A/n: for those still wondering who tops or bottoms, TaeJin switch. 😉

"I keep seeing visions of you, visions and visions of you. I keep getting stuck ... stuck in this déjà vu. Even in my darkest hour even when I know it can't be true. I keep seeing visions of you, visions and visions of you."

- Visions, Maroon 5

4. Residual Love

Another week had passed, Taehyung was granted a month-long leave for work to give him time to recover and he spent the first week just observing Seokjin. They slept in the same room and he is fine with that, Seokjin feels warm whenever he catches himself tangled with him in the middle of the night and he just had to pull away because even if he wanted to just cuddle him, he doesn't want to give the other false hopes that he is remembering what they had.

Every morning, as Taehyung noted, Seokjin gets up at 5 am to cook them breakfast. He will sneak and look at him every chance he gets to without the other knowing and Taehyung didn't fail to see how Seokjin seemed to be so hollow when he is alone. His eyes were dead, and he always sighs and is close to crying. It made Taehyung feel bad.

Even though his eighteen-year-old self seemed to hate Seokjin, it didn't really run deep. He was just jealous because Yoongi always seems to put Seokjin first in everything instead of him. The man really did nothing to him, he is in fact nice, and he is just a quiet fellow who observes everything he sees, cracks jokes most especially when Yoongi is only around. His younger self saw it as an act of seducing Yoongi by making him happy, but as Taehyung thinks about it now, with the residual wisdom his brain still acquires, he can see that Seokjin is just that comfortable with his roommate and he felt stupid for acting like an ass before.

He just wants to remember everything in a snap. He badly wants to ask Jin about how he is as a fiancé because staying in this house gives him a negative feeling about whether he has been nice. This is so far from what he had imagined his future would be.

Yes, he was informed what happened the day of his supposed to be wedding with Yoongi and he wondered if it affected him that much that it jaded him.

Seokjin doesn't look happy in general even in some photos with them together. He is raking his brain why.

He looked at the clock beside his bed, 4 am. He got up walked to their kitchen and prepared hot chocolate. Taehyung has been thinking about it all night, and he really, really wants to know how they go together and how he acted with Seokjin before. Today is the perfect time because Jin won't go to work.

He took over the kitchen and prepared them breakfast, and just like the other days, Seokjin woke up at exactly 5 am and was surprised to see Taehyung already up.

"Good morning," Seokjin greeted. "You're up early."

Taehyung hummed and offered a plate of pancakes to Seokjin.

"Yeah, I wanted us to talk about something ..." he started, "I mean, about us in this relationship."

Taehyung kept his eyes on Seokjin who obviously froze.

Did he get nervous? For what? Why?

"What do you want to know?" he put down his utensils carefully and looked at Taehyung.

He stared back at him, and there it was again. Whenever Taehyung looks at him eye-to-eye, Seokjin seemed to put those defenses around him and he can't understand why. Isn't he supposed to be carefree and comfortable around me since I am his fiancé?

But then, he realized that he has amnesia and not just that, the first person he looked for when he woke up was Yoongi, his ex. He can understand where Jin is coming from.

"We can talk after breakfast, don't stress about it."

Seokjin sighed, "I can't eat anymore, I'll just wait for you to finish. I will just put our laundry to the washer."

Jin left the table and Taehyung just wanted to slap himself. He could've waited and not address it while eating. He felt so dumb. He quickly finished eating and washed the dishes. Once done, he walked close to the window and saw that's it's still dark. How silly they both are to eat such early, but Jin is used to that since he leaves at six-thirty.

With a cup of cocoa in his hand, he sighed.

If ever I am indeed a bad boyfriend to him, I want to make it up to him. God knows how terrible I to him was.

Then it clicked to him, the major thing he feels for Seokjin the entire time aside from bewilderment is guilt. Not just because he forgot everything between them, but he can sense there is something more.

Upon pondering with the realization, he didn't notice that he already stood there for an hour. He only got back to reality when he heard the bedroom door open and Seokjin who is drying his hair and wore nothing but a towel around his waist came out. his eyes widened and roamed around the elder's body.

Seokjin is smoking hot. From his neck, collarbone, down to his firm chest, toned and, and fuck, that V line of his is to die for. He is one lucky man to witness this sight.

"Holy shit –" he mumbled when Seokjin turned back. He is carved by the gods!

Seokjin heard him speak and immediately turned around, face red. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. I forgot you were awake."

Taehyung was about to protest and ask if Jin didn't notice that the bed is empty or maybe he is used to spending time alone in this house, but he shut his mouth and instead said, "No, no, it's okay. I was just shocked."

"Sorry again. I will just change!"

By the time he left, his face and ears are completely red. Taehyung chuckled and went to the room where Seokjin is.

"You know, my present self probably saw all of that and more." he teased.

Seokjin, without thinking replied, "Well, no. because apparently, we fuck with our clothes on."

He raised a brow.

"What?"

Seokjin nodded.

"Excuse me, I beg to disagree! You're joking!"

Seokjin chuckled seeing the look on Taehyung's face.

"I wish I were, Taehyung. I wish I were."

==

"How are you holding up, hyung?"

That afternoon, Jungkook asked to meet. Seokjin was hesitant to leave Taehyung, but he decided to go since he missed his little brother too. For the past week, they only texted and he is not used to not seeing his face for that long. He took Jungkook to the grocery and he will shop for both of them. his treat, because Jungkook will not agree to pay for his own.

"I'm doing fine." He answered as he grabbed a bag of chips. Taehyung's favorite. "We're doing fine, Gguk."

Following Seokjin close behind, Jungkook groaned, "Hyung, you always say that for ten years straight. Don't you think it's time that you share your thoughts with me, your brother."

"What is it to share? Nothing significant is really happening between us."

Jungkook grabbed his hyungs arms and dragged him outside. He had enough of this bullshit, and he can't let his brother deal with this alone. He is not the same sixteen-year-old boy ten years ago. He is a grown-up, for fuck's sake! He can help his hyung and he will make sure that his Jin-hyung will open up to him now.

"Kook, what are you doing!?" he exclaimed. "Wait –"

He dragged him to the parking lot and shoved him to the backseat.

"Kid, you're hurting me! What's gotten into you!?"

He faced his hyung and gave him a threatening look. "Hyung, tell me what's in that head of yours. I can't stand this anymore!" his voice quivered making Jin feel guilty about everything. "I don't want to see you every day losing yourself. Tell me what's wrong and I will help you."

Seokjin gulped.

"Gguk, hyung is okay –"

"BULLSHIT!" he raised his voice making Seokjin flinch. "I JUST TOLD YOU CUT THE CRAP, FUCK!"

Jungkook can't stay silent anymore. He can see how Seokjin is staying in a loveless relationship with someone who doesn't love him just as much. He only stayed silent because he silently hoped that one day, maybe one day, Taehyung would see how lucky he is to have Seokjin enamored with him, but he waited 6 years and still nothing happened. He only saw how his hyung lost himself and adjust to everything Taehyung wants. Seokjin lost his color and he became a shadow of Taehyung's first love – Yoongi.

"I am not a kid anymore, hyung. I can talk sense to your brain now and I want you to share everything with me like how I do with you. I want you to trust me because we're a team."

A long silence enveloped him, until ...

"He never really loved me, Gguk. Never."

It was a silent whisper but Jungkook clearly heard it. he clenched his jaw.

"Then why stay?"

"Because I love him, because even if he doesn't love me just as much, or not love me at all, having him beside me is enough. He comes home to me every other night or at least thrice a week and I'm okay with that. He never made love to me, but I can settle with that because having a part of him is a pleasure for me."

Jungkook is seeing red. His hyung doesn't deserve this. No one deserves this.

"Hyung ..."

Seokjin is not crying, he tries hard not to. He just looked at the window and avoided eye contact with Jungkook.

"I know what you're going to say, but please let me have this one last time."

He pleads, Jungkook's heart is breaking.

"We broke up that night the accident happened. I know once his memories come back, he will leave." This time, he faced Jungkook. "Until then, let me have him. Please, like I said, one last time. After this, I will move on, at least I will try. Please Ggukie, please?"

"But hyung, you deserve better not just residual love."

Seokjin pat his head.

"Please Gguk? Hyung's heart can't handle it if I lose Taehyung now."

A mumble escaped his lips, "But you will eventually lose him soon, what's the difference?"

A bitter smile is drawn from Seokjin's face.

"I will have more time, more memories to cherish with him."

He heaved out a heavy sigh and nodded.

"Thank you Gguk."

"That comes with a price." He replied.

Seokjin cocked his head. "What price? I'll do anything you ask me."

"Cry."

The older looked taken aback.

"What?"

"Cry." He repeated. "I want to see every tear you hid the past decade if you want me to not stop you with your plan. I want you to let your guard down around me, call me whenever you needed help, bombard me with messages whenever you want to escape your painful reality."

Jungkook, was stunned, to say the least, but he felt relieved when he saw his hyung's lower lip quiver and threw his head back to rest on the seat and he let his tears fall.

"I just wanted to be loved by him, Gguk. Why is the universe so selfish not to give the love that I'm praying for, fuck!"

Jungkook copied his hyung's position and held his hand without looking at him.

He let him cry and let our sobs and curses at how badly he was hurt the past ten years, how he wished he was able to replace Yoongi. Jungkook never hated Taehyung more than he did now. he never said a word. He just let Jin pour out every pain he acquired over the past years hoping that maybe it will help and comfort him a bit.

==

Taehyung wondered why Seokjin went home eyes swollen and nose red. He didn't even bring any groceries home with him, not that it mattered, but he was curious what happened to the older.

"Hyung, what happened?" he gathered all his strength and asked Seokjin.

The other just gave him a thumbs up and nodded his head. "I'm okay."

He didn't push the topic further, but his gut tells him that he cried because of him.

That night, Seokjin didn't slept beside him but instead used the guest room. No words were exchanged between them throughout the night making Taehyung sulky. So, he lied in bed and just stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

And that night, he dreamt about him and Seokjin.

"Can you replace your wardrobe, love? You wear too many pinks and blues, maybe change them to something neutral, like black, white, or gray."

Seokjin just nods and smiles.

"I would prefer if you tone down your laughter, love. You're too noisy."

The table fell silent, Jungkook was about to open his mouth when Hoseok and Seokjin held his hand to calm him down.

"I'm sorry, Tae. I will try. I agree, I kinda hate the way I laugh too, it's quite noisy, I attract too much attention."

"Don't hold my hand in public, love. I don't do PDA's."

Seokjin pulled his hand away and nodded walking past him to go to the nearest table to sit and wait for their friends to arrive.

"Let's take a photo, sweetheart!" Jin said and posed for the camera for a selfie.

He angled his head away and with an irritated grumble he spoke, "I don't want to take a photo with you, please stop."

"Oh,"

That's the last time he heard Seokjin asked for a photo with him. Good riddance.

Taehyung shot his eyes open and panted.

"Fuck, I was so horrible!"

A/n: thoughts?