6/12/15

"THANKS SO MUCH for tonight," I tell Max as he walks me up to the front steps of my house.

The sky surrounding us is so dark tonight, not even one star out twinkling in the distance. The black abyss of the sky paired with the cool ocean air that wraps us is different. Tonight feels different, and I don't know why.

Max's thumb runs over my knuckles making me hold on tighter to his warm hand. "I'm glad you had fun Grayson," he smiles.

After the Ferris wheel incident we sat for a while, and I was finally able to get my head in the right place. Meaning I pulled my thoughts away from Cale and focused on Max where they should've been to begin with. The rest of the night went by perfectly with wild rollercoasters, and obnoxiously large stuffed animals, and tons of fried food. It was perfect, because Max is perfect. I'm the one failing at this so-called relationship.

I clutch the huge stuffed penguin to my side at the memories of tonight. In two dates Max has knocked me off of my feet and it's hard to see him ever topping them, but with Max I'll never know what's up his creative sleeve.

I stop by the front door and turn to face Max, and before I can say anything more he presses his lips against mine. I inhale a sharp breath in shock before melting into the man before me. His lips are soft yet assured, and giving me everything I need because Max is everything I need. I drop the obese penguin that he won for me, and clutch onto his shoulders deepening the kiss before he pulls away. But not before he peppers my jaw and neck with more kisses. I can't help but giggle when his hands poke at my waist and he nips at my collarbone.

Max pulls away from me but keeps his face just inches away from mine. His green eyes dance as they take in my lips and the rest of my face. The silly smile on his face makes me bite my lip in attempts to stop my grin, but it's no help. Max makes me smile, and I like it. I like him, maybe even too much.

I pull away with a sigh, and grab onto my new cuddle buddy as I turn towards the door. "I'll text you," I say as I unlock the front door.

Max smirks at my words. "Not if I text you first," he winks and then hops down the front steps and towards his car.

I pause and watch Max walk away from me. I can't help but stare at the man who is melting my heart slowly from its cage of ice. I nibble at my bottom lip as he casts me one last smirk before I finally tear my gaze away as he speeds down the street. A giddy chuckle escapes my lips, and I head inside while dragging the penguin behind me. I don't even realize the lights are on and someone's in the room with me until I close the door behind myself and turn around to see a narrow eyed Cale.

Suddenly the flames engulf me once again and my insides are crying out to go running after Max. The only person who can save me from the all-consuming fire that is Cale. But I don't show any weakness, and stand tall at the man before me.

"What do you want Cale?" I ask uninterested. Though I clutch onto my penguin as if it's my lifeline in this moment.

He runs his thumb over his bottom lip as he stares at me for a moment longer. His eyes rake over my body as if he's looking for something specific but can't find it.

"Who were you out with?" he asks out of nowhere.

I roll my eyes. "Why do you care?" I counter.

He snorts. "I don't. Just interested since you seem to spreading yourself pretty thin lately," he comments before walking towards the kitchen.

The blood that rushes through my veins flashes cold with shock, and then blazes hot with anger. My jaw falls agape, and my skin crawls with annoyance at his words. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?" I ask harshly as I drop my penguin and stalk after the man in front of me.

Cale turns away from the fridge with a beer gracing his hand. He downs half the bottle in a gulp before his hard eyes meet mine. "You heard me Gray."

My lip curls in pure anger towards this man, and I'm pretty sure steam flies from my ears in a cartoon like manner. Suddenly the flames that surround me are for a different reason. "Please explain to me how I'm spreading myself thin Cale, please," I say sarcastically using my fingers to air quote his outrageous statement.

He sets down his glass bottle on the counter with a loud clank. "Chase...this other dude—"

"Max," I growl cutting him off.

"Yeah whatever, just saying what I see here Gray," he says flippantly.

"Don't call me that!" I shout annoyed at his words.

"Whatever," he mumbles as he finishes off the beer in a large swig.

I stomp over closer to Cale as rage courses through my body steadily. He's under my skin in a way I've never experienced, and I need him out. Now.

"There is nothing going on between Chase and I," I tell him. "How many times do I need to fucking say that?" I curse angrily.

A menacing laugh falls from his lips and snakes around me making my fist clench until my knuckles go white. "Say what you want but I'm not the only one who sees it."

"Who's said something?" I ask confused. Chase is a friend and nothing more. Chase knows that, I know that, yet somehow everyone else can't seem to see that through their thick skulls.

"Bailey and I have talked about it," he shrugs like his words don't hurt me.

I let out a small dark chuckle at his words. "Well Bailey talks to a lot of people about a lot of things Cale," I say with pursed lips and narrowed eyes. I didn't mean to mention my conversation with Bailey ever, and let alone with Cale. But he's invading me in a way he's never done before, and I want to get him back. I want to hurt him, taunt him like he's doing to me. It's wrong, and bad, and I should stop and walk away. But I don't.

Cale doesn't know that during lunch Bailey informed me all about their sex life. It was a moment I never wanted to relive, but just became extremely useful in this warped fight Cale and I are having.

It's Cale's turn to take the defense. His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion at my words, and I can't help the smile that over takes my face. This relationship between us has just turned toxic, and in to an ugly need to hurt each other. It's far from okay, and yet in this moment I'm living off of it.

"What did she tell you?" he questions calmly, but we both know he's anything but.

I lift a single shoulder in indifference. "Something about something," I say with the lift of an eyebrow. "I can't remember honestly."

Suddenly Cale is in front of me, in my face, body too close, and backing me towards a wall. "What did she say Gray?" he rumbles.

"Don't call me that," I counter back. I hate that name. All it does is remind me of a summer I want to forget. I like that Max doesn't know about that summer, and that he doesn't call me Gray. To him I'm Grayson, I'm some new and nice and not afraid of the future.

"What did she say?" he growls again.

"Doesn't feel so great knowing someone's taking about you does it?" I push.

"Gray," he pushes back.

"Son!" I finish for him. "It's Grayson," I emphasize. "Ugh," I groan running both of my hands through my long locks.

"Tell me," Cale urges harder and suddenly I'm back against the kitchen wall, and the smell of beer on Cale's breath wafts over my face.

I place my hands against Cale's chest and shove him away from me as I pull away from the wall and walk away from him. He was too close and I have to get away. My head begins to go fuzzy when he's that close, and I am not making the mistake of letting him get in my head again. I'm over this shit he's putting me through, but suddenly his hand is on my elbow and I'm back against the wall his hand on my elbow so tight it almost hurts. His hazel eyes lock on me dark and probing me for answers. His other hand on the wall beside me locking me into his large body, and again he is too close.

"Why can't you get off with Bailey?" I whisper letting my mind turn fuzzy at the edges. He's making his way in, and if I don't get away soon I'm going to go down the bad road. I'm supposed to be moving on, letting go, and yet here I am falling even more into this toxic battle we have going on.

Cale's eyes go wide at my words and narrow once again until he's glaring at me so hard I feel like I might actually burn from the way his eyes hold onto me. But in this moment I want to burn, because the last time I felt like this was four years ago. And I know I shouldn't, but I love this feeling and never thought I would feel it again.

"I don't—"

My grin turns devilish as I cut him off. "What has you so tangled up that you can't finish? What has you so wound up inside that—"

"Shut up!" Cale yells as his hand bangs against the wall near my head. My heart beats faster at the rage I see growing within this man I used to love. His face is painted red with a vein poking out of his neck violently.

Then I go to a place I never should've gone. I go to a place so far gone I'm even scared of what I've become in this moment. I'm not thinking of Bailey my sister who deserves nothing but the best, of Max the man I truly need to save me from my cold twisted self, I'm only thinking of the past. And the past is a place that once I latch onto sucks me in so fast I begin to drown in its depth. I begin to drown in Cale, and I love it.

"Is it because you're thinking of me?" I say wetting my lips at my words.

Cale's mouth open but no words fall from his perfectly pink lips.

My mouth purses in an attempt to hide my growing smirk. "That's what I thought Cale," I say with a slight tilt of my head and a small bite of my lip. And with that I push off the wall and his hold, and storm off towards my room. I'm playing with flames right now and I know it's going to backfire so badly, but I'm drowning and I don't care. I've gone to the bad place.

I'm just through the threshold of my door when I hear it slam behind me. My body whips around to face a pissed off Cale. His eyes are dark and pointing in on me while his fists clench in at his sides.

"What do you want me to say to that Gray?" His voice breaks slightly.

I'm taken back by his words. "What?" I ask.

He steps closer to me. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't kno—"

Cale cuts me off. "Do you want me to say that ever since I've seen you I can't stop thinking about you?" His words shock me to no end, and rock my mind like no other. My whole body is twisted and turned around, and I'm lost at how to respond to this man in front of me.

My body burns to reach out and touch him, but I keep my hands to myself. But the tension radiating off of Cale is intense and slowly sucking me in making me want more and more. More of everything I shouldn't have, but have always wanted.

I don't respond to his words. More like I'm incapable of responding.

"Do you want me to say that you invade my every thought? That no matter how much I try I can't get you out of my thoughts. That I'm jealous of any man who even looks at you because every kiss, touch, and moan from you used to me mine and only mine. And—" his words stop suddenly, but his body is right up against mine.

"And what?" I barely breathe aloud.

Cale reaches up with one hand to run his hand though my blonde hair. Something he used to do repeatedly, something I miss more than anything. His hand pulls through my tangled locks until he comes to the end pulling slightly forcing a gasp to fall from my lips.

"You always loved when I was just a little rough with you," his words breathe out surrounding me, hot and heady. His eyes rake over my face as if he is taking me in for the first time, and to be honest I think he is. I don't think he's allowed himself to really look at me, but now he is. And I don't know how to react. "Do you still like that?"

I nod once as loud breaths flutter though my parted lips, and incoherent thoughts run through my fuzz filled head.

Cale leans in until our faces are just mere inches apart. We are so close I can almost taste the beer that still lingers on his tongue. My body burns for more of him when I know I shouldn't. Max flashes in my mind for a second, but is outweighed by the real life Cale in front of me. He's touching me, and so close I can kiss him. It's everything I always wanted again, but everything I shouldn't have.

I love my sister and I shouldn't do this. I really like Max and shouldn't be doing this.

And yet I can't help but still ask, "And what Cale?"

His hand clenches in my hair just as his other hand wraps around my waist and pulls me in closer, and suddenly I'm helpless. I know I should stop him. I know I should say no and push him away, but I just let him control me and lean in even more to his addicting touch. I'm dizzy and he hasn't even kissed me yet.

"And I still want you more than anything. You're still mine Gray." And before I can respond to his words that have me all knotted up inside he kisses me, and I'm once again drowning in Cale Hasting.

But this time I don't want to be saved, and I don't want to stop.