A/n: why is school so confusing and time consuming nowadays. I'm sorry this is extremely late

Taehyung's POV

"Does Jungkook not like me?"

Unexpected.Water shoots across the bed from my mouth suddenly, a gagging reflexes taking part in this. I start chocking as I accidentally inhale the liquid of it; only reason of this situation being that the content of that question almost made me drown on my water bottle.

Jin watches where it travels and cringes as it lands right on his leg, yanking my shirt instantly to wipe it dry as I cough aggressively.

"I'm guessing by that reactions it's a yes," he scoffs lightly, contemplating at the mess I made on his hospital bed that my shirt alone couldn't fix.

I hack a gross cough, causing a pitied look to take his expression as he stares at me; a fed up eye roll coming right after when I start rolling in agony. "Hey stop dying for a second."

He says it in a slight commanding tone, slapping my back rather harshly almost to whack my organs through my skin. Watching me seriously with a look I'm not used to from him, I stop messing around. I hold in the coming coughs at this order, chocking silently as I wonder if he's trying to kill me from this.

"Taehyung, answer truthfully," he states to me, making sure I listen carefully to his words. I listen, but I don't think it's something I want to hear.

He takes a moment, almost to prepare himself to observe my every movement, and takes in a breath. "Because Jungkook doesn't like me, is that the reason you guys haven't talked in days?"

Our eyes are no longer meeting. Instantly, I shift my attention away from him as the situation surfaces to the top of my mind.

That sad scene that began the guilty emotion plagued me at this moment of exposure, trying to push the truth into the light.

I know deep in a dark pit of everything I choose to avert, the feeling that it's my fault thrives in that gutter.

Avoiding becomes my instant reaction- so I won't have to dig that knowledge up- and I can tell that jin notices.

"Taehyung," he calls in a warning tone, causing me to stiffen at the strictness of his voice. "Answer me."

I hesitate, not wanting to talk about it, but his voice rings in my head, and I feel compelled to tell him.

The words don't instantly come spilling out before him, but as his gazed burned into me, I couldn't keep it in for long.

A sigh escapes from behind the barricades in my throat, the whole gate of confession beginning to flow out. " She shouldn't have acted like that towards you hyung." I mumble quietly to him, fidgeting softly with the sheets.

Now it's his turn to sigh, a sound of either tiredness or disappointment. Why must he sigh though, was my decision not right.

I didn't like how she treated him, so I said my opinion about her actions. I didn't do much.

The feeling of a 20 pound force suddenly collides with the back of my head, leaving me dumbfounded.

"What the fu-"

I didn't expect it. Another slap instantly comes after the first; still not knowing what had just it me. Jin huffs, making me realise that he's the cause of the throbbing in the back of my head.

"First don't curse at me, and second are you actually stupid." He lectures me, shaking his finger in front of my face.

A glare makes it across my face, my emotions making me momentarily forget that he's my hyung. I notice that he chooses to overlook the disrespect that just came from me, trying to make his point for doing it.

"Taehyung," he sighs my name, and the tone he uses makes my glare disappear completely. "if Jungkook doesn't like me then, I guessed I just rubbed off on her the wrong way, I don't know. But don't be mad at her for something as minor as that, okay?"

I hear what he says, I understand what he means, but some part of me doesn't think I was wrong. "But hyung -" I call his name in almost a whiny tone, but he cuts me off.

"I saw Jungkook sitting outside your room yesterday at midnight. "He states, making every word clear for me. "She sits there every night, looking depressed and sickly sleeping out there in the cold."

He sighs." Taehyung I don't think you understand how badly your words might've effected her."

I sit there; stunned. This news bores its way through my thick skull that wanted to dismiss everything. There's a pang in my chest at his words, guilt completely consuming me at this point.

"Did you hear me Taehyung." Jin questions quietly but firm, and all I can do is nod my head to him.

No words were able to form on my lips. I think about it; the whole situation with Jungkook since the conflict started. It's been days since I've talked to her; my emotions too controlling for me to even check on her.

The last time I saw her clearly was when she had a look ready to break down into sobs, but I ignored that and kept walking. I turned my back towards it.I've already begun to feel bad for how I talked to her, but dismissing it always kept that feeling away; until now.

Jin has just told me something I already knew; how I knew that she was miserable after my words. I had expected her to go and apologise one more time-sincerely- to jin, but I didn't think she was so stubborn. When we no longer interacted with each other after that, I had wondered if my words were too harsh at that moment too, but it was a thought that wasn't loud enough for me to hear. All I said was she disappointed me, but when I was leaving she looked like I said I despise her.

"I'll talk to her," I state softly, and I can see jins face physically soften.

"I'm glad to hear that."

—-

We get a little more personal after that, talking about our past and futures.

Well, I mostly listened to Jin's autobiography; hesitant to even mention such dreadful memories about me. As for my future, I see none. Everything has already fallen apart that what is there to last me a couple more years. My life is nothing.

It will always be nothing.

His phone light up as he talks about his favourite foods, catching my attention entirely by the bright screen.

A picture of him kissing a guy displays itself on the lock screen; bold and proud. I stare at it for sometime, studying every detail without noticing that I'm doing that.

He snatches his phone from my view to hide it against his chest, catching me off guard a little. I turn my gaze towards him, watching as an embarrassed blush makes it across his cheeks, making him look vulnerable and sheepish. I little smile cracks my face a little, the sight too sweet for a bitter expression.

"So who's that guy you're kissing with the cheesy, nice smile, " I tease softly, having a vague idea of who the mysterious fella is. He looks like he wants to hit me, but instead he hides his face into his pillow.

"That's my boyfriend," I hear him mumble, as quiet as it was I heard it; but teasing him was fun to continue.

"He's what?" I lean in closer.

He mumbles it again, hiding farther behind his pillow.

"What is he?" This time I cup my ear, being unable to hide the smile breaking out.

Once again he mumbles.

Once again I ask. "Sorry what? Speak up."

"My boyfriend!! dear god you're deaf!!" He suddenly outbursts, causing me to jump back only to laugh at how red his face had gotten. He huffs at me, flinching his hand high like he was about to beat me.

I feel his phone vibrate at that moment; Jin picking it up so fast that I thought it was a notification for free food.

He starts typing rapidly, not even missing I beat in it. I see a smile break his pouty mouth that was my fault for teasing him; a smile so bright I already knew who he was texting.

"Are you texting him," I question lightly, watching as his eyes flicker up to me quickly only to go back to the screen.

He hums in a positive tune, making it sound like a yes without words. I stare as his expression stays enchanted and loving, his eyes bright with excitement.

A dark mood covers my heart at that moment, I feel it trouble me.

And I let it take control.

"Jin," I question softly." Can I ask you some questions?"

He looks up at me for a second again, making the same hum in the same tone again.

I breathe, letting my heart guide me through these. "Do his parents like you?" The first question comes out.

He looks up, looking around as he recalls his encounters with them as he still types. "Umm not at first, Namjoon almost ran away because of me. But now they can tolerate it.

I nod my head softly, absorbing the information.

"...Does he like you?" I hesitate a little. The second question.

This time jin watches me longer than a second, his hands just holding onto his phone rather than typing.

"I believe so, I mean I would like to hope he does," he answers more seriously, and once more I nod.

Now the last one gets stuck in my throat, not wanting to come out and I'm not sure why. But I force it, because I want to know the answer.

The third question.
"...Does he make you happy?" I breathe it out.

Jin stops everything now, putting his phone down completely flat on the bed. He turns his full attention towards me, breathing shallower now. He's quiet for a long time, my question hanging long in the air.

He touches my hand as I sign of some sort, and when I look up, my breath caught back in my throat.

"Extremely." He whimpers out, a weak smile taking up most of his face. I want to pull my hand away; the unfamiliar look making me feel uneasy, but I don't. "Taehyung I couldn't live without him."

I can see it in his eyes; what a look he gives. Jin was touching the line of crying from thankfulness, but not crossing it, and even tho I should be happy for him that he feels that way; all I feel is envy.

To be so in love with someone like this, for them to go against their parents for you, for them to be your soul purpose to live and vise-versa.

All I could do now was compare myself; my relationship; my life. I touch the necklace on instinct, and such a bitter taste infects my mouth.

Envy.

What a toxic feeling it is. So cruel of it to make me feel sadness in exchange for anyone's happiness.

And happiness,

Was Jimin ever happy with me?

"Can I ask a question now?" Jin's voice is soft, and I nod, my little smile from before completely gone.

How come you asked those questions.
Remember Jimin, he nods. With Jimin, I start, not even sure I want to continue.

"he was my boyfriend," I breathe. "At least I thought he was..."

He blinks at my words. "You thought?What do you mean?"

I bite my lip until I tasted the iron as a reminder. A reminder that stuck with me all through my years being in that dingy basement.

A mentality that Jimin had broken many times before, and myself right now showing the consequence for treason to it.

Crying will only make you weak, and how weak I have become.

"He left me...." it leaves me as a squeak.

I don't believe I made him happy.

Silence makes its presence known once again, taking up space in the entire room. I try to calm myself, digging my nails into my hand to prevent any outburst of emotions to leave me.

I shallow the lump in my throat, making sure it doesn't come out. Jin's breathing is somehow more shallower than before. I hear a small cry from him, causing me to look up.

He grabs his chest in agony, bending over in some sort of pain. I pale at the sight, not sure as to what was happening.

"Nurse," I cry softly, not being to find my voice. Another cry leaves him, his breaths becoming shorter as his chest heaves in desperation.

"Nurse!" I yell this time, feeling extremely sick from worry. I move rapidly to get off the bed ready to run and find someone, but he grabs my clothes weakly.

"No," he whimpers out softly, my feelings going from worried to completely petrified. "My pills... in the bathroom. Please."

I force my body to move quick, slamming the door open and searching desperately for the pills he's smoke of.

My hands shaking uncontrollably, I fill a cup of water while trying harshly to keep my hand still so I can read the dosage.

I rush back out quickly, placing the pills in his hand as I hold the water. I watch anxiously as he struggles but succeeds in placing them in his mouth, swallowing hard as he gulps the water like air.

He takes a moment to stabilise  himself, taking in long breaths of air to calm. I look at him drowsed in worry, my hands still shaking.

"I'm calling a nurse." I tell him softly, moving to make my way off the bed.

"No!" He blurts out, my body turning completely for me to look at him. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine," I say almost desperately, my voice wanting to shake. I turn back again, ready to find the nearest person to help. "I'm going."

"Taehyung," he raises his voice a little, causing me to halt. I turn once again to look at him, the look in his eyes so serious I wanted to whimper. "I said I'm fine."

A frown takes my features.

He's not fine.