It was smooth sailing for the next few months even the weather cooperated which meant they were making good time in their return to England. For Clara, she knew this meant the end of her adventure, the end of her time with Benjamin.

"What a sad expression," James said as he came to visit her, as he always did around this time a day. Clara swore he chose it on purpose, knowing that Benjamin would be preoccupied with his daily tasks so he could have her all to himself.

"What could have you so vexed, I wonder?" he asked sitting on the edge of his desk as she sat behind it to work on drawing and copying the notes to complete Lord Fitton's volumes on the flora and fauna he's discovered in his travels.

"The silliness of a woman," Clara said, shaking her head at her own thoughts. There was no sense in dreading what was to come if it spoilt what she had right now.

"I've known many silly and even ridiculous woman Clara. You are neither," James said with his usual grin.

"Have you ever wanted something you couldn't have? No matter how much you wanted it. It always just seemed right out of your grasp."

Captain McCullen's expression sobered. "Are we being completely forthright with one another now?" he asked.

Clara nodded.

"Then I'll be honest with you, Clara. I never coveted another man's lot. I lived the life I've chosen for myself. Being the second son in the family, I had none of the pressures to measure up that my brother had. The Church was definitely not for me and so into the navy, I fled. I have done many things, some I'm not very proud of, to get where I am now. To become the Master of my own vessel, of my own crew, but never would I begrudge another. Until recently."

"Really?" Clara asked intrigued, "What changed?"

James stood up from the desk and he paced the cabin as he thought about her question and how to best answer it.

"I have. I suppose, but the worst thing about it is, what I want I can not have. I know this, yet it doesn't stop me from wanting it. The desire is so strong, at times, it's almost painful."

"Yes!" Clara said, excited to have found in James, a kindred spirit.

"It's maddening. You can so easily see it happening. Yet you can't understand why you are denied time and time again and here is nothing you can do about it."

Captain McCullen stopped pacing, "Nothing at all."

"Are we not supposed to be happy?" Clara asked.

"I would like to be," Captain McCullen replied.

"Are we being punished for some wrongdoing? From in some past life, that we are continually denied this happiness? This exclusive desire we want so badly?"

"In my case, Clara, that may be certain, but I can't imagine what you could have done to warrant such abuse."

Clara stood up and meet James on the other side of the desk.

"Can nothing be done then? Are we just destined to live out our lives an empty void with a hole that can never be filled because what we truly want can never be ours?"

James grabbed hold of Clara's arms and stared into her eyes. "I pray to whatever gods are listening for that not to be the case."

"I just wish there was some way to put the power back into our own hands. Why must we suffer? Why must we be tormented? Why can't we just reach out and take what should be ours?"

"Yes. Why shouldn't we?" James said, and then to Clara's surprise, James came crashing down on her lips as he held her tight in his embrace.

Clara shoved him away, and her hand flew to strike him hard across the face.

"Whatever would possess you...?" Clara asked stunned, she took a step back from him.

James rubbed his cheek that still stung from the force of her slap. "Thank you for this. I guess needed the reminder that there is a punishment even harsher than the torment of these last few months."

"You had no right to..." Clara touched her lips, and then she scrubbed them with the back of her hand and it caused a strangled laugh to come from the Capitan.

"No right at all. In fact, it was downright distasteful, I see. My apologies. You had moved me with your impassioned speech."

"I was speaking of my time with Benjamin coming to a close. My inability to have a family with him."

"Of course," McCullen said, sitting on the edge of his bed.

As the shock of McCullen's actions ebbed, it left Clara with a clear indication of what her rejection meant to him. "Oh?" she breathed.

Captain McCullen looked up at her and shook his head in dismay. "Please Clara, don't do that."

"Do what?" she asked.

"I'm pathetic enough as a human being without having you pitying me," he said.

"You had to have known...?" Clara began.

"Yes, but your words led me to hope, where I dared not dream before. Only the gods have spoken and my punishment is still ongoing. I guess there is no reprieve for good behavior."

Clara came by to sit beside him.

"I'm nothing special, James. The happiness you seek can still be yours."

James gave her a half-smile.

"You are a rare pearl, Clara. Cultivated over time. Forged in darkness, revealed in the light to be perfect. I told myself my only purpose was to bring you and your husband together, but the more time I spent with you, the more reasons I had to wish the seas would roughly toss Benjamin overboard and leave you widowed.

You are most definitely one of a kind. It's impossible for another to have your courage, your bravery, your passion for living life. Try as I had to avoid it, I couldn't help falling in love with you."

Clara opened her mouth to speak, but James put his fingers over her lips. "Please don't. Don't speak of this again. I certainly will not. It is my folly and I know my place. You are Benjamin's and I see now, nothing will ever change that."

McCullen stood up, tipped his hat to her, and left the room.

Clara's mind ran wild. Did she encourage him? She always tried to be so careful. She knew James enjoyed being flirtatious, but she never took him seriously. He envied Benjamin because of her. She must take greater care. Knowing now how he felt caused her own heart to ache for him.

She knew his torment. The pain James felt and hated that she was the cause. Yet, there was nothing to be done.

***

Clara returned to her work. Time continued to pass. There was a knock on the door and Benjamin entered.

"I had a moment and thought I'd come in to see how you are getting on," Benjamin said, shutting the door behind him.

"I.. umm... I'm doing well, thank you. I have Lord Fitton's work nearly complete. I think he will be quite pleased with the results."

"As he should. You've been working tirelessly to finish them."

"I feel guilty as these books will be all I have to give the Queen upon our arrival when what she desperately seeks is a cure to her husband's illness."

Benjamin took Clara's hand and pulled her up from the desk. He wished to hold her, and he refused to deny himself the pleasure.

"She seeks what she knows she can not have. There is no cure for what ails the King. Her Majesty is no fool, she is aware."

"Yet she still holds on to hope. Doesn't that make her foolish?"

"No. One must never give up on the ones they love."

Tears sprung to Clara's eyes. "What is it, Dove?" Benjamin asked, tucking Clara's hair behind her ear and wiping away a tear that fell from her lashes with the pad of his thumb.

"I don't know. I am stricken with a sudden melancholy the closer we get to home. I'm no fool either, yet I still hope."

"What do you hope for, Clara?"

"A miracle?" Clara said for she knew that's what it would take for Benjamin and her to have the life she dreamed they would have. There was no other way.

Benjamin's brows drew together and let out a heavy sigh.

"Never give up hope, Clara. Whatever miracle you are hoping for... miracles happen every day. Who knows, perhaps one day you'll have yours."

Clara smiled at him, and Benjamin kissed her lips. She melted into him. His arms tightened around her. He would never admit it, but he also felt the desperation to hold on to what they have as their time drew to a close. To prolong these perfect moments.

Clara looked up at him, her smile both sad and sweet. It pained him. More than anything, he wished to create that miracle for her. He knew his time serving the Crown was drawing to a close, but he could not say when. He hoped and prayed by the time it happened it would not be too late.

Benjamin broke free, only for a moment to lock the cabin door. Clara looked at Benjamin wondering why, yet his intentions soon became clear as Benjamin took her hand and lead her over to the bed. He sat down and pulled her gently with him. He kissed her but not the loving, cherishing kisses of before. This kiss held such need, such urgency, such longing, it spoke directly to Clara's heart.

Clara pulled away and laid back upon the bed. Her hands reached up to pull Benjamin towards her. He came to her willingly, kissing her temple, her eyes, her cheeks, until once again he found salvation with her lips. His hand roamed over her body he wished she wore her sari as her dress was so constrictive.

Benjamin took his sweet time undressing her like he was unwrapping a precious gift. Clara lay before him in only her chemise, she was a vision. He removed the necessary clothing before rejoining her where she lay, waiting for him.

Benjamin felt almost feverish with need. He pulled her close. He gathered her up, their bodies tangled together. He worshiped every inch of her with his hands, his mouth, and his body. Clara gasped at the sensations he caused her to feel.

Slowly, purposefully, he made love to her. It was torture, exquisite torture and he refused to stop until she called out his name. And then they were one, one in body, in mind and in soul.

Clara thought she knew what lovemaking was before, but there was such longing on both their parts that made this moment in time bittersweet. Benjamin made love to her well into the afternoon. Clara expected someone would come to interrupt them and felt guilty knowing the reason Captain McCullen stayed away, but nothing could tarnish this moment.

A stolen moment in time, Clara refused to let her thoughts ruin it for her. As much as they wished they could remain like this forever, each knew it could not be.

"What is it, Dove?" Benjamin asked, feeling the tension in Clara's body as he lay pressed against hers.

"Nothing," Clara said, hugging the arm that held her close. She toyed with the hair upon it.

"I can feel you're upset, Clara. Why won't you tell me?"

"I'm just being foolish again," Clara turned in his arms and she burrowed her face in his chest.

"Then we shall be fools together," Benjamin said, kissing the top of Clara's head.

"I wish I could bottle this moment, and every other moment spent with you so that when I am alone again, I could take them out to admire them."

Benjamin's arms tightened around Clara. "It won't be forever, Clara. Your dream will come true."

Clara wished to believe this with all her heart. If she were a fool to believe then so be it.

There was a whistle, and Benjamin sat up to listen. Boots pounded through the halls and above deck. Something was a miss, the ship was slowing down.

Benjamin sprung to his feet and quickly dressed.

"What is it?" Clara asked.

"I don't know? But stay here and stay hidden until my return."

Clara nodded. Benjamin gave her one last look, filled with longing before he left her.