决心 (Juéxīn) — Determination

Relenting is not giving up with cowardice, but persevering with humility.

Lucky Numbers: 3, 9, 17, 34, 68

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5-11-14

"Zodiac Garden, how may I help you?"

"Hey."

"Christ, it's you again. What do you want now?"

"I called to—"

"Are your lo mein noodles too wavy? Napkins not folded into origami paper cranes? Delivery girl too Tumblr by talking out loud her 's-m-h's and 't-b-h's?"

"She really needs to tone it down, I feel like I'm being attacked with caps lock. You would think I insulted her personally instead of her fandom." 

"That's my little sister."

"Oh, um—"

"It's a family business, in case you couldn't see the tagline below our logo in huge font on the takeout bag. Would you like me to spell it out for you? F-a-m—"

"I can see the resemblance now, both of you hold huge grudges."

"Hanging up now—"

"No, don't! It was a joke, take a chill pill. I was calling to apologize, before you rudely interrupted me.

"I feel like this is a pattern now—somehow it's always my fault for your mistakes."

"I know—I'm trying here, okay? I don't do this often. But, your fortune inspired me to dial.

"What did it say?"

"What?"

"The fortune, what was it?"

"Relenting is not giving up with cowardice, but persevering with humility."

"No, not literally. All of my fortunes are imprinted in my memory, I could recite them in my dreams. What do you think it says?"

"...I think it means sometimes it's wiser to yield your control rather than grasping at threads for a cause that is unraveling at the seams. It says that it can be brave to acknowledge this, despite the appearance of fear, because it demands a strong person to have the capacity to embrace failure. It requires you to persist in order to follow through with it. You need to smother your pride with the understanding that in order to move forward you have to take a step back.

"Apologizing to you doesn't mean I lack courage because I'm groveling for forgiveness, but more that I can be large enough to confess to imperfection for both of our sake."

"..."

"Hello?"

"I'm listening."

"You were right that day, I acted like a complete dumbass. I was having an awful day, and that fortune was the last straw. It mocked me with its positivity, preaching beauty when all I could see around me was ugly. I lashed out an anger you didn't cause, and I'm sorry you were caught in the crossfire by the debris. You didn't deserve that, when all you did was write a symbolic fortune I was too blinded to comprehend."

"Who were you angry with?"

"Someone I can't relent to. Does that make me awful?"

"No, it doesn't. I know the feeling. Just human. Like you said, people are flawed. We can't choose to open the doors to our heart, only latch them closed. It takes time for the hinges to rust free on their own accord."

"But, how long until you're deaf to the knocks of your heartbeat?"

"I- I don't know. Some of us have gates instead of doors."

"Maybe you need to stop waiting then, Violet. Find the key to open the lock that traps you instead."

"..."

"How do you know my name?"

"I asked your sister, I thought it would let my apology seem more authentic."

"Or make you more creepy."

"Tomato, tomato. It worked, didn't it?"

"Shut up."

Line hangs up.

"I knew she had a soft spot."

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