Commander Redgrave came topside with Sturgis close at his side. "Clara?"

Clara broke free of McCullen's embrace. "How is he? Please tell me he lives."

Sturgis looked up at Redgrave whose lips pressed into a firm line. "He lives Clara, but well there was nothing more my surgeon could do."

"What do you mean?"

Captain McCullen came up behind Clara, putting a supportive hand on her shoulder. He knew she would need to be brave for what was to come next.

"To stop the infection from spreading... he had to remove Benjamin's leg."

Clara gasped. Her trembling hands flew up to her lips.

"He is stable now and with medicines that Lord Fitton has brought back from India, his fever has broken, but only time will tell if he will come back to us."

Clara turned in McCullen's arm and she buried herself in his embrace. "God no!"

McCullen thought this may be the outcome. He'd seen enough of those wounds during his time in the navy and throughout the war. He smoothed down Clara's hair. "You must be strong now, Clara. He's going to need now more than ever. You can pull him through this."

Clara nodded her head slowly against his chest. Turning to the commander, she asked, "May I see him now?"

Sturgis came forward. "I'll take you." As Sturgis led Clara away, Commander Redgrave felt so helpless.

"I have never seen her look this frail or frightened," he said to Captain McCullen, his only audience.

McCullen's face was grim. "I only pray we don't lose them both."

----

Clara came into the room. The surgeon's face was full of remorse. "I'm sorry, there was no more I could do."

Clara reached out and took his hand in hers. "I know you did everything you could."

The surgeon nodded and left to clean himself up. Lord Fitton was standing by Benjamin's bedside. Wiping Benjamin's brow with a damp cloth. They had already dressed Benjamin's wound. Upon the sight of it, Clara's legs buckled beneath her, but Sturgis caught her.

"Steady, Clara."

"How will he survive this? Even if he pulls through, Sturgis. Benjamin is such a prideful man. How will he cope with this loss?"

Sturgis held firm to Clara's shoulders and stared into her eyes. 

"A lightning strike caused me to lose my sight, rendered me useless as a human being, but never once Clara did you give on me, doubt for a second my recovery. Benjamin needs that same faith now. Just as you pulled me into the light, you will pull Benjamin from this darkness. You can't give up on him, you mustn't ever give up on him."

Sturgis's words struck a chord in Clara's heart and cemented her resolve. She nodded her head, and her limbs filled with new determination. She approached Benjamin's side, and Lord Fitton tried to give her an encouraging smile.

"His fever has broken. I have packed the wound with some medicinal herbs I learned about from the Ayurvedic Masters. It should help speed his healing and hopefully lessen his pain."

"Thank you, Aaron," Clara said, and Lord Fitton handed over the rag and put Benjamin into his wife's care.

Day and night Clara stayed by Benjamin's side, caring for him, reading to him, even singing softly to him. It had been days and Benjamin still had not opened his eyes. 

Sturgis came with a meal he planned to force-feed to Clara if he must. She had been taking dismal care of her health. He honestly believed she would have given up on herself completely if she was not with child.

He found her asleep. Her arms folded, and her head resting on Benjamin's stomach. He went to shake her awake when a hand reached out and stopped him.

"Please don't. She needs her rest."

It shocked Sturgis to see Benjamin awake. His voice sounded horse from him not using it.

"You're awake!" Sturgis exclaimed. His voice rose with his surprise and Clara raised her head and rubbed her eyes.

"Sturgis, what is it? What's the matter?"

"No worries, Dove."

Clara turned back to see Benjamin trying his best to smile at her, but his lips were dry and threatened to crack.

"Benjamin? Oh, Benjamin!" Clara took his face between her hands and she repeatedly kissed his face as she said his name.

Benjamin reached up and took her face in his hands. "I love you, Dove!"

"And I love you! Oh God Benjamin, I thought you lost."

"I was, but I had your sweet voice to guide me home again."

"Oh," was all Clara could say before Benjamin brought her lips to his own.

Sturgis left to tell the others. There would be much to celebrate tonight.

"I'm so sorry I worried you, Dove. I've never fought harder to return to you."

Clara stood up, and she sat on the bed next to him. 

"Benjamin, your leg... they tried everything they could but they couldn't save you and it."

Benjamin dragged back the sheet that was covering his stump of a leg, cut off right below the knee. He turned his head, unable to bear the sight of it.

Clara turned his face back to her with her palm. "I know it will take time to adjust, but you can overcome this. I have faith in you."

Benjamin's lips pressed together as he wiped a tear that escaped Clara's lashes.

"There are so many reasons you deserve so much more than me. It almost seems fitting that I lay here before you a partial man."

Clara pulled away. "Don't say that!"

"I've kept you in the dark for so long, Clara. The lies I had to tell to keep you safe, the hell I put you... us through. This is nothing less than what I deserve."

"I know the truth, Benjamin. I know, and I'm still here. What I want to know is why?"

Benjamin turned away from Clara again, unable to look her in the eye when confessing his weakness, his shame. 

"I started giving you the tea after we lost the last baby, and I almost lost you both. It broke me, Clara. The moment I placed our child's body in that grave. I wanted to through myself in. In a way I had. I buried so many feelings and dreams I did not dare to feel or dream anymore. I swore on our child's grave that I would never put you at risk again. If I lost you, I knew my life was forfeit. I know what I did was wrong, but I had done it to protect us both."

Tears flowed freely down both Clara's and Benjamin's faces not just from the memory but the pain that it still inflicted. 

"If you could be a father again, would you? Or are you completely against the idea? Does it bring you so much heartache and pain that you would simply reject it?"

"I cannot discuss what I know I cannot have. Clara, a family is all you've ever wanted, and as much as it pains me to say this, you deserve that dream to come true, but I am not the man who can give you that dream. I release you of all vows you have made to me. I will not stand in the way of your happiness. There are so many who could love you better than me."

Clara could not believe what she was hearing.

"I swear Benjamin McAllister if you weren't already lying here injured, I would slap you so hard my hand would become a permanent imprint on your cheek. How dare you?! How dare you just give me away? I earned my right to be by your side. I've fought for you. I've won your love. I do deserve better. I deserve you to be a man, to fight for our love, our right to be happy as I have every single day that I have been with you. If you are not willing to fight, then you are NOT the man I thought you were." 

Clara stood up, enraged. She couldn't have this conversation now, and she turned to leave.

Benjamin sat up. "Clara, you don't understand."

Clara whirled on him. "I don't understand? I... don't understand? You think I don't know that fear you've felt?! I've spent months not knowing where you were when you were in London or on a mission. I had no idea if you were alive. When you'd return. If you'd return. Oh yes, Benjamin, I know that fear! I've lived it and breathed it all these years and still, I stood by you! Never, NEVER have I given up on you!"

Clara knew she must leave before she said something she truly regretted.

"Clara!" Benjamin called her name, but she refused to turn around until she heard his body hit the floor.

"Damn it!" Clara rushed to Benjamin's side, but he had already pushed himself up on his one good knee and was trying to stand. She helped him to his feet and Benjamin sat back on the bed.

He grabbed hold of Clara's wrist so she couldn't walk away. 

"Don't you see that is exactly the reason I said what I said? What kind of man claims he loves a woman and tortures and torments her? Fills her life with worry and fear? Refusing to give her the only thing she ever wanted because of his own selfish reasons that he can't stand to lose her? How can I not say you deserve more? That you deserve better?"

Clara wrenched her wrist from his grasp. She was so angry she could taste the bitterness on her tongue. "Go to hell!" Clara took a few steps from Benjamin, but then her legs buckled under her and she collapsed.

Benjamin screamed out her name and Sturgis came rushing into the room along with Lord Fitton and Commander Redgrave close behind.

Lord Fitton scooped Clara up into his arms. "What have you done?"

Redgrave stepped in. "That doesn't matter now. Take her to my chambers. She needs to rest. Sturgis stay with her, will you?"

Sturgis nodded and followed Fitton out of the room.

"What is wrong with her?" Benjamin demanded to know.

Redgrave stormed up to Benjamin. "You're pathetic. Do you have any idea what that woman did to rescue you? She defied her own brother. She had my entire crew out searching for you while she made underhanded deals with a pirate to capture Banks and force him to tell her your whereabouts. She hasn't left this room since your surgery. Your eyes haven't even been open for more than ten minutes and you've already brought her to her knees. You disgust me."

"What's wrong with her? Why did she faint like that? Please, if you know, tell me?"

"If she has said nothing to you, it is not my place to say. I know she prayed you'd live, but I do so wish you died. Clara would finally be free to be happy the way she deserves to be."

Commander Redgrave left Benjamin alone with this thought and he hated him for it. As much as he hated himself for agreeing with him. He fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. His thoughts plaguing him. 

No, he had to fix things. He had to make this right. Clara deserved a man who would fight her, as hard as she would fight for him. It was a battle he must win.

Benjamin sat up and hooked a chair with his foot, dragging it closer so he could use it to stand. 

Alright genius, now what? 

He scanned the room and seen a pair of crutches against the far wall. It took immense will and strength to hop, pull and drag himself over to them. Finally, he reached them, and now that he did; he was going to find out for himself what was wrong with his wife.

Benjamin slowly trekked his way through the ship. When he reached the ladder to go to the next level. He had to figure out what happens next. He put his arm through the crutches and hiked them up onto his shoulder. Using his arm's strength and his one good leg, he pulled himself up. He threw his crutches ahead of him and once he climbed out; he got to his feet using the crutches to help him.

He made his way to Redgrave's quarters. He was exhausted by the time he reached the door. Still, he mustered up enough strength to pound on it, demanding it to open. 

Sturgis opened the door, stunned to see Benjamin standing there on his own.

"I want to see my wife."

Sturgis stepped aside and let him in. Clara was laying in Redgrave's bed. 

"What is wrong with her?"

"She's exhausted, Benjamin. She hasn't slept, she's barely eaten. Her only concern was you coming back to her."

Benjamin made his way to Clara's side. "You wanted me back?" 

Benjamin sat beside her on the bed, lying his crutches on the floor. He stroked her cheek. "Well, here I am. You willed me here and I'm not going anywhere."

Clara's eyes fluttered open. "Benjamin?" Clara recognized Redgrave's quarters. "How did I...? How did you...?"

"I'd fight through hell to get back to you and on many occasions, I have. Clara, you are my world. I can't breathe without you existing in it. Tell me I haven't ruined us, ruined you... our lives together."

Clara's eyes filled with tears, and she pressed her cheek into his palm. "We are both broken, Benjamin, but I believe our ordeals have strengthened us. We can mend, but there is something you must know, something that may or may not end us."

Benjamin turned Clara's face in his palm so he can look into her eyes. There was a fear behind them, but Benjamin could not think what Clara could possibly say that would warrant such fear.

"I'm listening."

Clara pushed herself up to a sitting position. She bit her lip, took a deep breath, and came out with it. "Benjamin, I'm with child. Your child."

Benjamin stared at her, astounded.

"If you truly expect to fix us, you need to know you must accept us both. I will not give up this baby, even if does brings about the end of me."

Benjamin's hand trembled as it rested on Clara's stomach. He could already feel the telltale bump of the child growing within her, solidifying the truth of her words.

"How can this be? The tea...?"

"The Black Star. The Voyager. It was the one time we made love that you did not feed me that tea."

"But Clara, that was months ago."

"I know. There were signs before we even docked in London. I feared to hope as we have hoped falsely before. By the time I was certain we were parted. It was the reason I was so eager for the Queen's ball."

"How did you find out about the tea?"

"Lord Fitton. He wrote to me about it. When you had the tea sent to my room when we were in India, he had some with me. He knew the taste was familiar, but it took him some time to place it."

"I meant to tell you everything, but I was scared, Clara. Scared that I'd lose you if I didn't take precautions with the tea, fearful that if you ever discovered what I did that you'd leave me for deceiving you. There was no way involving telling you the truth that I could see wouldn't end up in total misery."

"You should have told me how you felt, Benjamin. You suffered needlessly alone."

"I tried to talk to you about stopping. You were so depressed thinking your dream of a family was over. I felt you drifting further and further from me. I never expected you go so far as to run off to India."

"You took away my chances of conceiving, but not my ability to try. I was desperate to figure out why I could not have children. I know before my body was not strong enough, but my time at sea had strengthened me in so many ways. This child is strong. I am strong."

"I know you are, and I know I must be stronger for you both. This leg is a blessing and a curse."

"What do you mean?"

"My service to the Queen ends the moment she learns of my condition. I cannot be of service to her now, but how Clara, how can I be what you and this baby need me to be?"

Clara took Benjamin's hands in hers. "All we need is your love, Benjamin, and we will both thrive."

Benjamin brought Clara's hands to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on them. "You have always had my love. My heart belonged to you from the moment we first met. Against my better judgment, I could not leave you alone. In my selfishness, I knew I had to have you for my own and you came to me willingly, loving me, asking so little for yourself in return."

"You are all I've ever wanted, Benjamin," Clara said, caressing his cheek, wiping away the wetness caused by his tears.

"The Lord has blessed us. Given a second chance at happiness. To be a family. We may not be perfect, we may not even be whole, but together we will finally be complete."

Benjamin rested his hand on Clara's stomach. "I do hope this child takes after you."

Clara's heart leaped with joy, knowing this meant she had Benjamin's acceptance. His words caused her to grin.

"Be careful what you wish for."

"I have no longer need to wish. I have all I've ever dreamed of and more right here."

"Oh, Benjamin!"

Benjamin claimed Clara's lips. His arms held her in his embrace. No, he held her and his child in his embrace, and at that moment, he understood what Clara meant. He was whole. She completed him and their child would complete them both. He promised himself he would be nothing less than the father and husband they truly deserved.