"Because I am a woman."

The words hung between them like a pendulum ax swinging back and forth, neither of them certain, which it would strike down first.

Redgrave looked at the body of Mr. Cree and back to Claremont and suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. Clara's eyes widened with surprise. This was not the reaction she had expected.

When he looked like he was having difficulty getting control. Clara's surprise turned to concern. She had done it now. She broke the Commander. She'd driven him insane. She took a step back from him, which only made him laugh harder.

He closed his eyes and tried his best to take a few deep breaths and then opened them.

"You have nothing to worry about from me, Claremont. I just couldn't help but imagine what Angus would have to say about that tidbit of information you just spouted." Then a thought occurred to him.

"Or did he already know?"

Clara just shook her head no. Still unnerved by the Commander's reaction.

"Words... please, Claremont. No more secrets between us."

Clara tried to clear her suddenly parched throat. "N...no," she stammered, "no one knows," she lied. Sturgis knew but she didn't want him in trouble for keeping her secret hidden.

"Not even Lord Fitton?"

Clara shook her head again out of habit and then said, "No, Lord Fitton is not aware."

"A woman?" Redgrave shook his head in disbelief. "A woman on my ship, all this time."

Clara wasn't sure what she was to say to that, so she stayed silent.

Redgrave began to pace the room. So much suddenly made sense. The daintiness of her hands... He stopped pacing and stared at her. The effeminate features... Well, technically not effeminate just feminine. For a moment he wondered what she would look like dressed as a woman and he knew, without doubt, she'd be stunning.

Clara shied under the intensity of Redgrave's gaze.

"A woman..." This time the words came out a near whisper. He chuckled half-heartedly and ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought I was going mad. I thought I had been to sea for too long." He scoffed. "I considered retirement after this voyage."

Clara brows furrowed in confusion. "Retire? Why would you ever wish to..."

Redgrave scoffed again, Clara's words stopped as her eyes widened when Redgrave stormed up to her. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Why? Why? You ask me why?"

Clara just nodded yes, once again falling into the habit and also now fearful to speak.

"Because I thought I was falling in love with you, you simple twit! But not you ...Benjamin Claremont and I... Phineas Redgrave, am DEFINITELY NOT..." He shook his head vehemently "... of that persuasion. I thought I was mad. I thought..."

He stared at her and she looked both stunned and a bit frightened all at the same time and then he realized ... "but no... low and behold you are a woman."

Before Clara could react he kissed her and it was no chaste kiss but one filled with passion, longing, desire. He pulled back from her and appeared dazed. "I...I don't even know your name." His hands dropped to his sides.

The moment he let her go. Clara hauled off and hit him. A crack across his cheek so hard that it resounded in the small cabin and her hand was now imprinted on his cheek.

"Mrs. Clara McAllister," Clara said, her breathing labored as she silently seethed, "And you, Sir... would do well not to forget it. What gives you the right to take such liberties with my person?!"

The strike cleared his addled brain, but he stammered, "Mrs.? You're... married?! What man in his right mind would allow his woman to go traipsing off to sea, on a Merchantmen, during a war? I don't even take female passengers because I cannot guarantee their safety."

"I imagine you cannot if you go around accosting them as you have me."

Redgrave stared at her hard. "Let's keep our facts straight MRS. McAllister. I am not the one who has done the bamboozling here. You're the one who cozened her way onto my ship. I was just expressing my gratitude that what I have been thinking these past few months was in complete error."

"Is that what you were doing? Expressing gratitude? It sure felt like something else?"

"Happy to know I caused you to feel anything, as my declaration obviously was so distasteful."

Clara realized a moment too late that she had wounded not just his pride but also his heart. He had said he was falling in love with her. As outrageous as that sentiment may be, it made it no less true for Phineas.

She reached out to touch him and he pulled away.

"I wish neither your pity nor your attention. Once we reach the cape and pull into port, I shall leave you there. Since you have a husband who ought to be keeping better track of you, I expect you to contact him and wait for his arrival. Or keep running, whichever you choose. It is no longer my concern." He turned on his heel to walk away but Clara grabbed hold of his wrist staying his movements.

"Commander, please! My mission. I must...I have to reach India. Please!" Clara begged.

He looked down at her where her hand held his wrist and she promptly let it go.

"What is so important in India that you'd risk your life for it?"

"My salvation," Clara said, her eyes were filled with anguish.

"Salvation? Your husband? Is he there? Is that why you took this journey? To get back to him?"

"No," Clara said though she knew it would have been easier to lie and let him think that. He may have even taken pity on her and let her stay but she didn't want to lie to him anymore.

"I have heard tales of doctors who can perform near miraculous healings. Their art is centuries old. I must reach them."

"The Ayurvedic Masters? They've been mentioned before, in regards to Sturgis. Are you...?" He didn't want to say the words the thought he found too disturbing.

"Dying?" Clara filled in for him.

Redgrave nodded.

"No, but my body is broken and if they can not heal me, I would be obliged to all to do them the favor of ending my existence so as not to be a further burden to anyone."

Redgrave grabbed a hold of her once more and shook her. "You finally open your mouth and spout nothing but nonsense. How can you even consider...? Whomever your husband is he doesn't deserve you. If he'd shown you the least bit of love, you would never say such a thing. I would protect you, Clara. I would keep you safe. Hell, I'd walk away from all of this, to prove to you that you could bank on my love, never having to concern yourself with it running out. I would never give you a reason to run."

"I'm not running from him. Benjamin loves me almost as desperately as I love him. I'm doing this for him as much for myself. I cannot go back until I've become whole."

Her words stung as the truth of them was written plainly on her face. Her love for her husband shined through. She had remained loyal to this Benjamin, in spite of his own words and actions, they did not sway her, not even a smidge.

"Please, Phineas? Please, take me to India? Then you can walk away and not have to look back. But I beg of you, please let me complete my mission."

She said his name and his traitorous heart leaped at the sound. He knew he had no right. He knew he should not ask, but his heart begged for more.

"I will if you kiss me goodbye." He kept his gaze steady, though hers wavered.

"What?"

"One kiss, freely given. One kiss, not stolen. One kiss, Clara and I'll take you to India."

Clara looked up at him but shook her head no.

"You'll pose as a man, get yourself nearly shipwrecked, shot, taken prisoner, but you refuse to kiss me...just this once?"

Clara nodded, yes.

"Why? What do you have to be afraid of? You love him not me. You've made that quite clear."

"Then why? Why kiss you?"

"Because I need something to get me through the next few weeks of being so close to you but knowing I will never have you. I'll never get this chance again, and I am willing to exploit you for it. I know it seems unfair but so is what you've done to my heart."

Clara sighed, one kiss and she gets to India. She made up her mind. She's come too far. Her hands reached up to either side of his face and lowered his lips to hers. She kissed him good-bye and he could taste the salt of her tears as she did so.

When she pulled away she rested her forehead against his. "I am sorry."

Phineas pulled away, he shook his head and pressed his lips together before saying, "I'm not. I will keep my promise, Mrs. McAllister. I will take you to India. I will help you complete your mission. Nothing changes as far as the crew. You are to continue your ruse. It's too dangerous for you not to. Several have heard you speak however so you'll have to work around that, there's no going back to being a mute."

He reached into her vest pocket and pulled out her pencil and book. He wrote his name and an address in it and handed it back to her.

"Should things not work out as you hope, my information is in that book. Consider me an alternative... to death?"

Clara knew not what to say, she took the book back and placed it in her pocket and nodded.

Redgrave nodded back resigned to his new fate. He walked from away from her, perhaps forever.