5/10/15

"IS THERE ANYTHING I can help with?" I ask as I step into the kitchen. Cale and Bailey have yet to come down stairs.

My mom's opening the oven and checking in on the twice-baked potatoes, and my dad has just come in with a pan of deliciously smelling grilled salmon. Everything looks and smells amazing and I realize how much I've missed a good home cooked meal. There will always be something about your own parents and how they cook that is the best. It's the best because it reminds me of home.

"Salad please Gray. Everything is already cut up just mix together," my mother requests as she worries over the asparagus on the stove.

I snatch a large glass bowl from the cabinet and place it on the island. I walk over to the fridge and gather all the ingredients for the salad. I unload them onto the countertops and spread them out to see what I am working with. Mom has a fresh bag of spinach and cut up lettuce. I empty them both into the bowl first. I then litter the salad with sliced baby tomatoes, chopped onions, mushrooms, and various other greens. I pour on the homemade dressing my dad always makes. I honestly don't know how he does it, but it tastes amazing.

My parents and I work silently but in comfort. The breeze of the ocean coming in from the kitchen windows mix with the country music softly playing in the background. I feel more at home than I have in a very long time.

I grab the wooden tongs and toss the salad thoroughly making sure to coat the leaves with the oil based dressing. I then top the whole salad with a light sprinkle of fresh shredded mozzarella.

"Dinner!" my father bellows. I know what he's guessing is happening upstairs and anyone can tell he isn't pleased by it. My parents are a tad old fashioned.

"I finished the salad," I say as I bring it over to the table. My mom follows with the potatoes on one plate and the asparagus on the other.

I can hear the two lovebirds come down the stairs before I can see them. I look up to see my sister patting down her hair and Cale fixing his shirt. Super classy. My stomach churns in disgust. "Wonder what you two were doing?" I mumble with a sneer.

"What?" my mother and Bailey ask at the same time.

I sigh. "Nothing just talking to myself," I say waving it off.

I help my parents finish setting the table up while my sister and Cale continue to be nauseatingly annoying.

Finally everything is finished and we all sit down as one big happy family...minus Cale. Everyone starts to dish up their plates and I am waiting for who will bring up the elephant in the room first.

Throat clearing from my father means he is volunteering. "So," he pauses. "How did you two meet?"

"How did he propose? And when is the wedding?" My mother pipes in happily.

Bailey's face lights up like she's been waiting for this question all day. Cale smiles at her but it never reaches his eyes. His gaze flickering over to mine before turning back to his plate. Good, I'm glad he is uncomfortable. I don't want him here anyways.

"Well you all know I came down here right after school ended last year to be with friends and to get over some things—"

"Grant, was it? Catching your boyfriend with another girl can be a buzz kill," I say as I take a bite of the salmon that is the definition of perfection.

Silence. I am met with silence. I look up from my plate to see all eyes on me. "Sorry was that rude?" More silence. "Please continue," I say with the wave of my fork before stabbing another piece of fish.

"Well, we met that summer. He lives here." Bailey's face is a little flushed still because of my comment. I will admit it was a rude and low blow. But my mind is still a little distracted from the big piece of male shit that sits across from me. Still I do feel bad and that isn't what this summer's about.

"Where's your house?" my dad asks actually interested unlike me.

"I have an apartment downtown, but my family is from The Grove sir," Cale responds. A small snort slips from me, but at least no one hears, or they don't care. I had only gone to his house one time that summer, but I forgot he grew up on The Grove.

Of course he lived on The Grove with the wealthiest of the wealthiest. Most people think our beach house is large, and then I show them The Grove. Our house looks like a shack in comparison. He would come from money. I mean I know he has money he is a Hasting. But we never really talked about money or those types of things, so it never really hit me that he was a Grove boy back then. We talked about life and family and school...not money.

We kept things simple. Too deep brought serious conversations that brought questioning of the future, which brought fighting, which brought a hot make out session. We did more kissing and fondling than serious talking that summer.

I miss part of what Bailey says. But the gist is they meet and fall "madly in love", her words not mine. I really don't need the details of how she used him as a rebound and then they decided they actually liked each other. Shocker. Two attractive people falling for each other.

"Proposal?" my mom asks with wide eyes. She's a sucker for the stories. I for one want to throw up...all over Cale.

"You wanna tell this one babe?" Bailey asks Cale.

His eyes once again flicker over to mine, and something in his eyes tells me I'm not going to like this story very much. But he answers, "Of course."

He clears his throat. "Well it was just a few days ago. I took her to the beach for a walk around sunset. It was a beautiful night, perfect for a proposal. I had the ring for a while now but just didn't know when I was going to ask the big question. But something about this night just felt right," he says as he looks down at my sister. The way he looks at her almost makes me cry. He used to look at me that way.

He continues. "I brought her to this little cave on the beach where you can sit and just watch the tide come in and out. And next thing you know we fell asleep and when I woke and saw her just beautifully laying there I knew I had to do it. So I pulled out the ring and slid it on her finger. She woke a few seconds later confused but then saw the ring and said..." he pauses looking at her with a smile on his face.

Bailey's whole face lights up with the story. "I said yes of course!"

My mother and father continue asking questions while a piece of my heart breaks off and floats over to Cale. He already has so many pieces of my broken heart that I will never get back, and yet he still finds ways to take more years later.

Cale's refusing to look at me, and only I know why. I can't believe he would take her to the cave. But then again since the day after he acted like I was nothing and walked away from me I can believe it...I just don't want to. I thought he made love to me for the first time in that cave, but no I was fucked in more ways than one in that cave for the fist time. And him taking my sister to that cave to propose to her, and probably have sex with her makes my heart hurt so badly.

I begin to pick at my food not listening to them talking anymore. I don't need to hear any more stories, because I am far beyond gone. I'm breaking all over again and I hate that he still has this power over me. And a small part of me knows he always will. First cuts are the deepest.

"So the reason it was so important for everyone to come is we want be married by the end of this summer!" Bailey squeals.

Well that catches my attention.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I ask seriously.

"Grayson language again!" my mother scolds. "What has college taught you?" she mumbles.

"I am sorry but they have barely known each other for a year and then they want to get married so soon...are you pregnant?" I ask. And it may have sounded rude, all right it is rude, but it's also a valid question. Why is this all happening so fast?

"Grayson!" my mother and father yell.

"Oh my goodness!" my sister squeaks her face engulfed in flames of embarrassment.

"Good god..." Cale moans.

I raise my hands in defense. "I am sorry! But you all know it is a valid question!" I wasn't usually this much of a loose canon. I like order and thinking before speaking, but this whole conversation is putting me off my game.

Bailey shakes her head still appalled. "Of course not. We are in love and want to start our lives together as soon as possible. Is that a crime?" she asks annoyance clear in her voice, and her eyes shooting daggers at me.

My mother leans over and rubs her arm. "Of course not honey, we all support you."

I want to object but feel after all I've said today it will really cross a line. My mom claps her hands together excitedly. "Well, planning has to begin right away! Have you thought of anything? Venue? Dress? Flowers? Date? Wow I can't believe this is happening it is so exciting my eldest getting married right here in Easton!"

I don't think I've seen my mom this happy since they opened a Target down the road, and she really loves Target.

Bailey nods along with my mother. "Venue is going to be the beach either here or The Grove we haven't decided. Date is August eighth, the first Saturday of the month. Options for bridesmaid dresses have been selected and pulled at the store downtown, but no shopping for me yet. I have been waiting for my maid of honor," she says looking at me. "And my mother to come with me obviously."

I smile at her though I can't tell if I am genuinely happy about being her maid of honor, or apart of this wedding in anyway. Let's be real I'm not. And that makes me an awful sister, and made of honor, and human being in general.

"Oh baby, you have done so much in the last couple days!" my mom claps proudly. Like it's the most amazing thing ever that Bailey planned something. It always was this way with her, praise for the eldest no matter what.

Bailey shrugs. "We have to, we don't have much time till the wedding." And then she stops and looks at me. "That is okay Gray right, that you are my maid of honor?" Bailey asks with wide eyes and a pleading smile.

I nod, "Of course, I am honored sis." And I am. I just wish she wasn't marrying the one person in this world I hate more than anything.

After the wedding chatter dies down a bit everyone helps clean the table up and put the leftovers away. It goes quickly with five of us. Cale and Bailey start making their way upstairs again when Bailey shouts, "Oh Grayson, you have to go try on dresses tomorrow so we can get it fitted in time for the wedding! And we have a meeting with the florist!" And then she's gone.

Oh, fun now I'm going to be drowning in wedding magazines and color palates for the summer. What ever happened to my carefree summer? Oh yeah Cale Hasting had to come crashing down and ruin everything...again.

I need some fresh air after dinner so I make my way down to the beach. I roll the cuffs of my boyfriend jeans higher and shrug off my cardigan and wrapped it around my waist. The slight breeze rolls over my shoulders and the setting sun flickers off the waves of the water making the ocean glitter. Damn I missed it here.

I find a spot and sit down in the sand. It has been so long since I touched sand. I forgot how soft it feels and the way is squishes between my fingers and toes. It feels like home. With my eyes closed and the warm summer air washing through me I feel at peace. Even with everything that has happened, in this small moment I feel calm.

His fingers lace through mine. It is the first time he has ever held my hand and I can't get the smile off my face. I feel giddy and alive. He's older than me but I don't care. I have never met anyone like him before.

Cale is the type of guy who's dangerous. He will either love fiercely and forever, or break my heart and leave me in a big pile of broken shards. But something about his smile and the way he looks at me...I know we can love each other. There is just that something. I always thought it was a myth, but it exists. The pull, the way my skin prickles when he is around, and the way my heart races when his skin accidentally brushes mine.

God if this feeling was a drug I would be an addict. I crave him, and I have only known him for a week or so.

"Do you want to grab something to eat?" his deep voice rolls over my skin making me shiver.

It's around two in the afternoon and the sun is blasting down on us. I can feel the sweat dampening my skin. I try to not look too much at Cale because I can see the beads of sweat on his skin, and it makes me want to lick them off of him.

I clear my throat and try to clear my mind of these thoughts of his sweaty body on mine. I have never had these types of thoughts before, and it is new and exciting. "Um...yeah sure," my words stumble out. I am always such an ineloquent mess around him, mother would not be happy.

"What would you like?" his hand squeezes mine lightly.

"Anything cold," I say looking up at his hazel eyes that make my heart melt. His eyes hold mine before flickering to my lips once and then back. Dear lord I want him to kiss me so bad. I have only kissed a few guys and it was all right. But Cale is experienced and just the feeling of his eyes on my lips makes me tingle, I know the real thing might kill me.

"Alright lets go get something to cool you down," he smiles. His hand pulls me in the direction of his truck. It's black and shinny and I love the way he looks driving it. I know that's weird, but some guys are born to drive certain cars. Cale was born to drive this truck. He isn't a hick or a cowboy. He just looks sexy as hell in it.

He opens the door for me and I smile at him. I have never had a boy treat me this way. It makes me feel all tingly inside. He slides into the drivers seat and the truck roars to life and then we are off. Off to god knows where but we are off. The windows are down and the radio is blaring some cheesy pop song that we both sing obnoxiously loud to. Sometimes our eyes meet and I will look away with a blush creeping up my face. I still don't know why he picked me that night, but I know that I am just happy he did.

Cale goes through a small drive through of a run down shake joint. Though it looks sad and small they hands down have the best custard and shakes in town. Cale orders me a vanilla chocolate twist in a cone and he gets a cherry shake. He pays and I protest but he says, "My mother would shoot me if I didn't pay on a date." And I immediately shut up. He said we were on a date. I can't wipe the silly smile off my face. The few times before this it was just hanging out, but this is a date. I'm not really sure what constitutes as a date and what doesn't, but I don't care as long as it is one.

He hands me my cone and grabs his shake before driving down a ways till we end up at a surf shop. He pulls into their parking lot that perfectly overlooks the beach in Easton. A know a lot of couples come here to do...you know. I get a little nervous at that, but try not to show it. I mean if he tries something I will like it right?

He turns the engine off but keeps the radio playing in the background. He reaches for his shake that has been residing in the cup holder when I snatch the cherry that's lying on the whipped cream of his shake.

"Hey," he chuckles. I lick the whipped cream off of the cherry and his laughing dies down immediately. His eyes are locked on my mouth. I feel alive and in charge...and a little dirty. But I like the way my blood boils and the hairs on my arms rise when he looks at me like this.

"I can tie the cherry stem in a knot you know?" I comment as I pluck the maraschino cherry off and eat it.

His eyebrows raise. "Really?"

"You don't believe me?" I ask as I plop the stem into my mouth and start to twist and turn the stem. Not even thirty seconds later I take the stem off my tongue and show him the small knot I have made.

His eyes have darkened slightly. "You know what they say about that?"

A small giggle leaves me. "I know my mom hates when I do it, it's not lady like apparently."

Cale shrugs. "Being a lady is for your thirties," he says as he sips on his shake.

I nod as I lick the side of my cone that has started to melt. I turn to Cale to make a comment about the surf shop and ask if he surfs because it is a dream of mine to learn when my comment dies in my throat.

Cale's eyes are black as he looks at me. He sets his drink down and reaches his hand out towards my face. "You have some ice cream right here..." he mumbles as his finger reaches out to wipe a small part of my lower lip and chin. Then he brings his finger to his mouth and licks it. My whole body's on fire from his touch, his gaze, the sight of his tongue, and the ideas I am beginning to get in my head.

"Taste good?" I ask a little breathless.

He groans, "Lets see." Before his hands pull me closer to him and he kisses me.

I drop my cone on the floor...completely worth it.

Not really worth it I would say now.

I dust myself off as I stand from the sand. Why am I being punished with these memories? I don't want to remember anything from that summer! I wish it didn't even happen. Maybe I would be a normal twenty year old who would know how to have relationships then. But I don't, because I'm scared of ever even letting a guy that close to me. So scared he will break me into a million little pieces that I may never get some back.

I walk into the house through the patio door and make my way to the kitchen to grab some water. I hear heavy footsteps behind me and I can feel it's him. Don't ask me how, I just know. And I hate that I know. I hate that I know his scent, his touch, the way his chest raises and falls when he sleeps. I hate that I know him at all.

"Do you still have the truck?" I would have noticed that truck and knew he was here when I pulled in if it had been outside the house.

Silence. I don't know if he is shocked because I know it's him or that I am talking to him...probably both.

"In the shop. That one is my fathers," he says.

I nod as I head back to my room. His voice quietly calls after me. "Are we talking?" he asks.

I shake my head and say," No." Then I slam the door behind me.

This is going to be one long summer.