A/N: I tried really hard to rip my own heart out with this, so that's your warning.

The doctor told you that there had been an accident at the Galley-La work yard. You were, honestly, lucky to be alive, and the quick reflexes of yourself and your coworkers was probably the only reason you were.

Quick enough to live, but not quick enough to avoid weeks in the hospital. Your memory had been in utter pieces. You remembered being a shipwright, remembered getting hired on by Mr. Iceberg - well, no, you remember getting hired, but it wasn't until some of the shipwrights came to visit, Iceberg included before they told you that much.

You knew you could trust Iceberg, he was mayor of Water 7 and beloved by everyone else there. So when he told you that you and the young blonde boy were, in fact, dating, then you believed it.

Kaku visited you the most, a bright smile on his face, and energy to spare. He'd peel apples for you while talking about how the day had gone at the yard, slicing them neatly with barely a glance at his hands while he worked.

Bright kind eyes, and a bright kind smile. Kaku asks you if he is allowed to kiss you every time, and when you'd say yes, he'd kiss your cheek, or your forehead, or your hand. Until you can remember him he doesn't want to kiss you any other way, and will bonk his nose against yours if you pout.

As your wounds healed, and you were able to hobble around outside a little, your memories started to return. Slowly, and in pieces, but the fresh air and sun seemed to help bring them back in little by little.

But no matter how much of your memory came back, you couldn't seem to remember Kaku. Every memory you had together seemed to slip through your fingers, and a week after you were released from the hospital you could see it wearing on him.

His bright smile was a little strained.

The light in his eyes when he noticed you was a little dull compared to the first time.

You couldn't help but distance yourself from him after a while. You were building new memories with him, and the entire yard, but you remembered Paulie, and Iceberg, and even Kalifa.

After another couple of weeks, you asked Iceberg if you could take a leave of absence. Maybe you were trying too hard to remember and that was causing the issue. Maybe if you spent some time away from the yard, and maybe even away from Water 7 for a little bit, it would help.

The night before you were going to leave you received and unexpected guest.

You were surprised to see Lucci standing at your door, without his pigeon on his shoulder. The look he gave you wasn't one of general disinterest, or a sense of being bored, he looked angry. Maybe not even angry at you or with you, but just angry as a default setting.

"Don't come back." He says, in a voice commanding as it is domineering.

"... Wha-?" The confused question dies on your lips. You're still trying to process the fact that this fucker can talk.

"Leave, and don't come back." He says again, stepping into the room and forcing you to take a step back. He sets an envelope on the counter, closing the door behind him. "There's enough there for you to get yourself settled in somewhere else. Take the water train to St. Poplar and grab a ship to Alabasta."

"Ala- but... why?"

Lucci looms over you and your stomach twists in a strange sort of fear, as though he's stalking you. "Because I'm telling you to."

"This is... my home." The words are small, and you feel small. Lucci feels larger than the mayor right now, more powerful, more in control. It's not just that he feels dangerous, it's that he has more power than anyone else on the island.

"If it's that important to you, come back in five years." There's irritation in his voice, but not anger.

"Five... years?"

"We'll be gone by then."

"We?" Your confusion is doing nothing but getting worse, and suddenly Lucci grabs you by the collar and lifts you easily, his body changing as he holds you against the wall.

"For your own sake, continue to forget Kaku." He says the words evenly, almost quietly, despite the jaguar zoan hybird form he was currently in. "Leave Water 7 and live peacefully somewhere else."

His eyes narrow and you nod frantically. You were caught between being mesmerized by the change, terrified by the understanding that he could easily just shred you to pieces, and you were positive you didn't want to test this magnanimous offer of his.

Lucci lets you go, changing back easily, cold dark eyes focused on you. The weight of his gaze was making your stomach knot. The understanding that this was between you and him was a cold truth in your gut. A word to anyone about any of it, would be the last word you ever uttered.

Of that you were certain.

It took you hours to fall asleep after that, and the rest that followed was full of nightmares and fits. By the time you needed to get up you'd had a few fleeting moments of actual rest.

What little energy you'd manage to recover was wrung from you with the terrible return of your memories of Kaku. Sitting up in bed you could see him approaching you for the first time, morning sun halo'd around his blonde hair, everything muted by the light in his smile.

The memories, a welcome mercy the day before, were a vice around your heart right now. One memory waltzed into the next. All the dates, the sweet words, how he'd tried for months just to get you to say yes to a first date.

The small gifts.

The soft kisses.

The gentle words in the small hours. Words of how he felt, words of how if he left suddenly he'd do his best to be back. You wouldn't have to wait for him, but if you did...

If you wanted to...

You throw an untouched breakfast in the trash and grab your bags, heading to the train platform with iron around your ankles and lead in your heart.

Rain that was light at your door was heavy and cold when you reached the train platform. There weren't many people around, the busy season for the trains hadn't started, and your departure was early. The city was just beginning to wake up.

You'd told the crew you didn't want anyone to send you off. Leaving was already going to be hard enough.

But you weren't surprised to see him.

Standing alone on the platform, you could hear the rain drops his his hat and shoulders with more clarity than anything else. As though they were trying to drive him into the ground. He doesn't look up, but you can't just walk by him.

Even if you hadn't remembered.

"Sorry." His hand moves to take yours, but he pulls it back, head moving enough you can see his face. "I... wish that I could go with you." He's soaked. He must've been standing here most of the night and into the morning.

It's impossible to say if the lines down his cheeks are tears or rain.

"... It's alright." You reply, trying your best to smile. You're sure the dark circles under your eyes are evident. Maybe even the fear that slips up your spine at the memory of Lucci's visit. "I wo-."

"I love you." Kaku says, cutting your already fragile words out of the air.

I know. You want to say the words, but you can't. "... I... won't be back."

The words make him flinch, drops of a broken sigh falling from his lips with the rain. Emotions over ride your fear, your good sense, and you reach out.

Your hands slips into the cropped hairs at the nape of his neck and you tug. Surprised eyes relax as understanding hits him and you pull one another close.

The kiss is cold with rain and sorrow, hot and pained with memories and limitations.

"I don't want to kiss you properly until you remember."

You release the hold on your bag and wrap your other arm around him, lips parting as desperation drives you both to want more. If one part of you could just hold on. If one part of you could stay.

"Then, when I remember, I can... kiss you?"

Hands against your back threaten to leave bruises, and you want to tell him to do it. To mark and mar you in a way that won't fade. Something to lock this moment and memory into place in ways deeper than just the depths of your heart.

"That would be a wonderful way to tell me, little filly."

The taste of tears and rain mix between your lips.

The whistle from the train shatters the air and the rain and you step back. Strong arms you couldn't ever escape on your own let you go as you grab your bag. The sounds of the world devour the apology on your lips before you turn and run to the train.

"Maybe, we could take a trip together, to celebrate," he offers, handing you a plate of peeled apple slices. "I know the Grandline well, no one would find us."