TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM

~Faith~

Even though things are good- studies, poetry class, my project work, and my time with Eli, I still feel empty. Nothing helps me forget the pain.

It's 4 am and I'm curled up in bed sinking into my mattress further and further and I desperately need to feel something.

I manage to pull my body off the bed with mild difficulty, and shuffle towards my closet. I pull out my purse and remove a small blade from there I'd left for protection. Though in retrospect, it wasn't really useful at all.

You can never truly be prepared for bad things happening to you. You can only hope you're prepared and leave the rest to luck. I would say God, but I can't bring myself to believe someone would willingly watch all the things happening to people and not want to destroy humanity. For someone called Faith, I don't trust anyone to save me.

I toss the blade in my palm, thinking nothing, vision unfocused. I then drag it along my arm, dots of red following it. I then press through the red line, gashing it deeper. I feel a slight piercing pain, then I smile. At least something feels anymore.

.

I wake up, my body aching dully from the awkward position and tension. I pull on a hoodie that engulfs me and skinny jeans under them. I pull on my headphones and play Numb by Linkin Park. I put my trainers on and walk. At first I walk to the school but then I turn at some random street and find a dilapidated under construction building with creepers and vines covering its walls. I go in, cautionless. What's the worst that can happen?

I climb to the first floor through moss covered stairs. There is a space in the wall where a full wall window should've been. I take a seat there, my feet dangling outside the building. Heavy by Linkin Park and Kiiara plays through my headphones. Even so, I don't miss the noises coming from behind me. I don't bother to turn. This teenage boy, seemingly a couple of years older sits by me.

"You here for the meth? Who sent you?"

He eyes me warily, as if I were here to catch him dealing.

"Why do you ask? You sell?"

"This is where everyone comes to do drugs. It's a crack house. Why are you here?"

"I bunked school and this place intrigued me."

"I'm Tyler. And you?"

"Danielle." I give him a fake name.
"Why do you deal, Tyler?"

"'Cause I need the money. My mom is abusive and hits my sister. I need to save to run away and start afresh before my sister ends up killing herself. I make thousands of dollars a month. Would being a waiter earn me that?"

"I see. But you're probably fuelling alot of meth heads up to ruin their livelihoods and hurt their loved ones."

"Look, I don't like selling. It kills me everytime I see their eyes go blank. I hate it when they beg me for more than I allow them to have in a week. I just have to. If I want my baby sister to make it. She wants to model, y'know. I don't care what you think of me."

I put an arm around him and he breaks a little, tears rolling down.

"Tyler? How much have you earned?"

"$10000."

"Holy shit man. What more do you need?"

"To be honest, nothing. But I want to give her everything."

"I know somewhere you can stay. No rent. Just please stop dealing. Please."

"And where would that be?"

"Come with me."

I help Tyler up and we walk silently towards my house. We creep towards my backyard and pass through a hole in the fence. We stop in front of a clean, white little studio with flowers covering the edges.

"My mom had this tiny studio built for her painting. It's got a nice room, and the main room used to be for painting. Here's the door to the bathroom. Doesn't have a tub, just a shower. Running water anytime. Telly right here. All you have to pay is the electricity bill. Just please be safe and find a good job. And if you ever need anything, I'll be on the other side."

"Why are you trusting me? I'm no one. I sell drugs. What about me screams trustworthy to you?"

"Pain. I can feel your pain. And love. For your sister. Anyway. Is it a deal?"

"When can I move in?"

"Now. My dad isn't home."

"Good. My mom isn't either."

So we walk to his house and pack what little belongings he owns. We pick his sister up from school and they talk for a bit. I walk away, leaving them to it.

After a bit, Tyler and his sister walk to me. His sister is teary eyed. She stalls for a bit, then takes a step forward and wraps her arms around my torso, smiling. I pat her head and we walk back. I help them settle in and then leave them to be comfortable.

Later, Tyler knocks on my window silently and I let him in.

"Tyler, text next time."

"I don't have your number."

I take his phone and save my number as ALL SUPREME LANDLORD QUEEN RULER FAITH.

"Wasn't your name Danielle?"

"Can't go around giving names to strangers huh?"

"But you can give them your address and a place to live?"

"Uhh..."

He lets out a chuckle and rolls his eyes.

"Anyway, why are you here?"

"To say thanks. And I'm not gonna sell. Also I'm going to go look for jobs. I heard that PFNC has lovely employee benefits and they treat their waiters good from my friend Luke."

I smile at him and get on my toes, reaching high to ruffle his hair. He rolls his eyes and climbs out, silently.
After he leaves I lean out my window and stare outside. It's late. I catch a glimpse of something moving at the periphery of my vision but before I could focus, it disappears.

A/N: 1020 words