"Alive."

With one word she said a mouthful. He had never considered a woman's position before. Her life was most likely planned out for her since birth being groomed for one purpose and one purpose only to marry and have children.

As he looked at her and stared into those beautiful eyes he made up his mind in minutes. "Grab your hat."

She looked at him confused.

"My hat?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No."

"Then tuck that beautiful hair of yours away and let's go. He will not stay knocked out forever."

As if on cue the man moaned, and Clara jumped. Snatching up her hat, she ran to catch up to Benjamin who had already walked away.

"Where are we going?"

"You want to experience life? See what it is like?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm going to be your chaperone. If I give you this one night, will you promise me never to do something this foolish again?"

Her face looked so hopeful and beautiful she looked as if she were lit up from within. She could not even speak, only nodded her head eagerly.

"Good. Now a few rules, first is no talking."

"What?"

"Your disguise is flimsy at best. Add in your voice and there is not a man alive who would not know you are a woman."

She looked about to argue with him but then said, "Anything else?"

"Yes, you are to stay glued to my side. Stay within my view at all times. Some of the places can get a little rough, it is the only way I can protect you."

"Is that all?"

"That will do for now. Any questions?"

"Just one," she said, "why are you doing this for me?"

Benjamin suddenly stopped walking. It took her second to realize he had stopped and so she had to walk back to him. 

"Benjamin?"

She asked a good question. Why was he doing this? He could only think of one answer.

"I know a little something about not having a choice in life to live the way you want or perhaps expected."

There must have been something in his voice or face she responded too. She reached out to touch him. He pulled way. He did not think he could handle her touch.

"It is getting late we have limited time before I will need to get you home. Shall we begin?"

She pulled her hand back, and nodded again.

He first took her to White's they played a round of cards. He laughed as she coughed through her first cigar but would not put the darn thing out. He stopped laughing as she was quite good at playing and he could tell the other gentleman were getting out of sorts thinking he had brought a shark into their midst.

He bowed out and took her to a local pub. She soaked it all in, watching the dancing girls, listening to the bawdy jokes. One of the dancer's had come to their table. Benjamin laughed heartily as the color flushed her cheeks as the dancer whispered in her ear. He pulled the woman towards him, offering her someone with more experience, to which she just laughed and moved on.

The dancers knew Benjamin was not the type to fool around.

He wondered at the sudden frown on Clara's brow. "Had enough?" he asked.

She shook her head no, and he ordered them both a drink. Clara bought them though with her winnings.

"Here's to feeling alive," he said and clinked his glass to hers and they both took a swig.

She pounded her chest as the liquid slid down and Benjamin chuckled again. He could not remember the last time he laughed so much or enjoyed his time.

At the next pub he found them a secluded corner so they could talk. He wanted to learn more about her.

He discovered she grew up in a stately home, far from London. Her mother was not the most caring of people but Clara had a deep love for her father, sister, brother and oddly enough a governess named Juliana.

She always wished she could be a writer, but such a vocation is frowned upon for a woman. There are few that he knew of but none that would publish under their own names. Always they published themselves under a male alias.

She wondered what was the point. If she could not publish under her own name, she did not wish to be published at all. He hoped someday that dream would come true for her, even though he knew it to be quite unlikely.

She asked him questions about himself. He kept his answers limited to the basics family, his career as a soldier, keeping it light knowing she did not need the details.

"What aren't you telling me?" she accused.

He laughed. She was good at reading people. She'd make an excellent spy with some training. He shook his head at this thought.

"Nothing," he told her, "I'm an open book. Unfortunately that makes me far less mysterious and therefore less interesting to anyone."

"I find you very interesting," she told him.

He knew that look. He pulled out his pocket watch and showed her the time. "It's time to get you home," he told her.

"One more drink for the road," she told him.

He sighed, but gave in. One drink turned into two, which ended up as three and then he insisted on walking her home.

"Where do you live?" she asked him.

"Here or there?" he told her.

"Now who is being mysterious," she says with a slight giggle.

He noticed her speech was a bit slurred and she was having some difficulty walking a straight line. He had to keep pulling her elbow so she wouldn't bump into anyone or walk into a lamppost.

They got to her yard, back through the hedge but then Benjamin immediately deduced a major problem. She was too tipsy to climb back up the trellis.

He tugged on it a few times, wondering if it would support both their weight. It was pretty solid and entangled with ivy thankfully instead of roses, which could be thorny.

"Clara, I need you to hold onto my back so I can get you back to your room."

She giggled and he shushed her. "You're drunk, Clara."

"I know," she says breathless. "Isn't it wonderful?"

He couldn't help laughing at her. What a wonder.

"Ready?"

She nodded. He bent down and she grabbed hold.

"Hold on tight and don't let go," he warned her.

"Aye, Aye Captain," she says with a mock salute over his shoulder.

It was a difficult climb but he somehow managed. Thankfully her room had a balcony. He couldn't imagine trying to squeeze through a window.

Once he made it over the hurdle. He lowered her to the ground so she could hop off.

She did but as he turned around to look at her she threw her arms around him.Nearly knocking him off balance.

"Clara, what are doing?" he asked once he steadied them.

"Just following orders," she said quite happily. "You told me not to let go."

Those eyes were staring at him intensely, and her lips were so close her could feel her breath on his face. "Clara?"

"Stay," she said.

"I.."

"Please?"

"Let's get you inside?" he said.

She looked so disappointed. He knew this was not what she had in mind, but she was intoxicated but the bigger problem was that she was intoxicating. Just being around her made him think things, feel things that he had given up on long ago.

What she offered him did not belong in the life he lives.

She looked so tired; now that she was home her energy was draining. Almost like this place sucked the life right out of her. She could hardly keep her eyes open.

"Clara, you need to dress in you night clothes." She was still dressed as a man.

"Hmmm," she says.

Not good. Benjamin thought. Sat her on the edge of the bed and went in search of her nightdress. He found the servants had it laid out for her on the hope chest at the end of the bed.

"Clara, I have your..."

He looked up and over to where she was curled up in a fetal position sound asleep.

No, no, no. So, not good.

"Clara," he whispers into her ear, "Clara, you have to wake up."

She moans slightly and rolls over in bed.

Benjamin rubs his hand over his lips in frustration. What to do now? He can't let her be discovered like this.

"You can do this," he told himself. "You've fought in a war for God's sake."

He worked quickly with military precision. He could not however stop the tremble to his hands as he undressed and dressed her. He could not be happier when his task was done. His nerves were shot.

His last task was to unpin her hat from her hair. It was a tedious task pulling all those pins. Finally free of its confines he spread out its length over her pillow. It was as soft and silky as he had imagined it would be.

He sighed. She was so beautiful. He took a moment to enjoy how the moonlight from her window played across her face.

If only he lived another life. He caressed the side of her cheek and her eyes fluttered open.

She smiled and became instantly more beautiful and he felt his heart constrict at the site of it.

"Thank you, Benjamin" she said sleepily. "Thank you for everything. I will never forget this." She pressed her cheek into his palm and he felt something in his heart break.

"No. Thank you! I haven't felt this alive in years!"

"May I make one last request?"

At this moment he could deny her nothing.

"Kiss me goodnight?"

"Oh, Clara."

"Please, Benjamin? My life, as I know it, is over tomorrow. Kiss me goodnight. Give me this one last gift. Let me choose whom my first kiss comes from. I can't imagine it coming from anyone but you."

His heart felt shredded. She was sneaking past all his defenses and leaving him raw and bleeding. He took only a moment to make his decision.

He ran his fingers through her hair. He lost himself in those eyes. He palmed both of her cheeks in his hands and claimed her lips. They were as soft as velvet and he stole this moment and with this moment she stole his heart and soul.

He can't remember the last time he shed a tear, his father's funeral perhaps but as she reached his cheek and swiped one way he turned his face from her.

"Benjamin?"

"Good night, Clara," he said rising from the bed. "Good-bye," he walked through her balcony doors, shutting them tightly behind him.  He's been in some tough positions in his life but walking away from Clara and all she offered him was by far the hardest.