Unpredictable

Sibel was talking to herself and mostly recording everything she said, as part of the therapy she needed to undergo after suffering from OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia. It was all because of what happened there. His torture was nothing compared to the sin she thought she had committed. Recording herself every morning and every time she was alone helped a lot in not being called a zombie anymore.

As soon as she heard that voice calling "Mum" in her native language, her heart stopped, her breath raced, tears blurred her vision. Slowly, she turned around to come face to face with him. Although she had met him every summer for the last 8 years, she still wasn't prepared for this moment. 8 months, 12 days, and 8 hours had passed since the last time she saw him. Standing just a few meters away was her reason for living, but her feet felt weak. It looked like she was glued to that spot, as she felt the ground slipping from under her feet. She was sure she would fall, but then two pairs of strong arms encircled her waist, lifting her and keeping her safe in his arms.

Her cries echoed as she clenched his shirt.

"Mum, it's okay! I'm here now!" His voice, ever so calm, tried to soothe her pain.

"I am sorry, my boy, my love. Please forgive me. I was weak and I..."she couldn't get enough by peppering kisses all over his face and inhaling his baby smell that lay on his crook. Now he understood why goodbyes were always so clingy.

"Don't be sorry, mum. He told me everything that happened between you. All the monstrosities he did towards you, pushing you to leave everything." It was his turn to cry on his mom's shoulder.

As she stroked his back to calm him down, she couldn't avoid feeling utterly shocked. He told him the truth. He risked losing his son's love and respect for her forgiveness.

"Siba!" Livia called her. She is her best friend for years, just a couple of months they shared her apartment. Wasn't coming alone towards them; Andrea came too.

"Che cosa è successo, amore?" He kneeled before her, tightly pressed on her son's chest as they shared that bench.

Understanding her son's emotions, she responded shortly.

"Ti parlerò dopo, ho bisogno di stare con Mert adesso," she said, controlling her tears. Andrea's hand was forcefully put down after he tried to wipe away her tears.

"I dry my teacher's tears! You heard her. Go!" Mert's attitude was similar to his father's, something that didn't cause any discomfort inside her.

Reluctantly, Andrea walked away after Livia dragged him away.

"Mert, bebeğim! Bugün bir daha doğdum! Aşkım benim!" (My baby! I have been reborn today! My love!)" Her motherhood finally met the rightful recipient to shower love upon.

"I never wanted to be separated from you, my boy, but something unspeakable forced me to stay away from you, my love," she said, holding his hands and kissing them simultaneously.

"I understand, mum! What he did to you is unspeakable as well. You had every right to get rid of a product of rape like me." His words were worse than a hot dagger piercing the chest, without anesthesia. She quickly embraced him.

"No, no, no! Don't ever think that, my love! I never thought that horrible thing! It never crossed my mind! I swear Mert, I loved you from the first time he told me that I was pregnant with you. I knew then and there that you were inside me like a boy. I didn't do a gender reveal because I knew it was my boy inside me. I had dreamed of you a year before you came to me. You came as a perfect tiny human. I fell in love once again the first time I held you in my arms. I recognized you the first time I smelled your scent, but my tongue was unable to tell you who I was. Mert, you were the light that came from the darkness when I had put myself there. You are the reason I breathe each day when I wake up. I am sorry that things went this way." He couldn't bear his mother's sobbing voice and tears. In one way or another, she was a part of his life even while staying far away.

"He told me about you exchanging scarves with my shirt. At home, you look different in those pictures." Mert changed the topic and Sibel's tears came to an end for now.

"I was 20 then, and I'm almost 36 now." She understood why he said that. Something in her look changed, not from age but from pain.

"You are and always will be the most beautiful woman in the world," he said, putting his head over hers as his finger passed through her neck, avoiding the scars, passing over her shoulder, arms, and reaching her wrist. The scars of that darkness she replaced with tattoos, and a leaf tattoo holding Mert's name was over her left wrist as a reminder to never fall into the abyss of darkness.

"I am with you now. I will never see him again. I hate him for everything he did to you and for being the reason for us to stay away from each other," he said as he kissed his name over her wrist.

"Unwittingly she felt bad for him, indeed he was the worst husband but is a wonderful father.

"No, Mert! You don't need to hate him, don't fill your heart with that feeling. He is the best father. What happened between us is our problem. But in our separation I have my fault too. One day I will gather courage to tell you the truth. He respected my decision years ago and still finds a way for us to be together. Don't poison your heart especially against him. He raised you better than I ever thought."

"Did you forgive him?"

" I have tried to forget what happened between him and me after so many years. I think I have left it behind. Now I forgive him because he chose to lose you instead of having my forgiveness," she said, but Mert tilted his head in disapproval.

There she was able to see some scars on his left cheek.

"Did he do this to you?" She pointed to his cheek.

"I deserve it! I have never seen a man in love like he is with you. Now I understand why he has been in that condition for this past month. He is jealous of that guy who kneeled before us, I suppose. Who is he?"

"My ex-fiance and my future one soon," she said, and his pupils dilated. He was irritated by the guy's proximity, now he really hates the idea that he may come between his mom and him.

"Mom, I don't have a good feeling about that guy!"

"Oh, my jealous boy! Now that I finally have you, nothing is more important than you. But give him a chance as a friend. Our story got interrupted years ago. We are trying to find each other again."

"I am your boyfriend, and you are my first girlfriend, Miss Siba. You don't need anyone else. I don't want to share you with anyone," he said as he kissed her forehead and held her tightly against his chest.

She always dreamed that her son would become jealous of her, like her brothers were for their mom, or when her nephew didn't allow her brothers to stay alone with their wives, who happened to be their mom.

"You remember my son when you proposed to me when you were just 8 years old. That day You made me the happiest mom in the world, Mert!" She cried more on his chest.

She never thought that this day would turn out to be the happiest one.

As I mentioned before, she had met him but now it is more special. He knows who she is. The touch of his fingers on her cheek didn't sit well with her heart. It was the first time she saw her boy hurt, yet she didn't allow herself to acknowledge it.

As they sat inseparable on that stool, their stomachs growled at the same time.

"Mum, I just came off the flight and I couldn't eat, but you, why did you skip breakfast?" he scolded, worried for her health.

Her eyes teared up once again. She had missed having someone look out for her. She had cut off all her family ties after that horrific day.

"Why are you looking at me like that, mum?"

"I missed you so much!" She wiped away her tears and flashed a smile.

"Let's go eat, benim şehzadem (my prince)!"

"Let's not let dad hear, as he may scold you!" He said in a teasing way, but bit his inner cheek as soon as he realized what he had said.

"I'll call my boy what I want, and besides, Sinbad can't do anything to me!"

"Because he already did." He said in a low voice, but she heard it. Either way, she brushed off that moment because she didn't want to hear anything bad about him. To Mert, he is a great father, not her ex-husband.

As they made their way through the gate, passing the road to reach the small pizza bar that is their favorite place.

Just before entering, Mert noticed that his bag was missing. He went to take it. Something wasn't right with her heart that was beating crazily.

"I took it, mom!" He yelled at her as he stepped on the road. But she heard tires scratching the concrete, then the growl of an engine. She turned her head toward the sound.

A yellow Audi was coming full speed towards Mert, who wasn't thinking to look around. Her feet took wings as she pushed him to safety, taking all the impact of crashing with the car that mercilessly threw her in the air. She felt her bones crack as soon as her body hit the concrete.

"Mom!" Mert yelled.

The last thing she wanted to hear before the end was her son's voice, and the last thing she wanted to see before the end was her son's face.

Both of her wishes came true.

Her bloody eyelids closed, taking her into the darkness.

Don't hate me yet, my beloved readers!