5/15/15

"I THINK HE still secretly loves you," Hayley's voice says from the other end of my cell phone.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, and he wants me to bear his children and he's going to propose...no, no, wait," I pause dramatically, "that's my sister you dimwit."

"Alright bitch, glad to know your great personality is only growing with distance from me." I can practically feel the daggers she's glaring at me with.

I sigh as I sit on my bed and straighten out the skirt of my dress. "Sorry Hayley. But Cale never loved me and never will." I bite the inside of my cheek. "It's just the physical attraction, nothing else." The truth is I know I still have some unresolved feelings for him. But Cale...I don't know what he feels and doesn't feel for me.

Hayley clucks her tongue, which I hate. "I'm sorry babe. But if a man is so in love like you say him and Bailey are he shouldn't be acting like a man starved around you. If he really loves Bailey that attraction shouldn't matter anymore." Does that mean he feels something for me? Ugh, Hayley just gave me hope, and I don't need that!

Hope brings heartache and break, and I am supposed to be finding myself and breaking free from Cale. Not falling more into the pit that is Cale Hasting.

So I change the subject. "How is Maxine doing?" Not that I really want to hear about the redhead who's stealing my life, but it's a whole hell of a lot better than talking about Cale.

"She's great. Still a little shy but I'm doing my best to get her out of her shell. But it's a little difficult because she works at night so we can't go out a lot. But other than that she's been super sweet, and if your bitter ass would give her a chance you would love her," she says. Awesome now I am being scolded by Hayley about some tiny irrelevant ginger.

I hear my parents and know we have to leave soon. Not that I want to. I honestly would rather hang out with Maxine then go to this dinner tonight. But sadly I don't have that option. "Hayley, I love you...sometimes. But it may take hell freezing over before I enjoy the company of the leprechaun."

Hayley barks out a laugh I know she tried to cover. "Grayson, I sometimes can't with you! And with the way you're going hell may be freezing over a lot sooner than you think." I smile at her words, because I miss her, even when we are bickering. She really is my other, and slightly better half.

We say our goodbyes no matter how hard they may be. My heart squeezes a little as I slide my finger against the screen and hang up on my best friend. The last few days have been filled with wedding this and wedding that, and trying to avoid Cale. Which overall has been mostly successful. Since the talk in the car neither of us has made an effort to talk let alone look at one another. I can tell my sister is starting to notice the awkwardness between us, which only makes her push more for us to hang out together.

I run a hand through my hair and stand to give myself another once over in the mirror. Its not like it really matters what Cale's family thinks of me, but I always imagined meeting them. Not that anyone knows that. I hate that I even care, but I do. I will never say this aloud, but I want them to like me.

I'm wearing a simple black dress. Nothing super fancy, but I look nice. It's a shift dress that flows to the tops of my knees with a high neckline. I have light makeup on, and my hair is just naturally falling around my shoulders. I bend to slip on a pair of my favorite black wedges, and quickly stand. I turn to check my shoulder one last time making sure not only makeup but also my hair is covering the tattoo.

I run my index finger of the small tattoo, though it looks like a small skin toned scar now.

I trace the lines on Cale's ribs. The waves so simple yet beautiful. I bite my bottom lip before I do what I've been dying to do since I saw his tattoo. I lean down and brush my lips lightly against the strong but delicate lines that inhabit his skin. His skin is hot against my lips. I can hear his breath shallow with my lips on his body. His hands slip around my waist and pull me closer if that's even possible.

My tongue flicks out and tastes his skin, which is salty from the ocean. His hands squeezing my hips at the action. "Gray," he groans. "If you don't stop that I'm not going to be able to stop myself from fucking you senseless." His words light my body on fire. I can't help the small gasp that leaves my lips at his words. I also can't help but think about having sex with this perfect man. I want to...I really, really want to. But I'm also scared. It will be my first time and what if when I tell Cale that he is turned-off and never wants me again.

His hands grip my waists a little harder only making my body push into his more. Cale slides my body over so that I'm no longer lying next to him, but lying on top of him. My hips line up perfectly with his and he presses my body even further into his to show me how much he wants me. I stare straight into his eyes, and run my tongue up his neck and press myself against his length. It's a bold move for me considering how inexperienced I am. But Cale makes me bold, makes me want more, and makes me take what I want. He narrows his eyes, and pulls me into a passionate and deep kiss that I can feel all throughout my body,

I pull my face away from his with a gasp, and bite my bottom lip. I love how I can still taste him. I cross my arms over his chest and rest my chin on my arms. My eyes meet his dark ones, and I wonder how long I can really hold out till I let him have his way with me.

"What does it mean?" I ask with a tilt of my head.

Cale places his hands behind his head and relaxes against the blankets. We are in the bed of his truck, one of my favorite places to spend with him. He's parked on this hidden part of the beach away from everyone and anything. It's our own little world over here, and I love it. I can be my bold self with Cale here. Not the quiet respectful Grayson everyone knows.

He reaches out with his right hand and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, while rubbing his thumb against my cheek. I lean into the palm of his hand. Every touch, look, and kiss from Cale only makes me greedier. I always want more and more with him. Something about Cale is different from every other boy I've ever known. Besides the fact that he's older, he makes my heart race, and looks at me as if I'm everything he's ever wanted. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy and wanted all at the same time.

He makes me want to forget that this is just some summer fling and fall head over heels in love with Cale Hasting.

He runs the pad of his thumb against my cheek once again. "My tattoo?" he asks.

I nod once.

He rests his hand on my back tracing circles with his fingers making me squirm a little. Cale lowers his head so he's looking at the night sky with his left hand still tucked under his head.

He doesn't say anything at first, and I just silently wait. I don't want to push him. I know when he is ready he will tell me.

"Waves are an interesting thing Gray. For some they wash away the past and represent a new beginning. But for others they represent the past, and the past never really leaves but just washes up on a different shore. I don't know I've always loved the ocean and what it can represent." His words are soft almost hard to hear. But the way he speaks of the ocean makes my heart skip a beat.

"Water purifies," I mumble. It's something my dad always says whenever we go to the beach.

Cale lifts his head so his eyes meet mine. "I wouldn't say I'm pure Grayson." His eyes fill with humor, but serious at the same time. The way he says my whole name causes a shiver to fly through my spine.

My eyes hold his until he lays his head back down.

"Would you ever get a tattoo Gray?"

I pause before blurting the first thing that comes to mind, because yes I would. And I know exactly what I want to get now, but I don't want to freak him out. So I just say, "Maybe one day," and leave it at that.

I should hate the tattoo. But honestly I don't. It does remind me of that summer and Cale. But it also reminds me of new beginnings and being strong on my own. For those reasons alone I don't hate or blame Cale for my tattoo. Honestly I would thank him...not that I ever would.

I grab my phone and slip it into a small clutch and head out of my room. I walk into the kitchen to meet my parents. They both look up as smiles spread over their faces. "Grayson you look lovely," my mother says and then pauses to look up at my father. "Doesn't she honey?" she asks my father as she pulls him closer.

He looks down at her, and the look in his eyes could bring tears to the coldest of hearts. I would know. He looks at her like she is his whole world. "Both of my girls look beautiful tonight," he says. He then leans down to place a small kiss on my mother lips.

It use to gross me out when my parents would do things like that in front of me. But now it just reaffirms my faith that maybe, someday I can find what they have. That someone like me can be just as happy. My mom and I may not look alike but we are more similar than people think. She is the one who thinks before acting, everything in the world has its perfect place, and she doesn't like disorder or anything messy. Which will forever make me wonder how she was drawn to my father. The man is the definition of messy, he is the soft one, the one who is impulsive and loves new things.

I use to be a nice mix of my mother and father. Not anymore.

I shift in my heels before asking, "So where are the two love birds, shouldn't we be leaving?" I glance at the microwave clock one more time before letting my eyes flicker to the staircase.

My mother pulls away from my father, and gives her hair a quick fluff before grabbing her purse from the counter. "They left already, wanted to get there a little early to see if Cale's family needed anything."

And with that we head out to my parents car and are off to The Grove.

The car ride is quiet at first, just the low lull of the radio and sounds of other passing cars. The dark streets only lit by old street lamps that flicker when it rains. The dark waves looming on the beach as they crash against the soft sand. I close my eyes for a few minutes and try to prepare myself for tonight. No one knows how long I've actually waited for this moment, how many times I imagined it. How I would play the different scenarios of meeting his parents, and how they would love me, and give Cale the blessing to marry me right then and there.

Damn I was a naïve sixteen year old.

I smile at the memories and try to remind myself that tonight isn't about me, not one bit.

All of the sudden my mouth is open and I'm asking, "So what do you really think of Bai marrying a Hasting boy?" I didn't realize till the question was out that it had been burning inside me just waiting to be asked and answered.

My parents never really spoke badly of anyone, but when the Hasting boys ever came up they would always tell us to never fall for boys like that. That they were entitled and just left a pile of broken hearts in their path.

They were right about that.

But what do they really think now?

"Well..." my father trails off not really knowing what to say, his hands shifting awkwardly over the steering wheel.

But my mother knows just what to say. "This is a small town Grayson, everyone knows everyone and if you don't know them, you know about them. The Hastings are from The Grove. We knew they were rich and had four spoiled boys. We also knew those boys liked to party and climb anything in a skirt." Dad chuckles at her words. "But it's been years, and obviously the boys have grown, I mean look at Cale!" She exclaims.

I roll my eyes. I have, I think.

But she continues. "He has a great job and can support Bailey and he obviously loves her...though it was all a little fast," she concedes at the end.

"And you wonder why I asked if she was pregnant?" I say with an expression of annoyance.

She shakes her head. "Now that was just rude Grayson, and you know better. I didn't put you through etiquette classes for nothing young lady," she chastises.

My shoulders slump. "Whatever, you know you were thinking it," I murmur.

Again my father chuckles, and see him nod at me, but not before my mother jabs him with her elbow.

The rest of the car ride is fairly quiet until we turn down a street and then the car goes deadly silent.

We have entered The Grove.

I've been here once because of Cale, and I've driven by it many times. But to actually be in it after all these years is amazing. These are the houses celebrities, CEO's, and trust fund babies own. Every house the car passes could fit four or five of our house inside it. I honestly don't know what people do with all the space...and the people who have to clean it! Wow, that just sounds awful.

The car finally stops in front of a three-story brick house. It looks as if it is made for the deep south with the large wrap around porch, and white columns. Everything about this house screams old money, but nothing about this house screams beach. Which I guess makes sense for The Grove. The Grove is about showing how much money you are worth, never about the gorgeous beach that surrounds these amazing houses.

We pull into their large driveway that wraps around and leads to multiple garages. This place is massive, like nothing I've ever seen before. I have only been here once, though slightly drunk, but I still remember everything. Like the way Cale touched me in the kitchen up against the fridge, and then on top of the island. I bite my lip at the memory and blush.

My parents and I make our way up to the double French doors and knock. Mrs. Hasting opens the door immediately beaming with a smile from ear to ear. "Hello!" she chirps. "Welcome, please come inside!" She moves aside as we walk into the foyer of the house.

My parents begin to introduce themselves to Mrs. Hasting, who insisted they call her Jayne. She is a beautiful woman, with her long dark blonde hair, and bright hazel eyes. Her face is soft and sweet, and the way her eyes light up when she speaks makes her easier to approach, as if she radiates this warm light.

She turns to me. "And you must be Grayson," she says as she leans and hugs me, and I respond with a hesitant hug back. "Bailey talks about you all the time," she gushes, "and good things I promise!" I smile back though a small piece of my heart cracks. That summer years ago, I dreamed of meeting Cale's family and his mom and his dad. I never dreamt I would be here for my sister's engagement to him.

"Ahh and here they all are!" Mrs. Hasting exclaims as Cale, Bailey, and whom I am assuming are Cale's father and brother.

Cale definitely gets his good looks from his father. For his age he is still attractive, undeniably a silver fox of the George Clooney kind. He shakes all our hands and asks us to call him Daniel. I smile at his words, but know I will still address him and his wife formally as Mr. and Mrs. Hasting. It's how I was raised, and I still feel like a child around adults, even at the age of twenty.

Then whom I'm assuming is Cale's brother introduces himself. I knew Cale had three other brothers and I had seen a few pictures, but I never actually met them. Though back then they were the talk of the town. The Hasting boys were another kind of boy. All hot, and all players, and all forbidden...well at least by my parents. They ruled this town, and every girl would willingly cut off a limb for a chance to be with one of them. I don't know if things had really changed, but I know I have.

His name is Chase, and I can't deny he is hot. Like extremely. He is tall like Cale, but less muscular, still toned though. His hair is longer than Cale's, but the same dirty blonde color. Anyone could plainly see they were related. If I didn't know any better I would assume they were twins.

His hand is soft in mine as he shakes my hand. He smiles at me, not in a creepy "I want to get you naked" way, but in an "I think we can be friends" sort of way. His eyes are warm just like the rest of him, which makes me smile right back at him. He finally pulls always but I can't keep the smile off of my face. I need some friends if I'm going to survive this summer still sane. And a small part of me is so happy he didn't try and check me out, I don't think I would be able to ever date another Hasting boy without comparing them to Cale. Which isn't fair for anyone, but especially his own blood.

"Alright, well dinner is almost ready so why don't we all head to the kitchen for some wine and appetizers," Mrs. Hasting says as she motions everyone to follow her through a large archway.

I pause. "Sorry I was wondering if I could use the bathroom first?" I ask quietly with a raised hand to gain the Hasting's attention.

Mrs. Hasting turns and nods in understanding. "Of course. The one down here is under construction," she pauses turning to my parents. "We're expanding a little," she explains. My parents politely nod and smile, but I can tell they're thinking similar thoughts to mine. Expanding? Like this house really needs to be any bigger. But to each their own I guess.

She motions to her right. "Cale can show you to the guest bathroom upstairs," she says. Mrs. Hasting smile is bright and warm, but god did I want to scowl at her for her choice of son to show me upstairs.

I smile softly back. "I don't want to intrude, I'm sure I can find it myself." And I can find it, it's not my first time at the Hasting residency. Not that anyone needs to know.

"Are you sure? It's no problem for him to show you." Her eyebrows scrunch together in worry.

I give a reassuring smile, and head up the long staircase.

As soon as I hit the top step I know I should head to the left for the guest bathroom. But I feel a tug in my body and go where I know I shouldn't. I turn on my heel and head right towards Cale's room. I slowly push open the cracked door and step into the dimly lit room. I close my eyes as my body lightly shakes. I'm suddenly flooded with the memories of Cale and I in his room. He only brought me here once, but it is a day I can never forget. My eyes land on his king size bed in the left corner, the same navy blue down comforter coating his bed. I walk over and run my hand down the comforter, still as soft as I remembered.

He's taking my shirt off. The first time I've ever had my top off in front of a boy. His eyes lock on my chest as he reaches around and unhooks my bra. I feel nervous but needy. It's like no other feeling I've ever experienced, and I never want this heat to stop. Next thing I know Cale's lips are on my neck, with his hand trailing up my thigh forcing my body to catch aflame. My heart beats wildly.

I close my eyes and live in the fire that is Cale Hasting. I never wanted his touch to end. I could stay in his bed all day.

And we did.

The memory of the only time I ever spent in Cale's room warms my cheeks in embarrassment. I shake away the thoughts of his lips and hands, and inspect the room some more. It has been so long since I was near my family, near Cale, near this town of Easton. I've missed so much.

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I made my way around the room. I stop at a picture of him and Bailey on his nightstand. She is looking at Cale, big smile, and wild blonde hair crazy in the wind. While Cale looks at the camera, his bright hazel eyes serious, contemplative. I swallow the lump in my throat that forms at the sight of their picture together. I obviously know they are together, but seeing a picture, seeing it documented makes it real.

I tongue the inside of my cheek and turn to face the wall covered in pictures, posters, medals, and plaques. It reminded me of mine, though his has a larger collection of items.

I run my fingers over the medals he received in middle and high school for every sport imaginable. His dad really pushed him into football, but his real passion was soccer. He was amazing with the ball, the agility of his feet, how fast he could run. Cale loved playing pick up games on the beach. He was always trying to teach me weird tricks that I could never do. I stop at a few pictures of him when he was younger, maybe sixteen? His hair was longer, his tan deeper, his smile brighter, he was young, wild, and free. I wish I knew him, not his reputation, but really knew him back then. Though he wouldn't have given me a second glance since I would've been thirteen at the time. Those three years don't mean anything now, but back then they meant the world. They held our relationship in its hand, and crushed us. Cale let it crush us.

I brush my hand over a few pictures and one falls from beneath a picture of him and his brothers. I mumble, "Shit." As I bend down to pick up the picture. I didn't want anyone to know I'm snooping around in Cale's room and knocking pictures off the wall is not the way to be so discreet.

A gasp leaps from my lips as I flip over the picture and see that it's a photo of me. It's of me sitting in the sand, my hair flying in the wind as I look over my shoulder and smile at Cale. My face has a shadow casting over it, but if you know me it's obvious. It was one of the few times Cale took pictures of anything, let alone me. He would get in these wild moods where he would kiss me in public, and take pictures of me. Those were the nights we would get so heated we would get so close to sex. But then something would pull him back, would rein in his wild streak, and usually delete the pictures.

I hear the sound of footsteps entering and my head snaps up to meet Cale's gaze. His eyes staring at the picture in my hands, his jaw locked, and his fists tightened. His eyes lift and blaze into mine. "Why are you in my room, and going through my stuff Grayson?" His voice is strained as he speaks through his teeth. He's obviously upset, but he doesn't have much of a right to be.

"I was just looking at your pictures and it fell," I state. "I think the real question here is why you still have this?" I raise an eyebrow at my question.

He takes a step forward to yank the picture from my hands, but I move it out of his grasp clutching it against my chest. "You have no right to go through my things," he speaks. He's close to me and his anger radiates of him.

I shake my head, annoyance climbing through my veins. "And you have no right to have this picture after what you did to me." I pause before whispering, "You broke me." My eyes shift from his unable to look him in the eye while admitting that small truth.

Silence wraps around us at my admission. I can hear him swallow, and the sound of me shifting in my heels is louder than normal. I hate myself for continuing to show him how weak I am. But he continuously tears down the many walls I built. I see his feet take a single step towards me, and I slowly lift my eyes to meet his. His face flickers with emotion and his mouth opens like he wants to say something, but just can't seem to find the right words.

He shakes his head with a sigh. "Gray—"

He starts to speak but is cut off by my sister's squeaky voice. "Baby, where did you go?" Her voice trails in from the hallway.

I glance one last look before taking a singular step backwards. Away from Cale, and away from whatever lies might leave his lips.

Bailey appears in the doorway as I tuck the picture behind my back. I'd forgotten I was still holding onto it, and obviously didn't want my sister seeing the photo. The tension is thick in the room and her eyes flicker between us before a smile lights up her angelic face. "What are you two up to?"

Cale is about to say something when I step in, "I stopped in here after using the bathroom because I noticed the adorable picture of you two on his nightstand." I motion over to the table with my free hand.

Bailey's grin grows and she walks over to link arms with Cale. "It's one of my favorites." Her gaze lingers on the picture before tugging Cale towards the door and waving at me to follow. "Dinner is ready and we don't want to keep anyone waiting."

I follow her and Cale down the stairs, but not before tucking the picture into a random drawer on my way out. I'm trying to contain the anger that fills my body. I hate that Cale still has that picture of me, but it also makes me question everything. Why does he still have it after all these years? Does he look at it? Or did he forget it was even there? I shake my head and try to forget about the dumb picture, because it doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter if he still looks at it, or if I mean anything to him, because he's marrying Bailey.

We all make our way to the Hasting's extravagant dinning room and sit down to begin dinner. The Hastings sit at each end of the large table, with my parents and I on one side, and Bailey, Cale, and Cale's brother Chase on the other side. Their wait staff serves us a delicious dinner comprised of steak, potatoes, greens, and seriously the best rolls I've ever had. And I take my breads very seriously.

I'm buttering my fifth roll, when Mrs. Hasting calls my name. "Grayson, I hear you attend Northwestern," she remarks.

I turn to my right to face her, and nod. "Yes, I'll be a junior this year," I smile. "I love it there," I say honestly.

Her smile widens. "That is just wonderful!" she exclaims as she claps her hands together. "Because Chase here is transferring there this year and will also be a junior! And it would be just lovely for him to already know someone there." She motions between the two of us, but pauses, "Well not just someone, family!" she laughs.

I look across the table to face a red-cheeked Chase. I smile at him in reassurance, and he offers a timid smile back.

Mrs. Hasting turns back to me and with a quick wink, and whispers, "Well not family by blood." And I actually feel Cale's eyes burn into the side of my face.

I ignore Cale and face Chase once again. "We definitely need to get lunch together then! And you will love my best friend and roommate Hayley. Between the two of us, you'll be set." I say with a wave of my butter knife, before stuffing a sixth roll in my mouth.

Judge me.