.

I instantly pull out of his hold. My body may be flushed with embarrassment, but my insides run cold. Max reaches out a hand to stop me, and pull me back to him. Like we can return to that small moment where it felt like we were the only two in the room. But we can't. The moment is so far over, it's gone, and I need space now.

"I um...just need to go grab something," I say as I walk away from the kitchen, the crowd, and Max.

"Grayson..." he trails as he takes a step to follow me. He knows Bailey's words spooked me, though he doesn't know why. He still knows little from my past as I haven't gathered the courage to tell him how beyond repair I was crushed.

"Alone," I tell him pointedly as he takes one more step near me. I turn on my heel towards my room and quickly shut the door behind myself. I slide down against the closed door until I reach the cool wooden floor. I need a minute, and I need moment alone.

I can only heal so fast. I've moved on from Cale, and I'm letting myself fall for Max. I'm opening up my heart, and letting my walls down for the first time in a long time. But the future? That still scares the shit out of me truth be told.

I'm at the age where everyone is finding "the one", and trying to get married as soon as possible. Because soon we will be out in the real world and being alone apparently is frowned upon. But I don't want to be like that. I don't mind me being on my own. Hell, I've been on my own for years, no man needed. I have my family and I have Hayley, what else would I need?

I shut my eyes and take a few calming breathes. I don't want to be afraid of the future, but it's such a scary thing. I can't control the future, I can't control or foresee anything that can happen, and that freaks me out.

Max and I are having fun. I like him a lot. Why does that have to mean wedding bells? Why do people have to automatically assume we will be anything?

I've put all my eggs into one basket before. I fell without fear of the future, and look where that got me.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door. I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to stand up from the ground just as another loud knock resounds off the door. "Just a minute," I tell whomever is on the other side as I run a hand over my now wrinkled clothing.

I twist the doorknob and open the door to reveal Max. "Max, I—" I start but cut myself off not knowing what to say next. Not knowing how to explain myself.

But he just stalks forward and shuts the door behind himself hastily, and before I can even comprehend what is happening his lips are pressed against mine. I don't know how his hands end up on me, or how he ends up so close that his body is pressed up against mine, but all I know is that I immediately respond. I kiss him back, and I kiss him back with everything.

His lips slowly move against mine and make me forget about the future, and everything else that still worries me. The wall that I have is slowly crumbling, and that's all because of Max. He doesn't give up on me, even though I always give him a reason to. He stays, and while I don't know why I appreciate it more than he can ever know.

Max pulls away, but he lets his lips still lightly brush against mine causing me to shiver in response. "Don't keep running Grayson, I'm here," he whispers to me, against me. "Like I said before, I'll always come."

"Why?" I breathe. "I'm a mess and I know it, and I don't deserve you honestly—"

He cuts me off with his lips once again. Stopping my fears, my doubts, my everything. He silences the worry that wants to rise within me, and fills me with a calm instead. A calm I've craved for so long, but thought I could never have.

"Because," he says once he breaks away. "Because you have this sadness in your eyes that shows when you think no one else is looking, but when you look at me they brighten," he says. "And you don't seem as sad anymore, and I get to be that reason, I want to be that reason," he tells me.

"I'm sorry," I sigh. Because I am sorry, and I don't deserve Max, but I selfish enough to keep him.

"Don't let them scare you Grayson, this relationship is what we want it to be," he declares. "Don't listen to what they're saying. This is ours and it can go no where or everywhere, but just remember that," he pushes.

"It's ours," I repeat his words back to him as he nods his wild eyes holding onto my own.

Then his lips press once again into mine.