13 January 2013, 9:30 AM

As usual, I had pressed the passcode to Hyun's house and walked into his bedroom straight. But immediately I was shocked and kind of embarrassed. Because upon opening of the door, Hyori shi sat up on the bed, clutching the blanket closer to her apparently naked body. "Oh... YuBin shi," She was more startled than I was. And I was way too startled and embarrassed already. I was not expecting her there. That too naked on Hyun's bed....

"I am really really sorry," I blurted at once and closed my eyes. Hyun stirred from his sleep and sat up. Wearing just his boxer shorts. I am used to seeing him almost naked in his underwear. But I am not used to seeing naked girls. This was the first time.

"I am really sorry," I said to the couple. "Really... I am totally really sorry. I will go out at once."

I walked out of the room. I guess I can't really barge in unannounced like before. Times have changed. I need to keep a distance. This was my first time running to them in this state. But I should take care of the situation more from now on. I was a bit too flustered to have witnessed that situation. So I went to the kitchen and drank a glass of water.

Hyun walked out of the room now dressed in a t-shirt and pants. He yawned, and then saw me and kind of looked embarrassed. I placed the glass back on the counter and leaned to the counter looking at him. He walked to me. "I guess, she stayed over last night," I said. I knew they had a date last night. He nodded, pushing his hands inside his pocket.

It has been four months since Hyun had started dating Hyori. Hyori started hitting on him first and showing interest in him. And actually, Hyun had changed a lot in the past few months. The post SoWon heartbreak Hyun was a bit darker inside. It was as if a childish and innocent part inside him had broken forever. He did not smile that often after that incident. Also did not joke or went goofy like he used to. But then people changes through pain. Hyun grabbed a glass of water and began to drink. I kept looking at him. He had stubbles that had grown overnight, and for some reason, his muscles felt more well-defined. When he saw me looking he looked at me. "What is it?" he asked me.

"You used to feel like a child before," I said. "But...now..." I looked in the direction of his closed bedroom door. "I can't really imagine it in my mind." Him having sex with Hyori.

"What are you saying?" He turned to me with a happy frown. "And I am not a child. I do feel every feeling any adult feels."

"I guess," I said. "You feel like an adult now," I said. And that felt weird. He felt a bit unfamiliar to me. Like suddenly he has grown distant from me. Hyori came out of the room now dressed in a dress she probably wore last night. She came to us. I felt like I should apologize to her again as she looked embarrassed. "I am sorry again, Hyori shi," I said.

"Hm... It was embarrassing, right?" She asked with a grin and pacing her hand around Hyun's waist. "Pretend you did not see it, okay, YuBin shi."

I nodded. "Don't worry." She smiled. She was not a bad girl at all. But I don't know why I did not like her too much. I mean, I was polite with her and all. But somehow I could never see her and me becoming friends. We would not get along. It may have a reason.

12 Sep 2012, 8:45 pm

Hyori had finally ended up knocking on our pension house door. Hyun was filming for a variety TV show, and the shoot was out of the city and we were staying in a 'pension' [Pension is sort of like homestay places, hotels, inns, etc]. And Hyori who had been shooting along with us knocked on the door on Hyun's cottage door. I had been in the room with Hyun discussing something. And so was there when Hyun opened the door. She looked at him and said, "You know that I like you, right?" She was finally very straightforward with it. "I had been sending signals for some time now. If it was any guy they would have taken a hint and acted back now. You know I came to do this program because you were in this, Oppa." She rarely used the 'Oppa' word unless she really had to. She was more of a confident, free-spirited, and fiery personality kind of smart girl. And so she was fierce about confronting the guy she liked. "So you had been ignoring me since morning. Do you know how much pride-hurting that is? For F-s sake, I am a girl-group idol guys go crazy over. You know how pride-hurting it is for me to send you signals that I like you and you totally ignoring me like that?"

Now this Hyun, post-SoWon Hyun was actually in a bit too cynical mind. He indeed knew that the girl likes him and still was giving her the cold shoulders for a while. So I did not know how he would react to this direct discussion of the topic. "So? What do you want me to do about that?" Hyun asked back to her. I was a bit taken aback by the savageness of his tone. But Hyori seemed unnerved. She crossed her hands, "Let's date." She said, confidently.

I was stunned and I looked back at Hyun. He was staring back at Hyori intensely. "If we date...?" He asked back, putting his hands in his pocket and standing back, "What do I get back?" I was more stunned at this. Now it felt like Hyori was a bit nervous as well. She took a second, let down her hands, and then looked at me. "You should give us some space, Manager-nim." She said. "Go away." That was pretty blunt and direct. And so I felt kind of insulted.

I looked at Hyun. I can't move away without his orders. But to my surprise, he nodded at me and asked me to move away with a head movement. I felt kind of... I don't know how to explain that. But it did not feel good. It was like I was put in my place or something. In a second, I was after all nothing but a manager. And I was to obey his orders. So I walked away from them, giving them space.

When I had looked back after a second, I saw Hyori step closer and kiss him. I blinked and watched. Hyun seemed to have expected that kiss and did not hate that either. He slowly pulled the girl to himself and started kissing her back. It was not my place to keep watching that. So I swiftly walked off, feeling all weird inside. I wanted to get myself far away from there.

After a while, Hyun found me as I was sitting near the trees. "Hey..." he looked embarrassed. I looked up at him. "You have lipstick smeared on your lips," I said casually. Hyori's pink lipstick was on his lips. He began to wipe it off looking a bit flustered. "What is the plan?" I asked simply.

"She wants us to date." He said to me.

"And you?"

"Just... I think it won't be a bad idea." He said. "She is hot."

I nodded. And that is how they started dating

15 January 2013, 10:30 pM

I had fallen asleep. "YuBin shi..." MinHo shi called my name, and I sat up. I had fallen asleep??? I felt really bad. I turned to my current boyfriend MinHo shi. "I am sorry," I told him. I was. It was impolite to fall asleep during a date.

Kang MinHo was the assistant director of the last drama Hyun had starred in. And one day while I was helping him move some props, he had suddenly asked me out. He did not seem like a bad guy. He was even a bit popular among the female staff because of his rough good looks. And people had only good things to say about him. I agreed to go out with him. And it had been a month since we had been dating. And tonight he had said he wanted to show me his favourite movie, and we were at his house. Watching the movie on his TV with a DVD. It was a French Art Film. Being an assistant director and an aspiring moviemaker, he was really into movies and stuff a lot.

"I guess the movie was a bit too boring for you?" He asked. His voice is a bit rough, manly. It's unlike Hyun's sweet-toned voice.

"Eh..." It was impolite to say it was boring. I mean I liked movies. But the movie was a bit too slow-moving for me.

"It's okay," He said, but he looked kind of disappointed though. Maybe he wanted me to enjoy that movie. If I had we could have had a discussion about it afterwards. But I slept half the way through the movie.

"I was a bit too tired," I told him. "Hyun had a full day shoot today."

He nodded. "If you are tired, maybe you should..." he hesitated, "maybe...stay over." At his house??? I looked at him. Kang MinHo shi was in the US for a while and had gone to film school over there. So he had a cultural influence. What I meant was that he was okay with things being fast. I just blinked at him. My mind had gone slightly blank.

"Hm...What?" he asked. "I am your boyfriend."

I know that.

He sat closer to me. "What are you worried about?" he asked with a teasing smile. Actually, he was kind of hot. In an unconventional way. He had that 'unclean' sort of look to him. And mostly he kind of looks like he has not washed up or slept for a while. I don't know why that is kind of sexy. But it is. His ruff hair and casual cheap denim shirts and face that always have a bit of stubble and a silly slim moustache gave him a total 'guy' feel.

And since I was not moving away, he closed the space between us and kissed me. I closed my eyes. Kissing felt good. His light moustache and stubble brushed with my skin. I was not sure if I liked that feeling. But I kissed him back, clumsily because I was still new at it and did not really even know how to kiss properly. I was wondering if I was doing it okay. What if I am doing it wrong?

Suddenly his fingers were opening my shirt buttons and he seemed to be in the mood to go further. I knew this was not going to end halfway. I was suddenly a bit too nervous and I caught MinHo shi's hand. He looked up. "Just so you know..." I mumbled. "It's my first time."

He looked into my eyes and nodded. He was polite. "I will be considerate about that." He said to me. I nodded. And I let my hand down. I did not want to stop him. I was really nervous. But I was curious too. Wanted to experience it. And if Hyun can, I can as well. I don't know why I was thinking about the morning of the day before yesterday when I walked in on Hyun and Hyori. I still felt weird over that, kind of upset for unknown reasons that I did not want to think about.

"Ah..." I said as it hurt badly. A pain shot between my legs.

"You okay?" MinHo shi asked.

I was not sure. I was not close enough with him to say I was not. And he was not close enough with me to read my eyes. Or maybe he just seemed concentrated on his own feelings. Because he seemed to be enjoying it. And so he did not stop. The large pain went after a moment, but it still hurt slightly. And I could not understand why people do this. Kissing had at least felt good. This felt a bit too confusing and nothing special. I did not really feel good. It was kind of blank.

And after a minute my mind wandered off to random stuff...like money, work, Yuri, Mom...Hyun. Pink lipstick smeared on his lips. Hyori naked. And again work. And there was so much more to think about work that I had things to think about and keep my mind occupied until the whole thing got over.