One.
“Walking away could always feel harder than it should.” 

― AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF WAITING IN THE BATCAVE, LUKE AND MARY WERE NERVOUS AS A PLANE CRASHED INTO GOTHAM HARBOR. Deep down I had this gut feeling that something bad happened to Kate, since she wasn’t responding through the suit when Luke and Mary tried to get a hold of her. Deep down I couldn’t hear her, or feel her presence anymore, like something happened and she disappeared. Worse case scenario is that she died, but even deep down like Mary and Luke I didn’t want that because Kate was a friend of mine, heck she inspired the dark city of Gotham to have hope again. 

Looking at the screen I noticed as no signal was going through, the suit went offline. And nothing else happened at the moment. I knew deep down I shouldn’t be doubtful but Kate….she would have responded if she was ok by now. For all we know she planned jumping out of the plane and leaving the city, but even that didn’t sound like the Kate I met who suited up like Batwoman. The one who was worried when I learned her secret after being here for eight months. 

The next morning, we entered the office as I could notice somebody was there. It was Bruce Wayne out of all people he was standing there pouring himself a drink. But something seemed off about him. Because if Bruce Wayne returned, he picked an awfully good time to come back. With the so-called disappearance of Kate Kane, he returns to Gotham City. After being gone, for like five years from what Luke tells me. And he wasn’t able to be contacted, which made this situation more weird. Like Oliver Queen being Green Arrow weird. 

“If only the answer was as simple as the question mini fox.” Bruce told Luke as Mary spoke up, “Complicated fine. We’re smart.” as Bruce continued with, “I know. Let’s find Kate. And I’ll tell you 4 all about it.” He continued until Mary’s phone started ringing as she glanced at it before looking back at Luke and I. “It’s my dad. I should check in. But I really don’t want to leave.” Mary told Luke and I. 

“No. He needs you Mary.” He told her as she looked at me and I nodded, “You should go. We’ll stay in touch.” He told her as I looked at Mary, “I’ll come by later Mary and update you.” I told her as she hugged me before turning to Bruce. “If anyone could help us, It’s you.” She told him as he nodded at her before she left. 

Luke talked to Bruce before asking him to do the honors into the cave. He walked over as I knew at the moment that this couldn’t be Bruce Wayne due to him not doing his own honors and making Luke do it. But the way his voice sounded in his mind as I followed behind the two as I went in the elevator behind the bookshelf as we headed down to the cave. 

“Ok for the record Kate found it all on her own, and Batwoman was her idea.” Luke said as I shook my head knowing he didn’t want to get in trouble, but I wished so badly that this was Bruce Wayne. The man that Luke looked up to. “Well Kate is not one to sit Idle. While her sister’s upending Gotham.” Bruce said as I hope Luke could see past this person’s persona. But even I had both doubts on either side. 

“Wait. Hold Up. You know Alice is Beth?” Luke asked as I could almost feel the regret in this Bruce  Wayne. “Of Course. They are my cousins.” He used it as his excuse. “Red accents are a good choice.” He said as it felt almost different that Kate’s suit wasn’t sitting there. “Bruce come on.” Luke said as I shook my head knowing that I couldn’t tell him any of this. Heck even once I believed my successor came back until I fell in a down spiral to learn they were gone. That he was gone, gone from his family, a great man. 

“Why didn’t you call or, or write?” He asked as I understand that feeling if he ever came back, but finding out what happened I still could never believe what happened. I still can not, I cried for days, stayed in my room, and when I decided to move I decided that it was time to become something more than my sister, I needed to be Theodora Drake, not just the sister of Dinah Drake the Black Canary, but something more. But even some days I can never believe that not after that day years ago.

Snapping back into reality to listen to Luke trying to understand this Bruce’s reasoning of being gone for three years. But I feel this pang as Luke pulled out the Kryptonite, it felt like a mistake, one that I know everyone will regret. When Luke handed it to Bruce I felt something worse, like Alice grabbing onto the Kryptonite and being able to stop Batwoman, the one that wasn’t here anymore, and I wish that she was. Kate was the hero in this story, she made her own path, and I am still glad I came to Gotham to see it rather than be in Central City anymore.  

But deep down I felt bad for Luke knowing he blamed himself for Kate’s disappearance and deep down even I knew Kate could have died. But nothing can be dead until you find a body. Even I believe body theory compared to anything else. “Wait. Where’s the suit?” He asked as I looked at him since he was over by the weapons and didn’t realise it then. And I knew none of us knew where the suit was. 

Later that evening I was still at the cave as Tori and Mel were probably doing their own business. Most likely Mel was hacking some sort of database trying to see where her limits would go. Heck I’m surprised she hasn’t hacked the Batcomputer, but it’s only a matter of time. My thoughts were snapped out as I saw a tab pop up on the bat computer as it said ‘suit online’, and hope panged in my chest that it was Kate. But then there was this ping that it wasn’t but the higher thought of her being alive overcame it. 

“KATE.” Luke said as I whispered, “Please.” as we both looked up at the computer. We stood there as we heard nothing back from whatever ping that the suit brought off. I quickly called Mary, “The suit is back online and meet us at this location in twenty minutes.” I told her to send her the location that the suit pinged as Luke and I headed out to meet Mary so we could see where Kate...the suit is. 

Following the location of the suit we climbed down a ladder as Mary and I followed Luke seeing the suit and we all started running after her to see the woman who had a completely different look in the suit that Kate once wore. As she explained about what happened about the night of the plane crash. 

“So you might as well just give it back now, miss.” Mary told her as the woman reached for the cowl and started pulling it off her face to reveal a beautiful woman, one who looked like she had a harsh past leading her to this moment in the suit. “Wilder, Ryan, and I’m not done with it yet.” She explained to us as I could see she wasn’t just going to hand it over, like she needed it for revenge, the revenge that is pooling out of her body. 

“That suit is meant for a hero, not the lost and found.” Mary explained as I shook my head knowing that Luke agreed with Mary. “Yell tell that to the bored billionaire. Who found it in Batman’s lost box?” She explained as her face seemed hurt like she was hurt within as something bad happened. But what? Is the question. 

“You don’t know the first thing about Kate Kane, and you sure as hell don’t know anything about that symbol.” Luke explained in a more rude tone to her. “Trust me, I know I’m not a symbol. Or a name or a Legacy.” Ryan exclaimed at us as I didn’t know what to say or to believe. Because part of me says that Kate isn’t alive and Gotham needs a hero, and another says she is and is somewhere, but Gotham still needs a hero to defend it when she is not here. Not even I am as confident as Kate was when she started, heck I can’t even fully control my abilities to this day. And I have had them for almost five years. 

“I’m the 327th Baby of a black woman who died during childbirth that year. I’m a $20 day check to a group home. I’m inmate 4075, serving 18 months for a crime, I didn’t commit, but I can live with all those numbers, Because the mama who adopted me, I was her number one, but it turns out she’s just one of a quarter million murders in this country who have not seen justice, and that is a number I can’t live with, so you can have this damn suit back, when the killer is dead.” She told us as I knew Luke didn’t approve of this, while Mary was left shocked. As she used the grappling hook to pull herself up as Luke slapped the GPS on his left hand. 

Looking up I just hoped this woman didn’t do anything too stupid, at least with the suit on. Because no matter how hard it can be the suit is something so much more than just avenging. It’s about courage, confidence, being who you are. But I could see a part of me in this Ryan Wilder, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to try to use my powers to stop her. 

Receiving a call from Julia as I stepped out in the hallway, “Jules what…” I started before she interrupted me quickly. “The Bruce that is in Gotham, isn’t Bruce.” She told me as it confirmed my suspicions on this so-called “Bruce Wayne”. Quickly muting myself, I looked back in the office and I saw Mary and Luke preparing to figure out who Ryan Wilder is as I quickly knocked on the door. 

“Call me if you figure out more.” I told them as Luke nodded before I headed out, “Where was he last?” I asked her as she sighed, “He was here talking to Kane.” She told me as I sighed, “I wish he was really here to help us find Kate.” I told her as I knew she had the same reaction. “I’m guessing you went to Kate’s safe?” I asked her knowing that Kate had a safe that she told me about, but I wasn’t as daring to go check what was in the safe, and I knew it was none of my concern of what was in the safe. 

“Yes, and the things I found was what Kate prepared for.” She told me as I knew deep down we all were struggling with Kate’s disappearance, “Kate was something more than any of us.” I told her as we all knew it was true. “Do they know?” She asked me, “No, Luke and Mary don’t know yet Jules. How do I break it to them that I have these qualities that I can’t explain. The only reason Kate knew was because. . .” I continued as I knew this could end in two ways, “Because you cared about Kate, and she cared about you too, Theo. And she knew way before the world ended.” She explained to me as I knew Kate always suspected it when I started working at Wayne Tower. 

“But you need to tell them, and not lie about how you can’t control them fully. Theo you are more special than you give yourself credit for. And when you get the chance, say hi to Mel for me, and tell her I could use her assistance sometime.” She continued as I smiled knowing that Mel would be glad to hear one of her favorite women other than Barbara Gordon, and Nubia said that she needed her help whenever. 

“I will, I’m always surprised Bruce never hired her like he did with Drake from what you told me.” I explained to her as I heard a laugh from the other side. “I was too, but then again Meliana and Drake together for hours on end. Imagine that.” She explained as I thought of how much of a handful that the two would have been on Bruce Wayne. 

Heading back to the penthouse after the phone call with Julia I headed on to the elevator waiting for me to arrive in the penthouse as all I could think about is who this Ryan Wilder is. When the door opened up, I could see the fire alarm going off as I held my ears as I headed into the kitchen to see Tori fixing it quickly as the sound went off. 

“Surprised your back early Theo.” She exclaimed, getting down the shaky ladder. “You're going to fall if you're not careful.” I told her as she glared at me, “I’m a former Crow. I'm sure I would survive one small fall from a ladder.” She told me as I shook my head. “So I heard Bruce Wayne is back? What has happened.” She asked me as I shook my head, “Well in Bruce Wayne, you mean the fake. Someone is playing like him, like he’s in a mask of Bruce Wayne.” I told her as she looked over after moving the ladder to the side near the stairs. 

“Well that is different, but it makes sense after him being gone from Gotham for so long.” She told me as I nodded, “If you're looking for Mel she is in the ballpit.” She told me, but now the question is, What Ballpit?, “Just go into the small arena upstairs to see.” She told me as I walked up hearing noise coming out of the room as I headed over to open the door to this full on rope and ball pit inside the room, as balls were flying everywhere. 

“Theo, you back.” I heard a voice say as they lifted from the ball pit looking at me. “Why do you have a ball pit in the spare room?” I asked as one almost hit me as it stopped in front of my chest as I moved it out of my way, throwing  it back into the ballpit that took the majority of the room. Looking around I could see a small bouncy house that was really big in another corner. 

“Well you see for physics I’m studying, well enjoying making a real life experiment on how much force, and friction I create by the ball pit and bouncy house. And the rope just makes it fun from the ledge to swing into the ballpit.” She told me as I continued to scan the room to see a slushy machine. “Well that is because I got thirsty and Tori said “Oh you should buy a slushy machine” so I kinda did, but she said she also was thirsty and loved slushies too.” She explained as I shook my head. 

“So why are you back so early? I thought Luke and Mary needed your help, after Kate left.” She said as I frowned and she regretted saying the last part as I nodded. “I told them if they needed me to contact me. And Jules says hi.” I told her seeing that she had a smile as she climbed across the bar to get out of the ballpit. “Let me guess you two were discussing why Tim and I would have been bad for Bruce Wayne.” She told me as I looked at her smiling. 

“I mean Tim would have been the one to go in the deep end first. I would just be the first one to drive Bruce to kick me out of the manor.” She told me as I laughed and she looked hurt for a moment. “Still haven’t hacked into…” I started as she looked at me, “I have, like the pentagon which is why I can’t hack the pentagon anymore. They almost found out and I didn’t want to risk it too much Theo. I’m trying to work for someone important someday to do what I love…” She said as I interrupted as we said together, “Hacking.” 

“Well you remind me of Felicity Smoak, I met her I think eight times before the whole Crisis. But you have the spark in Hacking and the skill to compete with people like Drake, and Smoak. Including when you can hack the bat computer, but did the batman ever visit you?” I asked as she looked at me. “Once, and like you asked many times, I will tell you someday.” She told me as I looked at her. “Someday I feel like I’m back in on the streets as a detective.” I told Mel as she looked at me and we started talking more about our pasts.  

“You wanna get in the ball pit?” She asked me as I looked at her. “What the heck, I have time.” I told her before climbing to get close enough to the rope as I flew in the ball pit feeling the coldness of some of the plastic touching my skin. Hearing Mel enter behind me a couple feet away as she started throwing balls at me as I was reflecting them as we started a war. 

Later on Luke called me to go help Ryan Wilder since I was the closest. As I headed in search of her, until I found a blue and white older van as I knocked on the passenger window as I could see the suit was active knowing that Luke must have been trying to wake her. I could hear the slight sound of a very fast car coming near as she got up and unlocked the door as I jumped in before she sped off, as I looked through the mirror to see the Batmobile chasing us, as Ryan was talking to Luke. 

As she continued to drive I was trying to keep on keeping a grip on the bottom of the seat as I saw a missile coming our way as Ryan turned in time. “Are you kidding me, what was that?” Ryan asked as I looked at her, “A missile.” I told her, “He wants the suit.” Mary replies as Ryan told her that he wanted the suit and Ryan wanted to give it to him as Luke, Mary, and I yelled ‘No’. 

“We just got to try to out run him.” I told her as she still was shocked. “If you need to suit up I can take over and drive for you.” I told her as I started to drive around a bit until I parked as I looked behind and saw the batsuit on her which looked good as she headed up on the rollercoaster as I stayed in front of the van bending down preparing if I needed to strike. 

I heard Ryan come down behind Tommy as I could hear her voice. “And you not Batwoman.” I heard him yell as he fired off the gun with the Kyrptoniate as she fell down as I went up to the Bruce Wayne and tackled him quickly as Ryan got up, we both started fighting him as Ryan started kicking him really hard as she gave him a beating, but before he could do anything else to Ryan red wisps came out of my hands as I used my powers to throw him against one of the metal beams before he passed out. 

He was bleeding through his face, but I could see the mask as we headed back in starting to hear the sirens starting to come as I got in the van. “What was that?” Ryan asked me as I turned off the communicators. “Something I thought I would never do again.” I told her in a faint accent that I used to obtain when I was undercover. “But it was kickass.” Ryan responded as I looked through the mirror but I didn’t respond with anything. 

“I’m sorry about Luke being himself. He’s just…” I started as she paid attention heading to Wayne tower. “Mourning the loss of Kate.” She said as I nodded. “You, and Mary are also. And I wouldn’t blame him, I lost my fair share.” She told me as I still looked out at the city that never gets old. “Same with me before I came to Gotham, I lost people I cared about.” I told her as she looked over before putting her eyes back on the road. 

After getting to the tower, Ryan zipped up the suit and I got us through the front door before heading up the elevator. As we got to the top floor Ryan looked around. Before we headed in the room to see Mary and Luke. As Luke looked at her, and not long after did Ryan leave, returning the suit with the bullet hole, and the Kryptonite. I could see that Mary believed in Ryan, and so do I. Because if anything, Kate would want someone to help the city like she did. But not even I had the confidence to fill the shoes of Batwoman, not after Kate, and damn hell not after what happened in my past. 

Heading back later that night after farewelling Luke and Mary I finally got changed into more comfortable clothing as I looked at the mail on my desk in my room, and one was new, most likely delivered earlier. Looking at it, it had the cursive style of my name ‘Theodora’ labeled on it. And at that one moment I knew who it was from Kate, I knew it must have been delivered by Jules. Grabbing it, I could feel the texture of the envelope knowing that if I open it, then I know what it means. 

But when opening it, I opened it to a page, a letter address to me. Knowing that the tears were coming as I read through the first line. 

Hey Theda, 

If you are reading this, then probably something happened. You don’t need to worry about where I am at, because deep down I know you will suspect a hundred ideals before you find out the truth. But listen, everything I did these last few months have been for Gotham, for my family, and for you. And I am grateful that you joined the team when you arrived at Gotham Tower, when you didn’t give a damn about Luke’s rules. But deep down you were caring and there for me when I needed someone to help me lift off the burden on my shoulders. And I know you will do incredible things, even when you believe you are a burden yourself, but listen...your not, and you never were. And yes, bad things did happen with your abilities, but you have changed since then, you have grown to be in this family. I was scared when I started loving you, I was scared that since our pasts were different that you would push me away, or that I would someday. And I never got to say the few words that I wish that I could have said out loud, I love you. I hope you will always remember me, and I hope you can get comfortable being yourself and becoming the thing I know you can be. 

Love, 
Kate Kane

After looking up the tears turned into sobbing as I put it to my chest laying down as I looked over to see a polaroid of a photo of Kate, and I stood there looking at the camera. Seeing that it would be the last photo I may ever have with her, even after the countless photos in my gallery that would have to be my favorite. We just won the Crisis, and the world was different, and after gaining my memories back I never wanted to rid myself of that memory, even if it was post-Crisis. Grabbing my hard covered journal I put the letter in it, next to the necklace that belonged to my deceased brother's photo. 

Getting up I quickly shut my curtains knowing that I might not be alright for awhile, but deep down I hope Kate was alright wherever she was, no body means that she could be alive out there….somewhere. 

I grabbed my black hardcover journal as I opened it up and flipped over the fifty entries in this one to start a new one. 

Dear Dinah, 

Someday when you're reading them I hope you still remember who you are. That you’re my sister, even through everything that happened between the two of us. That you are my blood, and these last few days taught me that if anything happened to you or to myself that I would want closer someday. When we last spoke it was the day we both died on the Waverider, and ever since the multiverse has been rebooted I haven’t had the courage to face you. To tell you how badly I wish I could hate you, that I should hate you for everything that you did to me in the past. And everything that happened. But I wanted to say, I'm going to try to move on. And that even if you’re no longer a hero, that you once and always have been my first hero, the one I looked up to for so many years. And now like every time I am going to make you pissed by not following your standard by not being perfect, but I know that with the disappearance of Kate, the one that I have grown to love dearly since the death of our brother, my best friend after you for so many years, I am going to start trying to accept myself. And I know that that sounds dramatic, but after so many things between us, I am ready. And if you ever see this then maybe I did it finally, maybe I found myself and an ounce of courage to face you again without saying all the bad things I want to say so badly sometimes at you. But if anything was to happen to you years ago, I want to move on and someday maybe I can forgive you. But never forget that I in my heart love you Dinah, and I always will. 

Now it was time to start something else… a journey that can take me time to learn how to finally not be the thing I fear, but to embrace the fear and maybe just maybe accept myself.